Can't tell if my husband is on board or not?

[myangel167]

He knows I have baby fever, and whenever I talk about babies he engages a little bit but never is super enthusiastic. He will sometimes even shut me down by saying 'he doesnt want to have kids for a few more years so there is no point to talk about it now.'

But if for instance, if something comes up about babies, but I'm not the one who initiates the conversation (like recently he found out his best friends gf is pregnant) -then he will totally talk about what it will be like and how he wants to be a father 'someday' and even though we aren't ttc right now that if it happened he would be fine with it. He even goes as far as to talk about what baby names he likes and what kind of father-son things he would do with the baby. SO I KNOW he is at least thinking about it. & wants a baby eventually.

But I guess obviously he isn't 100% ready because he is so back and forth about the topic. But man, when I hear him talk about it I can't help but get super excited.

And one more thing, that may be TMI but I just wanted to add this-he never wears protection or makes an effort to always 'pull out' on time. And when I say things like 'well if u don't want a baby u need to be smarter about sex, he just shrugs it off like its no big deal. It makes me wonder.,..?

 

[fairyy]

Men are like that. They are ok if their partner gets pregnant but don't wanna TTC seriously. My husband doesn't like the idea of baby dancing, rather he prefers love making. He doesn't want that performance anxiety.

 

[Amalee]

My husband has just started being the same way. He gets weird about talking about getting pregnant, but he's happy to finish inside when he knows I'm fertile. I think it's like fairyy said, it's performance anxiety. They're fine with the idea of having a baby, but the idea of talking about fertility and timing sex makes them freaked out sometimes.

 

[myangel167]

thanks for your responses guys! yeah...I agree. Most likely we will wait another year or two before seriously ttc. In the mean time, if it happens..it happens! I cant wait!

 

[myangel167]

UPDATE: Today he was talking about what "theme" we will have when we get our newborn baby photos. And he was saying that he hopes we have a big baby. lol! AHH! I'm going crazy...hearing him talk about it makes me so excited, but then remembering we have to wait bums me out. WHY WONT HE JUST ADMIT that he wants a baby so we can get started. lol even though it may be rough to have a baby now, I know we would figure it out We alwys do!

 

[louise948]

hi all, I'm in similar situation, stopped cerrazette in July, (been on for 15yrs-wanted to calm cycles down before officially TTC) buthaven't used protection since. OH (of 10yrs) will engage in baby talk/names but will clam up if pushed too far, yet no offer of protection/pull out suggested! we don't have a lot of sex (together 10yrs does that!) so is it wrong to pre calculate to have sex just before O day? x

 

[awaitingrmb]

Men don't admit. My husband told me a few days ago that men are not "groomed" to worry over stuff like that. He says yes all men want kids; however, they do not focus on it. When it happens they will be over the moon. Just told me women have a tendency to take the fun out of making a baby. This is what happened to us 3 years ago. This time, I am temping, I will take my vitamins, I am checking cm, etc. The only thing is that I am not telling him a word. It makes it better. Yes we are in agreement that we want a kid. Not talking TTC with him though. My doc also said it increases the chances of getting pregnant when the male doesn't know because TTC for men is a mental thing that can put a strain on performance and sperm production.

 

[myangel167]

awaitingrmb, thanks for the advice!

 

[louise948]

thanks both, it sounds silly but your comments really help. When I stopped my pill, there was no discussion, I just stopped, and I didn't mention to OH that I'd stopped, (for one week, when I knew we wouldn't have sex-as mentioned earlier we don't have loads!) my closest friends ( 2 ladies same age as me, one married with 2, one happily recently ttc) were appalled that I'd stopped the pill and hadnt said anything, and I think of I said to them I may steer having sex towards the weekend when I'm ovulating they wouldn't understand. my OH is 37 soon, and Im 30, I can't afford to hang around, thinking will it/won't it but I don't want him to be stressed or thinking I'm being pushy, so nature can take its course, just steered slightly in the right direction! also, same as you, I know he wants kids and will be a fantastic kids, so if he's programmed the same as your OH said and just doesn't think about the kids actual arrival there would be no hope for mankind! so, by my calculations I'm Oing Mon/tues so weekend it is! Have you done any calculating? how long? and what have you been looking at? x

 

[myangel167]

louise, if i were you i would do the same thing! keep trying every month!

 

[AniMo2202]

My hubby and I got married last September.We agreed to NTNP,which to me basically means we have sex whenever we're in the mood and such.But this was a very stressful year of work for hubby,and he was so freakin' busy,working lots of overtime,that bd'ing was put on the back burner.He would make excuses whenever I mentioned being in my fertile period.But to everyone else (family,friends,random strangers) he would always talk about how desperately he wants to be a dad,and he can't wait for us to get pregnant.

So I talked to him a few times through the year,explaining how this whole ttc thing works (basically bd'ing at the right times).We have been together for nearly 8 years,and aren't one of those couples that has sex every day,or every other day,and we tend to do it more on the weekends,when we're both off and relaxed.But suddenly,this past weekend (our anniversary was on Sunday) he became very much on board with the whole bd'ing thing.I think (according to cramps and CM) I ovulated yesterday,and we bd'ed every day from Saturday to yesterday.This is incredible,and has never happened.I think after a year of me explaining things,he's finally realised that I can't make this happen on my own,he needs to bring his part,at the right times.I told him,we can have sex whenever he wants and I'll always be up for it,so he needs to be up for it at the right times too,lol.

 

[myangel167]

heres a little random update...so we thought i was pregnant this month! My period was 8 days late! it was really weird, I was having all kinds of weird symptoms, well at least I thought I was.

And anyway, we tested, got a bfn. But when I still didn't start I was like, what is going on?! and I secretly was hoping that I was pregnant. But, obviously I wasnt and when my period came I was sorta bummed. and, guess who else was bummed?! my hubby! He told me that he was a little sad! As much as I don't want him to be sad...it made me melt inside! I felt super excited that he was also bummed. ohh well, Maybe next month

 

[BebVern]

My husband is similar. He has openly confirmed for years that he loves children and wants some of his own, but every time I mention the word 'trying', he switches off. I think they'd really rather just enjoy the sex without thinking of a baby!

A few of my friends have kids already and they said that until their partners actually saw a positive test (or in some cases the first scan!) the enormity of what they were doing didn't sink in. I guess for us, we're the ones with a biological clock and getting broody, looking out for signs during the 2WW that they are oblivious about.

Myangel - similar thing happened to us last month; I did a text and was disappointed that it was negative...and so was he! Gah why are they so CRYPTIC?!

 

[myangel167]

yeah, he told me he wont be ready to "TRY" until he is at least 30. (4 more years...) but I think he just says that so i'll stop talking about it. lol

 

[LaFemmeBoheme]

hi all, I'm in similar situation, stopped cerrazette in July, (been on for 15yrs-wanted to calm cycles down before officially TTC) buthaven't used protection since. OH (of 10yrs) will engage in baby talk/names but will clam up if pushed too far, yet no offer of protection/pull out suggested! we don't have a lot of sex (together 10yrs does that!) so is it wrong to pre calculate to have sex just before O day? x

Ahahaha I am wondering that...don't want it to be too obvious as the pressure could be counterproductive