Christian ladies TTC needing prayer and positive thoughts!

[Ali33]

I know my husband is so calm about this whole thing and im like how does it not bother you and hes just like itll happen when the time is right

That's exactly what mine says. Now I am believing that lol

 

[FrancoRie710]

Thank you so much for sharing that. I'm sorry for your loss but truly believe you will see your son again. Have you read that book Heaven Is For Real? In it, a little boy has a near death experience where he describes going to heaven and meeting his sister that his mom miscarried before he was even born. It's a quick read, I'd recommend it!

My faith is the only thing keeping me going (plus my awesome hubs) I don't know how people do this and other life stuff without a faith in God.

 

[Ali33]

I don't know how they do it either. I am so happy to know I will see him one day. That's what keeps me living my life and able to actually be happy. I seen a video with the little boy from that book. That is so awesome! I have no doubt I will see my baby boy. If I get pregnant again I will just put all my faith in Him.. Sometimes I just question why I had to technically grieve twice for this baby, know what I mean?

 

[brittany12]

Oh my goodness Ali that made me fight back tears! I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I have no other words but you are an incredible women!

 

[Ali33]

I don't know about incredible ..As women we learn to just do what we have to do know what I mean?

 

[FrancoRie710]

I don't know how they do it either. I am so happy to know I will see him one day. That's what keeps me living my life and able to actually be happy. I seen a video with the little boy from that book. That is so awesome! I have no doubt I will see my baby boy. If I get pregnant again I will just put all my faith in Him.. Sometimes I just question why I had to technically grieve twice for this baby, know what I mean?

I totally know what you mean. It's not fair. Very little to nothing in this process is fair!

 

[Ali33]

How's everyone's weekend going? I have been busy cleaning and packing. We are moving next week. I hate moving!!

 

[FrancoRie710]

The week is going ok, af showed up, so that's never fun. I also had kind of a crazy week at work, but thankfully it's almost summer!

Is this a big move you're making, or just across town kind of thing?

 

[Ali33]

I'm sorry the witch showed up. I have no idea when mine will show up if she does.
Already feels like summer here It has been in the high 90s and low 100s.
Just a local move thankfully!

 

[brittany12]

Ladies will you please pray for me..

I'm having a very hard time. My tests never progressed over 3 days time like they should have and today with SMU it was pretty much negative. I don't know if I can explain how I feel or not. Its kind of like I have no hope at all of every being pregnant. It seems like I will get a little bit of hope with "this is it" and then its taken from me just like that. I have no idea where I am in my cycle.. all I know is today is cd33 and if those were real faint positive tests then I should be 10dpo. It is possible that I didn't ovulate until cd28 (which was my original thought until I had that first positive test) which would make me 5dpo. So i'm just confused. This was supposed to be a relaxing cycle, but has turned into the most stressful ever! I was trying to be patient and let God do his work, but I feel like its a game. I know God doesn't tempt us, but he does test us. That is the only thing I can think of is he is testing me and has been testing me for the past two years almost. Like he wants to see how obedient I can be and I feel like I've done well through this. I know I could have done a thousand times better and there were times my faith has and does get tested a lot and I just want to give up because I feel "unheard" but I always snap out of it quick and then feel terrible for even letting it cross my mind! I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle and he knows when we are at the edge, but I honestly feel like i'm on the edge and about to step off! I just don't know how much more I can handle! I've felt like this for a long time, but the past few months its been terrible. Almost like i'm going into depression. Like I want to just crawl into a hole and never come out until I can have a child. I feel like i'm letting everyone down. Not just my husband or our parents, but everyone close to us. I feel like a failure. I feel like I've tried to do everything right in my life like the bible says.. I made huge mistakes I know, but I tried to make it right. Like having sex before being married.. I was lost when I made that decision, but when I was saved I made the commitment to become a secondary virgin and stay abstinent until we were married. I know we lived together for 6 months before we actually got married and maybe that is something I need to ask God's forgiveness for, I've said things I shouldn't have said, I've done things I shouldn't have done, but I always know the second I've done it how wrong it was and have asked forgiveness for it. I know God doesn't play tricks or hold grudges, but sometimes that is what I feel like it happening. I don't know how to not feel that way. I don't know how to "let it go and give it to God" I've tried soo many times and I just don't know how I guess. I want to believe me, I want to completely give it to him so I can be happy again and live my life without constantly having baby on the mind. I just don't know how and I've asked for his help, but maybe i'm not asking right or maybe I have sins that I need to ask for forgiveness for so that he can hear my prayers.


i'm sorry to write an essay, but I just needed someone to share this with and not only to someone that is a Christian and that can pray for me, but someone that understands what i'm feeling when it comes to ttc. None of my friends had to "try" for a baby and if they did they didn't have to "try" hard. The other ones just don't understand and I don't feel like my husband understands fully either. So if yall don't mind will you please say a prayer for me..

