My favorite picture to draw as a child was a rainbow. I would carefully select each color from my box of crayonsred, orange, yellow, green, blue and purpleand stroke-by-stroke, I would color a rainbow. Of course, my little doodles and scribbles could never compare to the real thing. And whenever I saw a rainbow stretch across the sky, I would marvel at its beauty.
The rainbow is one of those indelible memories from my childhood. As a child, if you asked me how it was made, I would probably say, God colored a rainbow in the sky. And maybe I would have told you one of my all-time favorite Bible storiesthe story about Noah, the ark, the flood, the dove and the rainbow.
To this day, I still marvel at the birth of each beautiful rainbow. And the more times I read the story of Noah, the more it becomes even more meaningful to me. Just like God made a rainbow appear in the sky to Noah and his family as a promise that He would never destroy the earth again with a global flood, I too have personally experienced the promise of the rainbow of Gods love shining into the dark storm clouds of my life, especially during my stormy season of infertility.
Infertility was my Great Flood. During these years, black storm clouds of doubt and despair loomed over me threatening to wash away my belief in Gods goodness and love, but even in my disbelief when I cried out to God, He sheltered me inside the of ark of His love through the entire storm.
As much as I love the story of Noah, during my stormy season of infertility, I think one of the most haunting verses in the Bible was be fruitful and multiply. God actually spoke this command to Noah in Genesis 9:7 as a part of the first covenant He made with man. And years ago, God also used this verse to speak powerfully to me.
I was attending a Womens Retreat for the weekend. The theme for the Retreat was the Fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5and one memorable message included the story of Noah from Genesis and a call for all of us to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 9:7). At this point in my life, my husband and I had been trying to conceive for years and oh, how I longed to be fruitful and multiply. As the speaker talked, the only way I could manage to hold back the tears welling up inside me was by silently reciting the colors of a rainbow over and over again in my mind. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple
Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple...Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple.
After the message concluded, a woman who knew about my struggles with infertility came up to me and encouraged me to talk with her friend. I reluctantly agreedand before I knew it, I was introduced to a young woman with a bulging pregnant belly. As she began to share her miraculous story of how God built her family through adoption and then about her miraculous pregnancy, I felt like the floodwaters of emotion would overtake me. In my mind, I silently started reciting the colors of the rainbow again.
I was able to keep my composure while we talked. But afterward, instead of feeling encouraged, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of doubt and despair. Secretly, I wondered why this woman was so highly favored and blessed by Godwhy was she able to be fruitful and multiply while my womb remained empty?
During this Retreat, I also remember a very special time of prayer with a small group of women that I had just met. I dont remember their names, but I remember their powerful prayers for me. They all expressed such an unwavering belief that God would make me a mother somedaybut I was still filled with doubt.
I didnt sleep much at that Retreat. One night as I lay awake in the top bunk, I cried out to God, Save me! I am drowning in doubt and despair. Help me in my disbelief. I want to believe that you have good and perfect plans for my lifeeven if it is not your will for me to be a mom. I cried myself to sleep. That was the last Womens Retreat I attended for a very long time.
Last year, for the first time in over seven years, I attended another Womens Retreat. I began to think about that Retreat years ago. I remembered all my desperate prayers for a childand the beautiful prayers of those women. Back then, I doubted that God even heard my prayersbut even through all my disbelief, the God of infinite mercy and grace was still working all things together for good in my lifejust like He promises in Romans 8:28. I also remembered the story of Noah and that once ominous verse be fruitful and multiplyand just as God had been so faithful to Noah, God had also been so faithful to me. Back when I had begun to sink into a surging sea of doubt and despair and I called out to Him, God shut me safely inside His ark, He protected me as I was tossed back and forth in the fierce rainstorm of infertility and He eventually brought me into the new land of motherhood. And after the swelling waters receded and my feet once again walked on dry ground, I was finally able to see the beautiful promise of Gods rainbow of love.
The more Ive thought about it, the more Ive come to realize that the rainbow is actually a symbol of Christ. Ezekiel 1:28 describes the radiance of Jesus like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day. And scripture reveals to us again and again the God of Bible is a God of infinite love, mercy and graceand that is exactly what the rainbow represents.
