...but to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah...
1 Samuel 1:5
Over the past months we have examined a profile of Hannah as she struggled with her own infertility and also of Penninah, the instigator of much of Hannahs pain. There is another very important player in this this saga that we need to get to know. He was husband to both Hannah and Penninah. His name was Elkanah.
Elkanah was somewhat unusual as husbands go. Your first thought may be that he is unique in that he had two wives living under the same roof. Not really. It was customary in their day for men to have several wives. Families needed sons to help with work in the fields or in their carpenter shops. More than one wife was needed to produce as many sons as possible. Daughters didnt really matter--men needed sons!
Elkanah was unique in his day because he loved his wife, Hannah. Women were seen as little more than breeders. An infertile woman could be divorced simply because she could not provide an heir to her husband. However, Scripture tells us that Elkanah loved Hannah, and was not bashful in showing her his love. 1 Samuel 1:5 shows a portrait of a family dinner. Elkanah has provided for his entire family--including Penninah and her children--but he publicly showed his love for Hannah as he gave her a double portion of food for her meal. He showed her he loved her and didnt care who knew.
Favoritism within a family never works well. Imagine the jealousy in Penninahs heart as she watched Elkanahs eyes light up at the sight of Hannah. Wow! Think of the tension in this home. However, there is something to be learned in the life of Elkanah to help us in our infertility journey.
The first lesson is for the guys. Men, show your love to your wife as you both face the daily battle for sanity in the war of infertility. Women are emotional creatures and we love the mushy, gushy romance of our dating days. Wrap your arms around the love of your life and tell her you think shes beautiful. Even if there are bags under her eyes from crying all night long. Show your love to your wife as Elkanah showed his love for Hannah.
Okay, ladies. Do I hear you applauding out there? Hang on. There is a valuable lesson for you to learn from Elkanah as well.
Then Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?"
1 Samuel 1:8
Infertility is full of frustration and misunderstanding. We find ourselves wanting a baby so badly that we focus on conceiving, and nothing else. Dont let your heart get so focused on your current inability to conceive that you forget there are other blessings in your life--including your relationship with your knight in shining armor. Its not that you arent grateful for him anymore. Its just that infertility is so all-consuming that it is possible to neglect the other loves in our lives. Dont let your husband fear that he matters less to you because he cannot give you a child as quickly or as easily as you have dreamed.
Finally, Elkanah has a lesson to teach you as a couple. Your textbook is found in 1 Samuel 1:19:
Then they arose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD..
There is a very powerful word in this Scripture that we need to digest. What do you think it is? I bet you thought it was the word worshiped, right? No? Okay--then surely the most important word in this verse is the powerful word LORD. Nope. Even though there is nothing more important or more powerful that the Name of the Lord, thats not what I want to point you to. The word I want you to focus on is the second word in this verse: they.
They rose early in the morning and they worshiped together. They must have prayed together. They must have cried. They approached the Lord with their requests after they worshiped together. No matter whether the physical issue is yours alone, only your spouses or one that you share together, infertility is a couples problem. This is something that greatly affects both of your lives. You share the problem. Share the solution. Pray together. Make decisions together. Learn from the life of Elkanah and worship the Lord together.
Remember the lessons learned from the life of Elkanah:
Men--Show your love for your wife freely.
Ladies--Dont forget to count the blessings in your life--especially your husband.
Couples--Approach this problem together.
-Beth Forbus