 

[FrancoRie710]

Brittany, I am so sorry. And I've had the same thoughts, like, God- I tried to do what you asked, can't you give me a break here?! I don't claim to understand the way God works, but I don't think you are being punished for your sins. If you accepted God's free gift of salvation he took your sin. Jesus died for it, so you don't need to put that punishment on yourself. I am struggling with the same thing with trying to find peace in all of this. My husband tries to help by telling me to trust God but if I'm honest, I don't. I also don't think God is offended by our lack of faith or by our anger toward him, so feel free to tell him exactly what you're thinking and feeling. I've been praying for so long now that he would bless me with a healthy pregnancy, but lately my prayers have been, "are you listening? Can you hear this?" I've even asked for a sign to show that he has been hearing me, but that never really works for me because I could imagine anything as a sign. Then I've just started praying for peace, and that's what I pray for you right now. The peace that passes understanding, and the knowledge that you are loved, despite any mistakes that you have or will make.

 

[Ali33]

I am so sorry Brittany, I can totally relate to how you're feeling. Not as far as the ttc so much as why God is testing me. I wondered by after 13 months of ttc and getting through the "safe zone" of pregnancy He decided to take my son. I wonder why when there are so many unfit parents in this world he doesn't give babies to those that are sure to take care of them and love them. Unfortunately we don't know His plan and why He does what He does. All we can do is put our trust in Him. Maybe He wants you to trust in Him completely? I will pray for you. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I heard before that He gives the hardest trials to His strongest soldiers. I have no doubt we will get our babies. It's all just in His time. *hugs*

 

[FrancoRie710]

Brittany, practical question: have you been taking your temps and charting?

 

[brittany12]

I normally do but didn't this month because I was taking a break because I wanted it to be stress free but that didn't work out so well

 

[Ali33]

I remember when I was trying to get pregnant last year, I did the OPKs, charting, temping and all that I didn't get pregnant till after I stopped lol. I guess no matter what we do it will still only happen in His timing. I wish it wasn't so dang complicated! I am 34, my time is running out!

 

[brittany12]

I know what you mean in 23 but my mom and her sisters all had issues and my mom had a hysterectomy at the age of 30!! So I'm starting to worry! I've been doing some research and wondering is I have endo. I have so much big clots during af, terrible cramping during af that feels like someone is squeezing the crud out of swollen ovaries on top of scraping and stabbing my uterus to death, on top of every time we bd my DH can't go I. "All the way" because it hurts me bad. I've always thought this was normal or because he was "big" or I was "small" but now I'm starting to think this isn't normal.

 

[FrancoRie710]

I know what you mean in 23 but my mom and her sisters all had issues and my mom had a hysterectomy at the age of 30!! So I'm starting to worry! I've been doing some research and wondering is I have endo. I have so much big clots during af, terrible cramping during af that feels like someone is squeezing the crud out of swollen ovaries on top of scraping and stabbing my uterus to death, on top of every time we bd my DH can't go I. "All the way" because it hurts me bad. I've always thought this was normal or because he was "big" or I was "small" but now I'm starting to think this isn't normal.

I've wondered about endo myself, but I don't have the typical symptoms like painful, heavy bleeds. I do tend to notice more pain during sex at different times of the month. Is it painful for you all the time, or just certain times? (I think mine is around ovulation.)

 

[brittany12]

mine is all the time, but during ovulation is worse and after ovulation its way worse.. it just feels like he is ramming into me and pushing my insides out through my belly button when in reality he's not even "all the way in" TMI sorry. There are times where I have to literally squeeze my eyes closed and hold my breath and pray he hurries up and finishes because it hurts

 

[FrancoRie710]

Have you been to an RE or discussed this with your gyn?

 

[Ali33]

Man Brittany that isn't good at all. Kinda TMI but are you wet enough down there when y'all do it? I am kinda small down there and he is pretty big but we haven't really had any issues. Maybe you should make a gyno appt?