Christian ladies TTC, we can encourage one another.

[No Doubt]

That's great mummy! Super excited for you!

 

[HisGrace]

Congratulations Mommy_2_One (soon to be 2). May God bless you and your baby during this pregnancy!

 

[beckysprayer]

I had such amazing hopes for this month, but now I am not so sure....my post O temps are all over the place!!!

Don't lose hope! The slightest little thing can affect your temps and make them seem crazy.

I know we love to celebrate what God's doing our lives on this thread, so I hope no one minds me posting to say that my husband and I found out this morning about the baby we can expect to meet in June 2013... After TTC for well over a year, and with 2 losses in that time, we are over the moon.

My prayers are with you all, and I hope you don't mind me sticking around x

Congrats!! Praying for a health and happy 9 months. Please stay around keep us up-to-date!

 

[Dynamicmae]

Hey Ladies....

I've been listening to two beautiful songs over the past 2 days:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_-aE7zQTeEg&desktop_uri=/watch?v=_-aE7zQTeEg
https://m.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&hl=en&client=mv-google&v=8qG1ThtgguE

Hope you are all well

 

[stevens2010]

WWJB
(Where Would Jesus Be?)

What if Jesus walked the planet today as He did in Biblical times? What would He look like? What would He say to people? Would He go to college football games? Maybe He would take buddies on camping trips, volunteer at homeless shelters or share His amazing insight at coffee shops.

I think we’d find Him hanging around fertility clinic waiting rooms.

What? That may just be the most bizarre statement you’ve ever read, but hang in there just a moment and I’ll explain. When Jesus donned the robe of humanity, He was no stranger to hurting people. Imagine the jaws of Israel’s religious elite dropping when Jesus rubbed spit-made-mud in the eyes of a formerly blind man, or when He touched an untouchable woman’s hand, raising her to feet and to the same standing as a man. He was quite the radical of His day. Don’t you love that? Visualize Him walking through Bethesda, inexplicably drawn to the sick and hurting, the very ones that society ostracized. Touching a body wracked by pain and bringing healing. Cooling a fevered brow. Calming fear in a troubled heart. Bringing peace where none existed before. (Now can you see why He may have chosen a fertility clinic waiting room?)

You see, our Savior is drawn to hurting people. He is described in Isaiah as a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. You can rest assured that if you are hurting, Jesus Christ is near you. If He had chosen the 21st Century to make His earthly appearance, I believe He may have sauntered through fertility clinic waiting rooms! Where else could you find people with higher anxiety rates, more tears or greater uncertainty in regard to their future? What would draw Him more?

Perhaps you have a doctor’s appointment today and you are afraid. You don’t know what he will tell you. You don’t know what the blood results will be. You can’t imagine what your reaction to the news will be. The future is a scary place when you look at it through fertility-tinted lenses. As you wait in the waiting room for your name to be called, listen as Jesus stands beside you whispering to your heart, “My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” Jesus really does show up in fertility clinic waiting rooms!

Maybe there’s no doctor’s appointment today, but baby hunger has still wounded your heart, and you need the presence of the Savior in other places. Perhaps you need him at the office, the grocery store or at the dinner table. If you’re hurting, He’s there. You see another pregnant woman or experience some seemingly insignificant event that sends you spiraling into another tailspin of tears because you haven’t conceived. No one else seems to understand why a commercial for diapers is enough to ruin your day, or why a coworker saying she has to get off work early for her sonogram appointment is more than you can take. You feel as if you are the only one in the world who struggles so. Hear Jesus, the friend who really is closer to you than a brother, as He reminds you, I am with you always. With you at work. With you at home. With you when you find out someone else is pregnant. With you when you find out you’re not. I am with you always. Jesus shows up wherever there are hurting people. He won’t leave you alone in your tears. He won’t leave you alone in your frustration. He just won’t leave you.

So where would Jesus show up if He took on human form today? Right where you are. In the middle of hurting humanity. Inexplicably drawn to the ones most ostracized by society. Right where He is right now.

And probably showing up at an infertility clinic or two!

-Beth Forbus

This had me in tears this morning. Thank you for posting it.

I got my period and am now CD2 and onto my final round of Clomid. I'm hurting so much right now and I feel tired. I know there's ladies who have been TTC for much longer than I have but I'm just so tired.

My 2 best friends are due within weeks, my sister is having her scan soon and will also be announcing her pregnancy to friends and family... I am dreading the Facebook status, scan pictures and growing bump.. I feel heartbroken. Completely devastated. I stayed awake last night til 3am just crying. DH had apologised earlier in the day for me not being pregnant and it broke my heart. Just the day before we were praying together and he surprised me by literally begging God to give us a baby. And the next day, my period came.

I'm sorry to post such a miserable update but I've finally reached that point where I am through with trying to do this by myself. I suppose God has brought me through this to show me exactly that. I cannot do this alone, by my own human power, whatever that may be. I thought I had surrendered this to God but obviously I haven't. I actually feel like today I want to curl up at the feet of Jesus. Please pray for me ladies.

 

[Godsjewel]

WWJB
(Where Would Jesus Be?)

What if Jesus walked the planet today as He did in Biblical times? What would He look like? What would He say to people? Would He go to college football games? Maybe He would take buddies on camping trips, volunteer at homeless shelters or share His amazing insight at coffee shops.

I think we’d find Him hanging around fertility clinic waiting rooms.

