Bumpkins & Babies Chat Thread

[Kte]

Happy Monday Chaos! Hope the rain goes away!

Maffie - hope MS passes or do you get it all day?

 

[Maffie]

last time was all day just feel a bit queasy today so hoping it will pass.

 

[florabean1981]

awww, sorry to hear about the ms maffie. hopefully it'll pass relatively quickly for you. I think mine was mainly weeks 8-14, and eating someting dry like a rich tea biscuit helped i found.... must say, that's the one aspect of pregnancy i dont miss!!!

 

[colsy]

Oh blimey, only one thing to say and I can't reember who asked. Re LENTILS I cook them like I'm doing a lentil soup, but with the minimum amount of water, so they are cooked but only as minimally mushy as they need to be. Which is still quite mushy, but Monty managed to scrape handfuls of them off the plate and into his mouth and he really loved 'em! I mixed in spinach. Have also done lentils with pasta which I love.

Sorry all so quick but off to JL to buy a cot mattress.

Back tomorrow xx

 

[florabean1981]

thanks for that Colsy

OK..... Sooooo.
I emailed my boss today about returning to work. I gave her a sept 1st start day, but said I was worried about the hours, and how with the shiftwork, whether I could find suitable childcare for Harry... she emailed back straight away saying thanks & that she would do a draft copy of the rotas for me to see so I could sort childcare out & also look into costs etc...

She sent me a rota (we have a 2 week schedule) & has given me 30 hours a week, because I said I didnt want to do full time anymore.... Well, I just looked at it & it is basically impossible for me to do, because there's no way I can get childcare for those hours, my hubby works away (sometimes not even in the UK) tues-thurs each week, then locally mon & fri 8-6 so I cant get him to look after Harry, & also, I rely on busses to get to & from work, so I am hindered by the local bus schedule too. The only family I have in the area is my sister, who has 2 kids of her own & doesnt drive, plus me getting to her or her getting to me at silly o' clock just isnt gonna happen!

The week 1 rota is mon 4-10pm, Weds 4-10pm, thurs 7-5pm & sat 7-2pm. The week 2 rota is sun 2-10pm, mon 7-5pm, weds 4-10pm & fri 4-10pm. WTF???!!!!!!! Those are even worse hours than what I did before going on maternity leave!!!

What the hell am I supposed to do? Even if hubby WAS at home during the week, he would have to get Harry out of bed to take me to or pick me up from work (I dont drive) at either 7am or 10pm, which is ridiculous & unfair on Harry, and when he's NOT here, there aren't busses that early or that late that run from where I live & I am damned if I'm gonna fork out for taxis at nearly a tenner a time each way....
How can I say to her as nicely as possible that she's making it impossible for me to return to work, which I believe is against the law?

 

[Maffie]

That sounds rubbish Fleur, also there isn't an 11 hour gap between wed and thur which isnt allowed. could ypu work notice and look for a different part time job, or request minimum hours if you can afford to. you can put in hours you want to work and they have to consider them.

 

[florabean1981]

That sounds rubbish Fleur, also there isn't an 11 hour gap between wed and thur which isnt allowed. could ypu work notice and look for a different part time job, or request minimum hours if you can afford to. you can put in hours you want to work and they have to consider them.

at the bottom of the email, my boss put, 'when you finally return to work, if these hours are going to be a problem, can you let me asap please' I hate that she used the word 'finally'.... grrrr.

In an ideal world, weekdays 8:30-5:30pm would be the longest & most practcal hours I could do because I could drop harry off at the local nursury at 8am, then catch the bus straight to work, then finish & pick him up for 6pm when the nursury closes.
Even if I went the childminder route, I have searched like crazy all day today & made lots of calls & none are willing to take a child before 7am or keep them after 7pm & some wont even take them at weekends! When OH is working locally, he doesn't get hom from work till about 7:15pm, so he wont be there to pick him up & he leaves for work in the mornings approx 7:30am, so that's not much good either...
Finance-wise we can afford for me to work no less than 20 hours a week, but my job has 3 shift patterns of 40 hours plus on calls & sleep-ins (which I used to do), 39 hours random shifts or 30 hours like she's given me. No one does less than that. One girl does 8:15-4:30 everyday, coz that fits in with her childcare, but we were all told that because of the size of the company, she can't do this for all of us with kids. I wouldn't mind, but everyone else either still lives at home, or has partners & family nearby that can pick up/drop off etc or look after their kids while the other works, so the shifts aren't a problem.
Plus working every other weekend means there will be some weeks where I pretty much wont even see my husband, which sucks. If she cant budge on the shifts, I will have to quit, which technically constitutes constructive dismissal in my mind. Argh! Stressed!!!!!
Where the rota says a 10pm finish with a 7am start the following day is where I used to do sleep-ins, which is how they got around the less than 11 hr between shifts. She hasn't actually said whether she expects me to still do sleep-ins & stuff; if she does, then I can totally kiss goodbye to breastfeeding... also, there's no where other than the staff loo for me to be able to express milk in & H&S in our environment means I can't store my milk there in case one of the service users drinks it by mistake. (like it would fricking poison them or something???!!!)


