Considering giving my baby up for adoption

[Steph63]

Have you made a decision?

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Yup! I'm moving out on October 1 and I'm going to be a happy and proud single mother of three. I need to stop trying to please someone who really deep down doesn't want to be with me, and start supporting myself and my children.

 

[billy2mm]

Yup! I'm moving out on October 1 and I'm going to be a happy and proud single mother of three. I need to stop trying to please someone who really deep down doesn't want to be with me, and start supporting myself and my children.

well done hun!!!

not gonna lie, it will be hard but its so worth it!

 

[lushious09]

end of the day you made the decision to create this baby... i believe you should stick to that regardless of your husband... if he truely loves you he will stand by you ... good luck

 

[Fliss]

Yup! I'm moving out on October 1 and I'm going to be a happy and proud single mother of three. I need to stop trying to please someone who really deep down doesn't want to be with me, and start supporting myself and my children.

Oh well done a very strong decision to make, I'm so pleased for you

 

[babybumpage]

Before you move out, you need to consult a divorce attorney. If you have three children, it's him that should be moving out. You need to talk to a lawyer immediately to see what your rights are. If you know you are leaving, you need professional council to guide you through your decision, because you may be entitled to a LOT more than you think you are.

 

[babybumpage]

and to those who ask how you can give a child away, those of us who may never realize the dream of having a child of our own biological child would proudly thank anyone who could do something so amazingly significant as to place their child in our loving hands to safely and happily raise to the best of our abilities. I'm sure you have your reasons for saying "how could you" and questioning her motives, but she was bold enough to admit she was considering many different options. I applaud anyone who can be so truthful and admit openly how she feels.

 

[18singlemom2b]

IN RESPONSE TO THIS;

could I live with my decision of giving up a baby I so desperately love and want, regardless of whether my marriage works or not, or is it truly the right decision to give my child up for adoption?

It's all so confusing. I have been looking at prospective families, but haven't contacted any of them yet. If I decide to give my child up, it's not because I suddenly don't want the baby or because I don't love him or her, but because my marriage and family means a lot to me too. I'd also be making a very happy family out of a childless couple.

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you say yourself you want this child and love this child already. this should be about you. you and your husband had issues and you took it upon yourself to bring another child into this world. if his love was really that strong, i think he would be able to look past the fact that this child isn't truly his. and what if you give this child up and things don't work out? or he continues to let you down? then how will you feel? will you regret giving your child up? it sounds to me like you will. just a little something to think about. good luck.

 

[18singlemom2b]

i like in hamilton, ontario

my whole family lives in brantford though, we're only 30 minutes away

our area isn't really that bad, and i dont think anything can stop you from keeping your child if it's what you truly want. i fell pregnant when most of the people in my life were participating in drugs and other negative things, i still see drugs every single day. just since falling pregnant i've made a conscious decision to avoid these people as much as i can, because nothings more important to me then bringing this child up right. i cant protect it from everything in the world, but ill try my best and that's all either of us can do. unfortunatly since my ex left me, i'm forced to go at this alone and yes i will have to go on assistance for a bit and yes there are times i will have to struggle. but the chance at motherhood and to raise another human being is so worth it to me.

QUOTE=BrandiCanucks;6716934]

where do you live?

Brantford, Ontario

I suppose you're all right. Maybe I'm more afraid of losing what I do have rather than actually losing my husband. He doesn't provide me with my emotional needs, just the physical needs, and that's no way to live. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't want to tell me he loves me, or give me a kiss or a hug or spend any one-on-one time with me? No.

I think I would much rather start from scratch, raise my babies, love them and teach them how not to treat their spouse when the time comes, and BE FREAKING HAPPY..and who knows, maybe someone else will come along who does treat me well, who doesn't just provide the food and shelter, but the love too.[/QUOTE]

 

[18singlemom2b]

you have tons of ppl here who are there for you!

 

[BeckyBoo]

Well hun, I'm a bit late on the discussion. But I think the thought of your baby growing up with someone would eat you up more over the years, than leaving your husband now.