What? That may just be the most bizarre statement you’ve ever read, but hang in there just a moment and I’ll explain. When Jesus donned the robe of humanity, He was no stranger to hurting people. Imagine the jaws of Israel’s religious elite dropping when Jesus rubbed spit-made-mud in the eyes of a formerly blind man, or when He touched an untouchable woman’s hand, raising her to feet and to the same standing as a man. He was quite the radical of His day. Don’t you love that? Visualize Him walking through Bethesda, inexplicably drawn to the sick and hurting, the very ones that society ostracized. Touching a body wracked by pain and bringing healing. Cooling a fevered brow. Calming fear in a troubled heart. Bringing peace where none existed before. (Now can you see why He may have chosen a fertility clinic waiting room?)

You see, our Savior is drawn to hurting people. He is described in Isaiah as a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. You can rest assured that if you are hurting, Jesus Christ is near you. If He had chosen the 21st Century to make His earthly appearance, I believe He may have sauntered through fertility clinic waiting rooms! Where else could you find people with higher anxiety rates, more tears or greater uncertainty in regard to their future? What would draw Him more?

Perhaps you have a doctor’s appointment today and you are afraid. You don’t know what he will tell you. You don’t know what the blood results will be. You can’t imagine what your reaction to the news will be. The future is a scary place when you look at it through fertility-tinted lenses. As you wait in the waiting room for your name to be called, listen as Jesus stands beside you whispering to your heart, “My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” Jesus really does show up in fertility clinic waiting rooms!

Maybe there’s no doctor’s appointment today, but baby hunger has still wounded your heart, and you need the presence of the Savior in other places. Perhaps you need him at the office, the grocery store or at the dinner table. If you’re hurting, He’s there. You see another pregnant woman or experience some seemingly insignificant event that sends you spiraling into another tailspin of tears because you haven’t conceived. No one else seems to understand why a commercial for diapers is enough to ruin your day, or why a coworker saying she has to get off work early for her sonogram appointment is more than you can take. You feel as if you are the only one in the world who struggles so. Hear Jesus, the friend who really is closer to you than a brother, as He reminds you, I am with you always. With you at work. With you at home. With you when you find out someone else is pregnant. With you when you find out you’re not. I am with you always. Jesus shows up wherever there are hurting people. He won’t leave you alone in your tears. He won’t leave you alone in your frustration. He just won’t leave you.

So where would Jesus show up if He took on human form today? Right where you are. In the middle of hurting humanity. Inexplicably drawn to the ones most ostracized by society. Right where He is right now.

And probably showing up at an infertility clinic or two!

-Beth Forbus

This had me in tears this morning. Thank you for posting it.

I got my period and am now CD2 and onto my final round of Clomid. I'm hurting so much right now and I feel tired. I know there's ladies who have been TTC for much longer than I have but I'm just so tired.

My 2 best friends are due within weeks, my sister is having her scan soon and will also be announcing her pregnancy to friends and family... I am dreading the Facebook status, scan pictures and growing bump.. I feel heartbroken. Completely devastated. I stayed awake last night til 3am just crying. DH had apologised earlier in the day for me not being pregnant and it broke my heart. Just the day before we were praying together and he surprised me by literally begging God to give us a baby. And the next day, my period came.

I'm sorry to post such a miserable update but I've finally reached that point where I am through with trying to do this by myself. I suppose God has brought me through this to show me exactly that. I cannot do this alone, by my own human power, whatever that may be. I thought I had surrendered this to God but obviously I haven't. I actually feel like today I want to curl up at the feet of Jesus. Please pray for me ladies.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, I have felt this way many times. In times past, I thought I left it all in God's hands, but went right back at picking it up and trying to make it happen all on my own. God is so good that He gently nudges us and makes us aware that we can't do anything in our strength and that He wants us to hand over all control. Sister, it's taken me 5yrs to really be at peace with this and it's because I've given up control and completely put my trust in Him. If He blesses me someday with a child...wonderful...if He sees that a child isn't in His will for my life...wonderful...He is still a good God and His plans are always for good.

There is a reason for all of this and our testimony just keeps growing and growing. I pray God surrounds you with His loving arms and that you will know the peace that surpasses all understanding.

 

[Godsjewel]

I've spent an awful lot of time in my life worrying. I've worried about grades in school, job interviews, approaching deadlines and shrinking budgets. I've worried about bills and expenses, rising gas prices, insurance costs and endless taxes. I've even worried about having my home in perfect condition for "company," and within seconds of their arrival, the house is turned upside down and no one even notices.

I've worried about first impressions, political correctness, identity theft and contagious infections. In spite of all the worrying, I'm still alive and well, and all my bills are paid.

Over the span of my lifetime, worrying accounts for hours and hours of invaluable time that I'll never get back. So, I have decided that I'd like to spend my time more wisely and more enjoyably. If you're not convinced yet to give up your worrying, here are four biblical reasons not to worry.

Worrying Accomplishes Absolutely Nothing.

I don't know about you, but I don't have any time to waste these days. And worrying is a waste of very precious time. Worrying won't help you solve a problem or bring about a solution, so why waste your time and energy on it?

Matthew 6:27-29
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. (NLT)

Worrying is Not Good for You.

Worrying is destructive to us in many ways. It becomes a mental burden that can even cause us to grow physically sick.

Proverbs 12:25
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Worrying is the Opposite of Trusting God.

The energy that we spend worrying can be put to much better use in prayer. Here's a little formula to remember: Worry replaced by Prayer equals Trust.
Matthew 6:30
And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Worrying Puts Your Focus in the Wrong Direction.

