Boarding Schools

[Pyrrhic]

Someone said to me today that people who send their children to Boarding Schools don't deserve to be parents, and shouldn't have children.

I was just wondering what people's opinions were on this statement?

OH and I are planning on sending LO to boarding school when she's older. However, she will be given a choice in the matter. Being military, we move every 2 years and it's something I did as a child and I hated it. I resented not being able to make 'proper' friends and having my schooling and my life disrupted all the time.

So obviously, the above statement is quite hurtful to me. So I was wondering what other people think? Is boarding school effectively 'dumping' your children as this person said?

 

[Shri]

I think it entirely depends on the child. Some children love boarding school and thrive on it. Others need to see their parents everyday to feel ok.

Our personal preference is to home-school and lots of people frown on that plan too. We will see what seems to be the best for each child, but our motivation and intention is to give them the best that we can, to make the most of the lifestyle we have chosen ourselves and yet still give them the strength to decide their own when they grow up.

 

[nikky0907]

I had spent 4 years in a boarding school.The last two years of middle school and then the first two of high school.



I didn't mind at all.I quite liked it in fact.Great times(although not what a parent would consider good times )

But you se,there was really no reason for me to go to a boarding school other than the fact my mother didn't want to bother with me or my sister.So she really didn't deserve to be a parent.

But it seems to me that you have only your child's best interest at heart,it is truly a hurtful statement,people should think before saying stuff like that.
So I really don't think any bad about this and neither will your child,trust me!

 

[brownhairedmom]

I wouldn't be able to do it personally because I know I'M going to be the type of parent who absolutely would not be able to send my kid away for weeks/months on end without seeing her. I'm really clingy with my mom and I'm sure I'm going to be the same way with my daughter.

BUT...I absolutely do not frown on people who would do it, I'd just be a complete wreck to let her go lol

 

[Sarahkka]

Wow.
That's a pretty nasty thing to have said to you, particularly when your motivation for considering boarding school is to meet a very important need for kids: stability.
It's not like you're going to ship kid off and not speak to him/her until they've graduated! Whoever said that to you was having one seriously ignorant moment.
Boarding school can be fabulous. And like you said, you aren't going to force the issue if your child is miserable.

 

[Mummy2Many]

You have a very genuine reason for wanting to send your LO to boarding school, and so you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision!

I couldn't do it, personally. (One because there's no way I'd be able to afford it, but that's beside the point LOL). Like Rae said, I wouldn't be able to let my kids go for long periods of time. I dunno, my family and the way I've been brought up, boarding schools is just not something that I would ever consider (maybe we're too "common" ). I've always thought that going to a state school is going to be more beneficial in learning life skills and such than going to a boarding school. Then again, I guess people who have been involved in private/boarding schooling and know more about it would say that they had many benefits above state schools.

It's great you're going to involve your child in the decision, anyway. I think a lot of the negative attitude towards sending children to boarding school comes from the stereotype of people who pack their kids off with no regards for their feelings, as nikky said just because "they don't want to bother with them" And you are obviously far from that kind of parent!

 

[Sarah88]

I think that if it's just a way to dump your child off and leave discipline up to someone else then thats stupid. But in you situation I think it's admirable. Especially if you are giving them a choice.

 

[Blah11]

I wouldn't agree with that statement as I think it's far too black and white.

Personally, I couldn't ever send my child to boarding school. I'd like to do the parenting and I don't think you can when you only see your child at holidays and weekends.

However, it is a personal decision and I don't hold anything against people who do send their kid to boarding school.

 

[reallytinyamy]

i don't see anything wrong with it, like you say there is a reason you would consider it and you would give your child a choice, that certainly doesnt sound like dumping them, it sounds like parents exploring all the options and finding out what is best for them an d the child- that is good parenting as far as I'm concerned

 

[carries]

I was an army brat and moved about a bit and always really enjoyed it..new palces new people etc. I did go through a stage when I was about 8 of wanting to go to baording school though, begged my mum to let me go. I think this was greatly influenced by some enid blyton/judy blume type book centred around a boarding school though!

I think its a decision you need to make once your child is older. Some will thrive in that environment some wont. YOu will know your child best so bugger everyone else and do what you think is right at the time.

 

[carmen]

I think although you would have some great times as a kid maybe , you wouldn t build up the same bond with a child like parents who look after there children everyday and take their children to school and share some quality times.

Thats only my opnion of course, and i know most people have an opnion that parents who do it, want the best of both worlds. But you state it for valid reasons.

I wouldn t do it myself just incase, my child didn t look at me like their friend as well as their mother.

 

[nikky0907]

I disagree that you won't be able to parent your child.

As I said,I loved boarding school! And ok,my parents weren't good but there were kids there who were send to a boarding school because of the family moving around a lot or simply some because they wanted to go.

They still saw their parents as the ultimate authority figures,they talked to them on the phone all the time,visited during the weekend,holidays.Shared a bond with their siblings and all that.

I mean,I don't know how old your child will be when you enroll it but at the point I went I was 12/13.
Pretty much above the age 9 or even less you stop taking your child to school every day.

