Conflicted 2 boys and 0 girls...both close in age.

[Guppy051708]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sweet little boys. I love them to pieces. I will always be etnerally grateful for the fact that i have them in my life and for their great health. But i feel like i have lost something by not getting that mother-daughter relationship. With Isaiah (DS1), i was disappointed at the ultrasound, but i was okay accepting it after i went into the boy sections and such. With DS2 I CRIED. I cried so bad. I love Elliot (DS2), I wouldn't change him for anything. I LOVE that Elliot and ISaiah will have this awesome, best friend type of bond because of their gender and their close age...i love that my husband is super excited about having two boys to play ball with and do other father-son outtings...but i am so sad, almost depressed that i will not have this cherished girl relationship. My boys are only 17 months apart. So it will be a while before DH would ever agree to another one...and even if he did, there is still no gurantee that we will have a girl I had high hopes for my second pregnancy. I really thought i would get my girl. ...now that i have two boys, i feel like having a girl is an unattainable goal.
Beyond that, i LOVE having 2 kids. It works so well for us. It is the perfect number for us. TBH, if Elliot would have been a girl, i would have been content forever only having two kids.

I am deeply sadden by this "loss". Hubby says he understands, but i dont think he truly does. He has TWO boys to have that special father-son bond with. I know its not his fault, but its hard not to resent him for the fact that he gets that two times over and yet here i am without that special mother-daughter bond.

I dont know what to do with this. I dont know how to redirect this energy. At some points i say "this is okay" but that short lived. I also remind myself how lucky i am, but still, it is as if i have experience the loss...like my dream has now been killed. And even if we do have another in 5 yrs (thats what we agreed to when i was pregnant with Elliot, but ya never), im still not guranteed a girl...and i cant imagine that gender disappointment if its another boy. And if we do have a girl, I just wanted to start that relationship now, i dont want to wait 5 more years Then sometimes i think maybe we should just go ahead and try again shortly. Just have all of them close in age...but im so conflicted because i really geuinly do love having 2 babies. We would have to get an entirly new car and everything....plus i fear this wouldn't be fair to Elliot and Isaiah to have another so soon....What do i do with these feelings? Its like i have no way to redirect this energy, i can't pursue. I dont know what do about

 

[Missy86]

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

Ever heard of gender swaying or the Shettles method? Of course there is no guarantee, but it's something you could look into. I'm sorry you feel this way, sending you hugs honey xxx

 

[Missy86]

I think I would have tried gender swaying methods but we got pregnant the first month of trying and we only did it once
I think Liam was meant to be born

 

[Guppy051708]

We did gender swaying diets and vitamins/minerals this time, plus shuttles, no luck

 

[Guppy051708]

would it be insane to try again?

 

[Missy86]

I wont be trying again, I am not sure I am gonna be able to cope with 2 lol and I wanna go to uni and get a career
There is a very high possibility of the third baby being a boy in my family, my SIL only had two for that reason (she has 2 boys) MIL has 3

How upset would you be if next ones a boy

 

[Guppy051708]

How upset would you be if next ones a boy

Well thats something DH and i have been discussing...it's hard because if we had another boy i think the disappointment would be HUGE. Its only increased with each child. I LOVE my boys, i really do, but if i had another boy...i already know it would be hard....but then the confliction is, if we didn't try, then i would always wonder. I would always be unhappy that i dont have a girl and that i didn't try...i guess this is just a lose lose situation ...maybe i should let God decide....

 

[lori]

I have a lot of the same worries. Sometimes the only thing that helps is thinking ahead to baby #3, but I know that's a dangerous path because there are no guarantees and I don't really feel that a daughter is in my future.I know that I will be crushed if my 3rd (and last) child is another boy, so I think I'm going to have to give it some time and wait until I know that I want a baby more than I want a daughter.

