Can't stand my 6 year old!

[huskergrl]

I hate saying this, but I really can't stand my 6 year old! He doesn't listen at all and constantly argues with us. I have to tell him to do something several times and then he yells "OK!" and stomps off to do it. He argues about everything and constantly has a bad attitude! When we tell him he's not going to be able to do XYZ because of something he did, he will say "yes I am" "I AM going to do XYZ" over and over again. He constantly picks on his younger brothers which makes them cry and whine. When I tell him not to do something he will continue to do it. He lies so much, I don't believe anything he says anymore. He will even lie over the smallest things. We've tried rewarding him for good behavior and punishing him for bad, but nothing seems to work. It seems like he never learns not to do something because it will get him in trouble. Things are so much better when he is at school and its just his younger brothers (ages 4 & 2). I don't know what to do with him! I feel like I'm constantly yelling at him and it's hurting our relationship. Is this just a phase? Will he grow out of it? Should I take him to counseling or something? Please help!

 

[evewidow]

my son had a major attitude at 5/6 ..now he is 7 he seems to have more or less come out of it though he can still have his days .
we took him to football training and karate , to run round let off a bit of steam and have something that was "his own" If he was giving it the attitude he wasnt allowed to go.
we also introduced pocket money for being good /helping out with little jobs , then took him to spend it on whatever crap he chose , if he hadnt behaved he had no money ..simple.
i am not sure if it was the above that helped or just as he grew out of it a bit, but alot of his friends had similar attitude issues so wondering if its just a phase they go through at around that age , when they think they are more grown up than they actually are !

 

[babyhopesxx]

I hate saying this, but I really can't stand my 6 year old! He doesn't listen at all and constantly argues with us. I have to tell him to do something several times and then he yells "OK!" and stomps off to do it. He argues about everything and constantly has a bad attitude! When we tell him he's not going to be able to do XYZ because of something he did, he will say "yes I am" "I AM going to do XYZ" over and over again. He constantly picks on his younger brothers which makes them cry and whine. When I tell him not to do something he will continue to do it. He lies so much, I don't believe anything he says anymore. He will even lie over the smallest things. We've tried rewarding him for good behavior and punishing him for bad, but nothing seems to work. It seems like he never learns not to do something because it will get him in trouble. Things are so much better when he is at school and its just his younger brothers (ages 4 & 2). I don't know what to do with him! I feel like I'm constantly yelling at him and it's hurting our relationship. Is this just a phase? Will he grow out of it? Should I take him to counseling or something? Please help!

Hello, i could have written your post. Your son sounds exactly like mine and he really drives me crazy I find that any form of discipline makes him behave 10x worse, and rewarding good behavior had no effect on him at all. He would rather go without rewards and then carry on with his constant yelling, tantrums, sulking and attitude!

I got to the point where I was yelling at him all day everyday and it got no where, he has reduced me to tears on several occasions too

I ended up talking to his teacher and they use house points as rewards and if they get a certain number of house points they get a reward in school, like non uniform day, a certificate or an extra 5 mins break time. Me and his teacher agreed that when he behaves well at home he would get some school house points. To be honest, some days it's a bit hit and miss where he wants to get many house points and then other days he couldn't give a crap about getting house points and would rather just carry on with how he has been behaving

But some days it does work so at least some days we're not constantly arguing and he behaves for me so at least i get a few days of peace and him being polite and just generally being nice.

So if you haven't already maybe have a word with his teacher and you could put something in place similar to what we do.

Hope this helps and you understand me waffling on

 

[lhancock90]

Please remember hes 6. hes fighting against two other children for his parents attention and has clearly realised acting this way will get it.
Any attention is good attention for some kids.
Talk to him at his level, no shouting etc. Give him the chance to explain his behaviour. You might find that makes a big difference, talk to his teachers if his school attitude is fine, its definately a behaviour born from problems at home.

x

 

[RachA]

I would agree with the above post.

I have a very challenging 5yo. He's been challenging since he was 18months old and he does wear me out. However I have learnt that shouting doesn't help anything (OH hasn't yet which is a big sticking point for us). If I shout at him he worse and shouts back at me etc. I know that his behaviour at school is good though. I try to be as calm as I can - yes I do still shout at times but I try not to. I allow him time to gather himself together. We tend not to do rewards now as they werent working but if he has been really good all week then OH will take him out for breakfast.
We also stick to discipline that we can and will follow through. There is no point in saying 'you cannot go to x's house after school' if it's all been arranged and can't be cancelled.