 

[Blob]

Hmmm.. well i quite like the idea of boarding school, it totally depends on the school though. Can only be a school that is mainly boarding, not one that 80% are day pupils cos then its no fun at all. All my family went to boarding school, everyone was given the choice to go or not and i dont know anybody who didnt really enjoy it. My sister and one cousin and I were the only ones who didnt go mainly cos of our chosen sport. I want to send my child to the best school i can and if its boarding and my child wants to go and enjoys it then i'm all for it. I think weekly boarding is best though I dont think i will enjoy sending my child away and would only do it at a later age. I dont see any problem with it

I think you do what you think is best for your child, i think so long as you are doing it in the best intrests of your child and its what they want then there is no problem.

 

[Ema]

I havent been personally, but i know someone that has been and it did him the world of good.

Him and my OH went to high school together and his dad is a millionaire and didnt want him going to a normal school but he did so anyway he was in my OH year and P!ssed about on his exams and got all F's and G's because he thought his dad would pay for him for the rest of his life, anyway after the exams his dad decided he wouldnt get a penny unless he went back to school and got better grades, again he started school and started P!ssing about so his dad knew he could do better and only wanted the best for his son he finally decided enough was enough took him out of high school and put him in boarding school. He came back ever 2nd weekend and the holidays......

He left school that year with 4 x A* 3 x A and 1 x B and now works for his dad's company but not because he is family but because he earned his job.

Anyway I dont think that boarding school is wrong at all, It all depends on individual circumstances. If you feel that your child will earn a better education there and build stronger friendships there then you are a better parent for putting your childs needs before your own But if someone is putting there child in boarding school for there own reasons and not considering the child then i dont agree with it

XXXX

 

[alice&bump]

i would have loved to go to boarding school when i was younger!! my parents were in the RAF and had my dad not left when my sister was born when i was 5, i would have gone. the way they saw it was the same as you, i would have been moved around schools and wouldnt have had a continuous education or friends or anythin. i know the forces schools are good, but nothing can beat a steady education. as far as i'm concerned, you're not shipping your kids off cos you cant be arsed, its a really responisble, caring decision. i was gutted i wasnt allowed to go!! but as people have said, each to their own. i'd prefer to have my kids at home with me, but if things were different and my OH was in the forces i'd definately concider it

 

[Pyrrhic]

Thanks for the replies girls, it makes me feel better. It was a family member who said this to me originally. It's their opinion that family should always stick together, even if it means moving every two years.

I found it easy moving as a child because I suppose younger children adapt more easily to new situations. However, when I hit my teenage years I really resented it. I moved constantly until I was 17 and felt my education suffered as well as my relationships.

The plan would probably be to wait until LO is ready to move into secondary education and then giving her the option of either moving to another school, or into boarding school on a permanent basis. I would probably encourage her to at least try the boarding school for a few months, but I would have no qualms in pulling her out of a school if she didn't like it or I felt it wasn't suitable for her.

 

[Whisper]

I didn't go to boarding school as a child but my parents did take me to visit one and were going to enrol me, except i threatened to run away. It was a HUGE mistake i sooo wish they had just sent me, i definitely think my education suffered from moving constantly all through my school years. Especially when you start the new school half way through the year and everyone else has already started their projects etc, not only do you have to make new friends and try to fit in but you have to catch up on all the school trips and project info that you've missed out on.
I think it fantastic that you are really considering your child's future this way a lot of people wouldn't. Some parents wouldn't send their kids away, because they couldn't cope with being away from them for long periods, even if it means a more stable environment and the child is wanting to go (in my opinion thats more selfish - sorry if it offends anyone)

 

[PeanutBean]

I think what was said to you was definitely to black & white and unfair, however I don't agree with boarding schools personally. My Mum went to one and had a terrible time, she was palmed off by her father because her Mum died and he didn't want to bother with her (I'm not saying that all parents who send their kids to boarding school are like that!). I don't agree with sending kids away for schooling, but people have their different reasons and circumstances. However, I also don't agree that children should be given a better education simply because their parents can afford it - I'm a socialist!

 

[nikky0907]

lol!

Well,I was sent there because my parents didn't want to bother with me and I still had a great time....
Thats the thing,not all kids are the same and it's good that she is giving her's a choice.Plus,she only has the best interest at heart,I belive she couldn't have a better plan than this!

If you don't belive in rich kids getting better education than the not so rich than you you don't belive in US's entire schooling system!

 

[Farie]

Personally I hated boarding school, but I had a mother, who like you say, listened to me and took me out, in fact home-schooling suited me better until my GCSE year when I went to a nice quiet girls school and did the same for A' Levels. But that's just my story.

I have friends who LOVED boarding school, as you have mentioned, it gave them stability, helped then form relationships and gave them good grounded educations which if they had been moving from school to school they may not have gone.

I think that as long as you have good communication with your kids you will know if it's right for them, they will tell you if they aren't happy .... and at the end of the day you can always try it and see!!!