Conundrum

[SuzieQ1980]

I need some insight from you ladies. I am 38. I have a 13 year old, one loss at 18 weeks in 2013, and a daughter of 3 conceived after 14 months of trying following my first loss. After this we had no plans to try again but were NTNP.

In November we were blown away when I discovered I was pregnant again. Wrapped our heads around it and at 16 weeks announced to the world only for us to find no heartbeat at 18 weeks. No chromosomal issues found, no abnormalities in the placenta - unexplained. This is devastating and now I am torn. My heart wants to try again asap but my the rational me wants to call it a day.

My age, sudden elevated blood pressure and my relationship (we simply CANNOT talk about this rationally and unemotionally) are all telling me stop but oh, I yearn to make up what I’ve lost! How did you decide to try/not try one more time?

 

[BunnyN]

I feel for you. You have been through so much. I almost died from hemorrhaging during my MC at 11 weeks. Logic told me I had had enough but no amount of logic was going to make me ignore the drive to have one more. I wasn't going to be cheated out of my 3rd baby. We now have a one year old. The pregnancy went well except that I was very ill with hg for a couple of months. For me it did feel so much better when I got pregnant again. Like things were back to what they should be. Obviously I am glad we did have one more and having another baby has helped me heal but now that we have 3 wonderful LOs I wish I could say that I feel like our family is complete. Honestly I still feel like there is one missing. My rational side tells me that we really are done now. There are so many reasons we are done. But deep in my heart I feel like we are still missing one and the thought of never going through pregnancy, birth and a newborn again brings tears to my eyes. I think it would help if I was younger because I could just leave it and decide later but at 38 I know this kind of my last chance. I am so tempted to have one more but i know that after that one I will still be left with the same feeling or even worse suffer another loss. So far I am managing to stick with my logical side this time.

Anyway sorry for going on about myself. I know my situation is not the same but I so identify with some of your feelings and I am sure there are other ladies on here who feel the same. It can help to know you are not the only one. As for what you should do I think only you and your OH can decide that because you are the ones who have to live with your decision. Is your OH against trying again or does he just find it hard to talk about?

 

[LoraLoo]

I'm sorry for your losses. We lost 2 at a similar gestation (a bit and a girl), and a daughter to Meningitis B.
For me, i was always going to try again, the urge to have another was overwhelming. Thankfully we went on to have a healthy child after each loss, but I'm done now. I never want to go through the stress and anxiety of pregnancy and having a new baby.
And yet I still don't feel complete and never will.
Only you can decide what is right for you. We're you put on aspirin and high dose folic acid in your last pregnancy? If not, these are thibgs to discuss with your consultant should you wish to try again. I hope hubby gets on board too x

 

[LoraLoo]

I'm sorry for your losses. We lost 2 at a similar gestation (a boy and a girl), and a daughter to Meningitis B.
For me, i was always going to try again, the urge to have another was overwhelming. Thankfully we went on to have a healthy child after each loss, but I'm done now. I never want to go through the stress and anxiety of pregnancy and having a new baby.
And yet I still don't feel complete and never will.
Only you can decide what is right for you. Were you put on aspirin and high dose folic acid in your last pregnancy? If not, these are things to discuss with your consultant should you wish to try again. I hope hubby gets on board too x

 

[SuzieQ1980]

Just an update. Tried again, lost baby again at 15 weeks, heart stopped at 14 weeks. Everything was perfect at 12, low risk panorama results and a girl.

Turning 39 in less than a month, and after 3 second trimester losses, my dr and I have agreed that it is the end. This is not what I wanted. I don’t think it is fair that this decision had to be made. But it is what it is for me now and I need to move into a phase of acceptance. Heartbroken.

 

[YukonSun]

I am so sorry Suzie. I hope you can find some peace with it all.