Confused

[JessicaaJadex]

So my 'boyfriend' hasn't bothered to see me in over 2 months whilst I've been pregnant, and didn't even think to come and see me in hospital over the weekend when I had to go in for hypermesis. I'm so fed up with the way he's treated me, and I just don't know what to do.

We're still technically together, but he's decided that spending £400+ on a 'lads holiday' to Ibiza is more important than supporting me in providing for the baby. And £400 would help me out so much because I'm really struggling with the finance side of things right now! But apparently I 'don't need his money' according to him- fuming. I'm having to pay for everything on my own and he's happy with 2 job incomes coming in, and nothing to pay for. But what really upsets me the most is that I resent him. Because I know for a FACT he's going to swan into the baby's life when he feels like it, and act like he's perfect when actually he won't have provided anything for him/her and it angers me at the thought of him even being involved.

I don't really know what I wanted out of this post, I just needed to let my frustrations out because I'm losing the will to live.

 

[MummyMana]

Have you sat down and talked to him about this, tell him how your feeling and also try find out how he's feeling... Being a first time parent is daunting for men swell although they tend to hide their feelings because in society that's what they're expected to do. This lads holiday sounds like escapism to me, or his "last blast of freedom" so to speak. Is let him get on with it as it may be what he needs to get it out of his system before settling down. £400 would probably solve all of our problems (for now) but as he has 2 jobs its not like he can't regenerate that kind of money quite quickly but yeah, is try and calmly talk about the situation with him, good luck!

 

[JessicaaJadex]

Have you sat down and talked to him about this, tell him how your feeling and also try find out how he's feeling... Being a first time parent is daunting for men swell although they tend to hide their feelings because in society that's what they're expected to do. This lads holiday sounds like escapism to me, or his "last blast of freedom" so to speak. Is let him get on with it as it may be what he needs to get it out of his system before settling down. £400 would probably solve all of our problems (for now) but as he has 2 jobs its not like he can't regenerate that kind of money quite quickly but yeah, is try and calmly talk about the situation with him, good luck!

Just annoys me because he doesn't want to talk to me about it, and refuses to see me in person so i'm stuck to conversations that go no where over text/phone. He doesn't want this baby and has made that very clear to me. He's told me the only reason he hasn't broken up with me yet is because he's afraid of what people will think of him leaving a pregnant girl. I've tried sympathising with him because i know it must be daunting, but he's told me he wont support me financially.. then goes and books a holiday. His jobs are only part time and dont pay very well, and it has taken him such a long time to even get £400 together- It just annoys me that he's going to blow it all on something so unimportant!

 

[MummyMana]

Hmm that's a hard one... let him have his lads holiday then tell him you have to have a serious talk... You don't have to spend your life in a dead end relationship with the Amazing Invisible Boyfriend... He probably needs time to get his head around it but at the end of the day if he never even sees you is it worth being with him? Give him a chance by all means but you can't be in a relationship with someone who never sees you forever hopefully he sorts it out though!

 

[JessicaaJadex]

Hmm that's a hard one... let him have his lads holiday then tell him you have to have a serious talk... You don't have to spend your life in a dead end relationship with the Amazing Invisible Boyfriend... He probably needs time to get his head around it but at the end of the day if he never even sees you is it worth being with him? Give him a chance by all means but you can't be in a relationship with someone who never sees you forever hopefully he sorts it out though!

I just pray he sorts himself out and doesn't ruin everything completely whilst on this lads holiday. Thank you so much- I think i needed someone to talk too and you've helped me see the bigger picture!

 

[MummyMana]

That's ok I'm always here to help! I hope he sorts himself out give him time, but not so much time that he starts taking liberties if you know what I mean... I really believe all couples should work through their problems, but if he doesn't change you can't let him make your life a misery I hope everything turns out ok though!

 

[mummyluv]

I just pray he sorts himself out and doesn't ruin everything completely whilst on this lads holiday.