When we keep our eyes focused on God, we remember his love for us and we realize we truly have nothing to worry about. God has a wonderful plan for our lives, and part of that plan includes taking care of us. Even in the difficult times, when it seems like God doesn't care, we can put our trust in the Lord and focus on his kingdom. God will take care of our every need.

Matthew 6:25
That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? (NLT)

Matthew 6:31-33
So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (NLT)

1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (NLT)

-Mary Fairchild

 

[No Doubt]

Stevens I'm so sorry that you are going through this rough patch. I think we are all guilty of laying our burdens down and then going back to pick them up like we forgot them. I've done that plenty of times and still do, and I've noticed that when I pray for things to happen they never do until I completely surrender them. One thing I found through this journey is something you mentioned, I can't make a baby on my own. Me and the hubbs can't make one together. The Lord told us in the very beginning that he created man and woman. It was so apparent to me one day, like I had blinders on and they were finally removed, that I was killing myself trying to do Gods work. Its His job to create life, not mine, not my husbands, not anyone's but Gods. It took me almost two years to realize this. And even after I came to this realization I didn't fall pregnant right away. I learned a lot more than just this lesson and I honestly was wondering why He wasn't making things happened. I thought I had learned everything He wanted me to through this journey, but there was more. I say all of this to say that I think you said it all in your post. You are right, you can't do it alone, you have to step aside and let the Lord work. Lay it at His feet and leave it there. Don't go back and pick it up. You also said that you want to curl up at the feet of Jesus. I suggest you do that. Tell him exactly how you feel whether it's hurt or sad or angry...He's a big God, He can handle it. Stay there as long as you need and I guarantee you that the Lord will give you everything you need in this time. We all love you and will be praying for you.

 

[Heather11]

I am officially out again this month....this means I have gone a whole year with nothing and am starting my next year I am just so disheartened and hurting from this whole process.

It has really continued to test my faith as I see so many people getting pregnant left and right and in situations where they probably shouldn't even be bringing children....I am trying to do everything right and have a wonderful loving household and haven't been blessed with this opportunity that so many others are just handed with no struggle. I am tired and losing hope and the whole process has been a nightmare for me ....

I don't know how to get back on the positive this time around, I am at a loss.

 

[SuperwomanTTC]

to all of you! I came across this last night and wanted to share - it is a post from a blog called The Kir Corner. Be encouraged ladies! May God's love, comfort, peace, and presence surround you like it never has before!

"RemembeRED: Being Carried"
https://www.thekircorner.com/2011/05/remembered-being-carried/

I was on the bathroom floor, curled in a fetal position, overcome with cramps and failure.

The sudden rush of blood had jolted me awake, but like any woman in denial I had resisted pushing myself out of bed. I waited for the second surge instead.

Another month of infertility.

Another cycle down the drain.

Literally.

I rolled to my back, the soft carpet cradling me in the hazy glow of my sailboat nightlight.

In the near dark, I glanced around at the seahorses, shells and pelicans situated on various shelves, the colorful, tropical prints of faraway beaches and destinations.

Tangible reminders, every single one of them, of what I had and where I’ve been.

Seeping out of me, proof of what I didn’t.

I was so used to running, chasing my own baby dreams.

Escaping to stunning places, one different than the next, but each of them offering me the warmth of sunshine, the refreshment of cool waters, the large expanses of sand.

On that floor I closed my eyes and imagined those spectacular vistas.

In Puerto Vallarta it’s rocky and coarse; on the Jersey Shore it scorches your feet as you sidestep tweens in bikinis and boys playing Frisbee, off the Gulf Coast of Florida it sticks to your soles like baby powder providing comfort from the heat of the concrete sidewalks.

And in Aruba, it’s so white and silky that it looks like a huge cloud sitting next to a blue sky; the azure brilliance of the Caribbean is dazzling.

The vacations were meant to refresh my soul, a time for me to take my sadness and disappointment and bury them deep in the earth, to leave my sorrow on those beaches and have the waves carry them away.

Places carefully chosen to heat the cold of my soul and readjust my eyes to beautiful things in life.

But infertility was sticking to me like sand; I could never shake it off.

Uncomfortable and bothersome, itchy and unwelcome.

Like these vacations, that at first seemed to shield me from unhappiness and give me joy, I would return to realize I had only shucked the shroud of pain for a short time, there was still plenty of it left inside me, like those granules at that bottom of my bags.

I would find pieces when I least expected it and need to clean it up again, washing it away with my tears.

My faith was wearing thin, my wanderlust was drying up, and my belief in good things was fading.

The thought of never crossing this expanse to the welcoming ocean reduced me to angry sobs soaking my bath mat and pushed me to my knees.

As I sat up, my eyes fixed on my favorite prayer.
The story of a man and his dream of footprints in the sand.

My last wistful thought before I dragged myself back to bed was so clear I almost heard it out loud.

The realization enveloped me like the sand, sea and sunshine.

“I know I am being carried”.


Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life
When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, "You promised me, Lord,
That if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
There have only been one set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
Is when I carried you."

 

[Godsjewel]

Tears are frequent companions along the road you travel. They appear at the most inconvenient times and refuse to be silenced. Your heart is heavy from the burden you bear, and life insults you by continuing on.

You have an appointment, and it is one your heart will want to keep. Facing the loss of your precious babies, appointments with doctors become something that we tend to fear or dread. We grow weary of bad reports and worse realities. Many times the appointments raise more questions than ever, and they all remain unanswered. But there is an appointment set for you with the One who holds every answer to every question your heart has ever asked. You have an appointment with God.

