co sleeping?

[babyblessed]

I know I don't belong here yet - soon, but not yet - but still I will be co sleeping with my son as I love the idea of the closeness! And if he wants to sleep with me until he's 12, so what?
It can be dangerous but here there are these foam things you put under him to secure his movement while he sleeps and to assure he won't roll away/off the bed, and I won't be using pillows as a risk for suffocation!

exactly; i'm thinking by 16 he won't think it cool to sleep with us anymore anyway!

 

[ryder]

lol, I think my hubby would definately have a big problem with a 12 year old child sleeping in our bed We are crowded enough with our lab.

 

[ayshahudson]

I love co sleeping with Joseph, we both get better sleep that way!

 

[Holldoll]

Im not going to do it... No matter what.

I dont feel it is safe, and anyone who I actually know IRL who has co-slept is having the worst time re-training their toddler to sleep alone, it is a nightmare for them, and IMO not something the child has to go through.

Personally I believe in having a good routine, and that means starting when they are babies and still very adaptable.

Having a baby is a definate test of will, mothers only want their babies to be happy, but sometimes that also means making hard choices, one being letting them self-sooth sometimes, even though it hurts us to hear them cry... and for me, the other being getting my baby to sleep alone, which may very well be hard in the beginning.

However, everyone has their own beliefs and experiences

Babies under 3 months don't have the capability of being on a schedule and self-soothing. You really should read the book, Happiest Baby on the Block.

Back to the topic: I put Bella in her co-sleeper crib when she goes to bed around 11 and then when she wakes up around 3 she comes into bed with us and stays with us until the next morning. I always know right where she is. Last night I woke up to her sucking on my arm. It was very cute. I love being that close to her. After 3 months she will move into her own room.

 

[ryder]

Actually, Holldoll... Babies may not be on a "routine" persay under 3 months, but the routine at this age, IMO, is eating, sleeping (in their own crib at night), changing etc. 3 months goes by very quickly.

I also did not mean that a 3 month old would self-sooth (because they cry when they need to be fed, changed, are sick etc), I meant that when they become older, this is one of the hard things that we, as mothers, sometimes have to do.

Practicing things as soon as they are born is how they learn. So back to my original point, I dont feel like having to wean an already busy and cranky toddler from my bed after i've let them sleep in my bed for months/years. Everything starts and is shaped by the beginning of their lives.

I am not saying that you, or anyone, has to follow my opinion on the subject. You can do whatever you please... Me, I just wont be doing that, no matter what this book, or that book says. For every book you show that promotes co-sleeping, I can likely show you a book that shows the bad side of it.

 

[ColtonsMom]

I used to be the same way as ryder.. compeletely against it, etc. I could actually probably go back to when I was pregnant and find some threads where I was against it. However, when he was born it was completely different. Not saying that others will do the same thing I did. I'm just reflecting..

 

[KarenLV]

We also co-sleep as I am breastfeeding. He sleeps better when he is next to his mommy and daddy anyways. He does sleep during daytime in his crib,so that he can gradually get used to it.We are planning on moving him there when he is about 4/5months old but for now we all love cuddling up.

 

[Munchkin]

Hey Karen,
Trust me - it will be difficult to move him at that stage.... I've learnt from other mistakes. Sleep issues are the one's that plague parents the most. Cuddle time's great.... but in the long run it gets difficult for baby to re-adjust as he won't understand why he suddenly needs to be in his own bed.
Munchy x

 

[Linzi]

we co sleep in th morning when daddy has gone and i love it we both enjoy the closeness xxx

We do the same as well, its a nice way to start the day I think. I love it and I really miss it when daddy is off work lol

xxx

 

[Margerle]

Hey Karen,
Trust me - it will be difficult to move him at that stage.... I've learnt from other mistakes. Sleep issues are the one's that plague parents the most. Cuddle time's great.... but in the long run it gets difficult for baby to re-adjust as he won't understand why he suddenly needs to be in his own bed.
Munchy x

Well up until the 1900's (and still today in most parts of the world) cosleeping is a normal and necessary part of infant care.

An infant does not understand who his caregivers are, nor does he completely understand what he/she needs to do to get the constant comfort they got in the womb. So when they don't feel comfort, they cry. They may not feel comfort because they are lonelye and want love adn affection, or because they physically don't feel well because of a dirty diaper, upset tummy, or hunger. They do not have the tools at this age to do anything other than cry out and hope someone comes to help them. (Hopefully that one nice lady who I know her voice, and smell.)

