Children out of wedlock?

[polo_princess]

Each to their own, if you do/dont want to get married i dont really see what difference having a baby will make.

We wanted to get married regardless, we actually put our wedding off because i fell pregnant.

 

[aliss]

There are quite a few cultures where women don't change their name anyways. In Quebec (Canada), few women have the same surnames as their children - married or not.

We're not married. We are not religious so we don't care.

 

[bluebaby]

It's a personal choice. It's not common here & u can't register a baby if u dont have a marriage certificate. U cant even give birth here if u'r not legally married. I know a friend who's GF got pregnant & had to go back home to give birth & register her baby under her name.

Thats really quite sad isn't it. I was watching the news yesterday and there was a story about a lady who gave birth on a plane from Baharin to China (i think or somewhere like that) and she put the baby in a bin in the toilet of the plane because in Baharin you can't have a child out of wedlock and that is what they think happen to this woman. They still haven't found her yet, baby was ok though

 

[MrsGlitz]

For me personally, I wanted to be married before having a child. It just felt the right way to do things and it was how both DH and I wanted to do things. Besides, I never felt I wanted to have a baby until after I got married; whether this is because I didn't feel 'ready' until then or whether it was just a sort of natural progression I don't know but until after my wedding day, I would have laughed in your face if you told me I'd have a child, certainly before I was 30 anyway.

 

[Heulyn]

Each to their own, if you do/dont want to get married i dont really see what difference having a baby will make.

We wanted to get married regardless, we actually put our wedding off because i fell pregnant.

This is what we're doing too

 

[Gingerspice]

I have friends in UAE who to register living together (they had been together a while) they had to get married as they couldn't be seen to be living together and not married. Also I had friends who were concerned about being in the hotel together out there as they weren't married, but it didn't seem to be a problem - at least no one in the hotel did comment about it.

 

[MrsGlitz]

I have friends in UAE who to register living together (they had been together a while) they had to get married as they couldn't be seen to be living together and not married. Also I had friends who were concerned about being in the hotel together out there as they weren't married, but it didn't seem to be a problem - at least no one in the hotel did comment about it.

It tends to depend on the area. I mean, my parents were out there for my Dad's work and lived in an ex-pat community and until she fell pregnant, it didn't matter that they weren't married. On the other hand, a colleague of mine met her husband out there and they had to pretend to be brother and sister in order to sit together in restaurants and if she wanted to spend the night at his (or vice versa) would ask a friend to stay up and keep watch for someone checking up.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

I made a thread like this before and it got locked..Because like the the FF vs BF debates people got really passionate about it!!

I personally can't see the difference in having children before or after marriage. It won't change you as parents. Me & OH aren't married and the only thing I don't like about that is the fact that I don't have the same surname as LO but that's fine. She's still mine

 

[blondeNklutzi]

My OH and I probably won't ever get married, and we are ok with that. The only issue I have with not being married is that in this part of the country, there is a rather strong stigma against having children out of wedlock. It certainly happens, but I sometimes feel that society recognizes us a somehow less of a family than if we were married.

As far as last names...OH and I have the same last name anyway, so our whole family has the same last name!

 

[polo_princess]

MooMoo, i hope you dont mind, but since you stated in the OP that it would make an interesting debate, im going to move this thread over to the debate section where you can all discuss the topic with a little more freedom

 

[Claire788]

Oh and I were together 9 years and at 6 months pregnant he popped the question, ofc I said yes, and we decided to have a quickie (pardon the pun) at 8 months pregnant

I'd much rather spent the money on buying a house, cant see the point in spending thousands on a day only you and OH are going to remember!

 

[Jchihuahua]

For me it was just a personal choice of wanting to be married before we had a baby.

 

[OmarsMum]

I have friends in UAE who to register living together (they had been together a while) they had to get married as they couldn't be seen to be living together and not married. Also I had friends who were concerned about being in the hotel together out there as they weren't married, but it didn't seem to be a problem - at least no one in the hotel did comment about it.

Yes, it's illegal to live together un married here. But it's done, & government knows about it. As long as people r discreet about it, it's not a big deal. I've been married for 3 yrs, but until now I'm not registered under my DH sponsorship, we have a marriage certificate, but frm another country & we didnt even bother to attested here. We go to hotels together, & there is nothing in my ID or his that proves we'r married (I dont have his surname), & we never had any issues.

