Cry it Out - need help!

[BabyCleo]

I guess this isn't really "cry it out" ... but it kinda is. I need pro-CIO help!

My baby is about 7 weeks. She has been awesome - sleep, eat, poop, repeat. I always thought id just pop her in her crib from day 1, but I couldn't bear it. I popped her into a little basket beside me at night (im not comfortable with cosleeping, I tried it and baby and I didn't like it) and she slept like a pro! As she got a bit bigger, she began waking herself up cause she would hit the basket sides with her arms/feet. We tried the crib, but again, I was all sad about it. Instead, she slept in her stroller awesomely.

So fast forward to now: She now isn't sleeping great in her stroller, and relying on me or DH rocking the stroller for aaaaages before going to sleep. She just sits and watches us as we push her - she dosent cry. I know its not the best idea to let her sleep in a stroller anyway (don't judge please, it worked, so we went with it!) and now its crib time.

My mother suggested the cry it out method. Im not 100% on CIO - I feel its a bit mean. But I tried it, and omg, its working. Its been a day, and shes so good about it. We pop her into her crib, swaddle her up, put on a little music for her, and give her a head rub and then walk out after saying goodnight. She cries a little, I go in after about a minute or 2, repeat (swaddle, pat head, replay music if it turned off, say goodnight) and shes usually good.

Im just a bit anxious and unsure still. She seems honestly okay, but - am I making her super sad? She seems her happy little self, but im over here all confused (can you tell im a FTM? lol) and I have a feeling im just being anxious for no reason. If she cries its more of a "hey, I don't enjoy this, come back!" cry, not a blood curdling scream.

I know this is all over the place and long but I need reassurance im doing the right thing. She seems more independent (does that sound stupid??) as she didn't like co-sleeping, and she already at 7 weeks lays on her playmat and touches her toys and has fun alone if I have to check on dinner etc.

Am I doing this right? Can someone give me a virtual hug and tell me im not screwing up parenting...?

 

[too_scared]

Cio isn't recommended before 6 months.

 

[Larkspur]

Are you open to genuine (and gentle) feedback about your approach, or do you really only want people who are 100 percent pro-CIO to agree that what you're doing is fine?

 

[BabyCleo]

too_scared - I mentioned at the beginning of my post it wasn't really CIO. I also asked for positive feedback as a mother who has anxiety and is very unsure. Ive also read that CIO is fine after 6 weeks. But.. thanks for that.


Larkspur - I really just need advice. Im very unsure. She seems okay, but I feel weird I guess. When she does make noise, its not a full blown cry - one settle and shes asleep. Im following my mothers advice here, which may be outdated.

***Please be gentle ladies. Im very anxious and still nervous about things as a new mother. Im not allowing my 7 week old to scream in her crib.***

 

[Larkspur]

Okay, well, I'll start by saying that what you're doing right now seems fine, and I say that as someone who is a strict Wait It Outer for my own kids.

Your approach sounds more like Controlled Crying than CIO. If your baby really is just grizzling for a couple of minutes and then dropping off, then it sounds like it's working just fine, no trauma.

For a baby so young though, if were taking more than about 5 minutes of crying, I would reconsider the approach until six months or older (which is the most widely accepted recommendation for sleep training. I don't know who you read that said six weeks is fine for CIO but that is not a widely held opinion).

The increased play independence is good, but that's just normal development, not a "side benefit" of sleep training.

 

[BabyCleo]

Maybe I mean controlled crying. That makes more sense (im new to all of this)

She never cries longer than 5 minutes. I think the longest was like.. 2? Maybe I read controlled crying was okay at 6 weeks. Now im not sure what it was lol. Like you said, she just makes a little noise then drifts off.

Thanks for the support. Im very new to all this and even though she seems fine, I wanted to know I wasn't a bad mother for taking a controlled crying approach

 

[TTC First]

It sounds like your lo is doing well. You are giving the reassurance that you are still there but putting her in a position to be independent. Soon enough you will find that your lo will go right to sleep no issues. I amaze people when I can simply take lo up to bed and come right back down without a peep. I say keep it up.

 

[BabyCleo]

Thanks you very much TTC First - that's exactly what im trying to aim for. Independent enough to fall asleep mostly alone, but if she needs her mama, she knows ill be right there.

I looked up controlled crying - and I think that's more what I mean than CIO. Sorry for the confusion! If she cries, I go in and reassure her - I don't just leave her to cry.

 

[mel28nicole]

I agree with the other two ladies. Sounds like she is doing great. Do you lsy her down in the crib for naps as well? That'll help her feel more comfortable in the crib too.

People see CIO and automatically assume people are letting their child cry hours on end. 2 minutes of crying is not going to harm her With the way you're approaching sleep, I bet you she'll fall asleep on her own in no time.

