CBFM (thread/statistics) graduates TTC,BUMPS & BABIES 2011/2012

[StranjeGirl]

Oh dreamer I am so so sorry What a scary time for your sister and your family. Be sure to take some time for yourself as you must be so overwhelmed right now- I can't even imagine. Do they have services where you live with professionals who work with suicidal people? Gosh I don't even know what to say as we are so powerless in these situations. As a therapist I have to work with suicidal clients at times and it is so difficult as there is only so much we can do. We can't save anyone, and we can't push anyone to take their own life, we can only offer support and information and cross our fingers that the client will use that in a positive way but in the end we can't make that choice for them, only they can. HOwever, it is impossible not to get wrapped up in it and have it totally consume you. I just hope she is getting some help and that you are also getting some support from family or friends. We had to go through the suicide of my cousin when I was younger and the family goes through hell. Logically we all know it is no one's fault, but for some reason we all feel guilty and think a piece of it is our fault(or that we could have saved her)- but it's not. I feel the same is true for attempted suicides....we think we have more power than we actually do. I see what your husband is saying, I do agree that it is very selfish, but I believe when someone gets to that point they are not a "normal" person making a selfish decision- they are an unstable person trying to end some sort of mental or physical pain and we could never imagine what they are going through or the state of mind they are in. I'm sure it is great for your sister to see erin and it sounds like you are always with her and making sure the situation is safe. Thanks for confiding in us and obviously we are all here for you when you need us. I hope hope hope this goes as smoothly as possible starting right now

Trixie- don't listen to those cows. We don't use HV's here but I think it just depends on who you get. I know here many people complain about their doctors but mine is fantastic, however I have had some dr's that I don't care for. I think people online vent when things go wrong so we only hear the bad sometimes, but they need to learn not to lump all HV's together. I'm sure some are crappy and some good and some fantastic like any other career. We are lucky to have your expertise on our thread!!!

 

[trixie79]

Thanks Stranje that means a lot!

Dreamer I can't say anything more... Stranje said it all.. I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope every thing is ok and take some time for yourself and digest wat has happened. I do hope she gets the help she needs... Xxx

 

[kristel_]

god girls im so sick of baby club plonkers bad mouthing health visitors i just cant hold it in anymore....so i replied....i held back a little but we arent all bad are we????

jes.....they just kept going on abt how bad we are and nuisances and patronising etc....im so peeved off!!!

I'm not bad mouthing health visitors at all. Just saying the one we have around here is a complete nuisance and patronising, and i don't feel the need for a heath visitor to turn up on my doorstep un arranged thinking she can just come right in whenever she feels like it. I am quite happy to take my child to the baby clinic or to see a different health visitor. I know not every health visitor is the same which is why we've been given another one after raising our concerns. Don't hold back, just say what you want to say and be done with it! My thread wasn't a personal attack against you and it seems like you've taken it the wrong way.

 

[trixie79]

dont want to get sucked into this, so im not saying anymore on the matter only that we are compulsory, just let them do their job and ensure you and baby are well and they wont bother you.

 

[StranjeGirl]

Dreamer how are you???? I hope you are doing ok?

Trixie how is conor doing after the teething? This has been an unusual month for giada concerning sleep. At the beginning of the month she had three nights in a row where she woke up very early, between 4:30-6, and then was fine and then has woken up randomly a few times this past week. A couple times it was no big deal as it was soon after she went to bed and I was still up, and then this morning she woke at 5:30am. I just switched her back to the formula with lactose, and coincidentally when she woke up early those three days at the beginning of the month I was trying to switch her. I stopped the new formula wondering if that was causing problems and now I tried again and she was up at 5:30 again. Do you think it's the formula or just coincidence? She was on her stomach at 5:30 and couldn't roll over so I think she got upset. She wouldn't fall back asleep so I finally fed her close to 6:30 and then she fussed again afterward til I put her in her swing and she slept there til 9:30. I'm scared for tonight! I guess I have to keep up with the new formula for a bit more to really see.

 

[trixie79]

conr is having a hard time with his teeth, the 2nd is now cutting through....kind of looks abit crooked, but i heard that can be common, just hope it straightens out!he has actually been sleeping alot better. 7.30 till 6 most nites....he is just wrecked all the time, esp after coming home from the childminders!!

wat is the new formula you wer tryin? conor is still on the enfamil AR we tried to give him cow and gate follow on milk but he near choked???he can take normal liquids so i dont know wat that is abt!!! sure ill keep him on the enfamil abit longer....he doesnt drink much milk now....im lucky if i get 15 oz in him per day!! think thats normal too!

dreamer how are you? claire?lady?liljojo?baby? hope your all well???