One day, you will stand face to face with the God who chose to allow you to suffer through the unbelievable sorrow of the death of your babies. One day, you will look into the eyes of Love Himself and finally have a conversation with the only One who knows the reasons why. What will God do? The answer is found in Revelation 21:3-5:

And I heard a loud voice from the throne, say, “Behold, the tabernacle of God
is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and
God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”

Your tears will come to an end that day. The same hand that formed the first man, the same hand that stretched out over raging waters and calmed a storm, the same hand that had a nail driven through it, the same hand that formed your babies in your womb, will one day reach out to you again, and wipe the tears from your face. He’ll lock eyes with you and touch your face. Your tears and your hurt will vanish, never to take residence in your heart again. With compassion unmatched through time and eternity, your Heavenly Father will make all things new, and will banish sorrow and mourning from your heart. No more death. No more pain. No more prematurity. No more separation. All things will be made new.

Until that day, weep when you need to. The same Lord who will wipe your tears away takes note of those same tears today, and He keeps them in a bottle. He promises to be near to you when you are brokenhearted. He must be close today.

So grieve as you need to. Just don’t grieve as those who have no hope. Your tears will end one day, and you’ll see your babies again. It’s an appointment I know you’ll want to keep.

 

[Godsjewel]

I am officially out again this month....this means I have gone a whole year with nothing and am starting my next year I am just so disheartened and hurting from this whole process.

It has really continued to test my faith as I see so many people getting pregnant left and right and in situations where they probably shouldn't even be bringing children....I am trying to do everything right and have a wonderful loving household and haven't been blessed with this opportunity that so many others are just handed with no struggle. I am tired and losing hope and the whole process has been a nightmare for me ....

I don't know how to get back on the positive this time around, I am at a loss.

Big hugs to you!

I just read your post and felt a sadness in my heart for you. I wish there was something I could say that would take away the pain and frustration you are feeling. I know how hard it is to go month by month only to have your period start again, it hurts. Thankfully we serve a God that loves, adores, and comforts us so when we need it the most. He is wanting us to be content in waiting for His perfect timing.

Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am. I know how to be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I know also how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want. I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency. Philippians 4:11-13 Amplified

Sometimes I imagine God on the throne looking down on me and seeing my future. He knew I would be writing you at this exact moment, He knows what I will eat for dinner tonight before I start to prepare it, He knows what clothes I will put on for work tomorrow before I wear it….He knows everything! He sees the beginning to the end…He knew us when we were forming in our Mother’s belly. You know what??? He knows the perfect time to bring a child into your life. When I sit back and think of all the years that have gone by that I have been infertile, I thank God for them…I thank God that during that time my relationship with my husband has grown stronger, I have grown closer to Taylor and have been able to give her my undivided attention, as her birth mom isn’t around… I have had precious time with the Lord with no distractions and am daily become the woman of God He wants me to be. There is reason for the waiting even when we can’t see it or feel it.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11

Be encouraged that he has your future in the palms of His hands.

 

[Godsjewel]

I just wanted to share something with you today…

This past Saturday I went to a Joyce Meyer conference with my mom and had a wonderful time. She was teaching on one of her books, “Battlefield of the Mind”. She was saying how the enemy can creep in and tell us things that aren’t true and that we need to cast down every thought and imagination that isn’t from God. I would highly recommend reading the book if you haven’t already.

Before the conference started, I headed out to the foyer area and saw an older lady that attended my mom’s church and got to chatting with her for a bit. She knows about my desire to have a child and has been praying for me. She told me a story about her niece who had been trying to have a child for 7 years and had given up any hope of conceiving. Surprisingly once she did that, she got pregnant…2yrs after that pregnancy she had twins...then she had one more after the twins…she told her Aunt that at first she didn’t know how to turn on the baby maker, now she doesn’t know how to turn it off…lol!

Be encouraged that what God did for her, he can surely do for us.

 

[Mummy_2_One]

I just wanted to share something with you today…

This past Saturday I went to a Joyce Meyer conference with my mom and had a wonderful time. She was teaching on one of her books, “Battlefield of the Mind”. She was saying how the enemy can creep in and tell us things that aren’t true and that we need to cast down every thought and imagination that isn’t from God. I would highly recommend reading the book if you haven’t already.

Before the conference started, I headed out to the foyer area and saw an older lady that attended my mom’s church and got to chatting with her for a bit. She knows about my desire to have a child and has been praying for me. She told me a story about her niece who had been trying to have a child for 7 years and had given up any hope of conceiving. Surprisingly once she did that, she got pregnant…2yrs after that pregnancy she had twins...then she had one more after the twins…she told her Aunt that at first she didn’t know how to turn on the baby maker, now she doesn’t know how to turn it off…lol!

Be encouraged that what God did for her, he can surely do for us.

Such a wonderful story Sarah. I feel unworthy to be in here sometimes as my journey to motherhood hasn't been nearly as long or painful as some others, but I do want to share that it took my husband and I 10 months to fall pregnant with our daughter (which again, I know isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but at just 23 years old and having been married and waiting to start trying for 3 years already it felt like a long time for me). We were also told that we would not likely conceive naturally because I was thought to have PCOS, and that was only 3 months into the piece.

But a friend of mine had prophesied that we would have a child (she has prophetic dreams), so we declined fertility treatment and just waited on God. I don't remember feeling as anxious in that time (7 months after we were told we'd need help) as I did this last 4 months since my second loss. I just trusted in God and His timing. And thank Him every day now for that, as we would never have met my daughter had we fallen any sooner. I think someone posted the other day about it sometimes not being anything about us having to wait; infertility is sometimes about the child we'll bring into the world and THEIR perfect timing for entering it.

