Christian ladies TTC, we can encourage one another.

[Terangela]

I just want to say I think this group is fantastic. The support and encouraging words and backing with scripture is wonderful.

I just thought I would share quick and I hope you find it an encouragement. It took us 2yrs and 8m to finally be blessed with our first pregnancy. It took 8 months of drugs ( started with Clomid, added Metformin, then switched to Femara and Metformin) it was a struggle at one point I knew 14 pregnant women, 1 that had her baby and was celebrating baby's 1st birthday, 2 who had babies all while we were still TTC. I realized at 2yrs 6m that I had let TTC become my idol and I spent more time obsessing about TTC and my desire for wanting a baby to come before God and before our relationship. I broke down in my livingroom and asked God to forgive me to forgive me of my jealousy, of my obsession of my putting TTC before Christ. It wasn't an overnight transformation, but it made me realize what I was doing and the ability to capture my thoughts and change them or stop them. I delivered a healthy sweet baby girl in 2005, I chose to use the same drug combination when TTC for #2 and we were expecting baby only on month 3 of TTC. I was in disbelief and full of joy. It must be how those with no troubles conceiving must feel like is my guess. In 2007 we welcomed our very loud DS.

We thought we were done, but during a kidney stone attack a few years later they had me do a PG test before administering IV meds. The test was negative... I knew in that instant I wasn't done and wanted one more. We again turned to the same drug combination and round 2 we were expecting. I remember thanking God for modern medicine and Dr's willing to try drugs for things outside their normal of use. We welcomed our second DS in 2011. I know God had blessed me richly and my cup overflowed.

I thought back to the time we were TTC our first and the nagging feeling that I would be a mom, just didn't know it would be in God's timing not mine. We thought we were done with number 3, my body dislikes PG. I had to pep talk myself for the months leading up to TTC #3 and pray a lot that God would carry me like the foot prints in the sand poem. He did. It was still a PG filled with pain and things happening... But I knew God was there with me. I was enjoying my family with 3 kids when suddenly I started to gain weight, was tired and had sore breasts... I had explanations for everything. The weight gain was my portion sizes were obviously too big, tired was having three kids, low B12 and low iron, the sore breasts were because I just weaned our youngest. Obvious answers. I then had a dream a very vivid dream that I was PG. Impossible, my fertility specialist had told me to just take birth control 3x a year to keep my uterus healthy. So that is what I was doing with no period in between those birth control but that could also be because of just weaning our DS... Anyway I was at the $store for something else and went down the aisle where the PG tests were and instantly that dream popped into my head. I grabbed a PG test as well as the other items I had gone for and thought I would wait until morning... I got home and peed on it right away. Completely thought it would be negative and settle my mind and force me to go to the Dr to get in for B12 shots, retest my iron levels and then two pink lines popped up. Both dark. I was shocked, we hadn't planned this, I obviously wasn't taking my fertility meds. It took me a while to believe it, and to accept it. Then I remembered how I used to feel about all the "oops" or "we weren't even trying" or "DH just looks at me and I am pregnant" people and realized I had just become one of those. My attitude changed towards them in an instant. It was God's plan, not mine. God has a perfect plan and it is never wrong. It wasn't an oops, it was God's plan for us and He knew I would not willingly go into another PG. He knew I would refuse to take the meds and He knew if I had signs I was Oing I would take birth control or have DH have a vasectomy. He knew. I know this baby is meant to be and has a purpose. I know that that this is a lesson I wouldn't have learned about others who get PG first try or easily with no assistance, God humbled me. He has changed my attitude once again.

Looking back to when I thought all hope was lost and drugs weren't working and feeling like it was never going to happen I would never have dreamed I would be where I am now. 9 weeks to my due date with #4, spontaneously PG. I have been shown over and over through this journey that we are not in control. God who commands the wind and the ocean certainly holds the power. He hears our prayers but the answers we hope for may not be his answer to what we pray. God's timing is not our timing. We have selfish desires and God is pure in heart and intent. We can become obsessed with TTC but God says in Matthew 6:34 not to worry about tomorrow as tomorrow will worry about itself. I know I worried about TTC and failed cycles and what is the next step ect... He asked Peter to give everything he had to follow Him, surely if Peter could give everything he had away to follow Jesus then I could toss away my obsession with TTC to follow him. I believe too that God has also spoken volumes to me through the scripture about how he wants us to praise Him in all things. I found it hard to praise Him in failed cycles, in painful pregnancy symptoms, in times where I struggle as a parent but He desires us to remain focused on Him even when we are struggling, not just in the joyful times. God is good. I have learned to bring my fears before His feet and continually rely on Him for strength and guidance. Adding baby #4 I have battled fear and anxiety and prayer has brought into my life a number of other parents with 4 children as well. God has comforted me and given me reassurance in ways I never expected or asked for. He is a good Father to us. He knows we hurt, fear, cry and long for things. We don't see His plan we just have to have faith He is ever present with us.