DD is almost a year old and I still cuddle her to sleep. But once she's down in her crib she's out for the night. So I envy that your LO is starting to fall asleep on her own

 

[BabyCleo]

Thank you mel28nicole

Yes, she goes for naps in her crib too, there seem to be no problems with it

I know, CIO seems to have such a negative name. I would never actually leave her for hours on end to scream. I don't think anyone could... I just go in and reassure her. She is a really good baby, im very blessed!

Thanks for the support ladies, I appreciate it. I was very nervous today but I feel much better, and LO seems to be fine too. She woke up from her nap and was all smiles (once she was fed lol) so I know shes okay.

 

[Julesillini8]

Agreed, you're not really doing CIO.
I really think you are doing fine. You are giving her a chance to fall asleep on her own. They may complain for a minute or two but they find a way to settle and fall asleep. I think you're doing great, there for baby if she does cry for more than just a few minutes ( babies do need to be reassured of a loving presence at this age) but allowing her to learn to self soothe. And she is a good baby for going to sleep!

This is what I do with my baby, and all three of mine are awesome sleepers.

 

[BabyCleo]

That's awesome

Yeah, I don't let her cry longer than 2 minutes. Usually its just a bit of fuss before sleeping. So far, its working pretty well! Thanks for your support. Im happy to hear all 3 of yours sleep well!

 

[40isnotold]

I am a single mom of 12 week old twins and plan on using the cry it out method. However, it is recommended that it not be started until 6 months of age. 7 weeks is too soon to be considering it. A baby that young needs to be comforted and reassured. But, since your daughter isn't screaming, it sounds like you are doing it right. I think you are doing a great job and it seems like your daughter is a happy baby!!!

 

[BabyCleo]

40isnotold - Ive stated in other posts (after the other ladies helped me) its more controlled crying - NOT cry it out. But, she has been doing fantastically and now we have almost no fuss. (Ive also been blessed with a wonderful baby, that helps)

Just an update - LO is sleeping through the night now, 1030pm-5am. We pop her down, if she fusses we give her a pat and a hug and then shes asleep for the night. Thanks ladies for helping me and reassuring me that controlled crying is okay for her. Shes a much better sleeper for it, and she barely fusses now when its bedtime/naptime.

 

[Julesillini8]

You're doing great! That's what my little guy was doing at about 8-9 weeks. He would go 10pm til 6 am. Now at 11 weeks he's been going 830-8:30am. I bet you're only a few weeks away from a good 12 hour sleep for her! You have been doing well guiding her to learn to soothe herself and now she will be able to go right back to sleep without you even knowing she has awakened because she knows how to drop off to sleep. You are doing just fine girl

 

[BabyCleo]

Ooooh! Im excited for 12 hours! lol

Thank you so much, as a FTM im always second guessing myself

 

[AK89]

I've not read all the posts and don't have time to so I'm just gonna add this ... I think it's really important that if you're going to do something like this, you should read into the dangers of it and the damage it can do. Sleep training/CC/CIO can be very "effective" ways of getting your baby to sleep well. What a lot of people aren't aware of though is what is actually going on during the process. People think the babies are crying, and then gradually just realising that everything is actually OK and there's nothing to worry about, and going back to sleep. This couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not judging you or anyone else who does it, I just think everyone should know all about sleep training and the effects it can have on your baby, both short term and long term.

Here are a couple of articles for you to read should you feel the need

https://www.kveller.com/five-reasons-why-mayim-bialik-doesnt-believe-in-sleep-training/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

https://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html

 

[AK89]

Just read a couple of posts from the last page. Glad all is going well for you now. Maybe the articles I posted will help you in the future

 

[BabyCleo]

AK89 - as much as I appreciate the articles, I am in no way "damaging" my baby and it really hurts to read that I would do that. If you had read all the posts, you would see that im not actually "crying it out" .. the ladies here pointed out that im doing more of a "controlled crying". I was confused on the differences and had just named my method incorrectly.

As a FTM, I did a lot of reading as well as spoke to my own mother who both my sister and I have a strong relationship with. She was able to guide me in her process which differs from set "methods" and her guidelines for what she did was indeed much softer than the other methods ive seen.

You say your not judging me but posting articles on how damaging what im doing is - is indeed insulting. These women made me feel so much better and gave me positive support and feedback. As a new mother of a 7 week old, I needed that. This forum is my main source of support as I live in another province to my family and even though my mother is a phone call away its lovely to jump online and ask a question at 3am if need be.

So thanks for your articles, but I will politely decline in reading them. I know what is best for my baby, and other mothers here have reassured me that what im doing is indeed fine. Mothers need all the support they can get - not articles on how what im doing is damaging.

 

[BabyCleo]

Ladies - Im going to close this thread. I guess im a bit postpartum hormonal but having articles posted on how im damaging my baby broke me down into tears, it caught me on a bad night. Plus I got my answers anyway Thank you to you all who gave me supportive feedback and helped me fell better!! I really appreciate it! It helped lots.