Clomid Club Graduate Buddies

[Euronova]

Well done Ben!!!
Had a swim yestr
I had a swim yesterday with my friend who has a 9 months old. Was great to talk baby and pregnancy (she is the mum of the little girl I often take pictures of)
I was surprise to learn she still breast feed 3 times a day as I know she has been feeding her loads other thing. I have so much to learn. She was saying that she wish she had pumped and introduced the bottle earlier especially for her last feed before bed. As her girl can take her time or fall asleep on the job before she had enough to last the night and that she hasn't learned to fall asleep alone or with a bib with et partner.
So much stuff to know about!

 

[Peach Blossom]

Hey ladies.

My talk with Joe didn't go so well... My worst fears are coming true. He wants to go to Relate and get counselling. He doesn't know why, but he isn't attracted to me physically and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me. I'm in pieces. I cried all night. I kept telling that I loved him and he just said "I know". I don't know what to do. He's supposed to be taking Lili up to Scotland tomorrow, but I don't think I can cope with it...

 

[Euronova]

Sorry I don't know you or your situation very well but I do feel really real sorry. It must be so hard. On a positive note, he wants counselling so it's not like he is giving up completely. Maybe it will help you both rebuilt something.
It seems you have been through so much together with the losses and everything... surely you might still find the strength to get over this.... Did you get counselling after your losses too? The whole TTC (plus then finally a pregnancy) can really wear you down.

 

[SBB]

Jess hun I'm so sorry

Is there anything we can do? I wish we could...

As V said, there is hope, he obviously wants to work on this rather than just end it. Perhaps this is a good thing in a way, if counselling can get to the route of the problem, perhaps things will improve. It may take a long time but you never know...

So sorry... We love you

x x x

 

[babyloulou]

I'm so so sorry Jess I really hope the counselling helps you sort it out between you Let us know if you need anything! Meeting up, anything

 

[SBB]

Jess what's his attachment to Lili like? I know you've said before he doesn't help out much, but do you think he seems to care about her enough? Perhaps it's a whole thing linked with his depression and he's just become detached from you and the baby?

x x x

 

[SBB]

Yeh let's meet up! We can give you big REAL hugs Jess instead of stupid yellow ones

x x x

 

[SBB]

Hey Jess :wave: how are you feeling?

Lou get Ben to come and teach sammuel how to do lots of kisses and cuddles!

V I still BF sammuel in the day, although he also has 3 solid meals a day, before one they still need a lot from milk... I pumped early due to him being Tongue tied, it was very painful for me to feed for a couple of weeks. Even with a bottle he doesn't sleep through... Every baby is different and when you have yours you'll find the pattern they fit in to and decide what to do...

Lou did Laura say how she's doing with the bf?

X x x

 

[Peach Blossom]

Thank you girls. I wish there was something I could do, you could do any of us could do... But it's all in Joe's hands now. He has a good bond with Lili, although I'm not sure he'd really miss her if he were to leave. He's not depressed at the moment. He is the happiest he's been for a long time because of all the work he's doing. I feel so lost and out of control. In his speech at our wedding he said this:
“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”

I so wish that were true now.

 

[Euronova]

Jess- I don't know many men that would suggest counselling off their own initiative. It's great that he is ready to talk. I sounds like you have been through so much, maybe talking it all through with someone will help him realise that it's all worth fighting for. Does he work away from home a lot?
How are you feeling yourself? I mean apart from obviously really distressed by all that is going on. Are you working? are you finding time for yourself? do you feel depressed or stressed? It might be that you pushed him away or resented him at one point because you struggled to do it all on your own (Suz - mentioned he was not helping a lot in the beginning)... it seems so easy to loose sight of your relationship... I am not even showing and my partner won't come near me (too weird he says).. as a result he is also less cuddly so i have had to ask for hugs and make sure we still kiss (when I am not nauseous!) but it would be so easy to loose touch...
It's horrible not to be in control.
I hope you both can work it out, maybe you need to revive those good times... maybe find old letters, or videos of the wedding and re-write part of those in a letter to him... something to help him find the way back to those emotions he clearly had for you.

 

[lisaf]

Is it just since Lili was born that he has lost his attraction? It can be a hard adjustment for some men to no longer be the main thing in your life. Suddenly your attention is focused elsewhere and they feel like 2nd class citizens. Some guys act out childishly and get mad and resentful, but some guys may just feel disconnected and sort of lose track of why you are together in the first place.

