Children out of wedlock?

[moomoo]

Some of my friends have asked when we plan to get married, as though it's something you need to do once you have kids?! We don't plan on getting married until our kids are older if at all. We have been together for nearly 6 years which is longer than some have been together, got married and divorced!!

We feel as though we don't need a piece of paper and a huge party to prove we will be together forever.

I was just wondering what your views were on this, thought it might make an interesting debate?

 

[JayeD]

Do you and your OH live together? If so, then you are classified as common law and that is just as legally binding as being married. The only difference is that you don't have a ring on your finger and a piece of paper.

My OH and I own a house together and have a 1 month old son. We do plan on getting married eventually, but for now, we are fine the way we are.

 

[hayley x]

For us it just felt 'right' to get married. We had been together 4 years, had one baby and another on the way. Its a personal decision and if you dont feel the need to and youre both happy the way you are then thats fine.

For me it was important to have the same surname as my children, but you dont need to be married for that to happen xxx

 

[Flowerew]

hi, i don't believe you have to get married when you have kids. My partner and I have been together for almost 7 years. We would like to marry some time in the future but have no plans to for a long time yet. Like you said you don't need a piece of paper to prove you will be together forever. The only thing I don't like is our son has his dads surname which is different to mine.

 

[Heulyn]

Me and my OH aren't married, and due our first baby in Feb.
We are "enagaged" - although I see that more of a commitment to spend our lives together, as opposed to a commitment to get married, iykwim?

I think I'd like to get married, but it's not really important xx

 

[mum2bee]

i was talking about this to a friend the other day! lol. we arent interested in getting married, dont really see the point, we have a baby and want to buy a house soon so why spend thousands of pounds?? it really anoyed me when ppl asked me when i was getting married and looking tho i was a bad person when i said no time soon

 

[bubbles123]

In my personal opinion, it makes no difference. I'm not religious and firmly believe people can be just as committed whether they are married or not. But I do think that people take you more seriously as a couple when you are married. TBH I'm not massively into marriage and got married mainly so I could be my hubbys next of kin and I would have the same surname as my son (I'm so romantic!). If you don't get married though make sure you have wills etc leaving stuff to each other otherwise you won't be your partners next of kin if anything happens (in the UK anyway).

 

[Gingerspice]

I personally didn't want to have children until I was married, but I wouldn't judge others for not being married first - its their choice how they do things. I just liked the idea of all having the same name and being seen and identified as a unit whereas having different surnames etc can somehow give the impression you're not a 'proper' unit.
I think it can be awkward at times when speaking to other parents though as you don't want to come across as asking too many questions, and sometimes if its known the parents aren't married you then end up with not knowing if the child is from a previous relationship etc so not sure what their surname is, or if its a step parents you're talking too/collecting etc. Sometimes it can be thought you're being judgemental when you're just trying to understand how that family does work.

 

[Noodles]

For me it was important for us to be married as I didn't want my children to have my husband's surname before I did. It made it more real as a family as we could stay that we are the Smith's (not my surname but you get the idea) without being the Smith's and me being Miss Jones.

I think it's a personal preference thing.

 

[honey08]

i wud never get married wot can u get more closer than a baby ?also i just dnt want 2

 

[aob1013]

Having a child is the biggest committment you can make, marriage is easy to get away from these days .. children never are.

We are getting married in 2012 and that's because that is when we are ready, not when everyone else tells us too. I am nooo rush at all, especially as divorce rates are so high these days.

 

[pinkclaire]

i was talking about this to a friend the other day! lol. we arent interested in getting married, dont really see the point, we have a baby and want to buy a house soon so why spend thousands of pounds?? it really anoyed me when ppl asked me when i was getting married and looking tho i was a bad person when i said no time soon

For the price of our wedding that could have been a house!

On the flip side, I really love being married, I love the fact we're one family unit and are treated like that by society. but I dont think you HAVE to get married at all.

 

[Sam9kids]

Ive been married twice! My first 2 are to my first hubby and they still have his surname now. My other 7 have mine and their dads surname.

I personally wanted to get married, but i dont judge those who dont

 

[aob1013]

I personally didn't want to have children until I was married, but I wouldn't judge others for not being married first - its their choice how they do things. I just liked the idea of all having the same name and being seen and identified as a unit whereas having different surnames etc can somehow give the impression you're not a 'proper' unit.I think it can be awkward at times when speaking to other parents though as you don't want to come across as asking too many questions, and sometimes if its known the parents aren't married you then end up with not knowing if the child is from a previous relationship etc so not sure what their surname is, or if its a step parents you're talking too/collecting etc. Sometimes it can be thought you're being judgemental when you're just trying to understand how that family does work.

Why?

 

[Heulyn]

For me it was inportant for us to be married as I didn't want my children to have my husband's surname before I did. It made it more real as a family as we could stay that we are the Smith's (not my surname but you get the idea) without being the Smith's and me being Miss Jones.

I think it's a personal preference thing.

You can always just give the child your surname?
They don't have to be named after your partner if you'd rather them have your name, and if the couples who do this then go on to get married, then the child's name can be changed too.

 

[Natasha2605]

Me and my OH live together as if married,only difference is I don't have a ring on my finger yet...will in a few years hopefully. IMO it's not a big deal xx

 

[Gingerspice]

I personally didn't want to have children until I was married, but I wouldn't judge others for not being married first - its their choice how they do things. I just liked the idea of all having the same name and being seen and identified as a unit whereas having different surnames etc can somehow give the impression you're not a 'proper' unit.I think it can be awkward at times when speaking to other parents though as you don't want to come across as asking too many questions, and sometimes if its known the parents aren't married you then end up with not knowing if the child is from a previous relationship etc so not sure what their surname is, or if its a step parents you're talking too/collecting etc. Sometimes it can be thought you're being judgemental when you're just trying to understand how that family does work.

Why?

I don't know - its from speaking to others that I get the impression that that is what they think, and so I have this perception that that is how the vast majority of society also think.

 

[bubbles123]

You can also change your name by deed poll (in the Uk) to whatever you want, when you want. So you could change your name to your partners and kids without having to get married. It costs money though, whereas it's free with a marriage certficate.

 

[Sam9kids]

Like i said, my eldest 2 have the surname Mountain and the rest of us are Higgins. Its never been a problem but i can see what you are saying x

 

[CormacksGirl]

Having a baby is a bigger commitment than getting married!! But that's just my opinion although I would like to have the same surname as OH and LO!!!Might think about changing it by deed poll LOL