CC/CIO Support and Information Thread

[Randianne]

I see threads almost daily about CC/CIO. People have questions about it and want support while doing it. It’s controversial and emotional subject. It’s definitely not for everybody. I’d really like to have a support thread for those who are using it and a safe place to ask questions for those who are exploring their options.

I’ve put together a run down of the basics and addressed a few of the misunderstandings about CC/CIO and it’s intent. I am not an expert and this is by no means comprehensive. It will be a work in progress. If there is something you want added or if I’ve misstated something, please let me know.


What is CC/CIO?

These are the definitions, as I understand them.

Controlled crying (CC) – Baby is placed in bed awake but drowsy with all needs met (full belly, clean diaper, appropriate covers etc). The parent then leaves the room for a short period of time before returning to offer reassurance. The parent continues to do this staying away for increasingly longer periods of time until LO is asleep. Some people start with one minute before going back in and increase by increments of one minute. Some start with five minutes and increase by increments of five minutes. Neither is more right than the other. It’s really down to comfort level and what the parents feel is bests for their baby.

Cry it out (CIO) – The method where baby is placed into bed awake but drowsy with all needs met. The parent then leaves the room and doesn’t return.

Pick up/Put down (PUPD) – A variation of CC. When the parent returns to the room the baby is picked up as part of the reassuring process, but then put back down when the parent leaves the room.

Another variation is to place LO in the crib, but never leave the room. Some parents also hold the baby’s hand or do shush/pat.

If you have another variation, let me know and I will add it.


General tips and guidelines:

1. CC/CIO is not usually recommended before six months of age. There are exceptions, but this is the most accepted age.

2. Make sure you know your baby’s cries before starting. You will need to know the difference between a tired cry and a cry that needs immediate attention.

3. Use a timer. I usually start with one minute, but it can feel like an hour when you are standing at the door listening to your LO cry. The timer lets you know exactly how much time has passed.

4. CC/CIO will only work if used consistently. Many people only have a few nights of crying before LO starts to go down with minimal to no crying.

5. It’s generally not a good idea to use CC/CIO when LO is sick or teething.

6. CC/CIO is not for everyone. Babies are individuals, and no method will work for all of them. Research all methods before deciding on the best one for your family.


Common misconceptions:

1. Parents who use CIO/CC are lazy.

This is completely not true. Most parents choose CIO/CC because of genuine concern over their LO’s growth and development. Proper sleep is an essential part of this process.

2. Parents should not use CC/CIO because they are tired.

We all knew that having a baby meant less sleep and we have to accept that. However, there is a huge difference between being tired and being exhausted. Exhaustion causes many of the same effects as drug and alcohol use. Lack of sleep has been used as torture. You cannot stop sleeping anymore than you can stop eating. If you are so tired that it is affecting your ability to work or safely look after LO, CC/CIO may be something you want to consider. You should not feel guilty for this.

3. Parents who use CC/CIO dump their kids in the crib and walk away so they can sit back and relax without worrying about their LO.

Totally false. Almost everyone stands at the door or watches or listens on a monitor. A lot of the time parents cry too. There is nothing relaxing about CC/CIO.

4. CC/CIO increases SIDS risk.

There is no evidence to support this. I believe this rumor was started because of a study that showed increased level of stress hormones in crying babies. The goal of CC/CIO is to decrease overall crying time and increase sleep time. They will cry more at first, but if CC/CIO works then overall your LO should spend far less time crying.

5. If you use CC/CIO, your baby won’t trust you.

Honestly, no one knows for sure. It’s a parent’s judgment call. Things like the age you start at, your baby’s personality, and your personal situation are all factors to consider. From speaking to other CC/CIO parents, I believe the general attitude is that it shouldn’t affect trust if done properly. Parents spend all day, every day meeting their LO’s needs. Babies rely on us for everything. Again, this is just an opinion, but it’s highly unlikely that a few incidents of crying will wipe out all the love and attention that has been lavished on your LO since birth.


Feel free to add your story, why you chose CC/CIO, what your results were, and any questions or advice you have.


Disclaimer: This thread is for CC/CIO support. If you don’t agree I respect that, but please don’t come in here to tell us all how wrong we are. You absolutely have the right to express your opinion on the matter, but a support thread is really not the place for it. There has been a lot of nastiness on both sides about this subject lately, and it would be nice to have a safe place for mothers who choose to do this to share.

 

[Randianne]

I first did CC at three months. This is normally too young to start, but for us it was appropriate. LO is an easily over stimulated baby. It took me that long to figure out that cuddling, rocking, and all the other ‘right’ things we were doing were making her even more upset. When my LO was tired, she needed to be on her own.

