Confession time - share your bitter moments of jealousy while TTC

[ConnorsMommy]

ohh can i relate to this topic!!! a girl ive been friends with since high school, who i couldnt stand much to be around anymore BEFORE she got pregnant, and now its only gotten worse. i was planning on having my IUD removed so she out of thin air went and had hers taken out a month before i did. imagine this, she got pregnant IMMEDIATELY!!! now im still going on cycle #7. this girl is a horrible mother to the daughter she already has, and i have found myself many times saying thats not fair, WHY does she deserve another child and i cant?!? and if this doesnt upset me ENOUGH my girl names were Kenleigh and Kennedy (with a middle name of christine) guess what shes naming her daughter???? KENNEDY CHRISTINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
besides this person, there are other occasions where friends or other people were TTC way after i was and have already succeeded. it can tend to make u a little jealous.

 

[stardust22]

At last I can ease my guilt of pure jelaousy!!!! I can relate to every single comment on here.

I do also now understand how hard it is ttc and feel bad for friends and even my sister who are having a real tough time. My sister had been ttc for 3 years and is now waiting to start IVF. She is also 37 and time is ticking. I fell pregnant first time i tried in November and had to tell her. I then lost my baby at 12 weeks and now I have all the feelings that I guess she had.

The emotions that come with ttc are far greater than I ever could of imagined and thank you all for being such great support!
x

 

[twinkle1975]

Phew - feels good not to have to smile & say ' I'm so happy for you!' Friend & I started trying at the same time - she said she wasn't that bothered but would see what happened & then got pregnant a week later. Bf has just had number 2 & keeps talking about what birth control she should use as she's obviously super fertile 'cause she got her BFP first attempt with both - she knows I'm trying - I would like to slap her face!

 

[elsie2010]

i don't think i feel jealousy, it's more like a tinge of sadness that we haven't experienced the joy others seem to have yet.

does that make sense?

 

[maaybe2010]

I had it today!!

I get angry at them, then normally cry (yes I well up whilst out shopping ), then realise they could have gone through exactly what I'm going through. . . .

 

[FsMummy]

im one of those ppl who got pg first time with both of my pregnancies. i havent felt the jealousy yet but im sure i will. im expecting to b ttc a while this time as im bfing my twins so i think i will be feeling it eventually to everyone

 

[JaymeeBee]

I admit that there have been times in the last three to four months that I was a Bitter Betty watching others pranch around in their (now) HUGE baby bellies, or others announcing "OMG, this is so unexpected"...but now I am looking forward to having my own Baby Belly and hopefully holding my new son or daughter someday in the next few years or so. if it turns out that it isn't in God's plan for me to have another...then one is good enough for me.

 

[Whitbit22]

I wouldn't really call it Bitter.. for me it's just a "oh great. I'm obsessing as it is, and now everywhere I look someone is pregnant."

I was fishing the other day, and let me tell you.. this was less out of envy than it was for "What goes around comes around and I wanna see you get yours" LOL

I saw this man with his 3 year old son fishing, and this fairly pregnant woman. Well there was basically a lot of swearing and I hate to see it when people let those words fly around children. It's a huge sign of immaturity. I turned to me hubby and said.. "I hope she falls in" And not in a hateful way.. honest. LOL The water is only 6 inches on the shore of the pond, so I wasnt wishing damage.. Just geez. Why do people act that way around kids? It's frustrating when there are so many of us that wish we could have them and would be AWESOME parents!

 

[ooSweetPea]

I can totally relate...

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for one. I have had babies on the brain for the past few years, but hubby and I both wanted to get married, move out of our apartment and buy our first home together, and find decent insurance for me. My close family knew how excited we were to start trying, and I had talked to my mom and grandma multiple times about it as this summer approached!

Well... long story short here. My brother (who had just turned 20) and his girlfriend (who was 24, but acted more like 15) who had been dating for about a month, met up with me and my husband at a restaurant. We were just supposed to go out and eat, nothing special. Well, we get there, and we are sitting waiting for our food and my brother tells me that they are pregnant. My blood literally ran cold. All his gf did was sit there with a smug smile on her face, like she was happy about it. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother so much, but how she could be happy about getting pregnant to a 20 year old kid that you have only known for a month, that has no job and lives at home with his parents is beyond me. To this day, everyone in my family thinks that she "oopsed" him. (She told him she was on BCP's... no reason for him to not take 'other' precautions but still ughhhh.) Not only that, but she had been drinking and taking meds for a cold in the past few weeks!

