- Joined
- Oct 10, 2012
- Messages
- 369
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- 5
Hey everyone-
This will be the first child to either/both of us. We don’t know the gender yet.
My Bf has been dead set on having a boy, even at 6 week ultrasound asked if it was a boy. Joking but sometimes I wonder, has said he won’t love it if it’s a girl. He wants to have a ‘mini me’ and for our entire relationship insisted on naming our first boy the exact same name as his, his father, and grandfather - neither of whom he has ANY relationship with, his father in prison for life and grandfather he has met 3 times, doesn’t want to be around him either. He identifies his stepfather as his father, when he says ‘my dad’ that is who he is referring to.
He was named with this namesake BEFORE his biological father kidnapped his sister and raped her many times over the course of a few weeks when she was 14 years old. He also kidnapped her friend.
Prior to that, he held the entire family hostage for 2 weeks and burned the house to the ground. He would be in prison and get out, and do more terrible things to my bf’s family, then go back - say in prison 10 years to get out and take his sister and rape her.
While in prison since then, he murdered his cell mate, ‘because he didn’t want a cell mate’.
I cannot fathom naming a child something with such a dark history, it feels like it would be such an identity crisis- and a slap in the face to his sister and mother to keep it going...plus I HATE pushing personal vanity and narcissism on a child to make them a ‘mini me’
I learned after I’d agreed to the terms of ‘you name girl/I name boy’ before I knew the extent of his blood father’s crimes, and after some pretty horrific fights and feeling far less certain that he would stick around forever, AND because he made fun of and said ‘That will never be my daughter’s name’ when he read a card I wrote him with the girl’s name I’d loved forever which he knew as long as we made that agreement.
So, I shot back that I’d never name my the same name as his dad’s, and that I was hyphenating last names anyway. (My brother committed suicide june 13, 2015, at 25 years old, and we were/are the last in the family with our surname, and it has gone extinct in Germany..my brother was the last male in the family- my aunt was brutally raped and murdered at 32 before having children, and other aunt adopted and had changed her own surname to a Jewish name because of her religion)
He is the ‘3rd and the 5th’ Of his name, the higher 2 had different middle names. His name is Don Allen C., but goes by ‘Donnie’. Personally, I cannot stand the name..I love him completely, but I am not a fan of the name to the point of carrying it on. I’d agreed to though, before we got pregnant - he thought he was sterile from losing ‘tap sack’ with his brother (I had no idea of the actual reason, only that he’d been in long relationships where his exes got pregnant right after they broke up - so the pregnancy while definitely not unwanted was a surprise.
Since I mentioned hyphenating which I absolutely will not budge on, especially if we don’t stay together, we are from different states, it seems like a bad idea - but he literally was crying about it and asked what about ‘Donnie’ - I don’t like the name and 2 Donnie’s would be confusing as F...I feel so alone in this sometimes like he only cares about it being a boy he can turn into a replica of himself that In my heart I don’t want to, but I said maybe -
I wanted to use my brother’s name as a middle name but a name I really liked as first name..something James ..I considered having it be Donnie and calling him something different, but I don’t think my Donnie would not still call him that. I cannot get him to even open his mind to think about this...I’d love to just pick a name together that isn’t his own!
I have been praying for a girl to avoid this but i need help figuring out what to do!
What would you all do?!
This will be the first child to either/both of us. We don’t know the gender yet.
My Bf has been dead set on having a boy, even at 6 week ultrasound asked if it was a boy. Joking but sometimes I wonder, has said he won’t love it if it’s a girl. He wants to have a ‘mini me’ and for our entire relationship insisted on naming our first boy the exact same name as his, his father, and grandfather - neither of whom he has ANY relationship with, his father in prison for life and grandfather he has met 3 times, doesn’t want to be around him either. He identifies his stepfather as his father, when he says ‘my dad’ that is who he is referring to.
He was named with this namesake BEFORE his biological father kidnapped his sister and raped her many times over the course of a few weeks when she was 14 years old. He also kidnapped her friend.
Prior to that, he held the entire family hostage for 2 weeks and burned the house to the ground. He would be in prison and get out, and do more terrible things to my bf’s family, then go back - say in prison 10 years to get out and take his sister and rape her.
While in prison since then, he murdered his cell mate, ‘because he didn’t want a cell mate’.
I cannot fathom naming a child something with such a dark history, it feels like it would be such an identity crisis- and a slap in the face to his sister and mother to keep it going...plus I HATE pushing personal vanity and narcissism on a child to make them a ‘mini me’
I learned after I’d agreed to the terms of ‘you name girl/I name boy’ before I knew the extent of his blood father’s crimes, and after some pretty horrific fights and feeling far less certain that he would stick around forever, AND because he made fun of and said ‘That will never be my daughter’s name’ when he read a card I wrote him with the girl’s name I’d loved forever which he knew as long as we made that agreement.
So, I shot back that I’d never name my the same name as his dad’s, and that I was hyphenating last names anyway. (My brother committed suicide june 13, 2015, at 25 years old, and we were/are the last in the family with our surname, and it has gone extinct in Germany..my brother was the last male in the family- my aunt was brutally raped and murdered at 32 before having children, and other aunt adopted and had changed her own surname to a Jewish name because of her religion)
He is the ‘3rd and the 5th’ Of his name, the higher 2 had different middle names. His name is Don Allen C., but goes by ‘Donnie’. Personally, I cannot stand the name..I love him completely, but I am not a fan of the name to the point of carrying it on. I’d agreed to though, before we got pregnant - he thought he was sterile from losing ‘tap sack’ with his brother (I had no idea of the actual reason, only that he’d been in long relationships where his exes got pregnant right after they broke up - so the pregnancy while definitely not unwanted was a surprise.
Since I mentioned hyphenating which I absolutely will not budge on, especially if we don’t stay together, we are from different states, it seems like a bad idea - but he literally was crying about it and asked what about ‘Donnie’ - I don’t like the name and 2 Donnie’s would be confusing as F...I feel so alone in this sometimes like he only cares about it being a boy he can turn into a replica of himself that In my heart I don’t want to, but I said maybe -
I wanted to use my brother’s name as a middle name but a name I really liked as first name..something James ..I considered having it be Donnie and calling him something different, but I don’t think my Donnie would not still call him that. I cannot get him to even open his mind to think about this...I’d love to just pick a name together that isn’t his own!
I have been praying for a girl to avoid this but i need help figuring out what to do!
What would you all do?!