 

[StranjeGirl]

Poor little guy trixie! I can't imagine how painful it must be to have teeth break through. Still waiting for giada to get her first. She was on similac sensitive which is lactose free, and now I switched her ot similic advanced which is not lactose free. We'll see how she does tonight. If I see she is on her stomach I will flip her over because last night she got very upset that she couldn't turn over.
How is every elses back pain? Mine is still bad and it went into spasm today. I couldn't move for a bit and the pain was horrible. I called my mom in tears and she had to come over and take care of the baby til dh got home. I am doing slightly better but it still hurts and I can't lift her. It doesn't help that she is like 27+ pounds. Has anyone found anything to help with the back? I am starting physical therapy next week so I really hope that helps a little!

 

[trixie79]

god im kind of lucky, my pelvic pain that i even had after the triplets has all gone....

id say physio should help though.

im so depressed abt my weight!!!! i have my cousins wedding on the 14th sept and i swear i have tried every dress known to woman, and they look hideous!!! i settled for a shift dress outta dorothy perkins and bought spanx!! but its so bloody depressing that the stomach just is as stubborn as me!!! i look so out of proportion, i swear i look pregnant...ooh and on that note, im off the pill as of today....mind you DTD is a distant memory!!!!

 

[Tobaira]

Hugs to you dreamer..

Hope everyone is doing well.. I read the thread but now don't remember what was said. Have a stomach bug right now.. girls are doing well- Cass is close to crawling and they both are beginning to hold their own bottles which will help a lot. Saw something about back pain - I see a chiropractor every 2 wks which seems to help. Will have to post pics sometime. Hard to believe my girls are already 8 mos old! But since they were early they still are hitting 6 mo milestones

 

[Fizzio]

Hello ladies
Dreamer, I hope you are doing ok and that your sister is getting the help she needs. So tough. Big hugs.
Trixie - deep breaths! I think my HVs are fab btw. And are you TTC if you are coming off the Pill?? I have the decision to make as to whether to have a second. DH happy with just Amber. I really dont know how I feel. Being 35 now worries me and also I had such a traumatic labour and then PND, I'm really not sure. What are you other ladies thinking re: a second?

Happy weekend everyone and happy Bank Holiday weekend to the UK ladies - it's going to rain, surprise, surprise!

 

[trixie79]

i think it will be NTNP more than TTC!!!! we hardly get a chance to DTD these days! the days are soooo tiring and im usually up in bed at 9/10pm!

anyone else like this???

tobaira, i cant believe the girls are 8 months! conor still wont hold his bottle!

fizzio, PND is common the first time round but now that you know the signs and symptoms, its easier to prevent 2nd time round, with good support...

 

[Claire1]

:

 

[StranjeGirl]

So nice to hear from you fizzio and tobaira!!!
Tobaira, can't believe the girls are 8 months!!! Glad the chiro is helping a bit. i am hoping pyshical therapy will make some difference. I can't lift Giada again today so my mom has been here to help and thankfully dh is working from home he can lift her when I need it. Between this and my knee I feel like a total old lady!!! HOpe your stomach feels better soon- that is no fun at all!
Fizzio dh and I are constantly talking about the same thing. We always thought we'd have 2 and now we really can't come to a conclusion. We are both torn. I'm 37 so we don't want to wait forever. Ideally if we are going to have another we would like to start trying at teh beginning of next year as I will be 38 in january. We truly feel happy with one right now and feel like we can offer her more if we don't have more. We also worry what if the second child has challenges- that would take away from time with giada. ON the other hand we think it would be great for her to have a sibling (although I know that is not a good enough reason to have another as there are no guarantees they will even get along) and we are afraid that later on we will regret that we only had one. We only want one baby but would like 2 children when we are older. We can't have out cake and eat it too unfortunately I had a difficult pregnancy and easy labor, but did not recover so well. I had a lot of pain for quite a while and am still dealing with very bad back pain. ANd I worry, what if things don't go well next time. How will that leave me? SO much to think about!!! Well if you need someone to talk to who is going through the same thing I am here!! I don't have any good advice lol, but we can at least get our thoughts out!
Trixie- I lost the weight and still have a stomach...we mothers are cursed!!! I feel I carry my weight totally differently now. I have more weight around my stomach and my boobs are way too squishy. I had to go to a wedding last month and I made it a point to tell everyone that I had a new baby at home so they understand! I bet you look way better than you think. We are our own biggest critics!! I keep reminding myself "i'm a mom and I should be proud of this body that carried a baby" But it only makes me feel better for a couple minutes ha ha. I keep thinking that I should just get pregnant again so I will feel good about my stomach! But I guess that would require dtd and I don't know if I really even remember how to do that!
Hope everyone is well. Hoping you are doing ok dreamer.

