Coping strategies

[KatyKat]

Right,

I need some help here. I'm not naturally the most optimistic person. I tend to lean towards the 'a pessimist is never diappointed' view of the world, so while I'm ecstatic that we are pregnant, I'm struggling to keep my pessimistic tendancies under control.

Is anyone else a bit like me? If so how do you avoid turning into a stressed out maniac that worries about every little thing?

I've promised my DH that I will be positive (he's convinced that a negative attitude can only increase our chances of another MC) but I don't honestly know how to do it

K

 

[Lolly W]

Crikey, I'm not sure I can give you any suggestions as I'm just as bad!

I'm only happy when I'm feeling sick as a dog, needing three wees in a night or lying back having a scan! If I don't feel any symptoms, I am completely convinced it's all over. I haven't allowed myself to get excited which is a shame because pregnancy should be magical not terrifying.

The only thing I will say is that I stay focused on keeping busy and trying not to dwell on things too much. It's natural to feel scared of having another loss and, ultimately, only time will tell what's in store for us.

You literally have to take one day at a time and I find it helps to know I'm doing everything I can to nurture bean. I plan lots of healthy meals, take the dog out for long walks and have a rest when I'm tired.

Probably not much help but there's always this forum when you're feeling particularly down!

x

 

[KatyKat]

Thanks Lolly,

It's a bit of a relief to hear I'm not the only one ;-)

I know what you mean about the symptoms, when I woke up this morning my boobs weren't feeling as sore as yeaterday, so I went straight into panic mode and convinced myself I was having another mc.

I'm not bleeding, so hopefully this is all in my (very vivid) imagination!

I do tend to find I don't suffer much in the way of pregnancy symptoms anyway (other than weeing a lot and sore boobs that is) and I think that make me a little bit more nervous. I almost wish I was feeling constantly nauseous etc as that would reassure me that all was going well!

K

 

[Bexyboop]

Katy Kat,

I'm right with you! I have been trying so hard to be positive but every now and then I just think the worst. Its horrible because all I want to do is be positive but after my last experience of pregnancy ended so horribly I have many fears attached to it.

My DH has been really supportive and looked after me when the fears creep in but he is also giving me a gentle kick in the bum when I start getting too down and teary. As he says its not doing the baby any good. Like Lolly I have been trying to keep busy. I have plans for the next 3 weekends and am trying to do nice things after work. Distraction techniques! I have also pulled out my sewing machine and am going to get a project going making some clothes to keep me nice and buzy.

If you have any other ideas please let me know. Its hard but I suppose we just need to keep on going and keep all our finger crossed x

 

[Bexyboop]

Katy Kat,

I'm right with you! I have been trying so hard to be positive but every now and then I just think the worst. Its horrible because all I want to do is be positive but after my last experience of pregnancy ended so horribly I have many fears attached to it.

My DH has been really supportive and looked after me when the fears creep in but he is also giving me a gentle kick in the bum when I start getting too down and teary. As he says its not doing the baby any good. Like Lolly I have been trying to keep busy. I have plans for the next 3 weekends and am trying to do nice things after work. Distraction techniques! I have also pulled out my sewing machine and am going to get a project going making some clothes to keep me nice and buzy.

If you have any other ideas please let me know. Its hard but I suppose we just need to keep on going and keep all our finger crossed x

 

[Bexyboop]

Katy Kat,

I'm right with you! I have been trying so hard to be positive but every now and then I just think the worst. Its horrible because all I want to do is be positive but after my last experience of pregnancy ended so horribly I have many fears attached to it.

My DH has been really supportive and looked after me when the fears creep in but he is also giving me a gentle kick in the bum when I start getting too down and teary. As he says its not doing the baby any good. Like Lolly I have been trying to keep busy. I have plans for the next 3 weekends and am trying to do nice things after work. Distraction techniques! I have also pulled out my sewing machine and am going to get a project going making some clothes to keep me nice and buzy.

If you have any other ideas please let me know. Its hard but I suppose we just need to keep on going and keep all our finger crossed x

 

[Bexyboop]

Katy Kat,

I'm right with you! I have been trying so hard to be positive but every now and then I just think the worst. Its horrible because all I want to do is be positive but after my last experience of pregnancy ended so horribly I have many fears attached to it.

My DH has been really supportive and looked after me when the fears creep in but he is also giving me a gentle kick in the bum when I start getting too down and teary. As he says its not doing the baby any good. Like Lolly I have been trying to keep busy. I have plans for the next 3 weekends and am trying to do nice things after work. Distraction techniques! I have also pulled out my sewing machine and am going to get a project going making some clothes to keep me nice and buzy.

If you have any other ideas please let me know. Its hard but I suppose we just need to keep on going and keep all our finger crossed x

 

[KatyKat]

Hi Bexyboop,

Your husband sounds just like mine - he gave me another 'kick' this morning and told me to stop being so bloody pessimistic all the time

It's sooooo hard though, especially when you've had a bad experience. I know that pregnancy is supposed to be this amazing time in your life, and there's nothing I'd like more than to sail through a carefree nine months. I'm hoping that if I can make it to 12 weeks I can relax and enjoy the rest......

I'm definitely keeping myself busy, and I have a couple of good books which are really helpful in terms of giving you the 'facts' about pregnancy/miscarriage and laying out what should happen etc, which I actually find quite reassuring (I'm a girl that likes to have all the facts). Other than that I'm looking for projects to do around the house to distract me - looks like the painting of the hallway (which has been put off for 2 years now) will be getting done soon, and all of a sudden the garden looks like it needs a bit of work..................

Other than that I shall be relying on all of you girls to keep me on track!

