Court-long read

[Amy-Lea]

Right so the babies dad saw the baby the day she was born for 4 minutes, never held her, stood about 45785 miles away despite the fact he acted like he was going to be the doting father (note: he always wanted to be involved with the baby, i split with him because he has a controlling nature) Anyway when the baby was 3 months I got a solicitors letter saying he wants Hallie every Saturday 10am-6pm (I ignored) Then Mediation letters (I ignored) Then a court appearance date (I never showed up) But now I have an other court date for november so I have to book a solicitors appointment.

The babies dad has give me a hard time indirectly by having people approach me on the street, spread vicious vicious things about me and told a pack of lies . eg)I told him he will never see the baby, he never come in with me for the scans (he was holding my hand).

Anyway, he has never actually ever asked me to see Hallie, just the court letter, my view was I always would of said yes if he knocked/called/text but he never so I chose to ignore him then eventually take the legal route if thats what he wants.

Anyway I thought that I could say in court 'yeh you can see Hallie but until I feel comfortable with it I want you to be with your mum when ever your with her (he may be 25 but has zero experience with babies), you wil never take her to a pub or family party as family members take drugs, and 10-6 is out of question you will see her for 2 hours at first maybe an hour which will increase when I see ready. And the biggy, I will only do the above if, infront of every body who is in this room (the court) you say that everything you have ever said about me has been fabricated and you made it up. Also I heard you can get him to sign a form about the things he said.

Do you think its out of line to say he has to do that? I just want everyone to know i am not the beast he made me out to be and that he is a bad lier. Maybe his mm will see him for who he realy is if all the lies come out.

 

[Jayden'sMummy]

Nope i think you have it all sorted! you go girl, get him for everything he has put you through babe, you and your gorgeous little girl deserve so much more and if your not comfortable with him seeing her for them times then so be it, she is your baby and her best interests are at heart
hope everything goes ok chick, chin up *HUGS*xxx

 

[starbucks101]

Have you seen a solicitor already?
You wont be able to say your bit im afraid, you'll be in one room with your solicitor and your ex and his in another, you will tell your solicitor what your prepared to offer and he'll tell his what he wants, then they'll boot you both out into the waiting room and go into a room together to discuss how different the parents contact time is, then you'll both go back in with your solicitors and made to give a little lee-way, this will continue until you have both given a little and come to some sort of agreement, that in all honesty neither of you are happy with,but its a starting point. you'll then actually go into the court where someone will read the agreement, put a stamp on it, have a strong, patronising and completly degrading word with you both and send you on your way.

If you've completly ignored the solicitors letters,the mediation ones and not turned upto court, that was a very very big mistake, and can potentially be held over you for the rest of your court battles, no matter how long they go on for.

I dont mean to sound cold or calous at all, just i went through all this a few years ago, its an awful experience! I would recommend you go in offering 2 - 3 hours a week supervised contact, for your child to bond with the dad with his mother present to also form a family bond, and say you are happy in a stepping stone period after 6 weeks to increase this to say 3 hours then to coem back for a review after 3months...

You will probably be able to get that without too many problems, I'd also recommened that you say you are prepared to have your ex text you to ask about your child, but will only respond to him about your child and nothing else.

This shows your prepared to make an effort.

Because you've ignored all the papers and missed a court appearance you need to go in there being the absolute queen of niceness or you will get taken to the cleaners, the courts are starting to crack down harder on mothers who play games with the system (im not saying you were, but you'll be tarred with the same brush)

Good luck!

 

[princess_bump]

wishing you so much luck sweetie, thinking of you

 

[hypnorm]

Unfortunately not turning up for the mediation, courts etc will go against you, and will be on your record.
It shows that he has tried, and that you havent.
Good luck.

 

[princessellie]

i dont have any experience with this stuff so cant offer no advice but just wanted to say good luck and i hope everything turns out ok

xxx

 

[sonny]

Go out and buy yourself a BIIGGG notebook. Write in there with dates like a diary of all the events that have happened and from now ones in the future. In a custoday case that diary log can be used as part of your statement like mine has recently with my stepsons.
I think an all day contact order would be unsuitable considering LO's age. Surely it would have to start with 1-2 hours with your supervision also?
There a re some lovely lovely ladies on here who help me with our custody disputes as we have to represent ourselves in court. They have the legal expertise

 

[Amy-Lea]

Starbuck, I have not told anybody but my mum and this forum about the letters, should I say my mum has never given me them as I have actually changed address and get my mail once every blue moon?

