Circumsicion argument... **Page 11 OPs response**

[Alovelikexo]

So he wants to get the baby circumcised now...

I don't know how I feel.

He says it's cultural, it's got health advantages and it's more hygienic, it's not up for discussion, it's happening whether I like it or not he's his father, it's in his culture and that's that.

Please someone help me understand why he would feel necessary to put our baby through that pain?

 

[Feronia]

You don't need to consent to it. In most places, both parents need to agree. There aren't any health advantages, that's a widespread misconception.

I understand that talking about it with someone like that would be extremely difficult. The WHOLE Network (there's a page on Facebook) posts a lot of great things, and here's one link about talking to your partner about circumcision: https://www.thewholenetwork.org/twn-news/how-do-i-talk-to-my-husband-about-circumcision

I hope it helps!

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

I have 2 boys and this was extremely difficult for me also.... I guess what got me through it was the fact they won't remember this pain as if they got older and wanted it done it be much worse..... But it's a very heartbreaking decision to go through with :/ good luck !

 

[lisaalove]

Apparently I don't know shit so I am changing this I'm sorry to offend all you other mothers but being 14 and having a son I just did what was told and didn't tthink much of it as my whole family is cicumsized I would aassume that his father who wasn't knew how to care for his own penis so therefore him telling me what to do with his sons would be correct.

 

[Feronia]

The biggest problem is trying to get him to understand he needs to pull the skin back when he goes to the bathroom and he needs to do it every time. The worst is at night, he doesn't want to and honestly I doubt he does it when he goes to the bathroom (I don't hover every time) now I must say I wish I had gotten him circumsized. Yes it may sound selfish but he wouldn't have remembered the pain and he wouldn't risk getting an infection from well being a careless child. With his little brother I am planning a circumsision because it will be easier to potty train keep clean and I won't have to ask him every time he goes to the bathroom "did you pull your skin back and remember to wipe?"

No, no, no! HUGE misconception. He does not have to retract the foreskin when he goes to the bathroom. An intact boy's foreskin should never be retracted by anyone but the boy himself, and only when he does it on his own. After it has already been retracted naturally (note: not by you nor any health care professional), you just teach him basic hygiene when bathing, but there's seriously no need to have him retract it to go to the bathroom.

You should really read more about care of an intact penis. Here's the AAP's statement: https://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/ Read what it says about Foreskin Retraction and Hygiene of the Fully Retracted Foreskin.

 

[lisaalove]

Please read previously edited post before telling me how I'm taking care of my child wrong when I knew no better and not even the doctors told me differently.

 

[MeaganMackenz]

I'm never having a boy, so I honestly am not speaking from experience or intent. IF I had a boy though, I'd get it done. I have my reasons but I feel the people who are pro foreskin would rebuttal them, so I'll leave it at that.

 

[lisaalove]

Please read previously edited post before telling me how I'm taking care of my child wrong when I knew no better and not even the doctors told me differently.

 

[zorak]

This is just from the prospective of someone who's son has an uncircumcised penis, I said okay when my son's father said we shouldn't do it because no one in his family did and he didn't want his son to have it done as it was an unnecessary procedure. Now my son is 4 and he is potty trained. The biggest problem is trying to get him to understand he needs to pull the skin back when he goes to the bathroom and he needs to do it every time. The worst is at night, he doesn't want to and honestly I doubt he does it when he goes to the bathroom (I don't hover every time) now I must say I wish I had gotten him circumsized. Yes it may sound selfish but he wouldn't have remembered the pain and he wouldn't risk getting an infection from well being a careless child. With his little brother I am planning a circumsision because it will be easier to potty train keep clean and I won't have to ask him every time he goes to the bathroom "did you pull your skin back and remember to wipe?"

There is absolutely no need to retract the foreskin to pee. Please look up proper care of an uncircumcised penis. I would imagine retracting it too often may cause irritation.

OP, my LO is not circumcised and no child of mine would be rregardless of the cultural argument. I really don't know how to approach it with your OH but as far as I know you both need to consent. I remember in the hospital when the doctor came round to check if we wanted LO circumcised. He got a resounding no and immediately said 'good, I'm glad, there's absolutely no need'.

Where in the world are you? I know it's still common in the US but in the UK is now much harder to actually get done as its not medically advised.

 

[Tmb0047]

I have 2 boys and a girl....both my boys were circumcised shortly after birth. If this baby is a boy, we plan to go the same route. I also will not post my reasons behind my decision as it's a very sensitive subject and the forums usually turn in to a big back and forth argument/discussion.

Ultimately it is your and your husbands choice and no one else's Hope you too can agree one way or the other.

 

[d_b]

My OH did originally want our DS1 to be circumsized and we argued a bit but ultimately he agreed with my opinion that it shouldn't be our decision to alter our son's body, it should be DS's decision if he ever wants to do it later in life.

