Comfused, what is he up to??

[Lunabelle]

My partner and I are very much in love and know that we def want a family together. Now, I have a major baby fever and all I can think about is babies. Being surrounded by friends with babies isn't making it any easier for me either. I feel like every cell in my body and my entire being is just craving to hold and care for a little baby...

I have brought it up with my partner of course, and he wants to wait until we are married, have a big family house and lots of money saved up. And have travelled enough. All very good reasons, but I still can't help my emotions...

Now the problem is that I came off the pill because it's not suitable for me. He knows it very well since now I am waiting for my period to get one of those t-shape things installed. He knows I'm not on the pill and that we should use a condom or at least he shouldn't come inside me. But he does. Every time. Just moments after saying we should wait to have a baby.. I don't understand???

Yesterday I was talking about the possibility of me moving to another city for better opportunities there, and staying there a couple of days a week at least. His face dropped and he didn't say anything for a while. Then he asked if i would stay if we have a baby and later he asked if I'm going to leave him if we don't have a baby. I reassured him that I wasn't trying to force him to have a baby and understand all his reasons but that I can't just stopping wanting one.

Eventho we speak about everything very openly, I can't help not bringing this ejaculation matter up with him. I know it's naughty but of course I'm wishing to get pregnant. Im scared if I bring it up he won't come inside me anymore. What is going on? Does he secretly want a baby too? Or can't he just help but to come inside me? Or is he doing this because he is scared if I dont get pregnant im going to move to another city? This is also making me delay getting the new contraception method installed, last month my period was just on NE which is why i didn't go to the doc.. (Excuses, excuses..)

Any advice ladies? How should I proceed? What is going on with my man?

 

[munchkinnn]

My SO started doing the samething last month after I told him I was still thinking about the military.. he Doesn't want you to leave..

 

[munchkinnn]

But you should talk about it. He might be willing to compromise now

 

[Angel_blues]

You should bring it up, it would be super irresponsible to 'trap' him into a child. Financial reasons and owning a house is are extremely good reasons. Children cost money now and forever. If you're having a hard time saving for a house now imagine how much more difficult it will be with a child in tow. Out of respect for your partner, please don't trick him, or 'forget' to mention the lack of contraception... I feel its a moral issue.

(Sorry very opinionated on this matter, one of my best friends is in the battle of his life because a girl tricked him for a baby)

 

[Otterpup]

I'm pretty positive you don't have to wait for your period to get an IUD. I'd talk to your partner and make a plan you can both feel 100% about.

For the record, it's pretty clear that you aren't "trapping" him. He knows the situation. However, I do think he shouldn't be trying to have a baby with you just to prevent your leaving, that's just a bandaid for a deeper issue.

 

[Angel_blues]

"Eventho we speak about everything very openly, I can't help not bringing this ejaculation matter up with him. I know it's naughty but of course I'm wishing to get pregnant. Im scared if I bring it up he won't come inside me anymore. What is going on? Does he secretly want a baby too? Or can't he just help but to come inside me? Or is he doing this because he is scared if I dont get pregnant im going to move to another city? This is also making me delay getting the new contraception method installed, last month my period was just on NE which is why i didn't go to the doc.. (Excuses, excuses..)"

I guess its just a matter of opinion. Maybe you didn't express your yourself properly. Only you know. I hope you talk to him. Just because it's 'not now' doesn't mean it won't happen when your both ready.

 

[munchkinnn]

"Eventho we speak about everything very openly, I can't help not bringing this ejaculation matter up with him. I know it's naughty but of course I'm wishing to get pregnant. Im scared if I bring it up he won't come inside me anymore. What is going on? Does he secretly want a baby too? Or can't he just help but to come inside me? Or is he doing this because he is scared if I dont get pregnant im going to move to another city? This is also making me delay getting the new contraception method installed, last month my period was just on NE which is why i didn't go to the doc.. (Excuses, excuses..)"

I guess its just a matter of opinion. Maybe you didn't express your yourself properly. Only you know. I hope you talk to him. Just because it's 'not now' doesn't mean it won't happen when your both ready.

