Can't move on after loss and surrounded by babys!

[wannabe mam]

Hi I am brand new on here and just really need to talk to people who understand my pain. I had a miscarraige in March at 11 weeks into my first pregnancy. It was hell and I thought I was moving on but I am not. I am obsessed with getting pregnant again but try to hide this from my partner as I dont want to pressure him. Every month I hope this will be my month and wonder if I am ovulating, if we have had sex at the right time, if I should go out and drink incase I am pregnant, then my period arrives and I am depressed again. I feel like I am wishing my life away until I am pregnant again. To make things worse my best friend at work got pregnant when I did and she is huge now, my nextdoor neoghbours have just had a baby which we can hear through the wall. My neice was also born last week and I nervous of seeing her as I am so jealous because I want one so bad. I am trying not to count days and let things happen naturally but its hard cos I know my cycle well. I am also worried as the last 2 months I have bleed in the middle of my cycle for couple days which I was hoping was implantation bleeding but obviously was not.
My baby would have been due Oct 4th and I feel like I am trying to get pregnant before then because if I am not this date is going to be agony.
Has anyone any advice on moving on after a miscarraige?

Thanks

 

[Katy_28]

You sound just like me & probably thousands of other women in our situation.

I won't go into my whole story, but I MC identical twins in June, which I only found out about when I went for my scan. Since then, I have done nothing but think about being pregnant again and since my first period ended, I have been tricking myself into believing that I could possibly be pregnant again, even though the chances are slim. I had a tiny bleed a few days ago, which wasn't a period, I so wanted it to be an implanation bleed, but I know in my heart that it isn't.

Please know that we're all in the same situation and you are not on your own by a long way. Everyone on this TTC After a Loss forum is feeling the exact way as us, you only have to read some of the other posts to know that you are not alone.

It will take a while for our bodies to get back to normal, but good luck with TTC again xx

 

[Round2]

Hi there,

Sorry for you loss. We all know how you feel....it's really rough. I had a MMC in March at 13 weeks. I was due Oct 2nd. My SIL just had a baby in June and I was sooo nervous to see her at first. The day that she was born I went to the hospital but had to turn around and leave because I couldn't hide my tears. Once I saw her though, I just felt love for the baby and happiness for my SIL. It was actually theraputic because I reminded me of what I had to look forward to.

I feel our due dates approaching too and it's really stressing me out. My only advice is to just to let go, and know that it will happen some day. It will be your turn and when it comes hopefully you'll be able to forget about this terrible time in your life.

If you can, try to talk to your DH about it. It always suprises me how much better I feel once I let him know what I'm going through. He's suffered a loss too, so maybe he needs to talk too.

 

[ncmommy]

I'm so sorry for your loss and wanted to let you know that all that you are feeling and going through is normal. I did the same thing with my first m/c, I kept on putting all these timelines on myself. Like ok as long as I am pregnant before my original due date I'll be fine, then it was ok as long as I am pregnant by my 30th birthday, it went on and on. Not to mention after I had my D&E my very pregnant SIL wanted to come and see me, yeah did not help at all. I spent a lot of time being bitter and I am not that kind of person. Just know that it will happen but it may not happen on your schedule. It is hard not to obsess about it but try and do things that take your mind off of it.

 

[ettegirb21]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's so hard to move on, and I don't think you really ever "get over it". Days get easier, but some things still make it hard. I was grocery shopping and saw a couple with triplets. I got so jealous and upset, I had to leave. I've gotten better coping, but some things still get me upset.

I understand how you feel about the due date situation. My first due date (August 9) is next week. It's been a rougher week than normal b/c I am anticipating the day. I just have to keep reminding myself that one day, all of this will be worth it. When we are holding our little ones and looking at their eyes, toes, and fingers, we will know that every tear shead was worth it....b/c it will get us to them.

 

[Amos2009]

I just want to echo what everyone has said. You are not alone in feeling this way. After having 5 losses, you would think that my bitterness and jealousness would have eased some, but it has actually gotten worse. My friends that have gotten pregnant after my first pregnancy and loss have all had their babies and have just moved on with their lives.
The one thing I can say is that I have learned not to guilt myself into not living my life. I did everything by the book in all of my pregnancies and it didn't make any difference. So- during the 2ww if I want to have a drink, I will. If I want to have a cup of coffee, I do. Now when I get that BFP, of course I will cut those out, but not during the 2ww.
I guess I am now babbling, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone in your feelings. Just know that you WILL get pregnant again, and you WILL have your baby in your arms one day.

 

[wannabe mam]

Thanks so much ladies for your comforting words its nice to know you all understand how I feel and I am not on my own. Amos2009 I dont know how you have coped and it is inspirational to hear you sound so strong and positive. I really hope you all get your well deserved wish really soon.xxx

 

[shiseru]

You are not alone.

I lost my daughter when i was 20 weeks pregnant. After 3 months, i fell pregnant but god has again taken away my 2nd little angel. So here i am, still without a living child. I am 36 this year so the bilogical clock is ticking.

However, I want to remain optimistic (mind over body), and so hope you too. Hang in there, we will have our babies.