Circumsicion argument... **Page 11 OPs response**

[bounceyboo]

personally I think its cruel and un-necessary to circumcise if there is no medical grounds i.e. the foreskin is too tight and will not pull back then fair enough but if its based on 'culture' and what one parent wants and the other doesn't well then its a different story. I agree with raspberry you wouldn't cause harm to your daughters genitals why do it to your son?
I have a son and knew nothing about properly cleaning his penis, oh showed me how and I was afraid of hurting him when very gently pulling back the foreskin to clean him properly and keep it healthy, but I learnt how to do it quickly and we have never ever had any problems with ds and oh has never had any problems either teach good hygiene and there never will be! I do know you never pull back the skin going to the bathroom, ive seen oh go plenty of times and ive never seen him pull back the skin, never mind repeatedly reminding a small child to o it every time and to be honest I think circumcised penises look a bit strange with the skin missing, maybe its what im used to seeing and whats normal to me

 

[stephj25]

I'll never understand this topic as I am from the UK but just wanted to say I agree with the other UK responses. Obviously beliefs are different in the US but over here we can only have operations if there is a medical reason/health issue.

 

[LuckyMama13]

In the end, the decision has to be made between the two parents

 

[redneckhippy]

We're having a boy and going to have him circumcised. My husband is circumcised and wants it done and I lean towards it as well. If my husband were againt it, I wouldn't have a big problem not doing it either, but since his is the one with a penis, I feel he should have the bigger say here. The one thing I always think about with hygein is it's fine when he's little and I'm washing him, but then I think when he's 10 or 11 I'm not going to be washing his penis for him, and you can't trust little boys to wash their hands, so I find it hard to believe they will take the time to properly care for their foreskin. But like I said, I don't feel that strongly about it one way or the other, but we are going to have it done since my husband is and that's what he wants for our son so I agree.

 

[greats]

Personally I think these topics should stay off forums because so many heated arguments arise. If you don't believe in circumcision then that's awesome. If you believe in it then that's awesome, too! This is a decision between you, your significant other, and your future child's doctor and no one else especially strangers on a forum. Everyone has their reasons and beliefs as to why they have it done or not.

 

[paradise]

There are slight medical advantages to circumcision...which is why I did it. (A decreased risk of urinary tract infections. A reduced risk of some sexually transmitted diseases in men. Protection against penile cancer.... ) If I can prevent even .01% of future problems for my son I felt I should do it. Honestly, it is heart breaking, the younger they are (even 3 days old!) the better. I did my son's when he was 5 weeks old and he needed stitches (more skin to deal with), which took longer to completely heal (1-2 weeks). This time if I have a son I will probably do it when he is 3 days old. They will never remember it....and the procedure is much more painful to do as a toddler/youth/adult.

 

[Feronia]

Just because a man is the one with the penis doesn't mean he's entitled to make all decisions concerning it, nor does it mean he's an expert on penises. You can't decide to cut off portions of your daughter's vulva just because you have one as well. Ultimately, I feel that since it's an unnecessary procedure (unless there are rare medical complications), the person making the decision should be the one who owns the penis, and obviously he can't make that decision until later on.

You can reduce the risk of STDs by cutting off portions of the hood of the clitoris too, but we see that as barbaric. That in itself isn't a good reason for cutting off the most sensitive portion of a boy's penis and forever altering his body (and affecting his future sex life) without his consent. Cutting off any limp reduces the risk of that limb getting infected.

Caring for an intact penis is seriously not a big deal, guys. There seems to be the notion that foreskins are dirty and get infected easily, and that's simply not true.

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

Dh wants it done for religious reasons. I was dead set against it! We had massive arguments over it. I brought it up to close family. It turns out my family has a very bad history with being uncut. Everyone who has been left uncut has had life long problems. We decided that we would wait until he is 2 weeks old so that his natural clotting abilities have taken effect and my milk will be in to help with comfort. We are going to take him to a pediatric urologist and make sure he's given a penial nerve blocker.

 

[Monzter79]

Just because a man is the one with the penis doesn't mean he's entitled to make all decisions concerning it, nor does it mean he's an expert on penises. You can't decide to cut off portions of your daughter's vulva just because you have one as well. Ultimately, I feel that since it's an unnecessary procedure (unless there are rare medical complications), the person making the decision should be the one who owns the penis, and obviously he can't make that decision until later on.

Everybody has a different partnership and different things are important to different people. Fine with me if you wouldnt care about your partner's differing opinion as the father of your son- but sometimes it's wisest to pick battles carefully- and choosing all out war over foreskin... Isn't something I'd choose for my marriage. Jmho. Nor would I choose the state of our world's foreskin as my torch to carry. You don't need anybody else to be WRONG in order to feel okay about your choices, and it's okay to share your view and your experience WITHOUT the judgment. Even as someone who is personally AGAINST circumcision, I think we All know better than to compare it to FGM.

As for the PP who questioned the legitimacy of threads like these because of the discussions always getting heated, maybe you're right. Some people want to WIN rather than respect and that's certainly not healthy.

 

[Feronia]

I can usually acknowledge that certain choices are tough to make and that there is no right answer, but in this case, I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would choose to cut off a perfectly healthy part of a baby's body without his consent. Sorry. This would be a deal breaker in my own marriage, and thankfully DH is 100% on the same page and super grateful that his parents left him intact in America.

I usually stay out of these debates as well, but this thread wasn't on who was circumcising and who wasn't. She was asking how to talk to her partner about this and it seemed like she was frustrated that her husband is unrelenting on his opinion.

