Breaking up with partner...

[jillypoop]

Hey guys

I've not been on here much recently. There's been a lot going on. I am moving back to my parents because I am struggling with depression and can only handle a part time job so going to do a levels in september.

Basically the past few months, since last summer really, I've not been happy. I tried to work out what it is but all of a sudden a couple of weeks ago I realised I'm not in love with my boyfriend any more.

I've not really had a single life and the more I think about it the more I really want it. I have made my mind up that I am doing the right thing but I'm not sure how to go around it. As he is my first boyfriend I have never had to dump someone or been dumped so I am unsure how to go around it. Our tenancy ends on 9th June but theres no way I can stay that long, I feel like a fraud being in the house with him when my hearts not there.

Can any of you guys help me by any chance?

Thanks
xxx

 

[sleepinbeauty]

I'm glad you are going to focus on you for now. Sit him down and explain. I hope he understands. Good luck.

(Sorry, I hit the button by accident before I was done typing!)

 

[Lilly12]

Well,
I've been in a similar situation before with my ex boyfriend.

We had been living together for 4 years, but I just felt that something was missing.
I didn't know what to do, tried to make it work with my ex boyfriend, tried to get into therapy myself because it was making me depressed. (the feeling of emptyness).
I thought it was all me at first, tried to leave but I didnt have anywhere to go.
I could live with my mom again but I didnt want that.
So I left for a day and returned to my ex boyfriend.
Another year passed..........
I started realizing that this relationship wasn't a real relationship, it was more like being roommates, we never had sex, we never talked to eachother or cuddled or even kissed, etc etc.
We both wanted different things in life, he seemed happy or content with what we had, which was nothing.
I wanted to do more in life, travel, get out of the house, get married , and have kids.
I realized this all wasn't going to happen , if I stayed.. I didn't want it to happen with him.
I told myself , If I don't get out NOW, I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life.
Because nobody is going to change my life, except myself.

So I sat down, and talked with my ex boyfriend, we've (i've) tried making this "relationship" work for 4 years, but it wasn't working out.
He told me nobody was going to treat me better than he did, and how I'd never find somebody that'd understand me as much as he did.


So finally I packed my stuff, got my cat, and moved back in with my mom.
It was the BEST decision in my LIFE!!!!!!

-- Girl, way to go for choosing for yourself!
Just tell him how you feel, that's all you can do.
Stand up for yourself, if you're unhappy and you know your relationship isnt going to work out, dont waste another minute being with that person!

 

[mandaa1220]

 

[tasha41]

That would be so hard hun...

I think Lilly gave you some pretty solid advice though

Try not to feel bad about breaking up with him... by letting him go you can both go off and find "the one"... both of you guys can figure out how to make life more fulfilling and fun.

Good luck

 

[AlJaCoDee]

You basically just said or asked about the same thing Ive been pondering. I love my boyfriend, we've been together for almost 5 years. And very recently Ive been feeling like its for nothing. Because niether of us can leave our states and its just really hard. But I know it was hard for you and I am glad you are thinking of yourself. It is something us girls need to do every once in awhile.

 

[alex_85]

Oh, sweetie, I know how hard this is I was with my first boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and we were each others 'first' pretty much everything. It took me a long time to realise that I didn't love him anymore. I didn't know that what I was feeling wasn't normal, cos I had nothing to compare it to.

It was so hard to tell him how I felt, but I just told him that I didn't feel the same anymore, and I was always wondering about being single, and that I didn't want to stay with him and end up bitter in a few years, which would be worse for both of us.

He was my best friend, and I really did feel lost without him for a while. To be completely honest with you, sometimes I still miss him. Not in a romantic way, there was no physical attraction left in the end, but as a friend. However, I've never regretted my decision. It was the right thing for both of us, and I got the single life craziness out of my system, had a couple of nice relationships, and now I'm with my current OH, wanting to have his baby

Good luck whenever you bite the bullet. If he gets upset it might be on the tip of your tongue to offer to give it another go, so just stay strong and do what you have to

 

[jen1604]

So sorry to hear this honey

I hope the break-up and the move goes as easily as possible and hope to see you back around on here soon
xxx

 

[silverbell]

I felt the same with my first boyfriend. 9 months into the relationship we finally had sex (lost our virginity) and at that point I realised that I wasn't in love with him. I didn't see him in that way and only as a good friend to be honest. I then spent the next 2 weeks deliberating how to tell him without appearing to be a callus cold-hearted bitch. But I couldn't be myself around him because I felt like I was lying because I didn't want to be with him. It was a horrible feeling and one of guilt and shame.

I met with him face-to-face (we didn't live together) and told him that I didn't want to be in the relationship with him any more and in the end he got out of me that I just didn't fancy him and wasn't in love with him. I proceeded to burst into tears and he gave me the cold shoulder and to cut a long story short he called his friend while I was sitting there and arranged to go out to the pub and then pretty much just walked off, leaving me hysterical and in a real mess.

