control pooing, help!

[divadexie]

Ok... I've been having a bit of problem with my son pooing himself. He was 6 last month.

I thought he was getting better, hardly any ''accidents'' recently.

Then the other day he asked to go play in his room, and I said no because Anna was sleeping (which he understands, he can't always go and play every time he asks) he went on and on and then sat there and pooed!

I take away privelages when he does it, like on a wed he is told he can't go to his swimming lesson if he poos, because the last thing I want to be doing is squashing up in a tiny cubicle to clean dried on sh!t off his bum. Last week he missed it because he had a nose bleed so I kept him off.
Today I quietly reminded him as I was dropping him off at school.
School has just phoned me to tell me by half 9 they discovered his 'accident'

Which he finally told me he did because he didn't want to go swimming!! Apparently swimming (he is only in the 2nd group- ie the next one after basic) is too hard!

I've explained to him he can't just poo because he wants to do something or doesnt want to go somewhere, he has to talk to me or OH but where the hell do I go from here??


I have never made it so that he can't talk to me, I always listen to him. But why does he have to get out of doing something, or when he doesn't get his own way!

It's driving me mad! I thought I'd had a nice break from having to clean up poo before I had LO, now I have extra!








He started about a year ago (well, bit less than a year) and it didn't co-incide with LO being born, coming home, moving house or him starting school.
I ignored it at first, thinking it was just one of those things, as we couldn't find a common time/event it happend at/with etc.

We tried sticker charts, as he has done really well with them in the past, but now its just like he doesn't care, we tell him how well he has done at bed time if he is still clean, and how happy we are etc, even now, we always make sure we do.


One day he saw me throwing away his 'favourite pants' and got upset, I told him if he didn't want me to throw away pants (i just cant put that in my machine! lol no way) then he needs to keep clean.
It worked for a while, not for long. I tried explaining to him that it was really dirty and would make him sick (and freakishly he caught a 24hr bug that was going round, and stopped doing it again for a while).

I've tried explaining to him again and again and again, I've told him off, took his toys away- that one workd the longest, as he was only allowed one set of toys back every day he was clean- he's been sent to his room for it, not been allowed anything after tea..
OH has explained it, my mum, OH's mum, the teacher...

The doctor said lots of children go through a phase like this, he will grow out of it.
Yes, but WHEN??!!

 

[seoj]

I'm not exactly sure what to recommend hun... it almost seems like he is doing this either for attention or to get out of doing something he doesn't want to do. There is obviously a psychological reason for it... although what? That is the question.

As you stated- it didn't coincide with any major life events. It's great that you have an open line of communication, and he knows he can talk to you. I'm really not sure what else to suggest... short of seeking outside help. Maybe a counselor would at least be able to give insight as to why he might be regressing? If anything, to help you better understand or find ways to help him overcome the issue causing this?

Sorry- I wish I could help more... I just know that there are times a good child counselor can really help. We needed one for my step daughter as she was diagnosed with separation anxiety very young (due to issues with her mom). And honestly, it was SO incredibly helpful... not only for her, but for us as well.

Best of luck hun!

 

[divadexie]

Thanks, it seems like that is going to be the only option, going to ask the doctor to refer us.

 

[MissMandieMitz]

Have you tried making him clean it all up himself? I've heard people say that they've had their 5 and 6 year olds clean themselves up and after a few times they stop doing it because they don't want to have to clean it!

 

[divadexie]

Yeah we tried that.... resulted in him hiding the fact he had done it, and just cleaning himself up and I was finding pants in the washing!

 

[summer rain]

My second eldest went through a phase of this, not quite to the same extent but still soiling his pants and then hiding them in the washing, I'm not quite sure how it stopped but I think for him the fact my second youngest who is nearly two years younger was successfully potty trained and 'showing him up' in a way made him decide to buck his ideas up. We've had no more poo accidents for 5-6 months now but we have had the occasional wee accident; thankfully though second eldest now takes the intiative to tell me and he puts the wet clothes and pants in the washer immediately, hope things work out for you soon xx

 

[Floralaura]

I would take him to the GP, just to get him checked on the off chance that theres a medical problem why its happening..it may be medical and then cause he has done it he says it was on purpose to try and save face for doing it. If he gets checked out and theres nothing medical causing it then you can go from there and the GP will help you..x