XO ladies, God loves each one of you and hears your prayers. Keep praying. I hope my sharing is helpful in some small way. I encourage you to keep reading His word and building your relationship with Him through the scripture and prayer. God will lift you up over and over again.

 

[Yukki2011]

Hey Ladies I haven't been able to be on here for awhile. Letting you all know I had my little girl last Saturday. So have not been able to be online. Hope everyone is doing well.

 

[PrincessBree]

Hey Ladies I haven't been able to be on here for awhile. Letting you all know I had my little girl last Saturday. So have not been able to be online. Hope everyone is doing well.

congratulations hunni sooo happy for you sis!!Glory to God!!

 

[HisGrace]

Hey Ladies I haven't been able to be on here for awhile. Letting you all know I had my little girl last Saturday. So have not been able to be online. Hope everyone is doing well.

Congratulations!!!

 

[No Doubt]

Congrats yukki!

 

[Dynamicmae]

I just want to say I think this group is fantastic. The support and encouraging words and backing with scripture is wonderful.

I just thought I would share quick and I hope you find it an encouragement. It took us 2yrs and 8m to finally be blessed with our first pregnancy. It took 8 months of drugs ( started with Clomid, added Metformin, then switched to Femara and Metformin) it was a struggle at one point I knew 14 pregnant women, 1 that had her baby and was celebrating baby's 1st birthday, 2 who had babies all while we were still TTC. I realized at 2yrs 6m that I had let TTC become my idol and I spent more time obsessing about TTC and my desire for wanting a baby to come before God and before our relationship. I broke down in my livingroom and asked God to forgive me to forgive me of my jealousy, of my obsession of my putting TTC before Christ. It wasn't an overnight transformation, but it made me realize what I was doing and the ability to capture my thoughts and change them or stop them. I delivered a healthy sweet baby girl in 2005, I chose to use the same drug combination when TTC for #2 and we were expecting baby only on month 3 of TTC. I was in disbelief and full of joy. It must be how those with no troubles conceiving must feel like is my guess. In 2007 we welcomed our very loud DS.

We thought we were done, but during a kidney stone attack a few years later they had me do a PG test before administering IV meds. The test was negative... I knew in that instant I wasn't done and wanted one more. We again turned to the same drug combination and round 2 we were expecting. I remember thanking God for modern medicine and Dr's willing to try drugs for things outside their normal of use. We welcomed our second DS in 2011. I know God had blessed me richly and my cup overflowed.

I thought back to the time we were TTC our first and the nagging feeling that I would be a mom, just didn't know it would be in God's timing not mine. We thought we were done with number 3, my body dislikes PG. I had to pep talk myself for the months leading up to TTC #3 and pray a lot that God would carry me like the foot prints in the sand poem. He did. It was still a PG filled with pain and things happening... But I knew God was there with me. I was enjoying my family with 3 kids when suddenly I started to gain weight, was tired and had sore breasts... I had explanations for everything. The weight gain was my portion sizes were obviously too big, tired was having three kids, low B12 and low iron, the sore breasts were because I just weaned our youngest. Obvious answers. I then had a dream a very vivid dream that I was PG. Impossible, my fertility specialist had told me to just take birth control 3x a year to keep my uterus healthy. So that is what I was doing with no period in between those birth control but that could also be because of just weaning our DS... Anyway I was at the $store for something else and went down the aisle where the PG tests were and instantly that dream popped into my head. I grabbed a PG test as well as the other items I had gone for and thought I would wait until morning... I got home and peed on it right away. Completely thought it would be negative and settle my mind and force me to go to the Dr to get in for B12 shots, retest my iron levels and then two pink lines popped up. Both dark. I was shocked, we hadn't planned this, I obviously wasn't taking my fertility meds. It took me a while to believe it, and to accept it. Then I remembered how I used to feel about all the "oops" or "we weren't even trying" or "DH just looks at me and I am pregnant" people and realized I had just become one of those. My attitude changed towards them in an instant. It was God's plan, not mine. God has a perfect plan and it is never wrong. It wasn't an oops, it was God's plan for us and He knew I would not willingly go into another PG. He knew I would refuse to take the meds and He knew if I had signs I was Oing I would take birth control or have DH have a vasectomy. He knew. I know this baby is meant to be and has a purpose. I know that that this is a lesson I wouldn't have learned about others who get PG first try or easily with no assistance, God humbled me. He has changed my attitude once again.