sorry, I'm just really peeved. I really hope we can work something out coz I actually quite like my job n dont really want to quit, but at the same time, I dont wanna make my son my 2nd priority, iykwim?

 

[Maffie]

They legally have to provide a place to pup and a fridge to store it in if they wont id push for constructive dismissal.

 

[Kaites]

Happy Monday

Hope everyone is having a good day! Went for a little family bike ride yesterday with hubby and Emma and then went over to my parents for my Dad's birthday. Both him and my Mum have colds so I'm really hoping we don't get sick now. My aunt and uncle came for a visit too- it was nice that they could meet Emma finally. They took some photos but didn't hold her or play with her- kinda strange really Maybe they've forgotten how to interact with kids since their youngest is 31 now. Anyway, we're enjoying a quiet day- it's gorgeous and sunny out so we'll probably head out for another bike ride later (I've discovered the bike trailer is a great tool for getting Emma to nap )

Kte- Emma has no interest in tummy time and crawling now that she can sit by herself for extended periods either. My aunt seemed a little surprised that I am not trying to get Emma to crawl- she said that it is supposed to help with developing their vision (fine details or something). Argh- I can see just fine and I didn't crawl either. Stuff like that just gets my back up, all defensive.

Mellie- hope you and Theo haven't got the chicken pox- I got it when I was 11 and it wasn't fun- although I spent about a week at my grandma's watching movies which was fun, lol Hope you enjoy your walk today.

Chaos- hope the rain stops soon!

Maffie- hope the MS clears for you quickly

Colsy- enjoy your shopping

Flora- that blows I think I'm going to be in the exact same situation if I return to work too (that's why I'm kinda planning on doing home daycare instead- I need to get working on that or I won't have any clients when mat leave ends ). One of my co-workers who was also on mat leave just returned to work today and they have her on a 3-11pm shift. I'm pretty much guaranteed the same kind of shift and hubby doesn't get home from work until about 7pm, so child care would be a nightmare (I commute on the bus too). It's no wonder birthrates are declining- it's so hard to have children and make a living! I really hope your work can be a bit more flexible and work with you
Oh and for lentils, we do a "meatless" lentil loaf which Emma loves:
https://www.recipezaar.com/recipe/Really-Good-Vegetarian-Meatloaf-really-33921

Anyway, hope everyone is well

 

[Kte]

https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Moneyandworkentitlements/WorkAndFamilies/DG_065153

Flora - send them an official letter with regards to flexible working and put down the hours you would prefer. I can't see how its fair 1 worker gets shifts to help and the rest not, sounds iffy to me, you should have the same right - is there a union rep you could speak to? As Maffie says, they legally have to provide you with your own private space to express and a fridge to store your milk.

Also, is there anyone in HR who has to deal with this too, not just your boss?

 

[florabean1981]

Thanks for the link Kte
I have no idea even who HR are- it's a very small, private company with 8 (6 DAY TIME, 2 NIGHT TIME) regular members of staff & 2 'relief' members of staff. That includes my boss & the owner too. There are 3 service users (autism, epilepsy, cerbral palsy, sever learning difficulties & challenging behaviour) so we dont even get 'real' breaks as none of them can ever be left alone. We eat with them, make cups of tea n biccies whenever we want, go out on day trips etc... I can't pump for example if we've gone out to a nature reserve for the day or something, unless I do it on the minibus, which I dont fancy doing. There is a staff sleep-in room, but i could only pump there IF I wasn't on a shift on my own... I mean, Harry may have self weaned by sept, but he might still be on multiple feeds a day for all i know...

Having researched bus time tables, there are busses that could get me there, with a 10 minute walk to work from the stop for 7am starts & 10pm finishes, but it would mean getting the 6:15am bus from mine, the nearest childminder is a 10 minute walk from mine, so I'd need to leave my house at 5:45am, take him to a CM, walk back to the bus stop, get the bus, get off the bus, walk another 10 mins to work to start for 7am, assuming I could even find a CM that will take him that early!!!!! And the 10pm finishes means waiting for a bus at 10:33pm, getting back to mine at 11pm... It's just NOT do-able in my head & Harry will become a parcel child being passed from pillar to post at random times of the days, spending more time with 'strangers' than his own parents, which is something i am not prepared to even consider at this point in time.

