Can't stop thinking about those two lines last cycle ;(

[mami2karina]

Thank you. It was so devestating, more devestating than my other m/c. Not only was it Christmas but I lost twins. I was so sure that I had 2 shots this time at least one of them would make it. Then BAM I wake up bright and early Christmas morning will bright red bleeding. My family doesn't understand. My mom just keeps saying "God knows what he's doing and he knows you don't need anymore kids". OMG how horrible is that??? Yes I have 3, but only one is my husband's and we want one more together. We have been together almost 3 years and our son will be 2 in February. Even if I do have children it doesn't take away the pain that I am feeling or my right to have another child. It was so hard for me to see everyone so happy on Christmas and then me be in the ER being told I'm losing my babies. I just wanted to die. I'm not dealing with it very well. My poor husband keeps telling me it's not the end of the world and we can have another baby, but all I want are my babies back. What are the chances that I would conceive twins again? Slim to none. I was so overjoyed to see two little ones on the monitor. I told him I am wanting to TTC again right away, but I am so scared of m/c again. He is too, he seriously thought I was losing it and I was. I still cry everyday, I am grieving my babies still, it is different for a man because while yes they are his babies too, he is not carrying him, it is not his body and he doesn't blame himself for his body killing his babies. I am so angry with myself, with God. I just don't understand why this keeps happening to me. I know I can have healthy pregnancies, I have 3 beautiful children to show for it, but this pain of m/c is horrible, unbearable and I am so glad I found you ladies. I just figured it was Christmas, this was my Christmas miracle and now it's all gone and I feel empty and sad and lost.

 

[Feelcrazy]

Oh my GOsh! I have years in my eyes. I wish I could hug you! It's so sad!!! Omg it's double the pain! You poor thing! I would cry every day too! How far along were you?
It's worse that it was on Christmas. I almost feel sick thinking about it. I would LOSE my MIND!!! I'm so sorry hun I've hoped for twins.
pLUS it doesn't matter how many you have! Especially if your a good mama. The more the merrier!!!
I pray you get a bfp soon! It's hard. Way harder for you than me.
I'm taking a break from being crazy next cycle. I've really pressured myself to "do it again!!" it sucks not getting pregnant. But it's way worse getting it and not keepin it
stay in touch with me.
Have the docs have any idea what's wrong??
Hope you get a stickey bean real soon Hun

 

[Feelcrazy]

Tears•••

 

[MariaRose]

Really feel for you, Christmas is the worst time for mc, as everyone is so happy around you, which makes you feel so isolated. Really feel for you babe.

Does anyone know why you keep mc? Maybe take a month off and then start ttc again? Perhaps your body needs a break, a full cycle without ttc.

Sending lots of your way..

 

[mami2karina]

Thanks ladies. Had a good appt with my OB today. My ANA was positive with a high titer level so I will either need heparin or baby aspirin when I get pregnant again. He wants to see the rest of my bloodwork and see what else is up. He wants to get to the bottom of this. This is my first pregnancy since my last baby, he will be 2 Februrary 22nd. I cried when I got into the exam room this afternoon. All of those pregnant women made me lose it again. I just keep thinking I should be one of them right now. I was almost 8 weeks when I m/c. We will see what happens I guess. Trying to keep myself feeling positive.

 

[Feelcrazy]

it must be very hard
here for you if you need to talk. Quite devastating!
glad you'll get some answers soon

 

[mami2karina]

I am so happy we should finally have some answers. The positive ANA almost always means you have Lupus. Well my neurologist sent me to a rhuematologist and he said since I didn't have a rash he would leave it up to my neurologist to decide what I have. OMG! I do not understand if the blood tests are staring you right in the face why are you going to say I don't have it? I don't know about anyone anymore. I go see the neurologist again next Friday.

 

[Feelcrazy]

Well good luck hun hope it turns out to be an easy fix!

 

[MariaRose]

Good luck, keep us updated x

 

[Feelcrazy]

Just to update. I guess I wasn't more fertile
got my AF on time. I'm not charting anything this cycle. Just relaxing and taking it easy. Hoping that will help. Good luck to you girls

 

[shelleney]

Glad your AF was ontime, so you can start a new cycle.
I think relaxing is a great idea. Hope it brings you your BFP this cycle.
FXd for you xx