Looking back to when I thought all hope was lost and drugs weren't working and feeling like it was never going to happen I would never have dreamed I would be where I am now. 9 weeks to my due date with #4, spontaneously PG. I have been shown over and over through this journey that we are not in control. God who commands the wind and the ocean certainly holds the power. He hears our prayers but the answers we hope for may not be his answer to what we pray. God's timing is not our timing. We have selfish desires and God is pure in heart and intent. We can become obsessed with TTC but God says in Matthew 6:34 not to worry about tomorrow as tomorrow will worry about itself. I know I worried about TTC and failed cycles and what is the next step ect... He asked Peter to give everything he had to follow Him, surely if Peter could give everything he had away to follow Jesus then I could toss away my obsession with TTC to follow him. I believe too that God has also spoken volumes to me through the scripture about how he wants us to praise Him in all things. I found it hard to praise Him in failed cycles, in painful pregnancy symptoms, in times where I struggle as a parent but He desires us to remain focused on Him even when we are struggling, not just in the joyful times. God is good. I have learned to bring my fears before His feet and continually rely on Him for strength and guidance. Adding baby #4 I have battled fear and anxiety and prayer has brought into my life a number of other parents with 4 children as well. God has comforted me and given me reassurance in ways I never expected or asked for. He is a good Father to us. He knows we hurt, fear, cry and long for things. We don't see His plan we just have to have faith He is ever present with us.

XO ladies, God loves each one of you and hears your prayers. Keep praying. I hope my sharing is helpful in some small way. I encourage you to keep reading His word and building your relationship with Him through the scripture and prayer. God will lift you up over and over again.

Angela......... Thank you so much for this post!!!! I was on my first round of clomid I was late so did a hpt yesterday on CD 35 it was negative..... I started AF this morning so I'm started second round of clomid tomorrow...... I've been praying alot and I have a sense of calm knowing that Gods time is the best time!!

 

[xxx_faithful]

Morning beautiful ladies,

When i first came onto BnB one of my quotes attached to my signature was 'God answers our PRAYERS, otherwise he wouldn't ask us to pray.' It is found in the book, Understanding the Purpose and Power of PRAYER by Dr. Myles Munroe.

It states Prayer is meant to be answered - or else God would not ask us to pray. He isn't interested in wasting your time and efforts. He is too practical for that. He is interested in results, not just "many words" (Matt. 6:7) spoken in prayer. Jesus' approach to prayer was also very practical. He didn't pray without expecting to be heard. At one point he said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I know that you always hear me" (John 11:41-42).

We need to know how to approach God and to learn the kind of prayers God responds to. We need to pray as Jesus prayed.

I am convinced that prayer is one of the most misunderstood arts of the human experience. Prayer is not just an activity, a ritual, or an obligation. Nor is it begging God to do what we want him to do. It is communion and communication with God that touches his heart. When you understand the principles of the at of prayer, you will begin to communicate with God with power, grace, and confidence.

Whether you think so right now or not, prayer does work. However, it first needs to be understood.
We expect things to work if God said they are supposed to work. However when our prayers go unanswered, we start to feel abandoned and isolated from God, imagining that he doesn't care about our problems. As a result, we begin to doubt his love for us. We start to view him as someone who is against us - or at least indifferent to us - instead of as a loving heavenly Father who gives good gifts to his children.

God answers as soon as we ask, and He reveals those answers in His timing. That is why Jesus told his disciples "That they should always pray and not give up" (Luke 18:1).