I remember that the olympics were playing on one of the tv's at the restaurant, and all I could do was stare at the screen. I couldn't even say anything... my heart was in my throat and if I would've made a peep I would've started bawling. Then, my brother looks at me and says "Well, you don't need to make this awkward".

I freaked.

After hissing a few choice words at him, I turned to my husband. "Get the check, we are leaving. Now". He just sat and stared at me for a few seconds, so I turned around and left. I literally could not take being in that restaurant for one more second.

I cried for DAYS. It felt like my whole world was turned upside down. I had wanted this for years, and we were getting SO CLOSE, I felt like we had just done everything the way that we were supposed to and that we DESERVED to be able to give my parents their first grandchild as we had worked so hard to get where we were, and been RESPONSIBLE about it. I was furious at them, I felt like they had taken away something from me that I would never be able to get back. The worst part of the whole story is this though... earlier that day my brother and I were hanging out and he had told me that he was thinking of breaking up with her (he had no idea that she was pregnant at this point in time, as she tested right before we met up that evening).

It's been a few months and I've gotten over the searing pain of the situation, but everytime I see them, it is like rubbing salt in a wound. My brother and I used to be inseparable, and that has all changed. It rocked my entire family.

I remember my mom telling me how when my brother and his gf told her and my dad, that my parents were upset, but didn't yell at them or anything. Next thing you know, the gf is telling my brother that until my parents apologize for being upset, she isn't speaking to them. (Mind you, she will walk through the house to visit my brother without saying a word to either of my parents, I could literally slap the snot out of her...) My mom was a zombie for a few weeks... thankfully she is starting to get better though, and focusing on how nice it will be when me and my husband start trying.

The main reason that I forced myself to get over it and move on is the fact that being so stressed was completely messing up my cycles. I have NEVER missed a period since I first got it, and after that whole mess I got really irregular and my cycles got super long. Knowing that my husband and I still want to start trying this summer, I knew in my head that I just needed to let everything go and take care of my own body. Focusing more on that has made dealing with the whole thing easier, I think.

Well, thanks for reading, sorry it was so long. I no way am I knocking anyone here... I know that things happen unexpectedly and that they can be a blessing, and also I'm not saying that you should be married etc before you have a child. Just this specific situation had me really upset, and it's nice to be able to let it all out

 

[daisy74]

Oh wow I thought maybe I was crazy because when my sister in law called me 7 months ago and was crying saying I am pregnant and I dont want it I could of screamed!!! She KNOWS we have been trying for over 3 years and I just felt she could of been alittle more sensetive to MY feelings,I have gotten over it for the most part but still get jealous when I see her rub her bump and think to myself,Yeah YOU didnt want anymore kids and look @ u but it is ok,WE WILL ALL HAVE OUR TURNS! Babydust to you all!!!!!

 

[daisy74]

My best friend, my cousin and an old school friend all announced last week within the space of 24 hours that they were all expecting. I was crying by the end of the evening!!

Month 2 of ttc has just begun for me, let's see what happens!

Baby DUST

 

[daisy74]

well at first i felt a bit jealous of my school friend who told everyone over facebook she was expecting, but then it turned to anger, because i've recently been told she's addicted to herion!!!!!!!!!!! she's made it to the 8 month mark in her pregnancy, but wat makes it worse is she's been told that the baby will have to have small does of methidone wen it's born (think thats how you spell it) but wat makes me so angry and jealous is the fact i MC two weeks ago and i did eveything right, i swapped to de caff tea cut out all my coffee, took my vitamins, drank so much water ate all my fruits and veggies i don't smoke and i asked people who smoked not to do it around me, drinking was compleley out of the question, i stayed away from eggs and certain fish.
God it makes me sick that a dirty druggie has managed to carry a healthly 8 months!!!!
I have deleted her from facebook i was so angry, i hadn't seen her in years anyway.
sorry for the rant but i feel so much better now thanks girls xxx

WOW That sounds like a girl I know who is due VERY soon,She was KNEW we have been trying and she was addicted and is STILL addicted to percocet..I MEAN SHE TAKES ALOT OF THEM! She had the nerve to ask me one day if I had any as I had a tooth pulled,I asked her to NEVER talk to me again and told her I feel bad for her child and hope if she cant care for him she finds someone who can and will! Needless to say,WE DONT speak!It makes me sick,WHILE I am not perfect,DRUGS are out of the question being prego or not and she knows that!