Maybe you have always viewed the story of Noah as tragic period in history filled with Gods wrath and judgment on humanity. And maybe honestly you think your infertility or child loss is a punishment from Godbut nothing could be further from the truth and I pray that today you see the story of Noah and your life story through new eyes.
Are you encountering severe weather during your season of infertility? Maybe you feel like Jesus fearful disciples in the boat during the raging storm at sea. Or maybe you are enduring a blazing heat wave in a trial of faith like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace. Have you experienced an icy cold snowstorm of pain of sorrow and suffering like Job? Or seismic action like the miraculous earthquake that opened all the jail cells to release Paul and Silas from prison or a natural disaster of devastation and deliverance like Noah during the Flood. In all these overwhelming circumstances, God was their ever-present help in troubleand He promises this to you too. Jesus disciples, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, Job, Paul, Silias and Noah all trusted the faithful promises of Gods Word and this enabled God to use their lives to accomplish His wondrous works. Have you ever thought about what would have happened if Noah didnt trust and obey God? Because Noah trusted and obeyed God all of us are herewe are all descendants of the families of Noahs three sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth.
God has a plan and purpose for your rainy winter season of infertilityand just as sure as the seasons change, spring will come. This is what the Lord promises you in Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. In fact, God has a plan and a purpose for all of creationand the good news for all mankind is that God has made a perfect plan to wash away the sin in our world without another global flood. You see if rainbow symbolizes Jesus Christ then the ark is a picture of salvation and the refuge available from our loving Savior. The most powerful refuge God has made available for us is His only begotten Son who laid down His life and rose again to take away the sin of all those who believe in Jesusand He will eventually take all who believe into the new land of heaven. John 3:16-17 tells us For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
It is important to remember that Noah was chosen and equipped by God to ride out the Great Flood within the strength and protection of the ark. And like Noah, we are also chosen and equipped by God to ride out the stormy season of infertility or child loss within the strength and protection of the most powerful ark of allthe promises of Gods word. Just like God was speaking to Noah before, during and after the Flood, He is also speaking to you as you read His word and He is helping you to build your ark of faith to help you endure the great storms in life. He knows when you are weak and weary and He will shelter you and preserve your lifejust like He protected Noah and his family in the ark.
While Noah was shut inside the ark for 371 days, over a year, I think an amazing metamorphosis occurredand like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly after it is shut inside a chrysalis, Noah was also transformed. For instance, before the Great Flood, Noah lived and worked in the desert, but after he exited the ark he became a farmer (Genesis 9:20). He had to trust and obey God in a whole new way as he began his new life on earth with his family. Ironically, I imagine that after Noah built an alter to the Lord as an act of worship that he begins to pray for more rain to fall from heaven to bring fertility and life to his crops. We can learn again from the story of Noah that wherever God leads us in the new land, our first response to Gods faithfulness should be to worship Him.
Maybe you have been praying and waiting on the Lord for a long time and this year the symbolic dove will return carrying the olive branch as a sign from God to direct your first steps into a new land of adoption, foster care, attempting fertility treatment or maybe deciding to remain childfree. Even when you feel like you cannot take another step, God will strengthen you and safely lead you to firm, dry ground. Rain or shine, you can worship and praise God because through it all He will be with you as you take each step. But even if you cant proclaim, Bless the Lord, O my soul as the surging floodwaters rise all around, you can be sure that nothing can ever quench Jesus love for you. Song of Solomon 8:7 is a powerful promise of Gods faithfulness and lovingkindness. It says, Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.
Like the downpour of torrential rain during the Great Flood, for me, it often seemed like my tears could flood the entire earthand you too may have cried a million tears in your season of infertility or child loss. Maybe the next time it feels like you are being swallowed up in a sea of emotions, you can silently recite the colors of a rainbow and imagine Jesus gently wiping away your tears. I pray that this powerful image helps the floodwaters of your emotions immediately recede and you are filled with the peace and assurance that Jesus deeply loves and cares about you.
There may be other times with when your tears come raining and pouring down. When those dark and tearful storm clouds come, slowly read the selected verses from Psalm 46 below and let this become your own personal promise from Gods heart to yours. God wrote this beautiful rainbow of love for you.
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
He says, Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.
-Christine Nueman
It's all good. 
I'm sorry for misunderstanding as well!
Never in my life did I think I would me so happy to inject medication in my body 