We need to be conscientious of our prayers and the way in which we ask God to answer them. We need to thank him rather then continue asking God for our desires. We need to not view ourselves as 'inadequate', 'infertile', 'separated to those that are pregnant'. We need to start gaining our inheritance back from God, as we have robbed ourselves from the privileges he has given us. We need to be strengthened rather then comforted all the time. We need to move beyond our current relationship with God for God to move in our lives, in our hearts, in our words in which we speak.

Be moved, be encouraged and let God work within us.

Xxx

 

[Godsjewel]

Today’s devotion comes to us from Jessica Hite. She so beautifully shows how she chooses to trust God in the middle of her journey, not waiting until His plan is fully revealed. Thank you, Jessica, for sharing this with us.

Sometimes I just don’t feel like I can take it anymore…what would it be like to be pregnant with my own baby? What does it feel like when the first kick of the baby is felt? What does it feel like to rock my flesh and blood to sleep? What does it sound like for someone to call me mommy? How can I be a foster mom to someone else’s child, yet know I may never have my own? I ask myself these questions – and in pain I see my husband wrestling the same type thoughts. Sometimes life’s questions cannot be answered.

However, I do not let my feelings (or someone else’s pregnant announcement or protruding tummy) rule my heart. I am reminded of Paul, who had a thorn in his flesh. Three times he asked God to remove it and heal him, however, God did not. I wrestle in my heart and wonder…Why? Why didn’t God choose to heal? Paul fully believed that God could heal him, He just chose not to. God wanted Paul to depend on Him for all of his needs. He wanted Paul to grow through this pain that he constantly experienced. It was not easy, and it never went completely away. Our thorns are constant reminders of
our human frailty, and remind us to allow God to show His strength through our weakness (2 Cor 12:9).

In the same way, for whatever reason, God has chosen for me to bear this thorn in my flesh. Does that mean that I will never hold a baby? No. Does that mean that there will never be a little one that has my last name? No. Does that mean that God may give me a baby in a different way that I had planned? Possibly. Does that mean that my plans need to merge into God’s plans for my life? Absolutely! God has given me this desire, and I must believe that He can fill it.

However, I must also understand that God’s ways are higher than my ways. Will I ever understand it? Maybe not. However, I CHOOSE to understand that God is in control, and that He has a specific plan for my life. I CHOOSE to believe that I am placed in this place in life for this moment to make some sort of impact. For the MOMENT, I can love an unloved foster child that is not legally or technically mine, but who is a child God has entrusted to me for a time. For the MOMENT, I can help another through a difficult situation that no one else can understand. While I am WAITING, I will serve
Him with my entire being. My FAITH is not based on feelings or emotions, rather it is based on the solid rock and promises of the Word of God. I CHOOSE TO TRUST IN GOD BECAUSE HIS WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN MINE!

--Jessica Hite

 

[MummyWant2be]

I just want to say I think this group is fantastic. The support and encouraging words and backing with scripture is wonderful.

I just thought I would share quick and I hope you find it an encouragement. It took us 2yrs and 8m to finally be blessed with our first pregnancy. It took 8 months of drugs ( started with Clomid, added Metformin, then switched to Femara and Metformin) it was a struggle at one point I knew 14 pregnant women, 1 that had her baby and was celebrating baby's 1st birthday, 2 who had babies all while we were still TTC. I realized at 2yrs 6m that I had let TTC become my idol and I spent more time obsessing about TTC and my desire for wanting a baby to come before God and before our relationship. I broke down in my livingroom and asked God to forgive me to forgive me of my jealousy, of my obsession of my putting TTC before Christ. It wasn't an overnight transformation, but it made me realize what I was doing and the ability to capture my thoughts and change them or stop them. I delivered a healthy sweet baby girl in 2005, I chose to use the same drug combination when TTC for #2 and we were expecting baby only on month 3 of TTC. I was in disbelief and full of joy. It must be how those with no troubles conceiving must feel like is my guess. In 2007 we welcomed our very loud DS.

We thought we were done, but during a kidney stone attack a few years later they had me do a PG test before administering IV meds. The test was negative... I knew in that instant I wasn't done and wanted one more. We again turned to the same drug combination and round 2 we were expecting. I remember thanking God for modern medicine and Dr's willing to try drugs for things outside their normal of use. We welcomed our second DS in 2011. I know God had blessed me richly and my cup overflowed.