 

[_dreamer_]

Hi ladies, thanks for thinking of me. Sorry not been on much, have been reading on my phone.but takes.forever trying to type.much. ans therea always so many mistakes. I'm on here now so won't be long I'm afraid. I'm ok, finally.got 9 solid.hours sleep.last night buy still.feel shattered tonight, hoping Erin is going down now (just feeding) so I.can too. took my sister yo the gp yest, she's been.referred for.counseling, just got to.wait for the appointment. She.seems to be doing ok, talking about steps and goals and has promised she has moved on from those thoughts.

Will try get on the pc tomorrow so can.do.a better post. Just wanted to let you know I'm ok xxxx

 

[StranjeGirl]

Claire, hope darcey is doing ok! Hope you get some sleep soon too!
Dreamer thanks for checking in. So glad you are doing ok and hope things continue to go smoothly. Lots of hugs!

 

[_dreamer_]

I just re-read your original message Stranj, thank you so much for that. The only support I am aware of is NHS counselling where they offer you up to 12 sessions which is what we're doing for the time being, or private which costs £30-40 per session. And theres things like the Samaritans phoneline. She was offered anti-depressants but has declined these. My sister is gay and she was on these once when she was 16 and was depressed when she was struggling with her sexuality, and she was completely zoned out until she came off them. She came to visit me at uni and she was a bit like a zombie. I think she wants to avoid that if possible, although I know not all anti-depressants work in the same way.

I've always wanted at least 2 children if not more. I'm one of 4 and loved having my siblings growing up. I also couldn't imagine never being pregnant or having a little baby again, I loved it all (although I did have a straightforward pregnancy/labour and a relatively easy baby, next time I may well change my mind!). It will be really hard for me when it is my last to know thats it. If money was no issue, I'd have loads, I'd be like the woman on that TV programme 15 and counting or whatever it is now haha. My OH had only wanted 2 but recently someone asked us if we wanted another and he said definitely another one or two But we're waiting a while before number 2. We want to buy a new house before then, and we've discussed WTT until Erin is at least 3. Good for you Trix though, I also think having a close age gap would be lovely for them especially when they are a bit older.

And DTD is definitely lacking! OH is lucky if he gets it 2/3 times a month. I just don't really have much of a drive. Always feel tired, and as soon as Erin goes down I just want to go to bed in case its a bad night. I've tried to go with the philosophy of quality not quantity at the moment lol.

My stomach is also so squishy and covered in stretchmarks. I really need to do some exercise to tone up my tummy. I always used to be a bikini girl but bought a swimming costume to take Erin swimming in, my OH was so sweet and was like you don't need to wear a costume, you've had a baby you don't need to hide your stomach. But even though I'm proud that I carried Erin and I don't mind my body, I don't like the thought of anyone looking and thinking ewww lol.

Claire I know how you feel on time going so fast. I go back to work in 5 months and I don't know where the past 8 months have gone. Erin is growing so fast. I remember someone saying enjoy the newborn cuddles they are over so quickly, and they really were.

And happy bank holiday weekend to you to Fizzio. Its chucking it down as I'm typing, rubbish!

 

[Fizzio]

Fizzio dh and I are constantly talking about the same thing. We always thought we'd have 2 and now we really can't come to a conclusion. We are both torn. I'm 37 so we don't want to wait forever. Ideally if we are going to have another we would like to start trying at teh beginning of next year as I will be 38 in january. We truly feel happy with one right now and feel like we can offer her more if we don't have more. We also worry what if the second child has challenges- that would take away from time with giada. ON the other hand we think it would be great for her to have a sibling (although I know that is not a good enough reason to have another as there are no guarantees they will even get along) and we are afraid that later on we will regret that we only had one. We only want one baby but would like 2 children when we are older. We can't have out cake and eat it too unfortunately I had a difficult pregnancy and easy labor, but did not recover so well. I had a lot of pain for quite a while and am still dealing with very bad back pain. ANd I worry, what if things don't go well next time. How will that leave me? SO much to think about!!! Well if you need someone to talk to who is going through the same thing I am here!! I don't have any good advice lol, but we can at least get our thoughts out!