For days and weeks afterwards I felt incredibly guilty and horrible for what I'd done, but finally I came to realise that it wasn't my fault I felt like that and that there was courage in what I'd done and honesty. Would he rather have had me pretend to be in love with him forever? I did the right thing.

You're doing the right thing. It won't be easy breaking up with him and there's no easy way to say it, but it's got to be done and once it's over that's it and you can get on with things.

I wish you all the best and hope my experience above has helped somewhat.

 

[Rikki]

I would be rubbish at giving advice - it took me a year of wanting to break up with my ex before I talked to him about it, then another 3 months before we actually ended it. I hate confrontation.
You have made your decision, which is good. Don't take as long as I did to sort it out. It's never easy or nice breaking up with someone. Good luck, I hope it goes as well as can be expected for you. x

 

[wanna-b-mummy]

*hugs*

I can only imagine how you're feeling right now, but I'm so pleased you're being honest with yourself and what you want. The ladies have given some lovely advice. Just try to be honest and talk it out with him. It's what you want, so don't let anything stand in the way of it.

Good luck x

 

[RoyalPython]

My friend is in this exact situation, if you know its not going to work don't waste both your times as it will just make it harder. Sit him down and tell him you just dont feel there is anything in it for you both, bcos honestly why do you want to spend the next 2 or more years, being depressed and feeling horrible- which will bring him down too, if in the end it wont be worth it?

Hope it goes okay and that you will be happy with your decision

 

[jillypoop]

The other guy I like has totally hurt me today but Im still certain its the right decision. I've packed up all my clothes etc and now all I need is to get my dad to pick the boxes up and I can go.
Still dont know how Im going to do it but my councillor (first appointment today) suggested writing everything down and telling him then giving him the letter to read over.
Not looking forward to it. My friend has totally screwed any chance that me and the other guy (call him M) had. Hes just got out a long relationship and is enjoying being single but he tried kissing me yesterday and obviously I didnt but I thought that must mean he liked me. Today hes ignored me and has taken a pic of us from yesterday that he put up on facebook before, off. The only explanation is that our mate has said something as he knows I like him.

So hurt Want my heart to stop aching over both of them. Just want to cry all the time

Thanks for your advice though, I'm 100% certain i'm doing the right thing now

xx

 

[alex_85]

The other guy I like has totally hurt me today but Im still certain its the right decision. I've packed up all my clothes etc and now all I need is to get my dad to pick the boxes up and I can go.
Still dont know how Im going to do it but my councillor (first appointment today) suggested writing everything down and telling him then giving him the letter to read over.
Not looking forward to it. My friend has totally screwed any chance that me and the other guy (call him M) had. Hes just got out a long relationship and is enjoying being single but he tried kissing me yesterday and obviously I didnt but I thought that must mean he liked me. Today hes ignored me and has taken a pic of us from yesterday that he put up on facebook before, off. The only explanation is that our mate has said something as he knows I like him.

So hurt Want my heart to stop aching over both of them. Just want to cry all the time

Thanks for your advice though, I'm 100% certain i'm doing the right thing now

xx

I just wanted to say sweetie... Be careful before you start something with someone else. You're just coming out of a relationship so you are still in 'girlfriend' mode. And you've said that M has just come out of a relationship and is living up the single life, so it looks like he isn't looking for anything more than a bit of fun. If you are depressed and hurting, you're going to be looking for someone to comfort you, and he doesn't sound like the right guy to be doing that. If you were my friend, I'd be telling you to metaphorically (or literally if you want!) put your feet up, focus on getting back into a good place emotionally, and then you will be ready to go out and enjoy all the flirting and sillyness that comes with being single, without being that bothered if the guy does something like take your pic off his facebook. I'm not trying to be harsh, I know if you are feeling a bit fragile that kind of thing is like a kick in the guts, but maybe take a step back from the dating scene for a while and let the dust settle?

Phew, what a ramble

 

[Damita]

 

[jillypoop]

Yeah I know exactly what you mean and I'm not wanting to go from my partner to M. That would mess my head up more than it already is!!

It's just nice having a crush on someone and getting excited when he texts me and things like that. That is what's made me realise we aren't working out because I shoudnt feel like that when I'm with my partner.

Going to sort my room out at my parents today, so I can stop there from tomorrow night. Going to be here when he gets back from work and do it then. Then I can have ablong walk from our house to my parents.

Really scared about doing it! But I know it's the right thing to do. Gahhhh!

Thanks again girls x

 

[alex_85]

Good luck, I hope its not too upsetting for both of you xxxxx

 

[shortie58]

I have only every had one boyfriend before I met my now husband and I thought that my first was the one for me, we moved in together into his flat and everything was wonderful. But then one year at new year things changed for the worse and I realised he wasnt the one for me, and we split up half an hour before the bells. My world was torn apart and I cried for weeks on end. But then I enjoyed single life for a couple of years and am now happliy married and been with my husband 4years.

Sorry for rambling on but the morale of my story is live life to the full, have no regrets and when the time is really right you will know it and settle down. Good luck and take care of yourself

Lesley