 

[weerach]

my son was like this until the age of 6..i tried everything(reward charts,naughty steps, confiscating toys) and nothing worked-he grew out of it.
at one point his tantrum was so bad,kicking and punching me,screaming, i carried/dragged him to my mums,set him in her living room and walked out of the house. took me a few hours to go back - good job she was home ;-) lol.
just gotta stick it out,it will pass..
hugs x

 

[Eternal]

Sounds like my three year old, it's attention seeking, any is better than none. Not that he doesn't get any, I'm fact he gets almost undecided attention because he gets up to so inch trouble everyday, breaking things, and deliberate naughty things. But he would rather be in trouble then his brothers, or the phone, or anything get attention other than him.

I find that lots of praise helps, when he sit quiet for awhile, I say, wow, look what a good boy you are being, etc when he shares or whatever, it helps, but he needs constant appraisal which is exhausting.

I plan to take him to join a group, gymnastics, swimming or something, but to give him something else to enjoy and fill his time.

I don't know if yours is a little old, but mine likes to help, but needs to be with me.

As for your relationship, that needs fixed ASAP, I would suggest first,y go watch him sleeping tonight, when I watch mine asleep and I wonder how tis sweet angel could have possible driven me to tears, also do so thing one on one where you can enjoy him, eve if he doesn't derisive it. Building your relationship with help you be more tolerant and help him want I make you happier.

Good luck x

 

[Tanikit]

My DD is 5 and also has recently got quite an attitude on her - I think it may have something to do with the age and have heard others complain about it in their 5/6 year olds. I do find if I can take my DD away with me by herself for an outing that this makes things go a bit better for a while - she and her younger sister are always together. DH also helps out by taking her for outings on the weekend by herself - just having some alone time with one parent does help and perhaps and oldest sibling needs it more cause they got that undivided attention before the second child arrived.

 

[seoj]

Hopefully, it's just a phase. As kids develop, then tend to see the world differently- and there are times we may have to help them relearn how to behave and/or see things. If that makes sense... I will say my SD was horrible at argueing when she was little. OMG- it drove me nutso at times! I would say no- and she'd say why or what about this or what about that... and then I'd find myself getting sucked into a arguement with my 9yr old! Ugh. We asked her counselor about it- as she was already seeing one for anxiety (and things that happened to her when she was little from her bio Mom)- her Dad has had full custody since btw...

Long story short- she gave us some advise that really helped. A) do NOT get into an arguement with her- she is the child, you are the parent. We were even told to say (the moment she would try to argue)- "this is not a debate, these are your options". B) options are BIG! Especially with little kids- this way they "feel" like they have some say, but you are giving them options that work for you. Like if my SD wanted to go play- instead of saying No, I'd say "you can either clean your room or do such and such"- then you can go play. She knew she'd be able to play, end result, and it got her to feel like she had some control- but she was still doing what I asked of her.

Also, the moment she tried to argue- I'd cut it right off. I'd simply say- this is my response, if you chose to argue- then you have to give me your cell phone (this was when she was a bit older)- but can work depending on what your particular child likes. That shut it down QUICK! LOL. Eventually, all I had to do, the moment she tried to argue, was hold out my hand... and done! I just learned to stay calm- consistent- and if I said I was going to do something, I did it. Period. She learned pretty fast I meant business... and honestly, it made our relationship even better cause she knew my limits and rules and respected them. And we've always had a very open line of communication

Hope that all made sense... I know how frustrating it was at the time- but as she got bigger, it just got easier and easier. And those traits that could be frustrating as a kid- have helped her grow into such a self assured and strong young woman.

Best of luck hun!

 

[_jellybean_]

I do wonder if praising him a few times a day would help. It does sound like he's attention-seeking. You could try counseling. It might help. Sometimes, going to counseling/therapy can also give parents some new ideas on how to deal. Shouting though probably isn't a good idea (unless he's in danger), because it sends the wrong message. Sending you hugs, hon!