 

[Amy-Lea]

If i lie and say I have never had the letters, surely I cant have it againt me. I am getting summoned to court but this will be via my mums address so then she can say she doesnt live her and I did actualy send one letter back without opening it to the post office saying it got delivered to the wrong house, so this may be on file in the post office!

What u think, i no its lying but i am the one in the right when it comes to attitudes etc he is a monster.

 

[brownhairedmom]

Lying in court won't look good for you at all. I think the best thing to do is tell the truth, that you were scared he would get custody if you went to court because he's not someone you want around your child. It isn't much of a leg to stand on, but if its found out you're lying, things could go very, very wrong.

 

[hypnorm]

Did they send them recorded or tracked?
I really wouldnt lie its not worth it, they will pick you to pieces in court.
i would be seeking legal advise now as you could be getting your self in to a right pickle.. but where did they send this court summonds to? if its your mums then they know the letters have got through.

Not sure but if they use a franking machine they will know if the letters have been processed at the post office.

Don't lie it could reallly back fire on you!

 

[Pyrrhic]

when the baby was 3 months I got a solicitors letter saying he wants Hallie every Saturday 10am-6pm (I ignored) Then Mediation letters (I ignored) Then a court appearance date (I never showed up) But now I have an other court date for november so I have to book a solicitors appointment.

I would say you have really screwed up here, and need to get in touch with your own solicitor asap and be totally honest with them as they are there to help you. Your ex has done everything by the book and it will look favorable on him for doing so.

As for the 'I never got the letters' idea, don't you think they will have heard those sorts of excuses before? You lying in court will make everything 10 times worse.

 

[Amy-Lea]

I'm scared though. The reason i ignore the letter was because it never said I had to get back to them was because i was on holiday when i needed to go to court and i didnt want them thinking i was bad mum by going on holiday. so i just never replied. the mediation i ignored blatently. and the last letter saying the court date i genuinly never got until after the date which was yesterday, which says i should of seen a brief by then coz the court date is on november 17th. So now I cant go to that court date.

The thing is though, you know were people are saying I have done bad. and it will go against me? I have no reason to have any one on my side really. Im gunna say he can see her. I just want her not to see her for long periods of time that he requested as he is a stranger.

 

[hypnorm]

Did you go on holiday with you baby? be honest and say you were on holiday.
It sounds like you are panicing and i think you should really speak to a legal advisor and find out exactly where you stand.
He is entitled to see the child whether you like it or not, but you can request that it is supervised.

 

[Amy-Lea]

I know she should see hr dad I was never gunna say no I was still waiting for him to knock on my door. No I wouldnt take Hallie in the sun, my mum booked me the holiday as a present with 2 friends because I had Hallie on my 18th birthday. I came home aone after 2 days though I missed the baby. I'm gunna get advise then ignore it till I get summoned I think, its come too far now, i just didnt knw what to do to be honest.

 

[Erised]

First, you have to relax. They're not evil people trying to take your baby away from you. All that they want is what you're already willing to give anyway. Get yourself a solicitor and tell him exactly what happened. Tell him you didn't realise you had to answer and that you went on holiday for the other court date. He's on your side, you pay him (or get it paid for you). All your ex wants is to see his daughter, several hours a week. He doesn't want her every day.

Lying to the court is a big big no, I do believe it's even against the law.
You don't have much to worry about hon, apart from the fact you went the wrong way to start with. All the ladies before me have given great advice that I whole heartedly agree with. Go see someone who does it for a living, and try not to worry about it too much. I'm certain things will work out, as long as you let him see your little girl =) Keep us updated!

 

[hypnorm]

I'm gunna get advise then ignore it till I get summoned

Not being funny but you really are not helping your self here at all.
You need to get advise and really take heed and DO something about it, they want the baby to stay with you they just want to sort out access not label you as a bad mum.

The more you try and avoid it or lie then the more it will go against you.

 

[Amy-Lea]

I can't ever be in the same room alone as him though does that have to happen? I have no doubts that he would hurt Hallie I think he would be great but he is very minipulitive expesh with me he talked me out of uni etc stopped me seeing my mum etc.

 

[hypnorm]

No, just arrange to have a family member there in place of your self, i know that has happened in the past.

 

[Amy-Lea]

i've just read back, I've come across really immature and niave. I am not,everything I have done has been an act of fear. I'm crying even now just thinking about being in contact with him. He is a horrible person who believes everything that comes out of his mouth, how can you have an argument with someone who believes there true when you know there not? He told me we bought the pregnancy test together, that kind of thing when in fact I was sat in his room and he was like please take this test i have in my car. He was strange and I just don't want to be in contact with him.