Since my cycle returned to normal after finishing breastfeeding my daughter (it took me 6 months after stopping completely with her at 13 months to begin ovulating again - so she was 19 months old), we fell pregnant again within 2 cycles, and now although we won't meet 2 of those babies, we've fallen 3 times in the last 10 cycles. A couple who were told we'd have trouble falling naturally... Praise God!


A bit more...
This month, I had just decided I was going to be content no matter the result of a test. The due date of the baby we lost in March is coming up this Friday and I had just been convinced I was going to have to get through that without having fallen pregnant again. For the first time since we conceived in January, I was giving God space to do a work in me (I thought it was a work of healing for the babies we've lost, but He had other plans).

But I tell no word of a lie when I say that I actually felt God working in me and filling my womb lying in bed on a Sunday night at 7DPO. I'll never be able to properly explain the feeling, but I just knew I was pregnant in that moment.

Because they call babies born after losses 'rainbow babies' I had been praying before our BFP that God would show me a rainbow as a sign that if we fall again it'll be a baby we'll meet this time. It must have rained at my house almost non-stop for a week during the TWW this month, but do you think I saw a single rainbow!? Instead, God kept giving me references to Noah's story (in the sermon at church, in conversations with friends and family who know nothing of our story yet, in TV shows!). They were everywhere. So now I'm praising God because even though I know He could work this pregnancy however He plans it for His glory, I have this assurance that we'll be welcoming this child into the world this time, and that God has amazing plans for his or her life.

I'm sorry for being long-winded, and I hope it doesn't upset anybody to have read this post. I know the heartache that unsuccessful TTC (and pregnancy loss) brings, but this is my testimony I suppose, and it's what I wanted to write the other day but for some reason didn't.

As always, you are all in my prayers. x

 

[Godsjewel]

I just wanted to share something with you today…

This past Saturday I went to a Joyce Meyer conference with my mom and had a wonderful time. She was teaching on one of her books, “Battlefield of the Mind”. She was saying how the enemy can creep in and tell us things that aren’t true and that we need to cast down every thought and imagination that isn’t from God. I would highly recommend reading the book if you haven’t already.

Before the conference started, I headed out to the foyer area and saw an older lady that attended my mom’s church and got to chatting with her for a bit. She knows about my desire to have a child and has been praying for me. She told me a story about her niece who had been trying to have a child for 7 years and had given up any hope of conceiving. Surprisingly once she did that, she got pregnant…2yrs after that pregnancy she had twins...then she had one more after the twins…she told her Aunt that at first she didn’t know how to turn on the baby maker, now she doesn’t know how to turn it off…lol!

Be encouraged that what God did for her, he can surely do for us.

Such a wonderful story Sarah. I feel unworthy to be in here sometimes as my journey to motherhood hasn't been nearly as long or painful as some others, but I do want to share that it took my husband and I 10 months to fall pregnant with our daughter (which again, I know isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but at just 23 years old and having been married and waiting to start trying for 3 years already it felt like a long time for me). We were also told that we would not likely conceive naturally because I was thought to have PCOS, and that was only 3 months into the piece.

But a friend of mine had prophesied that we would have a child (she has prophetic dreams), so we declined fertility treatment and just waited on God. I don't remember feeling as anxious in that time (7 months after we were told we'd need help) as I did this last 4 months since my second loss. I just trusted in God and His timing. And thank Him every day now for that, as we would never have met my daughter had we fallen any sooner. I think someone posted the other day about it sometimes not being anything about us having to wait; infertility is sometimes about the child we'll bring into the world and THEIR perfect timing for entering it.

Since my cycle returned to normal after finishing breastfeeding my daughter (it took me 6 months after stopping completely with her at 13 months to begin ovulating again - so she was 19 months old), we fell pregnant again within 2 cycles, and now although we won't meet 2 of those babies, we've fallen 3 times in the last 10 cycles. A couple who were told we'd have trouble falling naturally... Praise God!


A bit more...
This month, I had just decided I was going to be content no matter the result of a test. The due date of the baby we lost in March is coming up this Friday and I had just been convinced I was going to have to get through that without having fallen pregnant again. For the first time since we conceived in January, I was giving God space to do a work in me (I thought it was a work of healing for the babies we've lost, but He had other plans).

But I tell no word of a lie when I say that I actually felt God working in me and filling my womb lying in bed on a Sunday night at 7DPO. I'll never be able to properly explain the feeling, but I just knew I was pregnant in that moment.

Because they call babies born after losses 'rainbow babies' I had been praying before our BFP that God would show me a rainbow as a sign that if we fall again it'll be a baby we'll meet this time. It must have rained at my house almost non-stop for a week during the TWW this month, but do you think I saw a single rainbow!? Instead, God kept giving me references to Noah's story (in the sermon at church, in conversations with friends and family who know nothing of our story yet, in TV shows!). They were everywhere. So now I'm praising God because even though I know He could work this pregnancy however He plans it for His glory, I have this assurance that we'll be welcoming this child into the world this time, and that God has amazing plans for his or her life.

I'm sorry for being long-winded, and I hope it doesn't upset anybody to have read this post. I know the heartache that unsuccessful TTC (and pregnancy loss) brings, but this is my testimony I suppose, and it's what I wanted to write the other day but for some reason didn't.

