change is happening now for me! but what about him...? need advice.

[thecurlymama]

So, I'm in my 17th week now, and the changes to my body are becoming very noticeable and affecting me really intensely lately. Swollen boobs, growing bump, braxton hicks, emotions, etc... I feel like it's really real that the little one is gonna be here and my boyfriend and I are really going to be parents. I feel like I'm ready to get totally prepared and accept my new life as a mama. There's just one little problem...

I feel like my beloved boyfriend who is such an amazing guy is going to be in total shock once our little one is here, and that it's gonna be really hard for him to adjust to having the busy life as a daddy. He works five sometimes six days a week from 7 to 5:30- once the baby's here I'll be home with the little lady /man all day so I'll really be ready for his help and support in the evenings and on the weekends. Right now I've already had to make all of those sacrifices such as not smoking weed anymore, no drinking, no partying or any of that. He doesn't drink anymore but he still smokes weed and likes to have those "chill nights" with the buds. Now, I totally understand that he wants to hang out with his friends and everything, and I even told him that he didn't have to quit smoking ganja just because I was for the baby (as long as he didn't smoke around me!). Although I'm accepting his freedom and giving him the space he needs to still have his guy nights and hang outs, I feel like when it's time for the little one to be here I'm going to be ready to make those sacrifices and will have already made a lot, but that he will have to make them so suddenly that he'll feel resentful or stressed out about the fact that we're so busy with the baby.

I know he's gonna be an amazing daddy and he has said that he's willing and ready to make the necessary sacrifices when the time comes, but I don't think he realizes what a big change it is. He's 19 and I'm 16. Even though all of his friends are in their early to mid twenties none of them have lives! They're all still living at home playing video games and getting stoned all day. My boyfriend recently moved out of his mom's place and is now living with his sister and her fiance. I just feel like he needs to be on a totally different level than his buddies that are still stuck in the careless teenage phase- cause him and I really need to snap out of it!

He used to live across the street from me but now he lives all the way across town. I take the bus to spend nights with him as much as I can but I still feel the distance taking a toll on my emotional state. I want to be around him all the time because I feel like I really need a lot of support right now. I have that from my family and a couple of my friends but it seems liek he's the only person that can really understand right now because we're going through all of this together. He's so sweet about everything and is always willing to talk to me about what's on my mind or worries about when the baby comes, but I'm actually worried about telling him that I think he needs to get used to making more sacrifices because I think he'll get offended and think that I'm accusing him of doing something wrong by hanging out with his friends.

I'm sorry for this big long novel-like post but I could really use some advice or support ladies! thanks
xx
Emma

 

[MiSS.M0MMY2BE]

Wellllll, I think that you should talk to him about it. If he's really ready to be a dad, he'll understand and take the steps and make the sacrifices. You shouldn't be scared to tell him how you feel, hun. Cause that will just wear you out even more. And if he's always there to support you, and listen to you. What should make this time any different? I say, get it off your chest girl. Good luck!

 

[jozylynn896]

I agree, you should tell him! Sometimes we expect the worst but maybe he'll realize that its something that's really bothering you, and he'll make the correct changes!
I get sooooo upset when OH drinks (we're together 24/7 so he can't ever go out ^__^)
Sometimes I'll be okay with him having a few beers but I know he had no problem stopping. (for the most part).
The only thing is smoking. I want him to STOP smoking cigarettes as it really bother me, but he just can't. he doesn't do it in front of me so I guess that's good though. Ganja is okay, but cigarettes, those will kill you!
Well, you should just talk to him and tell him how much its bothering you! Good luck : )

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

As hard as it might be, you do need to sit down and talk to him. Smoking weed around the baby, or even coming in after smoking it, to me, is a HUGE no-no!! I dont believe someone should be around a child wt all whilst under the influence of drugs. it clouds judgement. Is he really going to have the money to spend on weed when he has a baby?!?! He has to grow up, whether he likes it or not.

What I will say though is that babies do create huge tension on relationships, so try and have something planned out on what he can do and when, so that he helps you out before tending to his own wants and needs. Men don't tend to be hit by the pregnancy part like women, they find it real once they hold their child. But before your child arrives, you need to have a heart to heart about how you are both feeling and your expectations from each other. Good luck!

 

[lizmageeful]

Ive been pretty lucky on the front of OH not being much of a drinker/smoker, but I sometimes i do wonder if hes quite ready for this. The one thing thats helping me is that saying "A woman becomes a mother when she becomes pregnant. A man becomes a father when he holds his child".