I'm SO glad he suggested counseling, its so good that you guys are dealing with this and talking about it instead of just growing apart and being in denial. I believe the first year of a baby's life is supposed to be the most stressful for a marriage.
Did you guys do any 'couple's time' alone?

I know my parents neglected their relationship and became parents instead of partners. They felt too guilty for working all the time and didn't want to leave us with a sitter to spend time together. Its something I swore I wouldn't do (though right now I think its best to bring Daniel out to dinner with us because its easier now than when he's 2 years old or 4 and disruptive/can't stay seated etc - DH wants us to go eat alone... the inlaws don't love watching him at night because he's in bed by the time we need them and he doesn't typically wake up... now that he's waking up more, I feel like I should be there to comfort him because my inlaws might decide he needs to play when I know he just needs his pacifier and some rocking)

 

[kcw81]

Jess I am so sorry !! How awful that must feel. I think you are beautiful and sexy, even more after you had lilli the pics of you together are beautiful! I bet he is just talking about how after being with someone a long time you have to work on that sexual spark. I am hoping that is what it is.

counseling is worth a try, is it easy to go find a counselor and make an appointment and all that? Is it really going to happen, the counseling? hopefully it isn't a big hassle to try to figure out what counselor to go to and get in for an appt.

I am curious, how do you feel about him. Are you attracted to him anymore? Just curious if you still feel totally in love with him after all this. we love you and please feel safe to come on here and tell us more.

 

[Peach Blossom]

The physical relationship has been a problem for a long time... Something happened and I don't know what but it has been an uphill battle for longer than I can remember.

I hope that counselling will help, but I just don't know what it can do? What can a counseller say that will make him feel differently that I can't say to him? It's breaking my heart.

In all honesty I don't think it has anything to do with Lili arriving. I do feel like he's taken more and more work just to keep away from me though. This has been building and building for years and finally I just couldn't take it anymore. I feel so unimportant to him. If I'm not important to him then who am I important to?

Sorry ladies, I don't want to depress everyone, I just don't know who else to turn to...

 

[lisaf]

don't apologize, we're here for you!

I do wonder if he's been dealing with some depression (wouldn't really always be 'classic signs', especially in men). A counselor could help pick up on those things. If this has been an issue for a while, maybe he isn't really sure what is causing it himself and a counselor can help get to the root of the problem. He may sort of know what is going on but not know how to express himself.
If one of your losses had affected him in a particular way, he may have felt that he couldn't complain about how he felt because what you were going through was so much worse? I don't know the timing of when this started, but thats just an example of how maybe a counselor can help delve into some issues that he's afraid to talk about because he doesn't know how to say what he's feeling.

 

[kcw81]

I didn't know that your relationship was in trouble before Lilli?

 

[Peach Blossom]

Not that you'd know or that we admitted, but our physical relationship has been almost non existent for a long time now...

 

[Euronova]

that seems pretty common, before we were TTC (and had to do it all the time) we could be quite a few weeks without having sex.
I spoke with my friend yesterday, her partner also did not want to have sex during the pregnancy, then she had a bad tear so she didn't feel comfortable after the birth, now she is so busy with her daughter she says it's rare that they have the time and if they do, they would rather sleep!
maybe he is over reacting on something that a lot of couple go through... but just won't admit to it!

 

[SBB]

Jess I agree with what Lisa said, it's not that the counsellor will say something and he'll snap out if it... But, if he can work out what the issue is and where it came from and why it started / has got worse then maybe they can work on how to fix it, with your help of course.

Before the issues was he a sex person? Like some people just don't want sex that much full stop! Usually there's the exciting beginning bit but it dies down pretty quick and once your relationship becomes 'serious' you probably do it much less...

X x x

 

[laura6914]

hi ladies.

Im really sorry and i dont want to be rude, but i havent read back.

Thanks lou for updating everyone for me.

I will post picstures of my little darling as soon as i get chance. I only got discharged from hospital this afternoon as Chloe swallowed meconium so had to stay in to be monitored. Ill post a birth story soon to.

Hope everyone is well.

xxx

 

[babyloulou]

Yay!! Can't wait for the piccy Laura

Jess