Confession time - share your bitter moments of jealousy while TTC

[lisaf]

So at some point during this TTC journey, many of us admit to being horribly jealous at those who are falling pregnant without any trouble. The longer you've been TTC, the more intense this feeling seems to get. I'd love to come up with a creative name for this mindset! Any suggestions?

I also find it funny/comforting to share these bitter moments with other TTCers since you always end up feeling guilty for thinking these thoughts until you hear that someone else had similar/worse moments!

I remember one cycle I was walking my dog past someone's house and noticed they had all kinds of boxes out on the curb for trash pickup. These were boxes for a baby bath, a baby swing, etc. There was even a gift bag saying 'its a girl'. I found myself feeling very bitter/resentful towards this person I don't even know. For all I know, they'd been TTC for 5 years and undergoing IVF, yet I couldn't help resenting their good luck while I was still trying.

 

[dreamofabean]

I think we're all guilty of this to a certain extent. I already find myself saying 'it's not fair!' and i'm only on cycle 3!
I call it 'bump envy' ......all those lucky people with a beautiful bean in their bellies... i'll admit i'm green with envy at times!x

 

[lisaf]

I think we're all guilty of this to a certain extent. I already find myself saying 'it's not fair!' and i'm only on cycle 3!
I call it 'bump envy' ......all those lucky people with a beautiful bean in their bellies... i'll admit i'm green with envy at times!x

If you're on cycle #3 and a friend gets pregnant on cycle #1 or #2, thats DEFINITELY not fair!

 

[dreamofabean]

hee hee, i agree! A friend said this to me last week though and it kinda made me feel better. 'It taking that long meant that i got Alex, not any other egg that could have given me a totally different child'
So i'm trying to keep believing that if it takes it's time it's because my baby isnt ready yet, and i want the baby that God has in mind for me xx

 

[HopefulMi]

I hate it, because I feel jealous of close friends too which is awful. I've only just come off my BCP 10 days ago and don't know what I expect but it aches terribly to not have it when you want it!

xxx

 

[Iril]

I try not to be jealous, but I admit it's hard sometimes. I've known for a while that TTC won't be easy for my husband and me because of our medical issues, and we had to wait a while before we could even start TTC.

When one of our closest friends got pg, I cried for days. It's not that I don't think they deserve it, it was just the way she told us, and how she and her boyfriend kept telling us how easy it was to get pregnant so now we should do it too. They didn't know we'd been trying for a while and have issues, but still.. It sucked.

When their baby was born, my husband almost didn't want to tell me because he was affraid I'd get all upset again, but I took it well. Luckily, they're the only friends we have who's got a kid/kids, so it's not something I have to deal with allot. And most of the time, I'm okay.. It's just some insane moments that comes with the TTC-journey..

 

[lisaf]

I have 2 close friends who are pregnant. We all started trying the same month (didn't tell each other and didn't plan it that way). Both of them are already pregnant and out of their first trimester and got pregnant within 2 weeks of each other. I'm still trying.

The only piece of wisdom that cheered me up at all about this, is that I'll get their hand-me-downs, lol! Granted, with my luck they will both have girls and I'll have a boy or they'll have tiny petite children and I'll have a big porker of a kid and be giving THEM hand-me-downs.

 

[eiregirl]

i can totally relate to what ur saying, i get jealous all the time and its a horrible feeling. Im surrounded by people who have just had babies or are becoming preggers - both my sister-in-laws have kids, my 3 friends have kids, my neighbours & all my husbands friends have kids.. i just feel like its never going to be our turn.

i just wish i didnt have this jealousy, anytime i hear of someone becoming preggers i feel like crying my eyes out but i really should be happy for them...

its hard girls but we just have to keep our chins up and pray for our BFP's

xx

 

[emilyandkai]

Oh yes! my brother and his partner annouced they were expecting number 4, they already have 3 under six years old and she said to me...... 'oh we werent even trying just had once unprotected sex and look what happened' and then she laughed.
I called my mum and moaned to her about it lol.

 

[samola84]

I agree with you ladies that we shouldn't feel jealous, but what can we do its human nature to want the things you can't get.

My sister in law planned to travel and get pregnant the first month after they came back, and they were able to do it, my mother in law was bragging about how they planned it so well. I felt a knife go through my heart.

My sister in law(middle brother's wife) just had a baby 2 weeks ago after having an m/c. she fell pregnant the next cycle after her m/c.

My other sister in law(youngest brother's wife) found out she was pregnant 2 months after her wedding when she went to talk to the doctor about birth control. Her son is now almost 2 years old and she keeps bragging and complaining blv it or not about how fertile she is and how she feels that she will fall pregnant the moment they stop using condoms.

Everyone around me seems to be easily getting pregers, and my turn has yet to come..

I am jealous to the point that when my sis in law went into labor I couldnt stop crying to my husband... But I guess Im not the only one that is going through this.

good luck ladies and hopefully this is our month..

 

[Kalysia]

I try not to be jealous. If I allow myself the outright envy, it will never stop. But, I certainly do acknowledge the difficulty in trying to fight it!