 

[jozylynn896]

Liz, I know exactly what you mean! I hoe when he sees William, he'll be a better man/ boyfriend/ father.

 

[mayb_baby]

For me the weed would have to go, I think I would start there now and make this a priority conversation to start nipping this habbit. (or if you are more relaxed on this situation suggest it occasionally when he is out with mates. Not near you or your LO)

The time has come to start making the changes as they don't happen overnight and there will be arguments and friction on the way. So I think the 9 months are your prep time to shape the life you want when your LO arrives.

You are doing nothing wrong by preparing for this change as it's collossial and no one can prepare you for it, he needs to start changing with you in order to go through it with you.

My OH was 19 when I was pregnant, I told him I wanted to live with him (meaning we would both leave our parents ) and a few other things to prepare for our LO. We fought and it was rocky but we pushed through, we don't go out much and we don't see our friends as much but our life is alot better and more fulfilling than it was, I hope you bring up the topics you need to discuss with him.
You seem so mature for 16, your doing amazing and I hope when you dicuss this your OH agrees and is there for you as much as you need him.

 

[thecurlymama]

As hard as it might be, you do need to sit down and talk to him. Smoking weed around the baby, or even coming in after smoking it, to me, is a HUGE no-no!! I dont believe someone should be around a child wt all whilst under the influence of drugs. it clouds judgement. Is he really going to have the money to spend on weed when he has a baby?!?! He has to grow up, whether he likes it or not.

What I will say though is that babies do create huge tension on relationships, so try and have something planned out on what he can do and when, so that he helps you out before tending to his own wants and needs. Men don't tend to be hit by the pregnancy part like women, they find it real once they hold their child. But before your child arrives, you need to have a heart to heart about how you are both feeling and your expectations from each other. Good luck!

Well, I am a previous weed smoker and am honestly really open about it and do not consider it a "drug" (depending on how it's used) I honestly don't mind it at all compared to cigarettes- I just am not smoking anything to keep my baby healthy! It's not the fact that he is smoking it's just the sort of attitude that his friends bring along with it.

He doesn't spend any money on weed as it is, but I do appreciate your suggestion about having a real heart-to heart. I feel like we have those, but it's more my heart-to his ears haha. He never seems to have much to say, I think he just ends up feeling guilty because I'm all teary and such.

For me the weed would have to go, I think I would start there now and make this a priority conversation to start nipping this habbit. (or if you are more relaxed on this situation suggest it occasionally when he is out with mates. Not near you or your LO)

The time has come to start making the changes as they don't happen overnight and there will be arguments and friction on the way. So I think the 9 months are your prep time to shape the life you want when your LO arrives.

You are doing nothing wrong by preparing for this change as it's collossial and no one can prepare you for it, he needs to start changing with you in order to go through it with you.

My OH was 19 when I was pregnant, I told him I wanted to live with him (meaning we would both leave our parents ) and a few other things to prepare for our LO. We fought and it was rocky but we pushed through, we don't go out much and we don't see our friends as much but our life is alot better and more fulfilling than it was, I hope you bring up the topics you need to discuss with him.
You seem so mature for 16, your doing amazing and I hope when you dicuss this your OH agrees and is there for you as much as you need him.

Thank you very much, I think you're right. I am relaxed about weed- i'm a former smoker myself like I said ^, so it doesn't really bother me. I'm just hoping for a little different sort of atmosphere once the baby's here.




Thank you to everybody! Things are much better now, I think I was just a little irritated when I posted this. He's being really amazing and I'm realizing how much work it takes to prepare for a baby, and that even though it might take us both a while to figure it out- it's worth it because I love him and anything's worth it for our little sweetie on the way

 

[mayb_baby]

Good luck, having a baby is stressful but you seem like you'll take it in your stride

 

[bethtastic]

I was 19 and he was 20 when I found out I was pregnant with my first. You are right, everything changes instantly for us, I had to quit drinking, smoking, toking, all that fun stuff. But he still got to do all of it. And his excuse was "i wont be able to in a few months so I might as well now." It drove me crazy. I just wanted him to sympathize with me. But it didn't stop once baby was born. He kept doing it, late night playing xbox drinking beer, and sleeping in until 12. It drove me crazy. We almost broke up quite a few times actually.
Finally, he got it. He grew up. It actually took him getting a job where he worked 7-4 instead of like, 12-8. And for the past few years, it has been great.
Now we are expecting baby number 2, (4 + years later) and its so different this time around. (Granted we are 24 + 25 now)

So be patient, and don't be afraid to voice your concerns to him.