As the infant progresses and his or her cries are answered with what is needed by the baby, a trust forms. The baby becomes confident that if I cry certain people will come to love and comfort me. The research shows that as an infant, if this bond was cemented, the child cried less as an older child. He knew how to communicate his needs to his caregivers efficiently as there was good communication between them.

I mention this because the essence of baby coming to the parents bed is to limit crying and facilitate this bond. An infant has absolutely no clue what is going on when they are "left to learn" their place. All they want is comfort.

A baby that is older than three months will certainly feel lonliness and frustration, but a good bond has formed between them and mommy. Now baby has the mental and emotional tools to make a transition to more independence. Its not about avoiding confrontation with the child... it'll happen either way. Its about the timing and making sure the "lesson" is learned without possibly undermining confidence and trust.

Our whole lives as parents will be about making sure the lesson that we're trying to teach our kids is geared toward their developmental level.

 

[ayshahudson]

I love reading your posts Margerle!! They're so informative!

 

[Munchkin]

Hey Karen,
Trust me - it will be difficult to move him at that stage.... I've learnt from other mistakes. Sleep issues are the one's that plague parents the most. Cuddle time's great.... but in the long run it gets difficult for baby to re-adjust as he won't understand why he suddenly needs to be in his own bed.
Munchy x

Well up until the 1900's (and still today in most parts of the world) cosleeping is a normal and necessary part of infant care.

An infant does not understand who his caregivers are, nor does he completely understand what he/she needs to do to get the constant comfort they got in the womb. So when they don't feel comfort, they cry. They may not feel comfort because they are lonelye and want love adn affection, or because they physically don't feel well because of a dirty diaper, upset tummy, or hunger. They do not have the tools at this age to do anything other than cry out and hope someone comes to help them. (Hopefully that one nice lady who I know her voice, and smell.)

As the infant progresses and his or her cries are answered with what is needed by the baby, a trust forms. The baby becomes confident that if I cry certain people will come to love and comfort me. The research shows that as an infant, if this bond was cemented, the child cried less as an older child. He knew how to communicate his needs to his caregivers efficiently as there was good communication between them.

I mention this because the essence of baby coming to the parents bed is to limit crying and facilitate this bond. An infant has absolutely no clue what is going on when they are "left to learn" their place. All they want is comfort.

A baby that is older than three months will certainly feel lonliness and frustration, but a good bond has formed between them and mommy. Now baby has the mental and emotional tools to make a transition to more independence. Its not about avoiding confrontation with the child... it'll happen either way. Its about the timing and making sure the "lesson" is learned without possibly undermining confidence and trust.

Our whole lives as parents will be about making sure the lesson that we're trying to teach our kids is geared toward their developmental level.

I definitely agree with your last statement wholeheartedly.

All great in theory, but in practise not only do those who learn to sleep well on their own young have better sleep habits throughtout their lives - and by no means do they have to cry to learn this young to "learn their place" as you state as this not what I suggested. It's about teaching them how to sleep, which we as parents need to teach them.

However, they also do not have to go through the trauma of the rules being changed on them when parents decide at some stage that they want their space back.

At the end of the day - if it works for you or anyone else that's great.

However, I'd love to hear how everyone gets on with the transition at a later stage - as I believe this can be very traumatic for the child and lead to the bond of trust being broken.

 

[Margerle]

Hey Karen,
Trust me - it will be difficult to move him at that stage.... I've learnt from other mistakes. Sleep issues are the one's that plague parents the most. Cuddle time's great.... but in the long run it gets difficult for baby to re-adjust as he won't understand why he suddenly needs to be in his own bed.
Munchy x

Well up until the 1900's (and still today in most parts of the world) cosleeping is a normal and necessary part of infant care.

An infant does not understand who his caregivers are, nor does he completely understand what he/she needs to do to get the constant comfort they got in the womb. So when they don't feel comfort, they cry. They may not feel comfort because they are lonelye and want love adn affection, or because they physically don't feel well because of a dirty diaper, upset tummy, or hunger. They do not have the tools at this age to do anything other than cry out and hope someone comes to help them. (Hopefully that one nice lady who I know her voice, and smell.)

As the infant progresses and his or her cries are answered with what is needed by the baby, a trust forms. The baby becomes confident that if I cry certain people will come to love and comfort me. The research shows that as an infant, if this bond was cemented, the child cried less as an older child. He knew how to communicate his needs to his caregivers efficiently as there was good communication between them.

I mention this because the essence of baby coming to the parents bed is to limit crying and facilitate this bond. An infant has absolutely no clue what is going on when they are "left to learn" their place. All they want is comfort.