I thought back to the time we were TTC our first and the nagging feeling that I would be a mom, just didn't know it would be in God's timing not mine. We thought we were done with number 3, my body dislikes PG. I had to pep talk myself for the months leading up to TTC #3 and pray a lot that God would carry me like the foot prints in the sand poem. He did. It was still a PG filled with pain and things happening... But I knew God was there with me. I was enjoying my family with 3 kids when suddenly I started to gain weight, was tired and had sore breasts... I had explanations for everything. The weight gain was my portion sizes were obviously too big, tired was having three kids, low B12 and low iron, the sore breasts were because I just weaned our youngest. Obvious answers. I then had a dream a very vivid dream that I was PG. Impossible, my fertility specialist had told me to just take birth control 3x a year to keep my uterus healthy. So that is what I was doing with no period in between those birth control but that could also be because of just weaning our DS... Anyway I was at the $store for something else and went down the aisle where the PG tests were and instantly that dream popped into my head. I grabbed a PG test as well as the other items I had gone for and thought I would wait until morning... I got home and peed on it right away. Completely thought it would be negative and settle my mind and force me to go to the Dr to get in for B12 shots, retest my iron levels and then two pink lines popped up. Both dark. I was shocked, we hadn't planned this, I obviously wasn't taking my fertility meds. It took me a while to believe it, and to accept it. Then I remembered how I used to feel about all the "oops" or "we weren't even trying" or "DH just looks at me and I am pregnant" people and realized I had just become one of those. My attitude changed towards them in an instant. It was God's plan, not mine. God has a perfect plan and it is never wrong. It wasn't an oops, it was God's plan for us and He knew I would not willingly go into another PG. He knew I would refuse to take the meds and He knew if I had signs I was Oing I would take birth control or have DH have a vasectomy. He knew. I know this baby is meant to be and has a purpose. I know that that this is a lesson I wouldn't have learned about others who get PG first try or easily with no assistance, God humbled me. He has changed my attitude once again.

Looking back to when I thought all hope was lost and drugs weren't working and feeling like it was never going to happen I would never have dreamed I would be where I am now. 9 weeks to my due date with #4, spontaneously PG. I have been shown over and over through this journey that we are not in control. God who commands the wind and the ocean certainly holds the power. He hears our prayers but the answers we hope for may not be his answer to what we pray. God's timing is not our timing. We have selfish desires and God is pure in heart and intent. We can become obsessed with TTC but God says in Matthew 6:34 not to worry about tomorrow as tomorrow will worry about itself. I know I worried about TTC and failed cycles and what is the next step ect... He asked Peter to give everything he had to follow Him, surely if Peter could give everything he had away to follow Jesus then I could toss away my obsession with TTC to follow him. I believe too that God has also spoken volumes to me through the scripture about how he wants us to praise Him in all things. I found it hard to praise Him in failed cycles, in painful pregnancy symptoms, in times where I struggle as a parent but He desires us to remain focused on Him even when we are struggling, not just in the joyful times. God is good. I have learned to bring my fears before His feet and continually rely on Him for strength and guidance. Adding baby #4 I have battled fear and anxiety and prayer has brought into my life a number of other parents with 4 children as well. God has comforted me and given me reassurance in ways I never expected or asked for. He is a good Father to us. He knows we hurt, fear, cry and long for things. We don't see His plan we just have to have faith He is ever present with us.

XO ladies, God loves each one of you and hears your prayers. Keep praying. I hope my sharing is helpful in some small way. I encourage you to keep reading His word and building your relationship with Him through the scripture and prayer. God will lift you up over and over again.

Thanks Angela!

i really needed to read that and be reminded that his time is perfect and we must sit still and wait for him to bless us in the perfect time that he has set for each and everyone of us... thank you so much!

 

[BRK06]

Good morning from Hawaii, Ladies!
We're finally mostly settled in our new place and I have Internet up and running! I'm going to get caught up on what I've missed.

Have a blessed day!!

 

[Godsjewel]

Good morning from Hawaii, Ladies!
We're finally mostly settled in our new place and I have Internet up and running! I'm going to get caught up on what I've missed.

Have a blessed day!!

Welcome back sweet pea

 

[BRK06]

Thanks Sis Sarah!!

Wow!! I am greatly rejoicing in how much the Lord has blessed us! A huge congrats to all the BFPs!! I'm so very happy and excited for you!! Please don't feel you need to leave now that you've crossed over to the dark side! Just kidding! We were all on this TTC journey together and it warms my heart to know that your miracles are on the way! Yukki, congrats on your new sweet little one!!