I could have written that part of your post! My thoughts are torn so much and in exactly the same way. Maybe we should talk about it more together Stranje! I know that if we do have a second, I want to start TTC in January as I will be nearly 36. But that means DTD and yes, it'a a bit rare here as I am always in bed early and ages before DH!! If we decide not to, I will be having a coil fitted again too Claire. It is so much harder when DH and us are not on the same page re: no 2.

Lovely to hear from you Dreamer. I'm glad you have got a little more sleep. Do they not have mental health crisis teams in your area that the GP could refer to? It means your sister could get some help without having to wait for counselling and it would also help ease the burden on you?

And yes the rain is pouring today. Once Amber wakes, I'm taking her to see her Granny for a bit xx

 

[trixie79]

Hi girls fizzio is right abt the mental health teams, they are a really good support.. ESP when you have to wait for the counselling apt dreamer. Hopefully there is a team in your area.

I really want no. 2 and I know I'm now officially off my pill but I'm hoping that it will at least take a year till I get pregnant ESP cause DTD is so rare !! I'm afraid also of conceiving multiples again!!!! Don't think I could cope with that! OH woe have heart failure.. Me and him haven't offically talked abt it, and prob won't! I just said I was coming off the pill and he kind of nodded!!!!!

Well Conor's 2 bottom teeth have cut and OMG wat a week it has been, he has a cough and cold and thrush and his gums are so red! On the up side he started taking a bottle again I the morning but has dropped the 11/3 pm ones and has one at note before bed. I'll keep persisting with the 3 pm one though to try and get at least 15/16 oz in to him! His sleep is not to bad 7.30 till 6 ish.

 

[StranjeGirl]

Dreamer I hope your sister is feeling a bit better. I'm sure it is up and down. I know what you mean about anti-depressants. For some they work miracles, and for others they are more hassle than help. If she is interested she could look into some natural things that help with mood. THe B vitamins in general are especially good for the mood. They also have some natural supplements specifically to help with depression. I have not tried any but I have heard many good things about a product called SAM-E. Here they sell it in the vitamin section at our regular drug stores. If she is interested in maybe just doing some natural stuff rather than antidepressants she could talk to her dr about it. Also do they have a 24 hour crisis hotline there? We have one here that is free that anyone can call if feeling really down/suicidal. Hope all of you are doing better!

Yikes trixie, those teeth are really doing a number on conor!! The two of you must be exhausted! Glad his sleep is going well though. i bet he needs it with all that is going on. Hope everything settles soon!
I have a question for you- Giada loves to sit and play now because sitting is her new thing she can do, but she can not pull herself up to sit yet- i have to to put her in that position. SOmeone else had posted on baby club that their hv had said it isn't good for their spine to sit until they have the strength to get into that position themselves. Do you know if this is true? I don't want to put her in that position if it is bad for her, but if it is not bad then I don't want to deprive her of something she enjoys. Thanks for any input!

Yes we definitely need to talk fizzio. I am so torn I just wish dh would have a strong desire in one direction so the decision would be made for me. I just have this horrible feeling that 3-4 years down the line I am going to want another one and wish I had done it sooner. Some days I decide we are definitely having one, and then an hour later I say no way. If I were 10 years younger I wouldn't think twice about it as I would just wait a couple years and have another one, but honestly I'm kinda tired lol. I don't mind going through pregnancy again, I would look forward to it, but I don't want to go through labor and delivery again or what happens post partum. My back is still KILLING me!! I think I would just like to adopt a 10 year old child in about 10 years! I'm actually kinda wondering if in a year the decision will be more clear for us. It's kinda hard to imagine having another baby right now when we already have a little baby to care for. My goal would be to deliver before 40(preferably at 38 but definitely before 40), so I guess I have a tiny bit of time since I will be 38 in january. Maybe I will give myself til mid next year to decide. I just worry as statistics rise a lot close to 40, but I must say I know quite a few people including some family member who delivered at 40+ with no issues whatsoever. Do you have an age that you would like to have no 2 by if you were to have a second child?
I hope everyone is well and had a great weekend. Time is flying by this summer!

 

[trixie79]

hey stranje, i read that too abt the sitting position.....but i think that its ok, if they like to sit up! babies are very bendy at that age and most try to eat their toes, so i cant understand how it would hurt their spine. i sit conor down all the time and sometimes he rolls over onto his tummy and tries to get into the crawl position, but he cant get himself up yet and gets very frustrated!!!! in other words, i dont think there is any research into the sitting position hurting their spines at that age, but im going to google now!!!!

im 33 so my cut off age for another is 35! but thats because the risk of twins,triplets increases after 35......so id be well and truly f***ed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!