Cant stop crying and feel guilty about it

[nicksi27]

Hi ladies my DS will be 2 weeks tomorrow and I'm still crying everyday the slightest little thing and I'm in floods of tears it's horrible. My partner thinks I'm mad because alls I've ever wanted was a baby and doesn't understand what I have to cry about now he's here. I love my baby to bits he's my whole world but I just feel so anxious all the time and feel guilty about the fact that I'm not feeling over the moon all the time. I feel so anxious about my partner going back to work tomorrow and feel like I don't have the confidence to do what I should be doing like going to the supermarket with him etc. it's stupid ...it's like I feel too anxious to take him out when really that's what I want to be doing. I've got to take him into my work this week and have dreamt of this day all through my pregnancy (being able to finally show him off) but in reality the thought of going out with him alone terrifies me. Maybe I'm losing the plot I can't go out but I'm going stir crazy sitting in this house all the time and crying. I should be enjoying my beautiful baby and I'm never gonna get this special time back. Before I know it it'll be November and ill be back at work full time.

I've spoken to the mw and she said a lot of ftm's feel like this and I've just gotta get my confidence back but I'm worried I'm gonna feel like this forever it's causing a lot of grief and frustration in my relationship with my OH.

Anyone relate to this? Sorry for babbling

 

[Bun87]

It gets better, I promise my LO is 5 weeks old and I'm just getting the confidence to go out alone. I went into work last week and it was scary but I did it. I still have the odd day where I cry my eyes out - you shouldn't feel bad, you've had a baby and its a massive life changing thing to go through! Are you feeling ok otherwise? Take each day as it comes, I feel a little bit better each day don't be too hard on yourself xxx

 

[Smanderson]

Nicks i can totally relate, i spent the first couple of weeks the same way and then i started to feel a little better as my confidence grew but would still have the odd day of feeling overwhelmed/scared/anxious and a little sad, even though i love my son to pieces it was never about that for me, it was just so overwhelming and daunting, nothing can prepare you for life with a newborn, not even wanting the baby more than anything in the world! I was the same so please dont feel bad, i dont think we are alone in this

My hubby went back to work today, i have been so anxious about it, i honestly been a pain in the butt all week getting all emotional again when really i just been scared of being on my own with bubs but we had a lovely day together, he did scream a lot LOL but i coped well and the day flew by!

Ohh and i took him out on my own yesterday for the first time, i felt a bit like Alison in wonderland where she was tiny and everything was massive, then i went and got a coffee and fed him and he went to sleep so i got to shopping!!!! It was amazing, i was fussing buying him loads of bits and looking down at my precious boy and was on top of the world! You will love it i promise

 

[cat_reversing]

hey, it's ok. Your hormones are all over the place and your body is adjusting to what just happened. I wouldn't let oh get away for a minute for the first 6 weeks and also didn't have confidence with baby on my own. Slowly i felt better and stopped crying.
If your worried about taking baby into work, don't do it now, wait til you're ready.
I didn't believe anyone who said it'd get better and felt guilty wishing the time away but it did get better, baby settled and i settled.
Make sure you're eating well and getting enough rest as this can make it worse, don't be afraid to call in favours to get what you need and don't think everyone else seems to cope better than you because not all of them do - some are better at hiding it.
Above all don't worry, you'll be fine!

 

[fairygirl]

I can relate Hun. The anxiety is so intense, I think it's worse so when you've had a late loss because you go through a whole new stage of grieving. I struggled for a quite a while with my son, my health visitor sounded like a broken record, 'you're tired, get out more, go to a group'.

You'll feel a bit better after the few initial trips out alone, but do try and find a baby group, just one morning you have to get out. I didn't have the courage to go til he was almost 6 months and wish I'd done so sooner.

I still feel anxious and guilty and even intimidated by other mums but regularly tell myself as long as he is happy and healthy that's all that matters.

 

[AmyB1978]

I can also relate. It has gotten better but I still have good days and bad days. It's amazing how much having a little baby can shake your confidence, isn't it?!? Make sure you keep talking o the MW to keep track of it. For me, the anxiety is a touch of PPD, I've been going to a group specifically for that and talking o the other mom's helps a ton.

The taking her out is still hit or miss. She was a preemie so we weren't allowed to take her anywhere really for the first 3 months, we did cheat a couple of times towards the end. Since then I have taken her to a few library times and such. We also run errands which can be fun or stressful depending on if she starts really crying. But the anxiety about going out has gotten better for me.

to you

 

[nicksi27]

Thank you all so much for your replies. Its so reassuring to know that im not alone i thought i was going mad yesterday. I took charlie to my aunty's house today then went out for some lunch and feel a bit better now. I hope its the start of things getting easier. I mentioned my feelings to our hv today and shes coming back to see me next week.

 

[AmyB1978]

Glad your outing went well and that your Hv is keeping track of things, just incase you end up needing some extra support.

 

[cat_reversing]

each day at a time and little things can make you feel like you've achieved something however small it may appear to someone else, and get all the support you can, the hv should be able to help even if it's only to see you more often and let you have a chat about life, my hv has been great and she always booked us for the last visit of the day as we always ran over time.

 

[susan_1981]

I think I probably posted a very similar thread after I had my son. I don't look back at that time fondly at all to be honest. We had people round constantly and I just wanted to have some time alone with my husband and baby, I was dreading my husband going back to work, I never wanted to go out with my son on my own in case he made a fuss and I didn't know what to do. I actually think most of this stemmed from not being able to have some alone time with just my husband and my son. Obviously that combined with being a new mum. It's all so daunting at first. I remember calling my mum round one night at about 11pm because my son wouldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do. I was going out of my mind. My mum stayed and did the baby duty that night so I could refresh.

I think when you have a new baby, you feel so tired and drained, everything is new to you and you don't feel confident in what you are doing. But it does all get better and you get your routine and then having your OH around can sometimes be annoying because they just disrupt it all! It's just a case of adapting and then that's when you really start to enjoy it.

Obviously if feeling as you do doesn't pass, speak to your health visitor or doctor just to make them aware of it but for me, all of that passed within about 3 or so weeks xx