I have wanted children since high school (was not trying for any, though, of course!). My best friend got pregnant at fifteen, and had a sweet little boy. Her older sister had had a little girl, the year before. Six months after her nephew was born, SHE was pregnant - with twins! I don't think that jealousy was really the word for what I was feeling; I think that I was just eager to be of the age to have my own!

A little more than a year after I graduated, my best friend announced that she was having another child. Her sister was already expecting her fourth (and final) child. I was excited for the BOTH of them, and I got into the mindset of, 'Awww... I need a man, and we need babies!'.

I met my better-half in 2008, and his cousins each have the sweetest kids... Spending time with them made me have 'That Talk' with DB, and we agreed that it was time to give it a go, despite some lingering medical issues. And, no sooner did we decide to try (and, fail, for some months after), a mutual friend announced an 'unwanted pregnancy'. I could have throttled her. There we were, trying and failing, and she had the audacity to COMPLAIN?! ...Granted, I understood that she had no idea of our personal details, but, it really upset me. She got used to it, and her son is her life, but, man... Thinking about it makes me want to give her a smack.

And, just before Thanksgiving, another friend announced an 'accidental pregnancy' (pardon me, I HATE that phrasing). I am thrilled for her, and she is sensitive to the topic of trying to get one to stick, so, there are no hurtful comments (Thank Goodness). But, after the better part of two years of trying, I am known to fall into the thought of, 'Why bother? I'm obviously not meant to be a mother.' I have to be fast to shake it off, though, before DB gets wind of it, and starts to feel guilty.

I guess that that is the root of my trying to avoid the jealousy, really. I don't want him to feel that it is his fault that I am not getting my own way (even though his mother is getting HERS, *cuts off a second rant*). Hence, the short novel that I just left. Sorry about that. This is just about the only place that I can share these feelings without getting dirty looks. .

 

[WannaB]

I can say that I dont get jealous, probably more sad than anything else. See Im one of those ladies who do get pregnant very easily, in fact Im on cycle 7 and have had 4 bfps, but as you can guess I also mc very easily too! I have two women in real life who are due when two of mine would have been and that does make it hard, especially since they are in our group of close friends. Other than that I cant say that I have felt jealous or envious, as someone has said you never know what that other person has gone through, I doubt anyone would be envious of my situation!

 

[Layla<3]

My best friend, my cousin and an old school friend all announced last week within the space of 24 hours that they were all expecting. I was crying by the end of the evening!!

Month 2 of ttc has just begun for me, let's see what happens!

 

[fifi-folle]

A few weeks ago I had three preg announcements within the space of four days, on top of SIL announcing when I was m/cing the first time. I find it really difficult not to resent these people, it's not fair. One of my friends is finding it hard to talk to me about her pregnancy as she knows we've been trying a lot longer than them, she doesn't know about our m/cs, I think if she did she would just totally stop seeing us. I hate myself for feeling so bitter and jealous, it's not their fault we can't get a bean to stick.

 

[birdy]

well at first i felt a bit jealous of my school friend who told everyone over facebook she was expecting, but then it turned to anger, because i've recently been told she's addicted to herion!!!!!!!!!!! she's made it to the 8 month mark in her pregnancy, but wat makes it worse is she's been told that the baby will have to have small does of methidone wen it's born (think thats how you spell it) but wat makes me so angry and jealous is the fact i MC two weeks ago and i did eveything right, i swapped to de caff tea cut out all my coffee, took my vitamins, drank so much water ate all my fruits and veggies i don't smoke and i asked people who smoked not to do it around me, drinking was compleley out of the question, i stayed away from eggs and certain fish.
God it makes me sick that a dirty druggie has managed to carry a healthly 8 months!!!!
I have deleted her from facebook i was so angry, i hadn't seen her in years anyway.
sorry for the rant but i feel so much better now thanks girls xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

I think we all feel the same way really. Found out a family member is pregnant last night. This one, however really made me smile
They had 4/5 m/c before they had their DS in June last yr and are now early days again. It gives me hope to say the least xx

 

[josey123]

Hiya Ladies,

Well thought i would join the thread and put what i feel sad about as sometimes it does help to get it out in the open my sister in law is due her second baby in next few days she knows that me and my hubby have been trying since i had tubal reversal last august. we not that close but i know i should not be sad/jealous but she sits there and rubs her bump in front of me maybe i just been too jealous i don't know i feel that sad i can't bear seeing her at the moment as i think if i can avoid it then i can't be sad does that make sense?????

I am lucky to have 2 girls and my hubby has 2 boys but would love a baby together.

Hope i not upset anybody on this post as i know some of you have no children and wish you all the luck in the world just felt i needed to get that off my chest x

Thanks for listening x

 

[dreamofabean]

I dont think it matters whether you already have kids or not hun, when you want a child, you want one xx

 

[josey123]

Thanks dream,........i had a dream last night that i was pregnant....lets hope it all comes true for us all x

i just wish would hurry up and she has the baby and get it over and done with i don't want to feel like this but like ppl say its human to feel like this x

 

[Iril]

I keep dreaming I'm pregnant too, and I'm so sad when I wake up and realize it was just another dream..