The comparison to FGM is very similar in that they are both cut the genitals of babies without their consent, both are justified by health benefits that just aren't true, both are painful and can cause severe damage. You're right, though, there are usually significant differences in the degree of the damage. FGM is usually a lot worse depending on the type performed (but there are different types and degrees of male circumcision, too. Some only cut off the tip, and others cut off the entire foreskin). Complications are usually a lot worse in FGM and healing time is greater, but there can be complications in male circumcisions, too. Ultimately, I do think baby boys deserve the same protection from non-medically necessary genital mutilation that baby girls have.

 

[NellyLou]

While I try to stay away from these topics, I tend to agree with Feronia and am only commenting because the OP was asking for opinions. We are having a boy this time and won't be circumsizing. We don't have any religious reasons to do it, and it's no longer recommended to have done here. I'm of the belief that if it's not medically necessary, then it shouldn't be done. Plus, I had a hard enough time seeing DD get her shots let alone putting a poor newborn baby through that. It is considered mutilation when it comes to doing the same thing to girls, so I'm not sure why it's not considered that with boys. Just my opinion.

 

[hairftsher]

We are having a boy & certainly not circumsizing. I refuse to alter his body for cosmetic reasons. Should he choose that later in life is totally up to him.
To each their own.

 

[Monzter79]

I am with the parents on this. Even if I make a different choice- I'm glad it's our choice to make. Respect to all, really. I am all for informing people who care to listen by sharing my thoughts on circumcision if asked. And, to each their own.

Just ONE THING, however;
There is no justification to compare FGM to male circumcision. I understand that you 'feel' it is the same. But, hurling those sorts of uninformed comparisons from such a LOFTY vantage point, is so incredibly undermining and damaging to an issue that is sooo very sensitive - not to mention absolutely horrific and detrimental in nature - that it's not only wildly irresponsible, but IMMEDIATELY discredits you as an advocate for your position. And, it's an insult over injury to the victims of FGM that leaves me SMDH.

There is plenty of food for thought to offer, and enough very good and valid points to mention- without cheapening and undermining the severity of FGM.

I am not going to get into the details of FGM, google can handle it. To the OP, compromise is key in marriage and I'm sure you will find a common ground in handling this issue.

I apologize for offending anyone or adding to any negativity. It's not my intent. Just had to speak my peace on that one issue. Now IMA just zip it! I'm out.. love you guys.

 

[NellyLou]

I really don't see how comparing it to FGM undermines the severity of it... In both circumstances someone is cutting off a part of a person's body without their consent and without pain medication. Whether it's done in the hospital or a doctor's office, does not make it better than the other in my opinion. Would an adult male willingly choose to be circumcised if it wasn't medically necessary? I highly doubt it, so why should parents have the right to do this to their sons?

 

[redneckhippy]

I haven't crossed this bridge yet, but I'm pretty sure they do use pain medication. Maybe in the old days they didn't? Or I'm not sure if they use it if it's a religious ceremony, but as far as I know at the hospitals or doctors office they do provide pain medication.

 

[NellyLou]

As far as I know, they don't. At least not here. My sister was a nurse, and the only time she fainted was the first time she witnessed a newborn being circumsized.

It's completely up to the parents to decide, but I think the view on circumcision is quickly changing.

 

[Feronia]

I also don't see how the comparison undermines the severity of FGM. I understand how horrific FGM is and already explained the differences in severity. Overall, there are more similarities than differences between the two procedures. Just watch a video of a circumcision being performed -- it's pretty brutal. I can't watch something like that and not speak out against it. And the point still stands that baby boys deserve the same protection that little girls have.

Anaesthetic is used some of the time (but not always), but it doesn't take away all of the pain, nor the pain of recovery. Let him choose to permanently modify his own body if he wishes when he's older.

 

[MrsKChicago]

I told DH that if he wants to have our son circumcised, he has to talk me into it and convince me there's a solid benefit that outweighs performing cosmetic surgery on an infant. I don't think that the supposed health benefits are substantial enough to justify it, but I know some families have put a lot of thought and research into the issue and come to the opposite conclusion.

Regardless of my views on the actual procedure, I do feel strongly that both parents have to be on board. In this kind of situation, if there isn't some pressing need to get something done, if it's not strongly recommended by the medical community and supported by research, dissenting parents always get veto power. If DH was strongly opposed to some baby decision that couldn't be undone and wouldn't cause immediate risk to the baby, and we just couldn't come to an agreement, I'd defer to his opinion. I'm extremely uncomfortable with the idea of one parent just unilaterally deciding that a baby will be circumcised no matter what the other parent thinks, and in that case, I would absolutely refuse to sign the consent form.

 

[overcomer79]

I let the father make the decision while I did the research. He is circum'ed and he wishes he wasn't. Our sons aren't. My five year old has never had a UTI.

 

[Rhio92]

There is no justification to compare FGM to male circumcision. I understand that you 'feel' it is the same. But, hurling those sorts of uninformed comparisons from such a LOFTY vantage point, is so incredibly undermining and damaging to an issue that is sooo very sensitive - not to mention absolutely horrific and detrimental in nature - that it's not only wildly irresponsible, but IMMEDIATELY discredits you as an advocate for your position. And, it's an insult over injury to the victims of FGM that leaves me SMDH.

I'm sorry, but they are both as bad as each other. Sometimes (for some cultures) FGM is just a tiny cut, so does that mean that FGM is acceptable?

No reason for any of them to be done, both painful and involves cutting, both should be left to the person to decide for themselves when they are old enough to make the decision.