I can totally relate to what you mean about your husband not fully understanding how you feel. Mine says he understands, but how can he? He gets to look forward to playing hockey with his sons and doing all the great things he remembers doing with his dad (of course these are stereotypes and his boys might not be interested, but his dream is still alive for the moment). He gets to walk into kids clothing stores and pick out his favorite superhero shirts for my son. When we walk through the toystore, he runs over to stuff he enjoyed as a kid and excitedly picks out things that he knows he would have loved. It's like he gets to re-experience his childhood through my son. Wow, I sound bitter I'm pleased for him that he gets to experience having boys, but sometimes I feel jealous.

I don't really have any words of wisdom, just wanted to say that you're not alone

 

[Guppy051708]

I have a lot of the same worries. Sometimes the only thing that helps is thinking ahead to baby #3, but I know that's a dangerous path because there are no guarantees and I don't really feel that a daughter is in my future.I know that I will be crushed if my 3rd (and last) child is another boy, so I think I'm going to have to give it some time and wait until I know that I want a baby more than I want a daughter.

that is a very good point and probably something i should consider as well....i hope i can get to that point...i honestly feel hopeless about it.

I can totally relate to what you mean about your husband not fully understanding how you feel. Mine says he understands, but how can he? He gets to look forward to playing hockey with his sons and doing all the great things he remembers doing with his dad (of course these are stereotypes and his boys might not be interested, but his dream is still alive for the moment). He gets to walk into kids clothing stores and pick out his favorite superhero shirts for my son. When we walk through the toystore, he runs over to stuff he enjoyed as a kid and excitedly picks out things that he knows he would have loved. It's like he gets to re-experience his childhood through my son. Wow, I sound bitter I'm pleased for him that he gets to experience having boys, but sometimes I feel jealous.

I don't really have any words of wisdom, just wanted to say that you're not alone

Its like you have read my mind completely!

 

[more babies]

I just wanted to say that I am sort of in the same boat.. just opposite. I have two girls and desperatelt want a boy. I feel like something is missing. I always wanted planned on only having two kids and assumed it woukd be girl Id have a problem getting. Now here we are with 9 & 6 year old girls.. possibly starting all over from the beginning baby stages all in hopes of having that boy we so desperately want. We will both be disappointed if it turns out to be girl #3 but we've come to the conclusion that we will be ok with another girl but cant go the rest of our lives not knowing if we hd tried again it may have been a boy. Given the age gap that we will end up with if I get pregnant again we may end up trying for a fourth. But if #3 is a girl then the decision to have #4 would be a lot harder. We will definitely both be sad though if #3 ended up being a girl, but in TTC and getting negatives we have realized how much we really want another baby and not JUST a boy. It still feels horrible to say how much one gender would mean but its nice knowing you're not alone.

 

[Guppy051708]

At this point we are thinking of TTC our bump after Elliot weans. I am going to do baby led weaning, so im not sure when that will be...Isaiah weaned hiimself at 5 months, but who knows what Elliot will do...i put too much into breastfeeding (I have IGT so its far from easy), so i dont want to cut myself short by risking my supply from drying up due to being pregnant or risking Elliot weaning because he doesn't like the taste change.

 

[Guppy051708]

more babies- i totally get that...its going to be VERY hard for me to cope with if we have another boy...i think im disappointed this time...next time will be worse...because if we actually have a girl next time, then we are done (i think) but if we have another boy...going to be in an even worse position than i am now.

 

[Mummy2B21]

I'm sorry hun, I know its not the same by a long scale but if you dont go on to have a daughter try take comfort in one day having possibly 2 daughter-in-laws and hopefully a or some grandaughters you can spoil.

My nan had 2 boys she never got her daughter she wanted, and she only got 2 grandchildren me and my brother my nan made me feel like I was the most special person in the world because she would always tell me how. much I meant to her she made me feel so special no one has ever made me feel like my nan did I cherished every moment with my nan I used to sleep over my nana growing up we would chat away in bed before sleep I loved her storys and what it was like for her my age I miss her so much she was a second mum to me she took me on holidays girly chats nothing will ever compare to my nan.

Hopefully one day you could have that with your grandaughter she will be so special to you and you will be aloud to spoil her being nanny plus you won't argue with her like mums do lol just a bit of light for you if you don't have your own daughter don't give up Hope for that special grandaughter one day xx