Coping with early miscarriage

[Palestrina]

Ladies, I see so many of us on this forum fretting and worrying and dreading a MC. I am guilty of it myself, I check for blood every time I go to the bathroom, every twinge and cramp sends me into a panic, and god forbid my breasts don't feel sore for a moment without me thinking that my bean is gonna leave me. The 1st trimester is terrifying, let's all admit it. If we are going to have a loss it's going to be during the 1st trimester most likely and I don't blame anyone for feeling scared of that or worrying. We've been TTC for over 2 years, and suffered a loss last December and I spent so long after that blaming myself for it (was it something I did, was it something I ate?)

In this pregnancy I've been suffering from the same fears but what has helped me a lot is to think of MC as something natural that my body does for very good reasons. If my body realizes that there is something seriously wrong with this bean (maybe it has no head for example!) then my body will naturally reject it. Our bodies are incredible if you think about it. So it helps me psychologically to think that my body is just doing its job and that the bean didn't pass inspection - therefore it's not going to turn into a baby. It's not a tragedy, it's a blessing. I won't think of it as a baby at all until the 1st trimester is over, it's just safer that way.

And if a MC does happen just remember that it's not your fault! There is nothing you could have done that could make a MC happen, none of us is that powerful. Let's take it easy, cut down on caffeine, avoid the foods that could cause listeria, take our vitamins, and hope for the best. Let's not blame ourselves for a natural course of life.

It doesn't make it any less sad, I know, and those of us who have been struggling to conceive can attest to that. I know that thinking this way has helped me tremendously and I hope it can help someone else as well.

 

[fifi-folle]

I am sorry but I really dislike the title of this thread. I appreciate you are meaning well by your post but I feel you may well upset a lot of other women with the way you are communicating it. I could have said nothing but this has really upset me (yes I know it's probably hormones talking) I am sorry if I have offended you but I had to say something. Sorry.

 

[sjgreenham]

What a lovely way to look at things. I haven't been on here much. I had a M/C 27th Sep and stopped bleeding on the 1st Oct. I then had to have some treatment for infection but was left to go on hol to recover. There i was fine but when i came back i had some discomfort in my pelvis. I was treated for infection and went to the hospital for investigation. The gyni did a test which came back negative and she said that it could have been to early to detect anything. A week after my hospital visit i thought i would test and there it was a positive - without a period in between. As you can imagine I am scared stiff that it will happen again and even waiting till this wednesday for a scan is a killer.
My breasts are a little tender and for the last 3 mornings I have felt sick and retched. I just worry as the very tops of my legs almost my groin and pubic bone is aching and I worry each time i visit the loo. I think i would only be 5/6 weeks. I don't really know how they work it out. Still has anyone else felt like this??

reponses much appreciated.

x

 

[Palestrina]

I understand, but I'm not meaning to upset anyone. I was just trying to share how I have coped with my MC and the possibility of another MC. MC is a sensitive topic and there's no way to avoid hurting someone's feelings sometimes but that was not my intention. Sometimes these things need to be said. I'm sorry if my post hurt you.

 

[hotpinkangel]

Omg, I can't believe what I'm actually reading!!! From someone who's had 2 miscarriages this year, let me tell you it breaks your heart! I'm coming up to the due date of my first m/c next week and I'm dreading it. You might have thought this but why the he'll post it on a forum with people who have lost their babies early on in the pregnancies. Next time think before you post, just the name of this post was offensive.

 

[Palestrina]

Was it the title of the post that offended you or the content? Because I'm open to suggestions for retitling the post - I didn't mean for it to be insensitive or anything. However I stand by the post content as that is what has helped me and I don't apologize for the methods I have used to cope with MC.

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

I totally understand why this thread would upset people and it made me fee quite sad but i would like to say in defense of the original poster that really think her intention was to make others feel better, not worse, i think her intentions were well meaning xx

 

[Gemble]

I had a missed misscarriage in June and I found the only way to get through it was to think like this. If all was well then it wouldn't have happened!

To those that this has offended, It's obviously not saying that miscarriage is a happy affair! It's giving u another way to think of it to make it easier to deal with should it happen it's never gonna be easy should but all the OP is saying is everything happens for a reason.

Xxx

 

[Razcox]

I understand where you are coming from with the post and to a certain degree i do agree. But there are also many people with recurrent MC that has nothing to do with the baby so its not always the case that nature is best.

 

[LHill2010]

Palestrina, I'm sorry you are getting attacked. I know what you meant when I read your post, and I think you are coping with the first trimester the way you know how, so don't let anyone get to you. I had to think the same way to get me through those first few weeks. You just have to think that if something goes wrong, atleast you AND your baby didn't suffer in the future.

