CSA & Access....? Advice Needed!

[Jasa1911]

Hi All...

My Ex made it perfectly clear he wasnt very interested in our daughter or our relationship from around me being 6 months pregnant.

He has met her three times, and the last time it was for 45 minutes and then he text saying he didnt think it would be wise to see each other again as it was to 'painful'. So I said fine and left it at that.

Anyway - he is totally unreliable has been since we got together really. He is up to his eyeballs in debt and has another daughter that he doesnt want to see and who he didnt pay anything for for years so is now paying off an £8000 CSA debt.

The CSA take the maximum off him each month that they can, so it wouldnt affect him monthly if I did claim CSA, he would just be paying his arrears for longer.

Thing is Im starting to struggle finacially, and I am considering claimung maint through the CSA. Question is - if I do this will he be allowed access to my daughter?
He isnt on the birth cert and hasnt been in touch since she was 8 weeks old.

I DONT want him anywhere near her. He has never bothered with her before and I feel that if he did request access it would be more out of spite than actual want to see her.

I personally think he will be too lazy to fight anything and he cant afford a legal battle... BUT I'm just scared he will make this request and they will grant access because she is so young......

Any advice or should I just struggle on to make sure that he cant get near her?

xx

 

[dustbunny]

I have a tiny bit of a problem with this as in I think its a bit unfair to claim maintenance but then in the other hand say no to access...unless there is a major reason for it.

From a personal point of view FOB hasn't bothered with this pregnancy except to cause arguments. I haven't heard from him in over a month now and don't want him involved anymore. When baby is born he wont be going on the birth certificate but I also won't be claiming through CSA and he has made it clear he doesn't want to be financially involved.

I think if you don't want him to have access then its cheeky to claim money from him too. I know my opinion is a pretty crap one and Im sorry if its not want you wanted to hear.

 

[Jasa1911]

I have a tiny bit of a problem with this as in I think its a bit unfair to claim maintenance but then in the other hand say no to access...unless there is a major reason for it.

From a personal point of view FOB hasn't bothered with this pregnancy except to cause arguments. I haven't heard from him in over a month now and don't want him involved anymore. When baby is born he wont be going on the birth certificate but I also won't be claiming through CSA and he has made it clear he doesn't want to be financially involved.

I think if you don't want him to have access then its cheeky to claim money from him too. I know my opinion is a pretty crap one and Im sorry if its not want you wanted to hear.

I understand your opinion, BUT we were together for a long time and he was all for the pregnancy until I was viable. He wanted it all. We even bought a property (In my name due to his debts) and he ran off and left?! Surely its his finanical responsiblity and I have every right to ask him to pay. Why would I want to give access off something so precious to a man who hasnt bothered with her AT ALL!! Not even visited her (Or me) while we were in hospital / Neo Natal for over 2 months combined?!

Why would I allow him into her life to just let her down (whichhas has already done twice on the an important last minute bike ride when he had plans to see her for over a week, and a night out which meant he had no money to contribute!) But why should I make her suffer with my crippling mortgage and lack of finance because he helped us in to this situation....

It it right for him to leave this kind of devestation behind him and go on scott free?

I said all along I wouldnt claim simply because I didnt want him to have access, but when her home is on the line?!

Hmmm..... tough call on my part.

Thanks for your post though... Good luck with your LO's arrival x

 

[george83]

I have a tiny bit of a problem with this as in I think its a bit unfair to claim maintenance but then in the other hand say no to access...unless there is a major reason for it.

From a personal point of view FOB hasn't bothered with this pregnancy except to cause arguments. I haven't heard from him in over a month now and don't want him involved anymore. When baby is born he wont be going on the birth certificate but I also won't be claiming through CSA and he has made it clear he doesn't want to be financially involved.

I think if you don't want him to have access then its cheeky to claim money from him too. I know my opinion is a pretty crap one and Im sorry if its not want you wanted to hear.

I understand your opinion, BUT we were together for a long time and he was all for the pregnancy until I was viable. He wanted it all. We even bought a property (In my name due to his debts) and he ran off and left?! Surely its his finanical responsiblity and I have every right to ask him to pay. Why would I want to give access off something so precious to a man who hasnt bothered with her AT ALL!! Not even visited her (Or me) while we were in hospital / Neo Natal for over 2 months combined?!

Why would I allow him into her life to just let her down (whichhas has already done twice on the an important last minute bike ride when he had plans to see her for over a week, and a night out which meant he had no money to contribute!) But why should I make her suffer with my crippling mortgage and lack of finance because he helped us in to this situation....

It it right for him to leave this kind of devestation behind him and go on scott free?

I said all along I wouldnt claim simply because I didnt want him to have access, but when her home is on the line?!