K

 

[Bexyboop]

Ooops what happened there? I have no idea how I managed to post that 4 times!

 

[blondee]

Hi Ladies,

Yes, i have been the same too. I decided to take it one day at a time, but now i am in week 11 i just want to fast forward to week 12! It's hard, it's soooo damned hard to keep positive all the time. I agree with diversion tactics - i have visited family, read books and gossip mags etc. Anything to keep me busy really.

When i had my MMC last year i came to terms with it by believing it was down to science and that you can't fight it. That kind of philosophy has actually helped this time too. I am eating well, not taking any risks, popping my folic acid - i.e. doing everything i can to help (which didn't help last time) and the rest is down to those precious cells in my tummy all being in tact and working perfectly. Don't get me wrong, about 4 times a day i still say to OH 'Oh please god, let it be okay!!'.

So, in short, no, i have no idea how you get through this! I hope i will chill out a bit after the 12 week scan. But i spoke to my friend who recently had a baby after a loss and she said that she remained worried the whole pregnancy - sorry, i know that's no comfort!! But we can get through this.

Stick, baby stick!!!!

M X

 

[Lolly W]

Hi Ladies,

Yes, i have been the same too. I decided to take it one day at a time, but now i am in week 11 i just want to fast forward to week 12! It's hard, it's soooo damned hard to keep positive all the time. I agree with diversion tactics - i have visited family, read books and gossip mags etc. Anything to keep me busy really.

When i had my MMC last year i came to terms with it by believing it was down to science and that you can't fight it. That kind of philosophy has actually helped this time too. I am eating well, not taking any risks, popping my folic acid - i.e. doing everything i can to help (which didn't help last time) and the rest is down to those precious cells in my tummy all being in tact and working perfectly. Don't get me wrong, about 4 times a day i still say to OH 'Oh please god, let it be okay!!'.

So, in short, no, i have no idea how you get through this! I hope i will chill out a bit after the 12 week scan. But i spoke to my friend who recently had a baby after a loss and she said that she remained worried the whole pregnancy - sorry, i know that's no comfort!! But we can get through this.

Stick, baby stick!!!!

M X

It's so comforting to know we're all in this together!

Good luck with your 12 week Blondee x x

 

[Tulip]

Cacking myself. Daily. You should've seen the state of me on the way to our 8wk scan. But cherishing every single second. I just see every day as an achievement. Can't wait til 12 weeks when we'll hopefully see a fully formed skull Grow Munchkin, grow! xxx

 

[Csunshine013]

So I am 23 weeks and have been in your position 3 times in the last year and a half, I find that if my mind is busy the nice surprises are the best I took on cleaning and did other things in the begining now I am assured daily that my little guy is there and still around.

It takes some time before you'll be able to enjoy but remember the mild stones along the way.



LOADS of major sticky dust!

 

[MadamRose]

I had a missed miscarriage in august 2009. When i feel pregnant again i found it quite hard, What i found helped was having little milestones to work towards. Like my early pregnant scan (as once you have seen the heartbeat at any stage the risk of miscarraige drops) 1st midwife appointment at 8weeks , next scan when you know you will be at the safe point and work to these. Because you are dealing with everything in little sections it seems to be easier. Its just a suggestion but this helped for me. Dont be scared to talk to your midwife about your worry

 

[KatyKat]

Thanks girls,

Well, I have made my Dr's appointment for next Tuesday, by which time I will be almost 6weeks. So, I suppose that's my first milestone!

My big milestone will be 8 weeks, as when we had our 8 week scan the last time the baby no longer had a heartbeat (we saw one at 7 weeks). Just checked and 8 weeks will fall exactly on my birthday!!!! Here's hoping it's a nice present

 

[Smiler13]

Hiya and best wishes for your pregnancy.

Having had four early miscarriages in a year and erring on the pessimistic (but still hopeful) side of things, I get angry about suggestions that worrying, being upset etc. is somehow bad for the baby. It is utter b****cks! No scientific evidence and can make women feel guilty for what are completely natural emotions.

I am now 19 weeks, and the worries still get me sometimes, but manage OK day-to-day with many wobbles. The first 8 weeks were the hardest, had no symptoms at all and after previous bad-news scans was convinced there would be no heartbeat. Felt better after the 12 week scan, but still can't say am enjoying the pregnancy, and feel OK about that.

I think that whatever we have to do to get through to the next milestone is OK, whether that be think positively or weep, wail and worry!

Personally I find distractions (trashy TV, novels, magazines, minor domestic or admin tasks, focusing on work, going out with my husband for dinner) helpful. Early nights, resting when can etc. I also got a doppler at about 14 weeks, which has been good. And have had some counselling, now only once a month, which is good opportunity to talk to someone who isn't involved and won't say upsetting stuff!

 

[Lolly W]

Smiler, I completely agree!

I firmly believe that there is nothing we can do to influence the outcome of our pregnancies (other than the obvious eating well, not drinking / smoking etc). Feeling s**t, having a good cry or complaining to anyone who'll listen can't and won't affect our unborn babies.

I would love to enjoy every minute of my pregnancy but I know that just won't happen for me.

Don't ever let yourselves feel guilty for worrying! Remember, it's a sign of how much we want our babies and how precious the are to us.

 

[MadamRose]

Thanks girls,

Well, I have made my Dr's appointment for next Tuesday, by which time I will be almost 6weeks. So, I suppose that's my first milestone!

My big milestone will be 8 weeks, as when we had our 8 week scan the last time the baby no longer had a heartbeat (we saw one at 7 weeks). Just checked and 8 weeks will fall exactly on my birthday!!!! Here's hoping it's a nice present

Im sure it will be an amazing present and lots of sitcky dust for you