With our doctor’s full approval, we started CC. LO went from spending two hours or more screaming herself to sleep to crying for a few minutes to going to sleep on her own when she was drowsy. She started sleeping more during the day and was overall a happier baby.

She was going to sleep easily and sttn until she started teething. After that, she got a cold and was up several times a night. We obviously didn’t use CC while she was feeling bad, but now she’s better and her sleeping is worse than ever. She fights going to sleep and is waking up 3-4 times a night but refusing a bottle.

The lack of sleep is really affecting her. She is grumpy during the day, her naps are all over the place, and she’s not as active as she was.

Tonight we try CC again. I hate hearing her cry, but I know she needs sleep to grow and develop properly. I’m trying to think of it like vaccines. I hate the temporary pain it causes her, but it’s worth it for the long term benefits. That really sums up why I have chosen to CC.

 

[ChristinaG]

Please please please hoping this thread will last...

 

[Saphira]

Interesting thread. I never knew how to precisely label how we do nap and bedtime but now I know. Pick up/put down is the best way for getting my daughter to sleep. Naps usually aren't so much of a problem but bedtime lately has been more drama than usual. Not that it was ever 100% smooth but she's been really fighting sleep lately. I just can't seem to get her on a set routine, as in 7 in bed period. It just doesn't work since her second nap always falls so late, but she needs it. I tried cutting the second nap out and it didn't change a thing, the same drama if not worse at bedtime. :/
I will add, she's not the type that will fall asleep next to me. She's far too distracted and has been that way since she was 3-4 months old. Whenever we're in the room it's play/exploration time for her.
I fed her her bottle at 9 tonight and decided to stay with her on the pull out couch in her room to see if she'd settle better afterward. We cuddled a good half an hour, she kept staring at my hands in awe and playing with the buttons on my shirt, then I put her in her crib, said goodnight and went out. She wasn't happy about it and made that known but didn't cry. All was calm until about half an hour later. Then she started up her "I don't want to sleep/I can't sleep I want to get up" cry. I went back in with the remaining milk she hadn't finished warmed and tried to give it to her. She wasn't hungry so I held her another 5mins. and put her back in her crib. She complained and cried 3mins. max. and since then she's been quiet. Hoping it can go this "smoothly" every night but I know her willingness and ableness to sleep varies with time.
When she was younger, as in under 8 months I'd estimate, I responded to her every cry and kept her up until she finally slept after a bottle. It worked at the time but she began sleeping for the night as late as 3AM because of it. I knew things had to change and I couldn't keep her up like that. She'd get overtired and end up freaking out worse sometimes. :/ That's why we unfortunately have to deal with some normally minor drama most nights because she doesn't go down easily. I simply respond now to the severity of the situation. If she's full on freaking out a bottle is made and I go in to her quickly. If she's whining or on and off lightly crying I don't rush in as she often gets more wound up after I leave.
Well, that's my experience so far. Just have to take things as they come and respond how I feel is best for my daughter. Good luck to everyone.

 

[chipsticks]

I already know that CIO/CC is in my future...6.5 months and self settling is not happening. I hope this thread lasts cos it will have useful information for when I finally reach the end of this tether...and I know there is countless others out there!

 

[katy1985]

Excellent idea. Perhaps this thread should be made a sticky then we wouldn't get all the heated debates. I'm lucky in that LO goes to bed quite easily with her dummy, and although I don't like the idea of CIO/CC, I'll never say never, and wouldn't judge someone who chose to do it x

 

[ChristinaG]

CC worked for me, but won't work for everyone! Glad there is support here!

 

[Randianne]