Shell and Amanda- I'm very sorry to hear about your aunties passing on. I'll be praying for you and your families

Heather and Stevens- I'm sorry that AF came It's very disheartening to see that month after month, esp. when you are SURE that this will be THE month. I pray you keep faith and stay close to the Lord. I've been at this a long time... Month after month I've cried out to him in disappointment and frustration, and month after month He is right there with me, giving me the strength to dry my tears and keep going on. He is helping us write awesome testimonies... Hang in there girls!

To the rest of you sisters I haven't mentioned by name, I pray you are well and that God is blessing you richly! I'm very glad to have this amazing TTC Family in Christ for support!

AFM- I'm still taking it one day at a time...as of today, I'm in the TWW again I think. I've given it all to God and I'm just waiting on Him. The "baby fever" hasn't faded, so I know there is one coming someday, but I am grateful for the peace that has settled upon me during the wait.

 

[BRK06]

The Hurt & The Healer- MercyMe

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide [x2]

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here

 

[Godsjewel]

Camping Trips & Answered Prayer

I once ventured into the world of the unknown and volunteered to be a chaperone for a Children’s Church camping trip. (I know, I know! What was I thinking?) For the most part, it was a typical camping trip. Lot of bugs, campfires, and s’mores. However, an amazing thing happened that you must know about to encourage you in your journey through infertility.

We had loaded the kids up on the van to take them to the lake for their evening worship service. We didn’t want to hike there as previously planned because it would be dark before we could return to the cabins and quite frankly, the other female chaperone and myself were quite terrified of the massive spiders we had already encountered hanging from the trees earlier in the day! The thought of walking into their webs in the dark was not something that brought joy to our hearts, therefore, we convinced the other leaders to take the kids to the worship service in the van! (Ok, we admit it! We are city slicker wimps!)

As we made our way to the location chosen for the worship service, I somehow got just enough of a signal on my blackberry to receive an email. It was a message from a precious lady who had corresponded with me for some time. She had experienced many hardships in trying to build her family. We had prayed for her through medical treatments and various trials. Our hearts had broken for her as it seemed each attempt ended in disappointment. However, this email shared wonderful news. She was sharing with me that a daughter had finally been placed in her arms through the miracle of adoption. As I was reading that email, one of Children’s Church leaders began to lead the children in worship choruses to prepare them for their service. As I was reading this new mother’s words of how the child she had prayed for so long had finally been placed in her arms, the van was filled with the sweetness of the sound of children’s voices singing “God is so good! God is so good! God is so good! He’s so good to me! He answers prayer! He answers prayer! He answers prayer! He’s so good to me!” It was a beautiful, almost surreal moment I won’t soon forget. I only wish you could have experienced it with me.

You see, God is good. God does answer your prayer. He hears every prayer you’ve ever prayed for a baby. He knows the plans He has for you. Jeremiah 29:11 is such a familiar passage of scripture and we quote it all the time. I know the plans I have for you. God does know the plans He has for us, and He’s working to bring those plans about. It’s easy to believe He’s working His plans when things go right, but it’s a little harder to believe when everything is falling apart and our hearts are being broken into. When it seems that everything is going wrong, maybe things aren’t going wrong at all. Maybe God is working things out according to His perfect plan. Maybe all those failed pregnancy tests aren’t really failures at all. Maybe they’re answered prayers. Maybe they are His way of bringing the right baby to your family at the right time in the right way.

God is so good! God is so good! God is so good! He’s so good to me!
He answers prayer! He answers prayer! He answers prayer! He’s so good to me!

-Beth Forbus

 

[BRK06]

You know, I really like Beth Forbes... She has some good insight! Thank you for sharing, Sis!

 

[wristwatch24]

Hi ladies,

I am back on BnB after a 2 month break from all things TTC. I'm going to try to read back through the past few months of this thread and see what is going on with everyone.

I finally ended up going to a fertility clinic in September and was diagnosed with PCOS through an internal ultrasound, but all of my blood work (all 20 vials!) came back completely normal. I am now taking Metformin. I also found out I'm a carrier for cystic fibrosis, so waiting back to see if my husband is also. Please pray with me that he isn't, as my cousin has a daughter with CF and it isn't good at all! After I get AF this month I will be starting IUI in November with Clomid, Hcg trigger, and vaginal inserts.

