Confronting DH

[MummyKP]

How have you ladies confronted DH about TTC? He knows how much I want one, and we had a chat after our wedding (over 3 months ago) and the plan was to have a chat in December. Now it's here, I'm a little worried he will turn around and say he still isn't ready, so I keep putting off 'the chat'. We have a very open relationship and tell each other everything, so he knows how I feel, but I am slightly worried about the chat, mainly because of what I think I will hear. So just worried about how people approached it with their DH before TTC.

 

[Angel_blues]

I kept asking if he was ready (once or twice per week) and once he got annoyed I asked for a ball park. He said spring and I just said ok last day of March it is.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

I tackled him when we were in bed and he was in a good mood. He had a couple concerns about moving our timeframe up by several years, but I was able to counter everything, so he agreed and I was pregnant two months later. Neither of us has had any regrets for not waiting longer!

If you think he's going to say no, try to think of why he'll say no so you're prepared with counter-arguments.

 

[butterbaby]

The counter argument advice is great! I also know that it's a natural defense for people to say no or not listen when they are pushed or cornered into something so I made sure to start with "I don't want to push you into something you're not comfortable with but..." and followed up with why it is so important to me. Also I'd simply mention that you want to bring this up but are afraid of scaring him away from the topic. You may feel silly saying it but it probably helps normalize his feelings/fears about everything. Good times I find to bring up TTC/tough stuff are after meals...after BDing.. after he's been home from work for a couple hours so he can unwind... etc.

I'm sure this has been eating away at you so I hope you can have the conversation soon, best of luck!

 

[MummyKP]

The reason behind him not feeling 100% ready yet is his career mainly - he would rather be completely set up with it, but ATM he's between his own business and working somewhere he isn't particularly happy. If things picked up with his own business I think he'd be up for it, I've got my arguments ready - I will tell him how long it can take etc, and he only found out a couple of weeks ago how small the little window is of conceiving each week (I was telling him hoping it would win him round by Christmas!) since finding this out he seems much more interested. He's never dismissed the idea of us having kids, and did say this time next year he'd like me to have a bump, but I said I was hoping for a baby by this time next year lol but again, he didn't say no he just rolled his eyes lol. He's expecting the chat to come up at any point I know that for sure, but he won't mention anything until I bring it up lol

 

[MummyKP]

Each month sorry, not week!! Lol.

 

[littlelily]

Good luck, let us know how it goes

 

[MummyKP]

Thanks all, currently thinking about when I will bring it up, would like to do it this week sometime but we will see :/ I will post on here any updates

 

[aidensxmomma]

Good luck with your talk with DH!

 

[MummyKP]

So last night DH said someone related to when we have a baby, so I said when will we have one and he smiled and said I don't know. I asked when he would like to have our proper chat as we were on the topic and he played dumb and said what do we need to talk about lol I could've slapped him! So I said when we will have one he said I don't mind when we have a chat you can decide - this could've been my opportunity to do it, however, he started off in such a nice happy mood and it changed a little so I thought it best to leave it and will do it this week some time. I am going to tell him having the chat doesn't mean we have to have one now, it's just to consider a date and that I don't want to push him into anything but I want him to listen to my feelings too. I'm excited for the chat now after him bringing up a baby last night lol but I'll always worry he won't be keen for new year like I am!

 

[MummyKP]

We had a little chat earlier....nothing too much to report but he said he'd rather NTNP to start with, which I am fine with because I see that the same as trying tbh, but that's just my opinion lol and when I mentioned NTNP in the new year he thought about it for a while and said maybe. He said he doesn't feel 100% ready to be a dad! and I said I don't think men get that feeling of readiness tbh. I also said it could happen the first month, it could happen in 12 months....it can take a long time and he knows that is my biggest worry! So seems we've made some progress! If all goes well we will be NTNP in January

 

[KBCupcake]

Honestly mine isn't all that ready either but is willing to take the leap. He has before, and felt more comfortable and happy when we were pregnant. That ended in a loss and now he's unready all over again, but willing to try in January. I think lots of men are never really ready.

I'm not really willing to wait until my DH says "I'M READY!" -- I don't know how long I'd be waiting.

 

[MummyKP]

Yeah I said to him I don't think men get that feeling of being ready tbh, so he seems quite happy to not prevent in January. I made him aware of how long it can take also! But yeah, if us women waited until the men were ready we would never have babies lol

 

[MissN8]

I don't think my oh will ever be ready he's just gonna have to like it or else!