can I join you ladies, help and advice needed!

[hancake100]

Hi
Well I think I am joining team single mummy. I have been hovering in this section even before lo was born

Well Me and FOB have been together for just over 4 and half years. We split before I found out I was pregnant, So that was hard to tell him. He went nuts and said he wanted nothing to do with me and I was to get rid. I was never going to do that in a million years and told him I was doing this with or without him and gave him a choice and time to think.

We then spoke and we decided to make ago of it and he was fantastic through pregnancy there every step of the way through the birth. We even went to Spain just before lo was due and had a ace time

But since lo has been here he seems to have lost interest in me and now seems to have lost interest in lo at times
We have been on a beak for just over a week and this thrsday he would have not seen lo for 2weeks.

We spoke on the phone last night and things pretty much seem final and I feel on a real low and in a bit of a mess. He kept saying how im not the same person etc and that he doesnt really enjoy being around me and this week he hasnt thought about me and only thought about lo a few times. Said he wants to come round and help me out etc.................
I dont want him anywhere near me I want a clean break from him and for me to get through this in my own head and still be strong for lo. I told him its going to take me a very long time and he is never going to set foot in my home again and he is not taking lo away from me. Am I right to say something like that?? T give me time and space etc...............

I think he would leave me to it and that I dont think he would even miss lo that much as he loves himself to much and would rather go out than see his own daughter. But my main concer is his mum, pestering me to come round all the time and when she is here she doesnt know what to do with lo she doesnt have a gramda bond and it really drains me when she is here. I said I need a break from the whole family fr awhile. I text his mum and explained I need space etc......... she was deeply upset but tbh I dont care. I care about me and lo.

I dont want to keep lo away from him or his side of the family and I know down the line few months then I will sort somthing. But theu dont seem to get the himt to leave me alone at this moment in time

Am I going about things the right way??
Sorry for going on but I dont know what I am to do. My family dnt even know yet just 2 good friends and they have been brill

feel free to ask any more questions, I hope this gets easier

 

[mamashakesit]

I'm not really at this point yet, as I'm still pregnant, but I will tell you that my ex doesn't have any family (he was in foster care his whole childhood) and I wish that my child could have some sort of bond with her father's family if not with him. Grandma could be a big help, too!

 

[Laura2919]

Well to answer your last bit yes it does get easier! Cliché and all that but time is a great healer! It seems like he doesnt want to be with you but he is being a coward! He should just come out and say it and not beat around the bush!

If he wants to join the dead beat dad group then let him! The only person he will have to answer to is your daughter!

I know its hard at first but with time things will get easier. I still have bad days like today was one but you move past them and they make you stronger! They make you who you are and you will find someone who really does want you and your baby girl!!

We are all here if you need a chat

 

[hancake100]

Thanks for your reply girls
He's been intouch today and everything seems to just be going round in circles and he says he is all confussed. But I am too and I need space.
I just dont think he wants the full responsability of being a farther which is really sad.

His mum isnt a help to me what so ever thats why I need the space from her also, she slipped a little dig at me today on facebook and she is all very much me me me and how she feels etc............... doesnt care what I am going though. But with something like this I need my family and friends. When she comes here it stresses me out as she doesnt have a clue what to do with lo. xxx

 

[frankyzw]

Maybe you both need a longer break from each other to clear your minds. Just remember LO deserves to know her dad and family. I don't think you should deny FOB and his family access no matter what happens between you two. Best to you.

 

[hancake100]

Maybe you both need a longer break from each other to clear your minds. Just remember LO deserves to know her dad and family. I don't think you should deny FOB and his family access no matter what happens between you two. Best to you.

Thanks hun.
I would never take lo out of his life all together im not that kind of person I just feel I need full space from them at the moment as it has all come out of the blue and so sudden after the break iykwim. I dont want them all in my face and tbh it always seems to be when something like this happends they beg and make me feel bad about not seeing lo.
They all drive and i dont and we live 25min car drive from each other.

It might just take a longer break but I really dont know or if I should let him back in my life and just work towards doing with on my own with him seeing her in the long run. Also he is the type of person to get very bored and not want to stick to anything like visits etc.................. And I could then maybe handle the rest of his family once in a blue moon thats all they have seen her since she has been norn any way.