Interesting thread. I never knew how to precisely label how we do nap and bedtime but now I know. Pick up/put down is the best way for getting my daughter to sleep. Naps usually aren't so much of a problem but bedtime lately has been more drama than usual. Not that it was ever 100% smooth but she's been really fighting sleep lately. I just can't seem to get her on a set routine, as in 7 in bed period. It just doesn't work since her second nap always falls so late, but she needs it. I tried cutting the second nap out and it didn't change a thing, the same drama if not worse at bedtime. :/
I will add, she's not the type that will fall asleep next to me. She's far too distracted and has been that way since she was 3-4 months old. Whenever we're in the room it's play/exploration time for her.
I fed her her bottle at 9 tonight and decided to stay with her on the pull out couch in her room to see if she'd settle better afterward. We cuddled a good half an hour, she kept staring at my hands in awe and playing with the buttons on my shirt, then I put her in her crib, said goodnight and went out. She wasn't happy about it and made that known but didn't cry. All was calm until about half an hour later. Then she started up her "I don't want to sleep/I can't sleep I want to get up" cry. I went back in with the remaining milk she hadn't finished warmed and tried to give it to her. She wasn't hungry so I held her another 5mins. and put her back in her crib. She complained and cried 3mins. max. and since then she's been quiet. Hoping it can go this "smoothly" every night but I know her willingness and ableness to sleep varies with time.
When she was younger, as in under 8 months I'd estimate, I responded to her every cry and kept her up until she finally slept after a bottle. It worked at the time but she began sleeping for the night as late as 3AM because of it. I knew things had to change and I couldn't keep her up like that. She'd get overtired and end up freaking out worse sometimes. :/ That's why we unfortunately have to deal with some normally minor drama most nights because she doesn't go down easily. I simply respond now to the severity of the situation. If she's full on freaking out a bottle is made and I go in to her quickly. If she's whining or on and off lightly crying I don't rush in as she often gets more wound up after I leave.
Well, that's my experience so far. Just have to take things as they come and respond how I feel is best for my daughter. Good luck to everyone.

I did some of this too. LO has one 'I'm serious' cry that I always respond to.

 

[NC_Sarah]

Great idea for a support thread. I know it's not for everyone, but CIO has been so successful for my family. Aiden wasn't getting enough sleep at night and in turn, neither was I. The first couple nights were tough but I noticed an immediate change in his behavior and I attribute it to getting much more sleep and he is just an overall happier baby now it seems.

I've also noticed that he is able to entertain himself more now too. He coos, plays with his feet and just looks around in the morning in his crib for at least 10-15 minutes rather than just instantly crying like he used to.

Fingers crossed that this thread stays positive!

 

[lozza1uk]

I have a couple of questions:
How long typically does it take the first night? I've just tried CC, an hour in ( after checking every 5/10 mins) I've caved in and am trying to feed him back to sleep ( he'd woken after 2.5 hours asleep, been fed but wouldn't go back down). After an hour he wasn't even lying down, just sitting there crying. It's heartbreaking.

Will giving in like this make it harder when I try again? I'm thinking of leaving it a couple of weeks.

 

[Randianne]

I have a couple of questions:
How long typically does it take the first night? I've just tried CC, an hour in ( after checking every 5/10 mins) I've caved in and am trying to feed him back to sleep ( he'd woken after 2.5 hours asleep, been fed but wouldn't go back down). After an hour he wasn't even lying down, just sitting there crying. It's heartbreaking.

Will giving in like this make it harder when I try again? I'm thinking of leaving it a couple of weeks.

It really varies. Some do as little as five minutes and the longest I've heard of is a few hours. Do what you're comfortable with. It's always hard to hear them cry, but if it's too hard then definitely stop and wait a few more weeks. With that time gap I don't think he'll really remember the first time. Good luck!!

 

[mommie2be]

CC worked so well for us ! LO basically never cries when we put him to bed, just rolls onto his belly & falls asleep.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I have used CC with both my boys at 4 months. If anyone has any questions on straight CC (no pick-up/put-down or shush-pat) ask away

 

[The Alchemist]

Wonderful thread for support. This will surely help those mothers who are thinking of this method.

I used CC, although I didn't even know what I was doing was called "cc". It worked for us because we all have a restful sleep, and we're all a happy camper.

 

[ArmyWife1984]

I have a couple of questions:
How long typically does it take the first night? I've just tried CC, an hour in ( after checking every 5/10 mins) I've caved in and am trying to feed him back to sleep ( he'd woken after 2.5 hours asleep, been fed but wouldn't go back down). After an hour he wasn't even lying down, just sitting there crying. It's heartbreaking.

Will giving in like this make it harder when I try again? I'm thinking of leaving it a couple of weeks.

Hi Lozza :wave: I totally understand what you are going through. I was in the same spot a couple months ago.

The first time I tried CC it took 1hr and 45min!!! During the last 45min, I ended up doing CIO because he got more and more hysterical when I would try to rub his back. 2nd night was about 40min and 3rd night was 10min. Now he goes to bed within 10min usually. Some nights he just rolls around and fusses but no more hysterical crying

I def. think if you keep giving in it will make it harder down the road. Especially once he can start saying "maaaaa, maaaaa" and once they can start standing in the crib.
I say keep at it and be strong!! I did intervals of 3min, 5min, 7min, 10min and then 15, 15, 15, 15, until he fell asleep. I did use a pacifer a few times to help soothe him and it seemed to help immensely, but I know sometimes pacifers can become a crutch too. Just remember you and baby will both benefit from this. I am sleeping much better at night and so is baby
Hope this helps! Stay strong!