 

[Gwizz]

I am engaged but wasnt even that when I had #1. We were living together for a few years before and to me it wasnt an urgent need to get married as it wouldnt have made any difference to the upbringing of the child.

Ben is loved whether we are courting, engaged or married and a piece of paper wouldn't change how we treat him - marriage is only really for us as a couple and we can wait till we can afford it. I will eventually have the same surname but it doesn't bother me to wait.

 

[leelee]

I wanted to get married first and we were married for a few years before we started to TTC. For me it felt more of a commitment than just being boyfriend and girlfriend. I think it is a very personal thing though and each to their own.

Having said that, my friend recently got married and both of her children were able to participate in the day. I thought it was lovely and must have made the day that bit extra special

 

[mommyof3co]

My husband and I have been together over 8yrs, lived together 7.5yrs. We are considered common law married and if we split up we would have to go through a formal divorce because we have claimed married for years. But despite us living as a married couple some people still don't feel its the same as being married. We don't know if we will ever actually have a wedding, to us it's just a party and a piece of paper, it won't change our relationship at all. We have a wonderful relationship and know we will be together for the rest of ours lives and we don't need a piece of paper to tell us that.

 

[ouchwithNo.2]

We have 2 kids 'out of wedlock'.
Our eldest is 6yrs.
We have been together seven and a half yrs.
I cant be bothered with marriage. I see no point. I watch all my friends getting married and in my opinion it has lost the real meaning. With them it is just a competition, who has the best dress/most bridesmaids/flowers/rings etc (even if they dont admit it).
Then I watch them spend yrs paying it off. Not the best way to start your marriage, in debt!
Nope. We have a mortgage and 2 kids. Thats commitment enough.
Im not bothered about different names, even if Marco Pierre White were to propose I would keep my surname. Its me, its part of me.
We get friends constantly offering their services of wedding planning. It drives me insane.
I will never get married and yes I should be ashamed as I once got told!!!

 

[polo_princess]

We have 2 kids 'out of wedlock'.
Our eldest is 6yrs.
We have been together seven and a half yrs.
I cant be bothered with marriage. I see no point. I watch all my friends getting married and in my opinion it has lost the real meaning. With them it is just a competition, who has the best dress/most bridesmaids/flowers/rings etc (even if they dont admit it).
Then I watch them spend yrs paying it off. Not the best way to start your marriage, in debt!
Nope. We have a mortgage and 2 kids. Thats commitment enough.
Im not bothered about different names, even if Marco Pierre White were to propose I would keep my surname. Its me, its part of me.
We get friends constantly offering their services of wedding planning. It drives me insane.
I will never get married and yes I should be ashamed as I once got told!!!

No offence to you, but i find your post really saddening to read because it just goes to show that it really is beginning to lose its meaning for people to feel that way about marriage

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

We have 2 kids 'out of wedlock'.
Our eldest is 6yrs.
We have been together seven and a half yrs.
I cant be bothered with marriage. I see no point. I watch all my friends getting married and in my opinion it has lost the real meaning. With them it is just a competition, who has the best dress/most bridesmaids/flowers/rings etc (even if they dont admit it).
Then I watch them spend yrs paying it off. Not the best way to start your marriage, in debt!
Nope. We have a mortgage and 2 kids. Thats commitment enough.
Im not bothered about different names, even if Marco Pierre White were to propose I would keep my surname. Its me, its part of me.
We get friends constantly offering their services of wedding planning. It drives me insane.
I will never get married and yes I should be ashamed as I once got told!!!

No offence to you, but i find your post really saddening to read because it just goes to show that it really is beginning to lose its meaning for people to feel that way about marriage

I agree PP.. You still get alot of couples who marry for love but the majority of married couples seem to think its a way of earning "points"..Gone are the good old days..Although saying that OH's mum always used to say "Love him..Naaaah when you're married you're married for life you're feelings ain't relevant as far as marriage is concerned"...I suppose that's the older generation for you though

 

[aliss]

I'm not married. Doesn't matter to me. However, I disagree that it is all about money, competition, etc. You can get married for less money than a fancy steak & wine dinner at an upscale restaurant. Vows are free, registration isn't. Whether or not you choose to spend a mortgage payment on a wedding is another issue.

We do plan on getting married next summer, but it will be a backyard BBQ with ribs, chicken, pizza, and a couple of beer kegs and wine bottles (hah!).