Hmmm..... tough call on my part.

Thanks for your post though... Good luck with your LO's arrival x

i don't know about access and legal rights etc etc ut i'm in a very similar position, we were happily married planned to have this baby and now my husband wants nothing to do with either of us. Like i said i don't legally know where you stand but i'd be livid if my husband thought he could just pick and put down my son whenever he felt like it, so what if he's paying for the child it was partly his decision to have a baby so he should pay towards bringing it up, what's the saying anybody can be a father only somebody special can be a dad

 

[dustbunny]

I have a tiny bit of a problem with this as in I think its a bit unfair to claim maintenance but then in the other hand say no to access...unless there is a major reason for it.

From a personal point of view FOB hasn't bothered with this pregnancy except to cause arguments. I haven't heard from him in over a month now and don't want him involved anymore. When baby is born he wont be going on the birth certificate but I also won't be claiming through CSA and he has made it clear he doesn't want to be financially involved.

I think if you don't want him to have access then its cheeky to claim money from him too. I know my opinion is a pretty crap one and Im sorry if its not want you wanted to hear.

I understand your opinion, BUT we were together for a long time and he was all for the pregnancy until I was viable. He wanted it all. We even bought a property (In my name due to his debts) and he ran off and left?! Surely its his finanical responsiblity and I have every right to ask him to pay. Why would I want to give access off something so precious to a man who hasnt bothered with her AT ALL!! Not even visited her (Or me) while we were in hospital / Neo Natal for over 2 months combined?!

Why would I allow him into her life to just let her down (whichhas has already done twice on the an important last minute bike ride when he had plans to see her for over a week, and a night out which meant he had no money to contribute!) But why should I make her suffer with my crippling mortgage and lack of finance because he helped us in to this situation....

It it right for him to leave this kind of devestation behind him and go on scott free?

I said all along I wouldnt claim simply because I didnt want him to have access, but when her home is on the line?!

Hmmm..... tough call on my part.

Thanks for your post though... Good luck with your LO's arrival x

I am sorry if my original comment offended you as that was not my intention. Having read more of your back story I feel that you do have a point with regards to not wanting him to have access. To be honest, if he hasnt been bothered then I very much doubt he will bother, he might just hand the money over to CSA for a quiet life and not get involved. If he is anything like my cousins FOB she applied through CSA after he had been gone for 2 years and he took her to court for access just for the upset it would cause, seen his LO twice maybe and hasn't bothered since. Some men... the majority of men... are a waste of space.

 

[Jasa1911]

I have a tiny bit of a problem with this as in I think its a bit unfair to claim maintenance but then in the other hand say no to access...unless there is a major reason for it.

From a personal point of view FOB hasn't bothered with this pregnancy except to cause arguments. I haven't heard from him in over a month now and don't want him involved anymore. When baby is born he wont be going on the birth certificate but I also won't be claiming through CSA and he has made it clear he doesn't want to be financially involved.

I think if you don't want him to have access then its cheeky to claim money from him too. I know my opinion is a pretty crap one and Im sorry if its not want you wanted to hear.

I understand your opinion, BUT we were together for a long time and he was all for the pregnancy until I was viable. He wanted it all. We even bought a property (In my name due to his debts) and he ran off and left?! Surely its his finanical responsiblity and I have every right to ask him to pay. Why would I want to give access off something so precious to a man who hasnt bothered with her AT ALL!! Not even visited her (Or me) while we were in hospital / Neo Natal for over 2 months combined?!

Why would I allow him into her life to just let her down (whichhas has already done twice on the an important last minute bike ride when he had plans to see her for over a week, and a night out which meant he had no money to contribute!) But why should I make her suffer with my crippling mortgage and lack of finance because he helped us in to this situation....

It it right for him to leave this kind of devestation behind him and go on scott free?

I said all along I wouldnt claim simply because I didnt want him to have access, but when her home is on the line?!

Hmmm..... tough call on my part.

Thanks for your post though... Good luck with your LO's arrival x

I am sorry if my original comment offended you as that was not my intention. Having read more of your back story I feel that you do have a point with regards to not wanting him to have access. To be honest, if he hasnt been bothered then I very much doubt he will bother, he might just hand the money over to CSA for a quiet life and not get involved. If he is anything like my cousins FOB she applied through CSA after he had been gone for 2 years and he took her to court for access just for the upset it would cause, seen his LO twice maybe and hasn't bothered since. Some men... the majority of men... are a waste of space.

You didnt offend me hun... I understand what you were saying and in other situations I would totally agree.

I talked it through with my family tonight and we arent willing to run the risk... Ill make ends meet ....

Thanks xx