I've been praying for you all even though I haven't been around here. Hugs.

 

[Godsjewel]

Hi ladies,

I am back on BnB after a 2 month break from all things TTC. I'm going to try to read back through the past few months of this thread and see what is going on with everyone.

I finally ended up going to a fertility clinic in September and was diagnosed with PCOS through an internal ultrasound, but all of my blood work (all 20 vials!) came back completely normal. I am now taking Metformin. I also found out I'm a carrier for cystic fibrosis, so waiting back to see if my husband is also. Please pray with me that he isn't, as my cousin has a daughter with CF and it isn't good at all! After I get AF this month I will be starting IUI in November with Clomid, Hcg trigger, and vaginal inserts.

I've been praying for you all even though I haven't been around here. Hugs.

Welcome back sweetie

I know so many who have conceived having PCOS and I'm sure I will be adding you to that list soon.

I will definitely be in prayer for you and your husband during this time of testing.

 

[wristwatch24]

Hi ladies,

I am back on BnB after a 2 month break from all things TTC. I'm going to try to read back through the past few months of this thread and see what is going on with everyone.

I finally ended up going to a fertility clinic in September and was diagnosed with PCOS through an internal ultrasound, but all of my blood work (all 20 vials!) came back completely normal. I am now taking Metformin. I also found out I'm a carrier for cystic fibrosis, so waiting back to see if my husband is also. Please pray with me that he isn't, as my cousin has a daughter with CF and it isn't good at all! After I get AF this month I will be starting IUI in November with Clomid, Hcg trigger, and vaginal inserts.

I've been praying for you all even though I haven't been around here. Hugs.

Welcome back sweetie

I know so many who have conceived having PCOS and I'm sure I will be adding you to that list soon.

I will definitely be in prayer for you and your husband during this time of testing.

Thanks so much! I was so hoping to be able to come back here and see that.you'd gotten your bfp!

 

[Godsjewel]

“My name is Lori and I am infertile.”

Being infertile, I often feel like that is who and what I am: infertile. Not a wife, or friend, Aunt, writer, teacher, hiker, or mom to Gizmo. But infertile. When I first found out we were infertile, it was like all the old facets had been plucked out of my character and "infertile" was smacked on. Everything I wanted to be encompassed the ability to have my own children. Everything. Nothing mattered anymore. The days were spent trying to figure out, "Why me?" A person who wanted to devote herself to being a mom. What kind of lesson am I supposed to be learning here? Is this even a lesson, or is God punishing me? My whole identity seemed lost and little else mattered beyond being a mother. The one thing that meant the most to me was slipping away.

Through each stage of life, as a little kid, teaching preschool, in college, and in my 20's, I knew that being a mom was the most important thing to me in the world. Even when I met my husband, Michael, I envisioned a little mini me in a button up shirt calling him Dad, and a little girl being spoiled by a man who thinks he is going to be a tough discipliner. I have seen him with his nieces. We'll see!

When Michael and I first found out, I went through such a deep period of depression. Just the thought of going back there makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I am not sure when the depression ended, but I know why it ended. I stopped fighting this path for my life. My sister-in-law called me one day and said "Lori, we want this for you so badly, but my advice is to embrace it, accept that you are having trouble with it, stop fighting it, embrace that you might never have children, embrace what that would mean, mourn it, cry over it, feel it". If she had not gone through years of trying herself, and if I had not known she genuinely hurt for us, I may have sloughed her ideas off. Nevertheless, I listened. She said that once I did as she suggested, and began to embrace the things I could do without kids, the hole inside me would be less gaping. The desire would be there to have my own biological children, but the joy in finding other things, and to desire them also, would come. I told her it sounded good in theory, and I knew that I did not want to feel this pain anymore. I wanted to be strong, and have that much faith, but it sounded impossible.

But I did it. I mourned it, I cried over it, I had many fights with God over it. I went weeks without changing out of my PJ's or stepping outside the house. In the process, I went further into my black hole than I had ever been. Then, I started writing about it. I felt renewed excitement from this once creative outlet that I loved, but had put aside. I found support from others who had been through it and survived, as well as others currently going through it. I began listening to the voice telling me that God had not forsaken me, that He had a plan, and I opened my Bible again. Little by little, I began to feel alive once more. I started thinking about what a life without children meant and realizing that I had to accept that as a possibility for us. And if I did, what opportunities could open up as a result.