OH says I should ask her for a meeting & present her with my limited childcare options and the bus schedule & work something out together, so that's what I'm gonna do at the end of the month.

sorry for moaning everyone- this is trhe only place I have to vent, lol!

 

[Mellie1988]

Evening all,

Im zapped! Walked 5.7 miles in the end today, my SIL let my niece walk so she was knackered (bit stupid to expect her to walk all that way anyway really, shes only 3!!) so we ended up getting the bus back was a lovely walk though & i'm deff feeling it in my legs already!!

Theo has been really good all day, as soon as we got on the bus about 5pm he was really whingy, I thought because he was hungry but we got back to SIL and he wouldn't eat anything....manage to get him to eat half a banana when we got home and he took his 7oz of milk at 7, it then took me till 9:30 to get him to actually goto sleep he's had calpol, bonjela, cooled boiled water...tried rocking him, shush-patting him to sleep, everything!! In the end he just fell to sleep on his own as nothing I was doing was helping? He was getting himself in a right tizz though, not sure whats up with him? Guessing the start of chicken pox....great ! DD is just getting over it and all her spots are scabbing over now, shes back at the childminders tomorrow....hopefully I will be able to get things done!!

Flora - I really hope you manage to sort something soon, sounds very stressful. If it was me...I would just leave, doesn't sound worth it tbh? I'm going back to work the first week of June doing agency work as a nursery nurse, I choose my own hours and days...then college in September and hopefully a few evening at our local Tesco/ASDA!

Kaites -Awww the bike trailer sounds really cute!! Bet Emma looks really cute in it you will have to take a piccy
Sounds like you've had a busy week/weekend...hope you have enjoyed your quiet day today!!

Maffie - Hope your morning sickness goes soon not fun!! Hope Noah is being a good little boy for his mummy

Hello to everyone else, hope your okay! Gonna go have a browse round BnB then off to bed at 11 I think...my feet are killing me hehe!

x

 

[Maffie]

Morning all, Fleur vent away I think everything you have said is reasonable and its not fair to expect you to just fall in line they have set a precedent now letting someone just work specific day hours.

Sounds like a good day Mellie.

Well after a little screaming when Noah went to bed. I asked O to put him to bed but Noah didnt like that so went upstairs another quick feed cuddle and out like a light. He's just woke for a feed so he's slept through again, makes a change to how he's bee in the last week.

Off out with some girls off the forum today, then midwife Thursday then off to stay with my mum for a week or so on Sunday. So must get the washing all finished.

 

[colsy]

OK, can I ask you all a question? I would rather you answer honestly, rather than politely giving me the answer I would like, as I think maybe some honest answers will help me get my head round this.

Some background info:

1. Currently Monty is waking AT LEAST twice a night, feeding on both occasions, sometimes taking a long time to return to sleep afterwards - sometimes he's asleep before I've put him back into bed, but other times the whole process can take two hours.

2. Currently Monty is waking for the day some time between 5am and 7am, but usually closer to 5am.

3. Monty is teething, and it's bothering him quite a bit.

4. OH has had a whole catalogue of illnesses over the past few months, meaning that he is quite tired a lot of the time and also quite susceptible to catching other bugs at the moment.

5. Both our families live two hours plus away, and although we know lots of people around here, we don't have any close friends up here yet. (We only moved up here a couple of years ago, so we are still in the process of making good friends.)

So that's the background info for you.

The issue is this: OH is self-employed and currently isn't getting much work, despite him trying. His old workplace wants him to go and do eight days' work in a fortnight's time. The money is good. But the work is long, hard days, meaning OH will get tired out and, based on previous form, end up with yet another bug. In the meantime, I will be here on my own with Monty, getting up at least twice a night, getting up for the day almost before daylight, soothing a teething baby, doing everything that you have to do when you have a baby, and with literally not a single minute of somebody being able to take Monty so I can have five seconds on my own. Before OH heads off to the job, he will spend nearly a day packing his stuff and sorting out paperwork etc. When he returns, he will spend another day unpacking, doing laundry etc. and then doing the work-related paperwork. He will also, of his own admission, be very tired. So, we don't just have the eight days away - we also have the days leading up to and after those eight days.

