Im back!!! This past weekend at the womens conference was wonderful, just what I needed. The Pastor spoke on our desires and God has placed those desires in us and some of us have set them on the back burner and its time to put them on the front burner. He has placed many desires, whether it be to go into ministry or go back to school, God says now is the time. She also was saying how God wants to dig deep into our hearts and clean out whatever hurts, scars and fears that have been holding us back.
At the end of the service the altar was open for prayer. I made my way up to the front and she placed her hand on my forehead and said, God does not withhold any good thing from you, the devil is a liar, God loves you. I began crying. Thank you Lord that you dont withhold any good things from those who walk upright. The next day I went home and looked up that scripture and stumbled across this
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No Good Thing Does He Withhold
Where are you, God?
This question frequented my journal last winter. Im not sure if I have ever had such a faith-shaking season in my life as this past one. The idea of relating to God as a kind father was laughable to me. What kind of caring father would bring His daughter through insurmountable pain and emotional turmoil, and then leave her alone to deal with it.
I entered this past season of my life in an already emotionally tired state. Multiple marriages of those close to us had ended in divorce and I had already dealt with my first two pregnancies ending in miscarriage. Aching for a change and for some slight bit of good news and joy, my third pregnancy came at just the right time. I found out I was pregnant for the 3rd time in early November. From the day I found out about that baby, I just KNEW their life had such deep purpose and meaning. I could hardly contain my joy for this new life. I could feel the winds changing, bringing a breeze of peaceful joy. After seeing the tiny heart beat and the steady growth of this new life, everything seemed to be moving along flawlessly.
About a month later, on a weekday afternoon, I noticed a potential problem. But after being checked out by the doctor, everything seemed to be fine. A week of bed-rest should bring healing to the whole situation, he said. So I laid in bed, day in and day out, waiting for things to get better. To my very surreal and unfortunate dismay, things did not get better, and our third child died in my womb late one Sunday night. My immediate reaction was to pull from the bank of scriptures in my heart: the Lord gives and takes away, but I will bless His name, He doesnt ever withhold good things from those who walk with Him, He works every situation out for good. I declared decidedly in my heart, I believe that God is ultimately working out everything for good in this situation and I will not cease to praise His name because of this.
This lasted about a week. It was at that point that I began to have issues God. It wasnt so much that He had let another child die, but that He didnt seem to be bringing me any sort of comfort at all. In fact, I had never felt such a lack of His presence in my life as in this time. I spent hours crying, praying, begging at least for Him to just be near to me. And, silence. What kind of God leaves me alone to deal with this? Doesnt bring me any comfort or even let me know He is with me. On top of that, within 1 month and a half of our 3rd childs death, I learned of 3 other close friends pregnancies. It was about every 2 weeks that Jimmy and I would learn of yet another couple who was expecting. In determination to never be bitter at the wonderful gift of life my friends were being given, I was driven to my knees in prayer. I didnt know what else to do but to pray for these friends and the little lives that God had chosen to give them. And in that moment, I heard God speak to me in the quietness of my soul for the first time in a while: Now you know what I want you to do: I want you to pray for these babies and their mothers.
Immediately I responded, Youve got to be kidding me?! Thats the first thing you have to say to me? After all thats happened? Yet, however skeptical I was of my God at this point, I knew enough that to not follow Him and trust Him is pointless. So I took up the charge to pray for all the other pregnancies around me, while my body was still physically recovering from a lost one. It was in this time that I began to ponder the idea of faith. What does it look like to have faith as defined in Hebrews 11:1: being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.? How could I choose to believe the Word of God only when it makes sense to me and only when I can see and feel Gods presence? Would I deny the very words of the One I stake my life on simply because I cant understand how it could be true? By very definition, faith exists when you cant see!
So, about a month and half into this challenging time, still without a sense of Gods presence, I began to study the Word diligently and choose to believe what it said. I have never done anything more contrary to my natural inclination. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted (psalm 34:18) I dont feel like He is near, but He says He is. So I guess Ill believe He is. He IS near to me. I will be convinced of this. He withholds no good things from those who walk uprightly (psalm 84:11) Well, it sure seems like Hes withholding a number of good things right now, one being Himself, two being children. But, according to His Word, He is not keeping anything good from me. Ok, well, I dont get it AT ALL, but I will grieve the loss of this child and believe that in their death, you have not withheld any good thing. Somehow, someway, that makes sense. He has given me every good thing!
I spent many nights at our churchs prayer room alone. In determination, I would walk around and say (or yell) outloud: God loves me and is not keeping anything good from me. The Lord is here with me and near to me. He cares for me and is working out all these things for my good and for His glory. I will trust Him!! Everything in my mind and feelings screamed out: THIS CANT BE TRUE! Where is He then? But I was determined. I WILL believe Him. I WILL trust Him. I WILL choose to lean on His Word.