Hopefully, they say women become mothers when they find out there pregnant but men don't become fathers until they see there child. This may very well be true for your OH. He is probably just nervous about the prospect of being a father. I agree that he may see the lads holiday at as a last chance for freedom. His head is also probably being filled with all the downsides to having a child (by friends family etc) he probably hasn't been able to see past that and hasn't noticed all the good things about being a dad.

You need to talk to him, if he wont talk to you by his own free will, you'll have to make him. Go round and see him. Sit outside his front door until he agrees to talk to you. start shoving photocopies of scans through his letterbox. Anything, he will probably get so pissed off he'll just give in

Like I said though he may very well have a change of heart once LO pops out. However if this kind of behaviour continues after LO is born then he probably isn't worth the hassle.

 

[justhoping]

Have you sat down and talked to him about this, tell him how your feeling and also try find out how he's feeling... Being a first time parent is daunting for men swell although they tend to hide their feelings because in society that's what they're expected to do. This lads holiday sounds like escapism to me, or his "last blast of freedom" so to speak. Is let him get on with it as it may be what he needs to get it out of his system before settling down. £400 would probably solve all of our problems (for now) but as he has 2 jobs its not like he can't regenerate that kind of money quite quickly but yeah, is try and calmly talk about the situation with him, good luck!

Just annoys me because he doesn't want to talk to me about it, and refuses to see me in person so i'm stuck to conversations that go no where over text/phone. He doesn't want this baby and has made that very clear to me. He's told me the only reason he hasn't broken up with me yet is because he's afraid of what people will think of him leaving a pregnant girl. I've tried sympathising with him because i know it must be daunting, but he's told me he wont support me financially.. then goes and books a holiday. His jobs are only part time and dont pay very well, and it has taken him such a long time to even get £400 together- It just annoys me that he's going to blow it all on something so unimportant!

well he should help now but technically you cant do anything till the baby is born..i would contact child support in your area or legal aid and see how to get things rolling so when the baby does come, its covered and he will have to pay for it no matter what...
they will take it out of his pay check...ps dont tell him this or he may quit..

 

[kailynn]

That's a tough situation, hun! It seems to me like he's not being very responsible or respectful towards you- he needs to realize that this baby is just as much of his responsibility as it is yours. Hopefully he decides to man up, though I am hoping for yours and your baby's sake that he changes his attitude after the baby's arrival. You don't need that stress!

I don't have much advice, unfortunately.

 

[beanzz]

Hope he changes attitude with LO gets here but seriously if he doesn't I'd talk to him about child maintenance once your baba arrives. If he refuses contact the CSA and they will take it straight out his pay check. Money isn't the only part to being a parent but he can't get away with creating a life with you and then leaving you to do all the work... Hopefully it doesn't come to that because it is a shitty situation id keep trying to get through to him by tryin to talk to make him see your serious about how you feel and that he needs to step up a bit

 

[mayb_baby]

Personally hunny I would leave him (I don't mean permanently but just until he realises this is a serious relationship and he can't fob you off, you are having his child) not bothering with you for 2 months and not visiting you in hospital is not on and not 'boyfriend' actions.

You are both having this baby not just you, I agree with a lads night out or even a weekend but a £400+ holiday away to Ibiza is really out of order when you are struggling. Sweetie ask yourself if you have a little girl and she was in your shoes, pregnant with a person who is technically her boyfriend who has 2 incomes, feels no responsibility to pay for anything and is pretty much leaving it all up to her. What advise would you give her?

You should resent him at the moment for leaving you so alone, he sounds like an immature little boy who understands nothing about bringing a child into the world. Unfortunately a lot of boys are like this, they don't step up until the baby is born and some never do. You need to grab control of this situation and do it the right way for you, tell him what you need/expect and want from him and if he can't provide that tell him he will not swan in and out of your child's life when he/she is here and he will legally HAVE to pay maintenance.

Keep your head up hunny, my partner 'wasn't ready' etc. I told him he either moved out with me and paid his way for all of us (all our money together) or I didn't want the relationship. There was a lot of fights a few break ups and loads of tears but now we are happily living together and he is a fantastic OH and an amazing dad. Sometimes you have to let go of what you have settled for to get what you want