 

[DaisyBee]

I used cc on my oldest Megan when she was 13 months. She needed hours of rocking at that age to fall asleep and would wake looking for me and cry until I rocked her again. That would go on all night long. Cc took 3 days with her. The most crying was the first night, a few minutes the next 2 nights and no crying for naps. She went from 6 hrs of sleep a night to sttn 12 hrs within the week. I didn't realize that all the rocking, shushing, etc was preventing her from sleeping well as she is very sensitive and easily overstimulated. She couldn't fall asleep without me but me rocking was preventing sleep.

We did cc with Jordan a week shy of 4 months. She is easily overstimulated as well. I was neglecting her sister as it was taking all my time trying to get her down for naps and bedtime as she cried as I rocked, jiggled, and fed her to sleep. Cc - It took 1 night. 45 minutes. She then self settles without crying for naps and bedtime.

When they are sick I rock, feed to sleep, cuddle to sleep, cosleep ( it's the only time Megan will actually "sleep" while cosleeping vs playing.) if they need help settling.

 

[sandilion]

Great thread

 

[shmoo75]

this is such a great thread really hope it stays positive.

I used CC on Kimberly she had just turned 6mths we had a week to get her sleep sorted as, DH gets up for work sometimes at 5am and he is a really light sleeper all the broken nights sleep were killing us we were snapping at each other and, I knew DD wasn't get the sleep she needed and I really didn't want to be rocking a toddler to sleep especially as we knew we would have another child by the time she was 2(which we do)we picked the week DH had off work and started the Saturday night. She cried solidly for 30mins in total. I went in every 10mins and just stood at her cot saying shh Mum's here go to sleep and I would leave after 2mins even though she was still crying. I remember it was coming up to the 3rd 10min mark when suddenly all went quiet I left it another 10min then went up to check on her and, she was sound asleep after that the only problems we have had have been when she was teething, illness and when Sarah turned 6wks old Kimberly had a 5wk sleep regression which, can be quite common when a new sibling comes along. I must add Kimberly had cut out her night feeds and was just waking out of habit so, she just needed to learn to self settle and, as it only took 30mins of her crying the 1st night for it to work she was well and trully ready for it and it was the right thing for us. My DH wasn't a huge fan with the thought of it but, he supported me and even he couldn't believe how quick and what a huge difference it made with her sleeping straight away. It used to take me at least 30mins of rocking her to sleep for a nap for her to only sleep 30-40mins if I was lucky. The following day after we had started CC she slept for 2hrs

With Sarah I will use CC once she has cut out her 1 night feed which is at about 2:30. Sarah is an early teether she cut her 1st tooth on Tuesday bang on 4mths Kimberly was also an early teether cutting her 1st tooth at 5mths old!!! Needless to say we don't do CC if teething or ill.

I will also add that the reason your LO's cry when you do CC isn't because they are hurt or, are upset its because they aren't getting what they are used too you rocking them to sleep and, don't worry they will wake the next morning with big smiles on their faces and so full of energy. Kimberly hardly ever wakes up crying(if she does its because she hasn't had enough sleep)she wakes up talking away to her toys and I leave her 10-15mins before going to get her up as, she is quite happy and content.

I wishing us all the best of luck using CC or CIO knowing there is this thread helps alot.

 

[TriChick]

Thanks for making this thread! I think some CC may be in Harrison's future, once we move past bed sharing.

 

[JillMc]

I started putting DD to bed awake around 4 months. Just took a notion one day just to see how she would react and she went straight to sleep. I did it again the next day and also for nap time just to see if it was a fluke and yet again she went down no problem...so I was lucky there.

Now for the past 2 months she has started waking around 2 or 3am. Sometimes she takes a bottle. Most times she just screams and cries. I have even tried rocking her to sleep and as soon as she is alseep putting her into the cot and she wakes back up. The past few nights I have started to do CC at 2am (against my DH wishes, his answer is to just put her in the bed with us because she always sleeps well then.) Some nights it only takes about 15 minutes, with me going in about every 5 minutes, but mosts nights, including last night, it took 1.5 hours until she finally cried herself tired.

Is it normal to have thie sleeping issues in the middle of the night? I know I could give in and just bring her into bed with us, but we are running out of room in there for the 3 of us and I will only get bigger as this pregnancy goes on.