As always, you are all in my prayers. x

What an awesome testimony of God working in your life. Thanks for taking the time to share this with us. I'm so blessed each time someone posts about how God moved in their life. How amazing is it going to be when you are able to share this with your children???

Thank you Lord for blessing my sister

 

[Godsjewel]

What emotions do you battle as you walk this journey with infertility? Have you taken a stroll with anger? For many Christians who face infertility, anger toward God is a scary emotion. Infertility is a situation in which we feel so very out of control, and we know that God is the only One who is truly in control of whether we ultimately conceive. The frustration of not knowing His plan often leads to anger toward Him, yet we fear what anger toward God will bring. Will He punish us for our anger? Will He increase our time in infertility because we are mad? Will He remove His hand of blessing?

Daydream with me for a while, if you will. Imagine that your jaunt with infertility has ended and is now a thing of your past. You have experienced the exhilarating joy of becoming a parent and you relish every, single moment. Today is one of the days you begged God for, and you are relaxing at home, watching your little one exploring the great big world of your living room. Being the ever watchful parent you are, you notice she has somehow gotten a stretched out paper clip and is trying relentlessly to cram it into the nearest electrical outlet!

Without a moment’s hesitation, you jump to your feet and take the paper clip from her hand, saving your child from harm. Oh, the look on that baby’s face! In just a moment, that sweet face turns from sweet, cherubic grace to distorted, tear-stained fury! Tears! Screams! Kicks! It’s quite a feat to see what a temper fit can come from such a tiny, little creature!

As you stand in that moment with your furious child, what is your reaction? She is obviously angry at you. What do you do? Do you stop loving her? Do you refuse to care for her anymore because she’s mad at you? Stop feeding her? Stop taking care of her needs? Would you tell your baby that you are finished with her and walk away? No? Of course not! You would probably even try to pick her up, hold her close and reassure her with caresses and affection, even if in her anger she screamed at you and pushed you away. A good parent would never sever a relationship with a beloved child simply because a child gets angry! The good news is, even the best of us could never be as good a parent as God!

In our scenario, the baby didn’t understand that you really were working for her good by removing the paper clip--you were protecting her from certain harm. All she knew was that she wasn’t getting what she wanted! She wanted to cram the shiny thing in that hole! You knew that if she did, she’d get the shock of her life! You knew better, and you took action to keep her from being hurt. You didn’t explain all the reasons why. She wouldn’t have understood it if you had tried. She didn’t have the ability to understand, so you did what any good parent would do. You protected your child whether she understood your actions or not. You loved her through her hurt and anger toward you. Just like God does for you.

There is no way that we can understand all of God’s plans and actions toward us. There are events and happenings in this infertility journey that are far beyond our understanding. Why does someone else get pregnant and you do not? Why does one baby survive and another dies? Only God knows. In this life we don’t have the answers. At times, God’s plan can seem cruel because like the baby in our daydream, we cannot understand all of God’s workings. All we know is that life hurts and we don’t have our desires at this moment and our frustrations can sometimes cause us to become angry at God. Our limited understanding causes us to wrongly believe that He is mistreating us--just like the baby in our daydream believed she was being mistreated by the paper clip being taken away. God sees our lives in full, though we see in part. We only see the moment in which we live, while He sees all of eternity. He understands that our limited understanding causes us to become angry at times and He loves you even when you feel so angry toward Him that you react much like the baby in our scenario.

So what does that mean to you today? Talk to Him about your anger. Remember that He is God, and show the respect He deserves, but talk to Him about your anger. He already knows you’re angry! It doesn’t do any good to try to hide your emotions from God, so you may as well talk to Him about them! He loves you as much when you’re angry as He does when you’re content. He won’t stop loving you, He won’t stop taking care of you any more than you would stop loving or caring for your child if your child was angry with you. He understands your frustrations more than you do. Pour your heart out to Him and tell Him all about it. You may just find your anger and frustration diminishing.

-Beth Forbus

 

[stevens2010]

Thank you for your replies ladies.

All of them and all the others not directed at me brought me to tears. I know God is changing me in a BIG way and I feel stretched and pushed beyond what I can do. I know that all of this is just growing pains (quite literally pains in some ways!) and I am just thanking God that my husband and I have the privilege of being a part of what He is doing.

I'm feeling very laid back about this cycle... I want to do as little as possible, so cutting back on the POAS and ovulation tests will be a good start! I thought of putting my Bible in my cupboard where my tests are so that when I get a POAS craving and I want to control things, I'll be face to face with the word of God and swap my POAS cravings for God cravings!

I'm excited to see what God will be bringing into our lives and for what we can do for God.

Be blessed ladies, you are ALL great women of God, even if you don't feel like it.

x

 

[xxx_faithful]

This had me in tears this morning. Thank you for posting it.

I got my period and am now CD2 and onto my final round of Clomid. I'm hurting so much right now and I feel tired. I know there's ladies who have been TTC for much longer than I have but I'm just so tired.

My 2 best friends are due within weeks, my sister is having her scan soon and will also be announcing her pregnancy to friends and family... I am dreading the Facebook status, scan pictures and growing bump.. I feel heartbroken. Completely devastated. I stayed awake last night til 3am just crying. DH had apologised earlier in the day for me not being pregnant and it broke my heart. Just the day before we were praying together and he surprised me by literally begging God to give us a baby. And the next day, my period came.