Now, as I write this, I know that lots of single parents will probably be thinking 'But that's what I do every single day of my life'. Which I accept - and as I've said on here before, every bloody credit to you, because I think you are amazing! But my OH and I went into parenting with a view to sharing everything - and mostly we do ... but not working away. Because I exclusively BF, I cannot work away, even if I were offered the chance to do so.

We are having an extremely protracted unpleasant debate about this. I have reached the point now where I think I must surely be in the wrong to be annoyed about it. So am I the guilty party? Should I just accept this and be pleased that most of the time we are bloody lucky to be able to do shared childcare? Or is OH taking the p?

Seriously, this is a HUGE thing in our lives at the moment. I know from re-reading this post that it doesn't sound that big a deal at all, and that makes me feel a bit stupid for fretting about it all. But it IS a big deal to both me and OH, so clearly we need to do something about it - whether that's him saying no to the job, or me backing down and agreeing that it's great he's been offered it.

Opinions - HONEST ones - please!

On a totally different note, I haven't yet read through the posts from the past few days, so I hope everyone is happy and healthy. I will try to do some catching up later. xx

 

[Kte]

Cosly - Is it just a temprorary job or will it likely become more of a permanent position?

I will post my views in a mo

 

[colsy]

Cosly - Is it just a temprorary job or will it likely become more of a permanent position?

I have some views I will post but just wanted to know first

Oh no, it's only an eight-day contract. He's been doing similar short contracts with the same place ever since we moved up here (including some days between Monty's first Xmas and new year - grrr!). It won't ever been permanent in the usual sense - more like four similar sessions a year. It's not the working itself that is the prob, it's the fact that I am currently so completely knackered because of Monty's sleeping/feeding patterns at the moment.

 

[Kte]

Colsy - If it is just a temporary measure then maybe it's worth it until a plan B is found? - but make sure your clear to your husband that it's not something you want to become routine. The thought is obvioulsy making you unhappy and there is no point in that, your feelings are valid enough. I sometimes think it is worse to feel like a single mum when you have a partner (if that makes sence). I was a lot more miserable at home when Nij was at home and we never saw eachother due to his shifts, he has temporarily moved out and I don't feel that loneliness I once did because I wasn't feeling neglected by him. I felt like he got all the time off in the world and stopped taking care of Chloe, it was just me. Its also frustrating when they can do things and we can not - like working away, its an adjestment we have to make and they don't see that sometimes.

I think if your hubby does do this then maybe you need to set aside a treat day for yourself when he comes back as you will have been Mum 24/7 which yes is part of being a mum but 'you' time is also needed, or even do something as a whole family if you like due to you being apart for so long with Hubby but with him more in charge of Monty whilst you are out.

 

[florabean1981]

Colsy, I have to agree with Kte, since it's only temporary & it is good money, it's worth 8 days of stress, imo... But, if you honestly feel like it's going to impact too negatively on your & your husband's daily lives, then obviously it needs to be rethought, weighing up the pros & cons from both sides.
I know what you mean about not having much time to yourself hen BFing & not knowing many people & dealing with night wakings & day time demands though- it really is exhausting & i think men sometimes forget that...
How's Monty doing otherwise?

 

[Chaos]

Colsy ~ Honest eh? Ohh I'm excited!! haha, I'm very very blunt normally and I have to sit here sometimes and word my posts to be a little less blunt to people!

Ok here it goes .. To be honest, its only 8 days .. in the grand Scheme of things it aint that long and it gives you some extra cash. I'd be leaning towards just sucking it up and dealing with it for 8 days, of course its gonna be hard .. but its not forever
I'm sure your OH is feeling guilty enough about working the long stretch and maybe is getting defensive about you being mad at him about it? It benefits you all in the long run!

When he's come back and had a couple days to recover, you can treat your selves to a night out .. just the two of you?

---

So I've all of a sudden been nominated organizer of a zoo trip today for my mummys group. Organizing 20 adults and kids is stressful!

On another note, who swapped out my wake up every morning at 6am daughter for this lovely sleep till 830 angel? Can I keep her????

Ok .. off to herd the group ... like herding bloody cats!!!!

 

[Kaites]

Colsy- Sounds like he is just trying to provide for you and Monty the best way he knows how. If things have been slow on the work front lately, maybe he is more stressed about it than he is letting on. I think guys sometimes still have a bit of that "hunter/gatherer" instinct No doubt that it'll be tiring for both of you, but if he is stressed by the lack of work, it might be refreshing for him mentally, iykwim. I like Kte's suggestion of a day off for you too though- you'll be in need of some mental refreshment by the time he comes home too, lol to you both