We are in Canada you have to arrange it yourself a week or two after the birth, they don't do it at my hospital. There are only a few doctors who do it, and it costs $300+ which insurance doesn't cover since the procedure deemed not medically necessary. Not that any of that really mattered but my husband is pretty lazy about organizing stuff so I'm sure it helped sway him, lol.

 

[SurpriseBub]

I would think it is something that you both need to agree on one way or the other. It seems like you should discuss it at greater length...

There is a lower instance of hiv/std infection and a few other pros. Risk of injury is a fairly big con though. So in my mind there are legitimate pros and cons to each side.

Whichever way it goes, you should try to get on the same page

 

[kksy9b]

It should definitely be something you discuss and come to a mutual decision on. We opted for it because my DH is and wanted our son to be like his dad and not feel different as he got older. We have had absolutely zero complications from it and if we have another boy down the road will do the same. There are pros and cons to each but as long as it is something you and your OH can agree about, then either choice will be fine

 

[Monzter79]

Just to throw my hat in, we are NOT going to circumcise. I have all the expected reasons behind my views on it, but it's such a personal decision for every parent- and I absolutely respect whatever anyone wants to do.

I'm fortunate that my husband shares my views on it. But, TBH if we couldn't agree after hashing it out- I'd likely give in to his wishes on this one. I don't do that too often! ;-) i don't envy your position butting heads on this, at ALL. It's a tough one...

I figure since I don't have a penis, don't know much about having one, and since he'll be more in charge of penis related issues than myself- I'd probably defer to him in the end, IF it were really that important to him. After all, it's not a situation where everybody can have their way. I think I'd feel wrong blocking him from having final say in this particular "manhood" situation.

Hope he comes around and sees your side though!

 

[Zephram]

This is just from the prospective of someone who's son has an uncircumcised penis, I said okay when my son's father said we shouldn't do it because no one in his family did and he didn't want his son to have it done as it was an unnecessary procedure. Now my son is 4 and he is potty trained. The biggest problem is trying to get him to understand he needs to pull the skin back when he goes to the bathroom and he needs to do it every time. The worst is at night, he doesn't want to and honestly I doubt he does it when he goes to the bathroom (I don't hover every time) now I must say I wish I had gotten him circumsized. Yes it may sound selfish but he wouldn't have remembered the pain and he wouldn't risk getting an infection from well being a careless child. With his little brother I am planning a circumsision because it will be easier to potty train keep clean and I won't have to ask him every time he goes to the bathroom "did you pull your skin back and remember to wipe?"

That's definitely not what an uncircumcised boy needs to do with his penis! It's not more work or a hassle to have a foreskin. They don't need to pull it back to pee. When they're babies you treat it like a finger and wash it in the same way, you never forcibly retract a foreskin. When they're old enough for it to be able to retract naturally (this varies between about 3 and the teenage years!), then all they have to do is pull it back in the bath or shower to gently clean under it.

 

[sharnw]

I have no advice.

But, I'm having a boy and all this hygiene for the penis is getting me frustrated. I will continue to read everyone's posts and read the links whom have shared. Thanks for all the helpful info

 

[Rhio92]

In the UK, most boys aren't circumcised, and I don't think you can get it on The NHS unless it's for medical reasons. My son had to be circumcised, and I really wouldn't recommend it unless absolutely necessary. He was in pain and it wasn't nice at all. Leave it intact unless there are health problems.

 

[RaspberryK]

There are actually no medical benefits to circumcision and it actually causes more infections and problems than leaving intact.

In my opinion if you wouldn't mutilate your daughters genitalia shortly after birth, then don't do it to your son.

Circumcision was actually introduced in America in order to stop masturbation...

xx

 

[Eline]

I live in Europe, where circumcisions are very rare. I'm very happy not having to face this decision. I agree that there are no medical or hygienical reasons to have your boy circumsized. I've never been with a guy who was circumsized and I can honestly say, I've never had a problem with a partner being unhygienic. I can also confirm there is no reason to pull back the foreskin while peeing.
But cultural reasons can be important as well, so I think this is a personal choice for every parent to make.

I hope the original poster can find an agreement with her OH. Maybe you could talk about this with your doc together and talk about the pros and cons? What would worry me is that every procedure however small, has a risk of complications which would make me shy away from every procedure that wasn't absolutely necessary, certainly if it involves your baby's boy-parts.

 

[londonangel]

There is no medical need for a boy to be circumcised and I think it's quite unreasonable for your other half to just say that the child will be circumcised just because HE thinks it ought to be. I believe circumcision is much more common in the states than the UK, where I think it is probably more the norm not to be circumcised unless there is a specific religious reason. My hubby isn't circumcised and I don't think he's had any problems with his penis getting any sort of infection - as other posters have said, boys just need to look after them properly (and I would wager a guess that my husband doesn't faff about moving the foreskin when he wees!). Fortunately I don't have to worry about this as I have a girl and the new baby is expected to be a girl too!