 

[jobells]

I think the content of this post is a lovely way of trying to deal with things mentally, i myself have had 3 M/C so understand totally where you are coming from.
I do think maybe the title is worded slightly wrong, Maybe something like "Natures way" Or "My way of dealing with early miscarriage" ? xx

 

[hotpinkangel]

The title mainly... Could have been worded a bit different? Sorry I flipped out at you, I think I'm a bit sensitive about this at the moment, I can see you actually didn't mean to upset anyone x

 

[dizzynic]

I think of my miscarriage in pretty much the same way its the only way i could cope with it x

 

[EmyDra]

Maybe the title should be 'Coping with early miscarriage'?

In the majority of cases you are right - it's very rare a women MCs for no reason. It can be egg quality too, if the yolk sac doesn't supply the embryo with enough resources to get through the first few weeks.

But yes, I do think you should change the title. I saw it and thought it must be a shocking post, but then found out it was rather lovely and heartfelt.

 

[dan-o]

Early miscarriage is not a bad thing

I'm afraid I find this title a little distasteful too & have to disagree with your generalisation regrading pregnancy loss.

While I understand what you are trying to say & the fact you are probably just trying to help, I think you have overlooked the percentage of healthy babies which are lost to implanation issues, hormones, fibroids, uterine structure, PPROM, injury, immune problems, infection etc.

Not all losses are due to chromosomal abnormalities & some could be avoided with proper monitoring & medical care.

I'm not wishing to pick on you here, I just wanted to put my point of view forward for you to consider.

 

[fifi-folle]

REwording the title so it expresses the fact this is one way to look at miscarriage. It sounds currently too much like a statement of fact whereas it would be better to communicate this as your way of dealing with miscarriage. It tends to get people's backs up if you make wide sweeping statements.
I hope my original post made clear that I understood your intentions were good.

 

[Faith2781]

Think you need to re-think the title of this thread! As someone who has just suffered an ectopic pregnancy loss I don't think the titel is really suitable. My original response to this was quite angry, but I took a deep breath and deleted it.

Personally, I am sick of being told 'it's natures way' or 'at least you can try again'... It's a gutting experience.

But, I can understand that you meant it to help, but maybe rethink the title next time.

 

[Palestrina]

EmyDra thank you for that suggestion, this title I think is much more in line with what I was trying to express.

Thank you everyone for being so kind as to not assume the worst of what I was meaning. Having a MC was the most unpleasant experience of my life, one that I spent months blaming myself for and ultimately I worked through it in therapy. I'm in a good place now emotionally to handle this pregnancy and anything that may go wrong and it's been partly because I have found a way to cope. My heart goes out to everyone in 1st tri - we are not alone and we are not to blame should something go wrong.

Early miscarriage is not a bad thing

I'm afraid I find this title a little distasteful too & have to disagree with your generalisation regrading pregnancy loss.

While I understand what you are trying to say & the fact you are probably just trying to help, I think you have overlooked the percentage of healthy babies which are lost to implanation issues, hormones, fibroids, uterine structure, PPROM, injury, immune problems, infection etc.

Not all losses are due to chromosomal abnormalities & some could be avoided with proper monitoring & medical care.

I'm not wishing to pick on you here, I just wanted to put my point of view forward for you to consider.

Your post is valid and welcome here, you bring up some very real issues here that I didn't mean to ignore. This is a good place to talk about those issues.

 

[caseyann]

Okay so I can see both sides of this, I see that you meant no harm or offense to anyone, and this is a way you have dealt with loss, completely understandable. Unfortunently miscarriages do not all fall in the same catagory.... there are so many reasons why they happen, no necessarily the body doing its work so to speak. Myself would fall in a different catagory... I lost 4 babies before they realized that I had a blood clotting disorder, there was nothing phyically wrong with the babies that I lost by any means, and trust me this was checked by my doctor and a lab, once this was diagnosed I went on to have my amazing son along with the proper medicine and now with the same medicine and progressing nicely thorugh this pregnancy. So again I understand that this was healing for you which is great, we all need to find a way to heal from a loss, but for others who's situations may be much different it could be a bit harsh for them to read.

 

[Palestrina]

Think you need to re-think the title of this thread! As someone who has just suffered an ectopic pregnancy loss I don't think the titel is really suitable. My original response to this was quite angry, but I took a deep breath and deleted it.

Personally, I am sick of being told 'it's natures way' or 'at least you can try again'... It's a gutting experience.

But, I can understand that you meant it to help, but maybe rethink the title next time.

I know how you feel "it's nature's way" and all those other things that people say do get old and leave us wanting real answers. Unfortunately in most cases there are no answers at all. I have no idea why I MC last year and will never know. I can only assume that it was chromosomal abnormalities. The doctor was very sympathetic but at the end of the day she stressed that MC is extremely common and that a lot of women experience MC and are able to go on and have healthy pregnancies. I get the feeling they see this all the time. I just wish someone had alerted me to it before I had to go through that. It's difficult to deal with it because there are no answers to our questions and "it's nature's way" is about as good of an answer as we can hope to get.