I'm sorry to post such a miserable update but I've finally reached that point where I am through with trying to do this by myself. I suppose God has brought me through this to show me exactly that. I cannot do this alone, by my own human power, whatever that may be. I thought I had surrendered this to God but obviously I haven't. I actually feel like today I want to curl up at the feet of Jesus. Please pray for me ladies.

Stevens2010, don't ever be sorry for sharing your feelings. This includes the good and the bad of what the days can bring. Myself, personally can relate to the disappointment time and time again, the stress and the unspoken anger of TTC. Oh and believe me the anger at times was the strongest of emotions ..

Secondly, you had me in tears !!! You've always spoken in such a way i really felt we were separated at birth and feeling the same pain as each-other. It wasn't that long ago i was saying your exact words, having gone through the exact events as yourself. Being on clomid can have your hopes for success, but every month you are crushed, devastated, completely destroyed at what another negative test brings, followed by your beloved period. You would say to yourself, surely by now after this many cycles, 'I would be pregnant', 'that if these drugs can't make me pregnant, you don't know what will'. I can't even begin to imagine the tension TTC brings within another couple, as i know how much it desensitised the passion from our marriage during that rough season.

My heart aches for you, it literally does. I don't have a clue how it feels to have 2 best friends or your sister be pregnant. But i know what it feels like to find friends in a 'Young & Married Christian Group' from church that soon became all pregnant including myself before mine came to pass. I know what it feels like to have a sister-in-law wishing i wasn't pregnant and would of been lovely for me to have waited a year after her baby fearing the lack of attention. It turns out being pregnant again, they will now be 12mths apart. Grieving FOR a child, or grieving OVER a child. Pain is pain. And it is NEVER easy grieving for as long as you have people around.

I hate the Facebook announcements, the regular posts people update us with, not to mention the belly pictures!! i STILL hate it even though i'm 20wks. I know the pain of those that don't have that excitement, that growing belly inside, the anticipation that awaits them. I feel for them just like i would feel for myself still looking into the shop window, not being able to go inside or buy what everyone else is buying.

I admire you for your courage Stevens2010, whether you know it or not, you are strong. Anyone that has to endure this sort of challenge, trial, learning, whatever you would like to call TTC is courageous.

Last night my husband and i went to 'Young & Married Group' again, the first time in well over a year. The room was full of babies now and yes all the new members were now pregnant (even further then what i am now) it was lovely to hold the bubba's, speak to the girls once again and to be apart of a group i once enjoyed attending. Now that i was pregnant and soon to have a baby there of my own, something was different. Something had changed, I changed.

Speaking to woman who are christian or non Christian, that have had no difficulty trying makes you very careful with your words. Makes you very careful interrupting what they say as something neutral when it comes across as potentially insensitive or invasive.

I always thought to myself as soon as i become pregnant, i will be like that girl in the shopping centre blossoming with pregnancy hormones, i would be like my next door neighbour playing with her children in the pool, i would be just that beautiful hair flowing woman at the train station who publicly making known of her bump she's rubbing. I would be just like them. It came as no surprise the witty God of ours!!! He quickly replied, 'they haven't gone through what you have gone through, why would I then want you to be like them?'

My conversations soon changed ...

FRIEND: Thats really horrible that you miscarried, i'm so sorry, i couldn't have imagined if God allowed that to happen to me.
ME: Well it took a miracle to get to where i am today despite our infertility, and i know God will bless me again with the same miracle he has promised.

FRIEND: Wow congratulations on your pregnancy!! How are you feeling? Have you been sick?
ME: To be honest, the first point of call a pregnant woman would make is a comment on their lack of energy or how bad their sickness has affected them, to comments such as 'bloated', 'lazy', 'uncomfortable' or all of the above. But i have no other emotion but 'grateful' (and i kid you not - you should of seen her face).

FRIEND: Wow IVF, aren't you glad you fell pregnant before having to pay all that money?
ME: Yeah I am very glad, but in saying that, i guess you can't really put an amount on having a child.

FRIEND: Yeah infertility is such a bummer of a thing for those that have to deal with it, i knew once you took your mind off of it & stopped stressing, it would happen!
ME: I know that works for some people, but for me it was a journey with God something that bonded us remarkably and a reminder that in every circumstance, i need to give it to him, including all the glory when he does deliver my prayers. Not a mind over matter coincidence.

When you go through something so big & yet so painful, God changes you completely. Your heart that you feel with, the mind that you think with, and a mouth that inevitably impacts everyone around you.

Thinking of you all! xxx

 

[Godsjewel]

Jealousy

Are you battling “pregnancy jealousy” today? Is it almost more than you can take? Comments such as “I just think about my husband and the morning sickness starts,” are all too common. You do your best to tune the comments out but you can only do so much. They pound their way into your heart and envy begins to rear its ugly head. Within one weekend, you learn that our best friend, your co-worker and your sister-in-law are all pregnant. Your cousin gripes to you about how uncomfortable she is in her 37th week of her 2nd pregnancy. Everyone is pregnant. Everyone but you.

It’s hard to feel jealousy and negative feelings toward those you love. Relationships with people you have adored for an entire lifetime become strained. Their greatest source of joy has become a constant reminder of what you have so longed for yet cannot obtain. Does it mean you no longer love them? No. Does it mean you don’t love their child? No. It means simply that you are a human being struggling with the very intense emotions waging war within your chest. Very intense emotions that your Creator divinely created and placed within you, and unbelievably, He did not do this by accident! What? He chose to include insanity as part of my being? That’s what it feels like sometimes! Thankfully, He didn’t leave us without hope.