I wish you and your three kids all the best!

 

[PTwannabe]

This is such a hard decision. Sorry you're put in this type of situation. I am not going to give any advice as it is not my place to do so. You need to be strong for yourself and do what YOU feel is best. I just want to show you some support.

 

[PTwannabe]

sorry I did not read up to your last message. Way to go on your decision. Stick true to yourself. I hope all works out with you. Please keep us updated on the move, etc.

 

[hazzabeanie]

im a bit late on this but i think your making the right decision being a single mum of 3, if you nearly got diforced then obviously things wernt right between you and you have a little baby inside you, being a mum already you should no that giving birth and bringing up something so special is the most wonderful thing. if you gave this baby away you would not only feel guilty but if you gave your marrige a second try and it didnt work how would you feel then? yes you would be giving someone who yearns for a child a happy ending but not for the right reasons. good luck do this for your kiddies xx

 

[KrazedChaoZ]

Your husband.. may not (and is well in the process) always be your husband. But your baby, will always be your child. So base your decision off your baby, not the hubby.

 

[Katumz]

I agree with everyone else do it for the child. If you need someone to talk to about adoption I just gave my baby girl to a wonderful family and so I know how it all works and my feelings towards it......however you situation is much different than mine which was unplanned and I'm 18.....

 

[faye38]

i dont understand after reading all you post and your story.

you and your husband betrayed each other, by him having a vasectomy and then you using a sperm doner? i can clearly see that you both see each betrayal very significantly, and dont think you as a couple can completly put this behind you. Because of this how do you think that by giving up the one thing that you wanted so much and that was a huge part of your problems(a baby) is going to make things work between you. how will you be able to look at you husband without remorse if you give away your child.

how can your husband have such a high sperm count after a vasectomy?

i relaly dont want to sound harsh and am in no way judging you but i think you would be better off leaving your marriage and home, (not all dependant and income support houses are in these drug and run down locations) and concentrate on the live growing inside you and the 2 little children you already have. this situation you are currntly living in can not be the best for them and certainally for you also. good luck in whatever you do and remeber yur 2 LO and bumo come before anything else.

i toatally agree with you 2ndtimer the thing is if he loves you he wouls stick by you my dh would no matter what and theres a little baby involved who will be your other childrens brother or sister i hope u go with your heart good luck xx

 

[CourtneyD]

Have you considered a very open adoption. You have plenty of time to plan and navigate this journey. I wish you all the best in finding a family that can give your child the live you want him/her to have.

May prayers and best wishes during this journey. I've been divorce and that process is awful. I'm sorry to hear you've got so much on your plate!
Courtney

 

[DaisyvonStarr]

I want to work on our marriage. I know he still loves me (he's told me) and that he wants to work on it too. The only thing stopping us from working on it is that he believes I am the issue and need to change. He doesn't believe he has to work on anything.

I think this just answers all your issues.

Your husband does not sound like a very supportive person, why would you give up your own child just to try at a marriage that seems from how you have described very one sided on your part.

You are worth more than being treated in the way you have described.

Your children (including the on growing inside you) need you to be happy so they too can be happy and from an outsider looking I think you should take them and start afresh with your new bundle of joy

This is just my personal opinion and no offense is meant by it but I hope you read all the comments unbiased people have posted here for you and make the right descision

Yes money is important etc but love and happiness outweigh money by miles

x

 

[Justagirlxx]

If you gave away your child and your husband left you anyway, how would you feel? It sounds to me like you love your baby. Honestly if it were between my husband and my baby, I'd pick my baby 10,000 times over without even batting an eyelid. If he is the one that wants you to give your child up for adoption and that's why you are doing this, that is the wrong decision sweetheart. You love that child. It doesn't sound like YOU want to give it up. So don't. Keep it. Do what in your heart you KNOW is right. x

ETA The fact that he would even consider asking you to give up this child that you so desperately wanted should show you that he is not worth it. That's not love. If he loved you he would never ask that of you. x