Michael and I discussed many things we would love to explore. Traveling to Africa and working with orphans there. Spending Christmas with orphans instead of thinking about what we don't have. Doing things with our career that we could not do with kids, traveling, giving back, spoiling our nieces and nephews even more. It's not what we always envisioned, or even what we really wanted, but it got us out of thinking our life could be nothing without kids. We started thinking about what we were grateful for, and little by little, I found that I could go outside again. I stopped crying every time I saw a pregnant woman. My jealousy and envy went down a few notches when my loved ones started getting pregnant, and my life had a new focus. I was building up me again, with the possibility that I would never be a mom. I never imagined that healing could be possible, but it was happening.

The pain is not gone, and the envy, jealousy, tears, "Why us?", anger, and sad moments still come. I am however, learning on a daily basis to trust God's plan in all of this. These emotions will probably always be present, but they are less frequent. Hopefully, they will continue to be less frequent until we have a baby of our own, adopt or stop fighting a path of childlessness.
Last night I was a little surprised when the thought that "I am Lori, and I am infertile" sent obsessive thoughts through my brain until tears seeped through. But in a way it felt okay. I am infertile. It is not who I am, or what I am, nor do I want it to be a part of me. The reality is, however, that it is a part of me, it might even be the worst part of who I am. But, it brings out characteristics, interests, and feelings that I never knew were part of me, and for that part, I am strangely grateful.

--Lori Kerrigan

 

[wristwatch24]

I received mail from my mother-in-law in the today. It was in one of those large manila mailing envelopes, and I opened it up to find a children's book called The Tale of Three Trees. I read the book and the note my mother-in-law wrote in the back, and I wanted to share both with you lovely ladies in case you haven't heard this story before. I shared it with a friend of mine, and she said "Perfect message for you! Said to you in many different ways by many different people, just this time wrapped in a whole lot of love."

It's true. The message was one I've heard before, but it's never affected me in this way before. I feel at peace now with this journey.

The Tale of Three Trees
Retold by Angela Elwell Hunt

Once upon a mountaintop, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up.

The first little tree looked at the stars twinkling like diamonds above him. "I want to hold treasure," he said. "I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I will be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!"

The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on its way to the ocean. "I want to be a strong sailing ship," he said. "I want to travel to mighty waters and carry powerful kings. I will be the strongest ship in the world!"

The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and busy women worked in a busy town. "I don't want to leave this mountaintop at all," she said. "I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me they will raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I want to be the tallest tree in the world!"

Years passed. The rains came, the sun shone, and the little trees grew tall.

One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain.

The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, "This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe, the first tree fell.

"Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest," thought the first tree. "I shall hold wonderful treasure."

The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, "This tree is strong. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe, the second tree fell.

"Now I shall sail mighty waters," thought the second tree. "I shall be a strong ship fit for kings!"

The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven.

But the woodcutter never even looked up. "Any kind of tree will do for me," he muttered. With a swoop of his shining axe, the third tree fell.

The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought him to a carpenter's shop, but the busy carpenter was not thinking about treasure chests. Instead his work-worn hands fashioned the tree into a feed box for animals.

The once-beautiful tree was not covered with gold or filled with treasure. He was coated with sawdust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals.

The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took him to a shipyard, but no mighty sailing ships were being made that day. Instead the once-strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat.

Too small and too weak to sail an ocean or even a river, he was taken to a little lake. Every day he brought in loads of dead, smelly fish.

The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard.

"What happened?" the once-tall tree wondered. "All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountaintop and point to God."

Many, many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams.

But one night golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feed box.

"I wish I could make a cradle for him," her husband whispered.

The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and sturdy wood. "This manger is beautiful." she said.

And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake.

Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. He knew he did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through the wind and rain.

The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said, "Peace." The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun.

And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the King of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry, jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hands to her.

She felt ugly and harsh and cruel.

But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything.

It had made the first tree beautiful.

It had made the second tree strong.

And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God.

And that was better than being the tallest tree in the world.


To Reilly and David:

Moral of the story: When things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you.

If you place your trust in Him, God will give you great gifts.

Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they imagined.

We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are best.

Love you,
Mom

Hugs to you all.