Cruel Friends...

[Hopeful1479]

I need to vent this out because I don't feel very supportive by people who I have supported over 20+ years!! I have 2 really good friends that I still keep in touch with from high school, I graduated in 1997 and these 2 particular ladies we met in 3rd grade. One of them got pregnant and had a son at 19, the other one was married and had her first baby at 21. I was much different after 2 years of college I packed up and moved from NY to California. I tried all kinds of things, worked went to school and eventually moved back to finish college. I had many boyfriends and realatonships, got screwed over, got engaged all kinds of stuff. Over the years they had more kids and one got divorced etc. Fast forward it took me many years to find the "one" and I got married at 33, had my first baby at 34 and now pregnant at 36 adn will be 37 when born. Now each year we get together for our bdays as we are all a few days apart. At last years dinner they told me I was too old to have more kids and that by the time my kid graduates high school theirs will be married. So I told them I was pregnant and they made me feel bad pretty much saying I am old and they will be enjoying life and I will be changing diapers and still not sleeping. Now yes I agree I am no spring chicken, but it took me years to get my life together. I have a masters degree, a senior management position at work, a nice house and live nicely. They don't have those things, never finished school, one cheats on her husband the other is divorced. I don't give them crap for their choices. I just had to get that out. I dont doubt my life choices.

 

[Naturalmommi]

It sounds like they are jealous of you more than anything. By the way they sound, it sounds as if
They didn't get to spend their early 20's enjoying a single life like you did and figuring out what they really want in life. (You could remind them of that too 😉 )
Enjoying life is all a perspective. For me personally, nothing can bring me more happiness and joy than raising my children and bringing another one into the world. This time right here and now and these moments are the closest piece of heaven here on earth. ❤️

 

[Quartz]

They sound jealous of you to be honest.

And its not old - age is simply a number. 37 may sound old and when I read it Ill be honest it did but then I remember that I am the same age (37 next birthday) and you know what I dont feel old and I am happy at the moment to be in child rearing mode having had more carefree 20s

 

[PugLuvAh]

I did the same as you and don't regret a thing!

I had a number of people who told me to "get married and have kids when you're young, so you'll still be young when they leave the house". My thought was, I don't want to be counting the days till my kids grow up and leave so I can have my life again.

I went to university, got my masters, got a great job and built a career, travelled, dated, married, and enjoyed being married for a few years before we had kids. I turn 37 next month and am pregnant with #3. We are having them a little closer together (2 years apart) because we wanted 3 kids and are "older", but I don't regret having kids into my 30's. We've got fewer financial stresses because we waited (have a house, student loans are paid off and have some money saved) and are much more patient and knowledgeable in ourselves as people and focused on the kids than I would have been in my 20's juggling school, career and family. I'm not resentful of what I'm "missing" now (sleeping in? travelling?) because I got a lot of what I wanted to do out of the way and am now at the point where I want to focus on my family. Happily

I know its not true for every young person, but a lot of younger people do not realize how much you grow and change from your early 20's into your 30's. Taking the time to explore the world and learn about what I wanted was very important to me. And every one of those people who told me to get married and have a family young is now divorced with a ton of other stresses in life. Every. single. one.

Not regretting my choice to wait one little bit!

 

[Qmama79]

I think it was a very insensitive thing to say or even think. I agree fully with what the ladies say here. If I were you, I wld speak my mind about what you achieved in the years while they were raising their children. And that for you the right time is now. They should respect that.

 

[Hopeful1479]

Than you ladies, its good to know I have support here and that you all are going through life just about the same as I. As far as I am concerned this is the age of having children and figuring out life. I appreciate all your thoughts and can't agree more!!

 

[Hotknife2015]

I am having my first baby at 35. I know a lot of women who waited, went to school and built a career first like me, and others who had a family first and are now working on careers. At the end of the day there are no right or wrong paths with this, it is whatever works for the individual. It sounds like you were very supportive of them when they took different paths from you and I think the least you would expect is the same from them. Hopefully they will come around but if they don't it is their loss for being narrow minded and insensitive.

 

[PurpleIvy44]

I agree with the other posters that they seem jealous of your situation. Everyone leads a different path in life. I have friends that just had kids graduate from high school and here I am pregnant at 38 with #2. As long as your happy and healthy- forget them. How good of friends are they to say such rude things anyways?

p.s. you sound similar to me! I graduated in 1995 and live in upstate NY too. Good luck with your pregnancy!

 

[Hopeful1479]

I agree with the other posters that they seem jealous of your situation. Everyone leads a different path in life. I have friends that just had kids graduate from high school and here I am pregnant at 38 with #2. As long as your happy and healthy- forget them. How good of friends are they to say such rude things anyways?

p.s. you sound similar to me! I graduated in 1995 and live in upstate NY too. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Hi there... Where abouts are you here in NY? I live in Cheektowaga, if you don't know where that is its between Buffalo and Niagara Falls....

 

[Bekah78]

I too think they're jealous. I have friends who didn't have children till their early forties. Being career women they've been able to set a great example to their kids and haven't struggled for money to pay for the holidays, kids camps etc to give their kids great experiences early in life.
There's advantages and disadvantages to having children at any time of life. It's up to the individual when the right time is for them.
People shouldn't be so judgemental.

 

[PurpleIvy44]

I agree with the other posters that they seem jealous of your situation. Everyone leads a different path in life. I have friends that just had kids graduate from high school and here I am pregnant at 38 with #2. As long as your happy and healthy- forget them. How good of friends are they to say such rude things anyways?

p.s. you sound similar to me! I graduated in 1995 and live in upstate NY too. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Hi there... Where abouts are you here in NY? I live in Cheektowaga, if you don't know where that is its between Buffalo and Niagara Falls....

Oh nice, I'm on the opposite side of the state near Albany.

 

[Hopeful1479]

Nice my husband travels there all the time for work! Nice to have some upstate New Yorkers on here....