confused by partner, are we wtt or ntnp??

[foodiewife]

I came off BCPs after 13 years on them! I feel so much more "normal" and of course its exciting to know that I *could* get pregnant now. I was a crazy symptom spotter when on BC and would sometimes take pg tests while knowing it was quite unlikely that I was pg. So, I stopped taking the pill about a month ago and hubs and I are sometimes pulling out but sometimes not... The other day he mentioned that he didn't pull out and I asked if he was okay with it. He said that he wanted to get another job first and that we should take a trip to Spain. I didn't really say much in response but kinda got a little angry but didn't let him know that. Then earlier today...another no-pull-out session. On one hand, I feel that he knows what the consequences of his actions might be and he keeps doing it so, why should I say anything. On the other hand, I don't want him to resent me or be angry if I do get pregnant. Part of me knows that he might be angry at first but would get over it very quickly and then be happy so it's worth the risk. But another part of me wants him to be completely on board, but then again knows that he might not ever be "ready" so if this is the best I can get then I can just let him do what he will.

 

[Ameli]

Sounds like ntnp to me.

 

[foodiewife]

thanks. i know its technically ntnp but i guess my question is whether or not to open up conversation about it or just keep on with the tentative ntnp...i guess i should switch forums...i wish he was on board 100% so that i could be more excited about it

 

[Ameli]

Yes, I would definitely open up the conversation with him more. That would be better than a *surprise* pregnancy where you bith don't feel prepared.

 

[Nibblenic]

You deffo need to have a conversation about it, especially if he has made it clear he wants to prioritise other things before a baby

 

[KalonKiki]

I would definitely classify this as NTNP. When we got pregnant with DS we were technically NTNP because DH hated condoms and I can't take hormonal birth control so we were tracking cycles. Cycle tracking failed though (I wasn't doing it properly) and we ended up pregnant with DS. DH knew the risks though, not once did he ever blame me for getting pregnant before he was "ready". Honestly I would think that if you've tried to have a conversation with him about this before and he's still not being careful, he has no right to resent you if you do get pregnant because he knows that you are not on birth control and that it takes both an egg and a sperm to make a baby. I think men just tend to have problems coping with the idea of TTC in any form, so it feels more comforting to him to pretend that you aren't actually trying. Do try to talk to him again though and share your feelings, every one of them and maybe he will understand how confusing this is for you and that something needs to change. Best of luck to you.

 

[foodiewife]

thanks for the helpful comments. i'm afraid if i say something to him then he will completely back off. I handed him a box of condoms and he's made no move to use them so the ball is definitely in his court. i think at this point he's kind of giving in to the possibility but doesn't really want to admit it to himself. our relationship is strong (despite our communication struggles so i don't think his resentment would last if there were any at all. Geez! sometimes, men.

I'm in the middle of a tww now, i think, at least. cause i have not had a full cycle since going of bc. with the situation being as it is, i would be ecstatic but there is inevitable disappointment ahead if he doesn't share in the joy. <<this is what i'm most worried about, even though he will get over it. i will talk to him before i test to make sure he knows the stakes. thanks again!! its nice to have a place to air out these issues.