 

[Whitbit22]

ooSweetPea: Aww hun! I know that I'd be the same way in that situation. I am thankful so far that none of my younger brothers have managed to knock up any of their various gfs. It would hurt so bad. I know what you mean by deserving to give your parents their first grandchild! Naturally the most well established child should get this priveledge! I have a similar experience in my extended family with my cousins... close through childhood, we barely talk. All three of them have all had kids and none of them were married. Two are now single moms between 19 and 23, and the other finally got married... Not saying its bad to be a single mom. My mom went through two divorces in my childhood so nothing is perfect. It's just that it's so different when you are married and in love and YEARN for a family! My hubby has been remarking a lot lately (he is finally realizing the slim odds of getting pregnant each month) about how young kids that end up preggo have to just by chance be having sex on just the right day and how is that possible!

SO sorry you had to go through that, it must be hard to have to see that girl! Hopefully you will continue to focus on yourself and your own lil family to be, and your soon to be !

 

[ooSweetPea]

Whitbit: Thanks so much for your words. It's hard for me to talk to anyone about it because I am somewhat ashamed of my reaction and how upset it made me

Joining this forum and hearing everyone's different stories has really made me feel so much better about the situation... it helps knowing that there are other women out there that want to start, or add to, a family sooo badly, just like me.

I pray that you get wish soon, as well as all the other ladies here! It is so special that we all have eachother to lean on throughout the process !!

 

[lisaf]

SweetPea - Something very similar happened to my best friend. She was dating for 3-4 years, was finishing up college etc (she wanted to be married but agreed with her husband to wait until she got her Bachelor's). Her little sister who wasn't going to go to college announced she was marrying this guy who was a dishwasher at the place where she worked as a waitress. This is a guy she'd been dating for 3 months, who is here illegally, and doesn't speak a word of English (and she barely speaks Spanish). Completely stole her thunder when she got engaged a few months later.

Then, within 6 months, her little sister ended up pregnant with this guy. They called off the engagement but still planned on being together (in their studio apartment that had room for either a crib or baby stuff, not both). After freaking out for a few hours, my friend's mom decided this was the best thing ever because she gets to be a grandma. The little sister got her baby's daddy deported (he snuck back into the country but she doesn't live with him anymore). She lives off of family entirely and doesn't work or pay for anything for her child herself.

My friend got married and now that my she is pregnant, her mom is only moderately excited and can't even drive 2 hours to visit her, or promises to then backs out because of something that comes up with her grandson.
She did everything right and is still getting the short end of the stick. Her dad and stepmom are much more excited for her though because her sister's situation is just too sad to them.

Oh, and her sister confided in her that she wants to have another child because she wants her kids to be close together in age. The whole thing is ridiculous.

 

[Whitbit22]

OoSweetpea: i know what you mean about feeling sorta shameful about those feelings! Its natural though, even though most of us would never tell our families or others we feel that way. Its so hard to keep it inside!

I am grateful for all you ladies as well! My husband just got finished telling me he thinks Im addicted to this forum, while i am trying to explain that I finally have people to talk to and understand what Im going through. Its hard to come by real friends in the real world.. I only have one other than my dearest mother

anyway, as great as you all are I hope you wont have to hang around too long if ya know what I mean

 

[Whitbit22]

Lisaf: that is just awful... Its so sad!!

 

[ooSweetPea]

Lisaf: I agree with Whit, that is awful. It's so hard to watch things like that happen and know that you have no way to fix anything. I can't believe her mom the most! I would be devastated if my mom couldn't/wouldn't make the time for me.

Whit, I know what you mean. I hope we all meet up over in 1st tri soon!!!

 

[Whitbit22]

I hope so too! Im goin to bed now ladies. I am praying for us all to have soon! Nighty night.

 

[molly85]

heya,
When our first friends to get PG met up to have a celebration meal I was so upset I made OH tell them not in a thunder stealing way I hope we have since been very supportive but I haven't a foggyest how to to talk to her i want to ask a million questions as I don't really know any pregnant people apart from her. I have health issues and still trying to chase depo provera from my body so I know there is a long wait ahead. I am more bitter at teh people whole ridiculed me so bad i had the damn injection again as they said OH(who reall wants kids i might add) would leave me when I got PG and it would wreck my nursing career. I have dropped out anyway and OH is quite excited and informed on the whole subject we have names every thing planned. LOL I just look at babies now and think I want a toddler less envy because mums are allways chasing them and looking harassed I like to think my kids won't belike that teehee sooo delusional.
We will get there girls and we get all those free outfits and allthat experience to draw on