In my case it wasn't exactly the fact that I wanted him to cum in me. It's just a certain closeness you feel when it's all said and done.. I also didn't wanna bring it up becauseiI diidn't wanna lose that closeness.. and that could be what's she's afraid of too and that's completely understandable if you've been in that situation... but it should be discussed even if you have to shove your face in a pillow and muffle lol

 

[babydustcass]

I think you immediately need to address the issue of no contraception. There are lots of mixed messages coming from both of you. He doesnt want children but isn't taking even the simplest of precautions to prevent it, and apparently you understand his feelings but you're making your own president right now.

 

[Lunabelle]

I wouldn't trick him into having a baby, but he is a man in his 30's and knows very well what he is doing. Plus I actually can't stop him from coming inside me. He knows very well that I'm not on contraception. I talked to him about how I didn't like the pill and the new contraception I wanted. And he knows I haven't had it installed yet. One of the first times (sometime in december) I did say afterwards, you know I'm not on the pill right? And he said yeah. Sometimes he even 'jokes' and says should we get you pregnant now. So I feel really confused because I'm getting mixed messages from him.

We are financially secure enough to look after a baby, he just wants to be even more comfortable and have the wedding out of the way too. And what we have is just so good now that if we got a baby, I think he worries our relationship would change. And I agree with him rationally completely. But my emotions are another story... I almost feel like he is teasing me. First we agree to wait for a baby, and then he comes inside me knowing im not using any contraception.

So yeah, I had to bring it up with him and he said he can't help it... I actually don't believe that, like I said he is a very strong man in his 30's not a little boy. So I said would you mind if I got pregnant? And he replied no, but I wouldn't get up during the week when the baby is crying. He has a stressful job so he needs his sleep or he won't be able to function.. So what is this? Is this just letting it happen if it's meant to happen? Not really trying but not stopping it either...

 

[munchkinnn]

I wouldn't trick him into having a baby, but he is a man in his 30's and knows very well what he is doing. Plus I actually can't stop him from coming inside me. He knows very well that I'm not on contraception. I talked to him about how I didn't like the pill and the new contraception I wanted. And he knows I haven't had it installed yet. One of the first times (sometime in december) I did say afterwards, you know I'm not on the pill right? And he said yeah. Sometimes he even 'jokes' and says should we get you pregnant now. So I feel really confused because I'm getting mixed messages from him.

We are financially secure enough to look after a baby, he just wants to be even more comfortable and have the wedding out of the way too. And what we have is just so good now that if we got a baby, I think he worries our relationship would change. And I agree with him rationally completely. But my emotions are another story... I almost feel like he is teasing me. First we agree to wait for a baby, and then he comes inside me knowing im not using any contraception.


So yeah, I had to bring it up with him and he said he can't help it... I actually don't believe that, like I said he is a very strong man in his 30's not a little boy. So I said would you mind if I got pregnant? And he replied no, but I wouldn't get up during the week when the baby is crying. He has a stressful job so he needs his sleep or he won't be able to function.. So what is this? Is this just letting it happen if it's meant to happen? Not really trying but not stopping it either...

It's a situation you probably don't want to happen.. he pretty much just told you what would happen.. you'd probably be left with all the hard work involving the baby with minimum help from him. When we said bring it up to him we meant actually sit down and talk until every single question has a definite answer and since you're still grasping for answers here we know you haven't... I know it's hard and a babies what you really really want, if it just happens and he's really not ready it's just not going to be good quite frankly and stressful on both parts it all 3

 

[skycastles]

I'm not certain of your situation.. But to interpret it differently by gauging your mild reaction to his "I won't get up during the week" comment, I'm assuming he has valid reasons so instead perhaps it means he is trying to think of the practicalities of having a child.
Both my husband and I have stressful jobs and neither of us could imagine losing sleep over the week, which is why I'm still WWT. We're thinking either one of us (preferably me) will have to take a sabbatical once we have a LO. So I would understand how in some situations that would be a valid comment. In which case, it would be a positive that he has begun to think of the situation of really having a baby, because he wants to give you what you want and make you happy.
However, my strong impression is that he isn't fully ready. So would it be better if you took advantage of the situation to ask him for a definite date to TTC? That way, he would feel the immediate pressure ease off him for now, while you have a date to look forward to along with the chance to step back and discuss whatever necessary with him... What do you think? Because as previous post meant, you definitely don't want a case of an accidental pregnancy where he isn't committed 100% to being a father and doing his share whole-heartedly..