Read Proverbs 16:3. “Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.” (NIV) If you will commit to the Lord your battle—whether it is financial, emotional, relational, etc.—He has promised that your plans will succeed. Satan would like nothing more than to see your struggle with infertility alienate you from those who love and care for you the most. When you begin to feel jealousy toward those who have children, ask the Lord to help you, commit to making a great effort on your part to overcome (remember that we are more than overcomers through Christ Jesus), and He assures you in the Holy, sacred Word of God that cannot return to Him without accomplishing that which He sent it to do, your plan will succeed! That’s quite an insurance policy!!!!!

Satan will try to fill your mind with negative thoughts that seem to overwhelm and control your every moment. In 2 Corinthians 10:5 we are told to take every thought and make them captive to Christ. Christ is the warden of your negative thoughts that cause you so much pain and anguish. When they are placed in His control, thrown as prisoners into a spiritual dungeon with Jesus as Warden they become powerless through the blood of a conquering Savior who loves you with a divine love so strong that you simply cannot with your mortal mind comprehend!

Imagine those negative thoughts clothed in black and white stripes, chained to a stone wall and Jesus daring them to try to escape back into your heart and mind! They are totally powerless here! There is only one sure way of escape for these damaging, hurtful words—the key you carry within your heart. You hold the key that allows them to escape the prison in which they reside under Jesus’ control. Jesus is a gentleman. If you decide to take back the negative thoughts, He will often step aside and allow you to uncuff the shackles He placed on the destructive words bouncing around your heart. The choice is yours to place them in His captivity. Also is the choice yours to leave them there.

You have an opportunity through your hurt and heartbreak to draw closer to this loving Father or to turn away. God understands baby hunger better than you ever will. He is a Father who every day grieves for children who turn away, denying Him the joy of a child to love, nurture and hold close. On the other hand, He is also a rejoicing Father who loves to see a child come to Him. How He rejoices when you choose to come to Him!

So many choices are taken from you when your life is touched by infertility. Choose today to come to your Father with your struggles. Choose to draw close to Him with all the hurts that baby hunger brings, even the intense struggle with jealousy.

-Beth Forbus

 

[Godsjewel]

Happy Friday!!!

An “Anyway God”
An “Anyway Faith”

“I never thought I’d face infertility. God gave me such a desire to be a mother! I wish He’d either let me get pregnant or take the desire away!”

Have you heard this statement before? I’ll bet you’ve even said it yourself! Why would God place such an intense desire in your heart, yet withhold the fulfillment of that desire from you? Could it be that He didn’t know you would be infertile when He gave you the desire to be a mother? No, we know God is all-knowing. (He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:4-5) He knew you would struggle every day with your unmet desire for motherhood versus the physical reality of childlessness, yet He allowed infertility to be a part of His plan for your life anyway.

Our God is an “Anyway God”! On the surface, His plan may seem to contradict itself. Giving an infertile woman in intense desire to have a baby seems contradictory, doesn’t it? However, if you will serve God with an “Anyway Faith”, you’ll see that God works through confusing situations in ways you never could have expected!

Consider some of the people in the Bible who served our “Anyway God” with “Anyway Faith”:

75 year old Abraham was promised a child. The “Anyway God” knew how old Abraham was but still said a baby would come. He faced his 80th birthday, his 85th birthday, his 90th birthday. Still no baby, but Abraham chose to believe God anyway. Abraham’s “Anyway Faith” collided with our “Anyway God” and Isaac was born!

Daniel knew that King Darius had signed a law demanding that if anyone prayed to any god or man besides himself that he would be thrown into a den of lions. Daniel, full of “Anyway Faith”, went to the roof of his house and prayed anyway! God knew Daniel was being faithful to Him, yet our “Anyway God” allowed him to be thrown into the lions’ den, rather than rescue him. Why? The answer is found in Daniel 6:23: ...no injury whatever was found on him, because he had trusted in his God. What God? His “Anyway God”! What happened as a result of Daniel trusting His “Anyway God” with “Anyway Faith”? Then Darius the king wrote to all the peoples, nations and men of every language who were living in all the land: “May your peace abound! I make a decree that in all the dominion of my kingdom men are to fear and tremble before the God of Daniel!”

Is it always easy to find “Anyway Faith” in your “Anyway God”? Not only is it sometimes hard, but you sometimes have to stand alone! Job faced unparalleled tragedy and had to find “Anyway Faith” without the support of his spouse! Job’s “Anyway God” knew he loved his family and prayed for them every day. However, in the course of one day, Job lost all of his material belongings, and most devastating, he lost all 10 of his children. Following these unimaginable losses, Job also lost his health. What more could he lose? He lost the support of his wife. “Curse God and die, Job!” (Job 2:9)

Through his tears, his grief and his physical battles, Job found his “Anyway Faith”. It’s recorded for us in Job 13:15: “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him.” We could translate it this way: Even though God knew I loved my life, He knew I loved my children, He chose to allow these things anyway. Even so, I will hope in Him anyway! I trust Him anyway! What’s the end of Job’s story? Double blessings. Read it for yourself in Job 42:10-17. Even with “Anyway Faith”, Job still questioned God. He ranted and raved. He cried and suffered. But our “Anyway God” blessed him...anyway!

If you’re wondering about your “Anyway God’s” plan for your life because He has allowed infertility to be a part of His plan for you anyway, I pray that you will trust Him completely anyway. Love Him anyway. Serve Him anyway. You’ll find that He has blessings in store for you...anyway!

-Beth Forbus