Davids psalms were such an incredible encouragement to me in this time. Its beautiful because He is brutally honest with God about how He feels, even accusing God of abandoning Him and forgetting Him. Yet he always returns to the TRUTH of the Word of God and the history of how God has come through in the past. This became my example of how to be honest with God (which I think is of vital importance in our relationship with Him) and yet not forsake the truth of His word simply because it doesnt feel true. Over time, it became habit to rely on the Word over my feelings. It also became habit to pray for my friends instead of letting my heart run to bitterness and jealousy. And, oh, how I have benefitted from those trying months!
What in Gods Word do you have trouble believing? Do you believe your feelings more than the Truth? Dont let your feelings run your life. Dont believe everything you feel and think. Stand firm on the Word of God, speak it to yourself, write it out in your journal, choose to believe it. Have faith, even in difficult times. That is what we do as Christians, walk by faith, NOT by sight (or feeling for that matter).
No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly. ~Psalm 84:11
In my last post, Faith in Difficult Times I shared about my struggle to believe the Word of God over my own feelings after the miscarriage of our 3rd child. Psalm 84:11 is one verse that took incredible amounts of faith for me to believe. After all, if God isnt holding anything good from me, then why in the world is He withholding children from us? Its in His Word that He says children are a blessing.
After walking in truth week after week, despite my feelings, it amazed me to see how my feelings began to align themselves with the Word of God. I began to ask God for what my heart was truly longing for: the fullness of joy in His presence (psalm 16:11). After a couple years of tragedies and sorrow, I simply longed for deep, profound joy. Yes, I hoped that God would allow our children to one day live outside the womb, but what I was really truly longing for was the joy I find in His presence alone.
During this time, we began seeing a fertility specialist, as was suggested to us by our doctor considering this was our 3rd miscarriage now. Through that process I found that I did have a condition in my womb that I was born with that kept our babies from growing, and had a minor surgery to fix the problem. After months of waiting on God and crying out to Him and seeking to walk in truth, I began to see change. My conversation-like relationship with God was being restored and I was walking in more joy day after day! Just to feel the nearness of God again was all I really wanted. Then in May, Jimmy and I left for our trip to Israel, and what a joy that was! The biggest surprise of our trip was to find out in Jerusalem that I was pregnant again!
Baby number 4 was here. My honest emotions on the front end werent as full of excitement as youd think. Although, after my surgery, I had no reason to think this one would end in miscarriage, I couldnt help but feel like I needed to guard my heart. I had such a mix of emotions: grieving that our 3rd baby wasnt here, excitement to be pregnant, fear of losing this one, and everything in between. But after a while, I began to trust God with this baby one day at time, celebrating what I had for the moment, and trusting Him for the future.
It was a couple months later that I had a random conversation with another artists wife at a retreat who works in the hospital and sees many births throughout the year. After I explained to her the condition that I had, she began to share with me something that brought chills down my spine. She explained that, although unlikely, it was possible for me to have carried those first 3 babies to term in my condition. (Yes, I knew this, but I was more angered by that truth than comforted as I longed to have held those children). The outcome of such a pregnancy, she continued, is almost always tragic and sometimes fatal. Either the baby will suffocate in the 3rd trimester due to lack of space, it will have incredible deformities and problems from growing in a womb without enough space for it, or when the mother goes into labor, her uterus could rupture. When this happens, the mother could die from lack of blood loss, and if she does not die, will surely never have children again.
It took me a good week or two to completely soak in the gravity of what I just learned. Without knowing something was wrong, I was looking at facing some incredibly traumatic and fatal situations. And God knew this the whole time. Without the death of our 3rd child, we would have never went to see if anything was wrong. It was because of those 3 deaths, that God made a way for us to have a healthy pregnancy now, and for me to have more children in the future!
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly
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How gracious of My God to allow me to see behind the curtain to what He had known the whole time. He didnt owe it to me to show me the whole story. He has always asked me simply to trust Him. But He was gracious enough to let me know part of the reason why He allowed me to go through the suffering I did. He was making a way for a healthy baby now! By the way, I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with no problems! I have had an absolutely perfect pregnancy with a very healthy baby! And I am thanking God every day for the little lives He allowed to go before this one and make way for it to be born, Lord willing, one day.
Back in December, in my darkest days, I remember telling God, I believe one day I will look back on this season and thank you for doing what was best for me. I truly believe that. But right now, Im pretty angry about this. I didnt understand then how such pain would ever be turned for good. But sure enough, now I do look back and say, Thank you God for working this out for my good and Your Glory! You really do know what Youre doing.
Im not sure what your story is and what pain youve suffered. But will you choose to believe that God works all things out for the good of those who love Him and that He doesnt withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly. You may not see how it is working for good until you are in Gods presence when this life is over. But whether He reveals to you what He sees behind the scenes or not, He has called us to trust Him and believe His word! And sure enough, without fail, He has always been true to His Word in my life.
For now, I am trusting God and celebrating this little one He has made way for. Thank you, Yahweh, and may You get all the glory!
Author- Kelly Needham
I think it's a good thing 
i just stood there in the toilet and said "thank you lord" and i stil thank him, me and my DH are thrilled 
and ill be seeing my doc 2moro so he can check on me...