A baby that is older than three months will certainly feel lonliness and frustration, but a good bond has formed between them and mommy. Now baby has the mental and emotional tools to make a transition to more independence. Its not about avoiding confrontation with the child... it'll happen either way. Its about the timing and making sure the "lesson" is learned without possibly undermining confidence and trust.

Our whole lives as parents will be about making sure the lesson that we're trying to teach our kids is geared toward their developmental level.

I definitely agree with your last statement wholeheartedly.

All great in theory, but in practise not only do those who learn to sleep well on their own young have better sleep habits throughtout their lives - and by no means do they have to cry to learn this young to "learn their place" as you state as this not what I suggested. It's about teaching them how to sleep, which we as parents need to teach them.

However, they also do not have to go through the trauma of the rules being changed on them when parents decide at some stage that they want their space back.

At the end of the day - if it works for you or anyone else that's great.

However, I'd love to hear how everyone gets on with the transition at a later stage - as I believe this can be very traumatic for the child and lead to the bond of trust being broken.

Certainly not being in a parents bed at 0-3 months isn't going to make someone a mass murderer, or social deviant. I'm not suggesting that either method will make or break the child and/or his or her bond with their family.

What I am advocating is that as parents, certain lessons have the most efficient outcome when taught at a certain age. We all have heard how difficult it is to potty train a toddler before they are "ready".

I'm not sure that a person learns to sleep better specifically from 0-3 months of age... and would like to see some studies on that.

And certainly our whole lives are full of rules to learn... again the trick is for us as parents to teach the rules at a time that is most effective of them being learned. Whole millenia of people in hundreds of cultures co slept prior to the 1900's.

You speak of trauma and that is exactly my point... The WHEN of inflicting this trauma is strategic to development. It is my position that this trauma is better mitigated from all levels when done AFTER 0-3 or 4 months of age.

I was a single parent for more than ten years. My daughter coslept with me everynight up until she was 4 and intermittently after that. I obviously did it for my own benefit (breastfeeding in bed, better sleep, etc.) We bonded extremely well and though it was a trick to get her to enjoy her own bed at four, we did it in about 3 weeks. She didn't like the idea but she of course had all the skills at 4 to make the transition.

I'm CERTAINLY NOT advocating keeping kids in your bed till they are four or older... if it works for your family that's awesome. If not, again my point is that until the baby is older than 3 months the baby is not equiped with anything mentally, emotionally, or physically to help them transition.

 

[Munchkin]

Oh Margerle *SIGH*
You and I are just going to have to agree to disagree. And I mean that in the nicest way.

I certainly did not inflict trauma on my LO teaching him to sleep earlier than 3 months and I have a very happy healthy child. No doubt in mind that your children are the same.

So at the end of the day, we practise what works for our children and us as parents - whether co-sleeping or not, age to potty train, etc etc.

 

[Margerle]

 

[Munchkin]

right back at you!

 

[mBLACK]

I know I don't belong here yet - soon, but not yet - but still I will be co sleeping with my son as I love the idea of the closeness! And if he wants to sleep with me until he's 12, so what?
It can be dangerous but here there are these foam things you put under him to secure his movement while he sleeps and to assure he won't roll away/off the bed, and I won't be using pillows as a risk for suffocation!

exactly; i'm thinking by 16 he won't think it cool to sleep with us anymore anyway!

@ the truth in that!/\

lol, I think my hubby would definately have a big problem with a 12 year old child sleeping in our bed We are crowded enough with our lab.

Understandable if you have an OH - I wouldn't even be able to legally live with my OH if I had one for much longer!

 

[Sara]

I haven't read all the replies but we're co-sleepers by choice and wouldn't have it any other way.
Indigo will choose when he wants his own bed, until then he sleeps in the family bed with us and any future siblings.

IMO I find it safer and we all get a great sleep

 

[Helen]

It's all the practical stuff that bothers me.

How is there space for everyone? Clearly there wouldn't have been space for me, DH and two babies in one bed but I can't imagine getting even one between us.

Isn't it just roasting hot for them? DH is like a furnace at the best of times but I wouldn't want him giving off heat to a tiny baby like that.

Wouldn't they get lost under the duvet/fall out of the side/get caught up in pillows?

What about your sex life? I found it a bit weird BD when they were in a cot the other side of the room. Do you just abstain?

I've only shared a bed with Charlotte on one occasion when she was teething, just wouldn't settle and was disturbing DH and Tom. I was on edge the whole time.

It's just not for us at all. I love snuggly cuddles but then I get them anyway at other times of the day so I don't feel I've missed out.

 

[Always&4ever]

Nope, would occasionally have Jasmine lie on our bed if we were awake but would never sleep with her in our bed at night as im so scared id roll on to her