CSA + Location

[purpledahlia]

yeah if i let her move! na it'd be good for a car, but i dont want her thinking all her teenage years her dad is saving for her and she can buy a car etc then for him to only give her like couple of hundred and let her down. Thats why id like to have proof or see the acc.. so i can trust him to do it!

 

[suzanne108]

Deffo a good idea that he pays into the trust fund if you can only get him to agree to paying into a savings account that way only she has access to it. And just don't tell her about it until her 18th birthday so she doesn't get her hopes up! How mad talking about Ava's 18th birthday

 

[purpledahlia]

i know bloody hell, lets get her out the womb first!!

 

[bubbles]

Can I just say if you don't put him on BC you may run into problems with the CSA not only that he could then question paternity and refuse to pay until it is proven he is your daughters father. TBH if he's as bad as you say why would you want his money? surely taking his money would give him more of a hold over you and your daughter than putting him on BC. If you really want his money I would cut out the CSA get a solicitor to write up a contract to say he will pay X amount on a regular basis, if he doesn't do it you can show your daughter when she is older that you tried to be amicable with him but he messed it up, that way you will have something to show her what type of man he is and make up her own mind about him

 

[lauren-kate]

The thing is... If you don't involve CSA, they will possibly reduce your benefits. That's why they ask about CSA, maintenance, etc in the benefits forms. If you answer that you are not using them, they want a VALID reason i.e. the father is violent, a danger to yourself or baby, etc. In their eyes, if you are not claiming money from the father (for no valid reason), then you do not need as much money from them. I remember this from my research, but sure the information is still online if you need it. This must be why they are automatically contacted now

 

[bubbles]

but if you can show proof you have come to an agreement away from CSA they will take this into consideration

 

[lou_w34]

The thing is... If you don't involve CSA, they will possibly reduce your benefits. That's why they ask about CSA, maintenance, etc in the benefits forms. If you answer that you are not using them, they want a VALID reason i.e. the father is violent, a danger to yourself or baby, etc. In their eyes, if you are not claiming money from the father (for no valid reason), then you do not need as much money from them. I remember this from my research, but sure the information is still online if you need it. This must be why they are automatically contacted now

I dont think the csa reduse your benefits if you dont give them the fathers information. My local job centre hasnt even asked about the FOB, not a sausage, they didnt want to know any of his details, and didnt even mention the csa to me. And they got me to speak to a lone parent advisor aswell, and even she didnt mention it.

Plus what happens to the women who genuinley dont know who the FOB is, do they cut her benefits aswell?

And yes, very weird talking about her 18th birthday!!! xx

 

[purpledahlia]

No they wont cut my benefits and its not ME involving the CSA. Its my jobcentre!

If he wants to question paternity for not being on the BC he can do so. Hes not having that control over us. I would need his permission to go abroad, move to another area, choosing schools, every single detail of her life he could control and hes done nothing to proove he is even gonna stick around so its not going to happen. My mum works with a bunch of people who all work within various roles of the NHS to do with kids in care and such, midwives, health visitors etc. Even people at her work are telling me to really consider not putting him on as they have seen the messes it can create. He isnt going on. He wont even be here when i register her so he cant go on.

but anyways, yeah i wouldnt take his money if he said he didnt wanna be around, but he wants to be involved with the fun things like choosing her name and stuff... yet hasnt bought her as much as a teddy... Hes never questioned paternity but if he wants to then so be it.

IF the CSA get any money from him and im on benefits then i will only see £20 a week. they will keep the rest to put back into the system, however, if i start a job i will see all of it. They dont 'cut' benefits, they cut what i would get from csa. But i would be prefectly happy with £20 a week. April 2010 it goes up to £40.

I can make a contract with a solicitor that he pays 'x' amount, but i still need to declare it to both the jobcentre and the CSA. and he prob woulnt do it. Id rather just let the CSA do what they do, they will apparently contact me and then him, i amnt choosing to involve them but my jobcentre does. its out my hands. I dont want to take his money in the long run because he will use it against me,

 

[purpledahlia]

And he doesnt need to be on the BC for the CSA to work. My friend gets money thru the CSa for her toddler and she doesnt know her dad, met once or twice, hes not on the BC and she still gets maintenence.

 

[purpledahlia]

Also, if i do get the basic amount from CSA for him to pay, its not that i 'want his money' it would mean I could put it into an acc for her myself, so i can SEE its there. i dont trust him to do it.

 

[Welshcob]

He is not going on the Birth Certificate. He is not having that power over me to control mine and my childs life, i will not put us ina situation where we need his permission for anything. I dont WANT him to pay and see her i think hes an arse and would be happier if he just left us to it alone forever.

however as he wants to see her i wont stop him, he can come up whenever he wants and visit her. But i know for a fact he says this but when the time comes, he wont. he says now he wants to come up once a week, fine by me, totally unrealistic to him. he MIGHT make it once every 2 months. but whatever, whenever.

I am not denying my child anything, im protecting her.

Good news about the bank acc, he was probably just saying that anyway. He can pay into her child trust fund thats a better idea. Ive no idea how they work yet but im assuming when its opened i can put money in aswell?? i was just gonna open her an acc joined onto mine. but atm im in no position to save extra all the money i get we need to live off. He probably only wants to pay money into an acc to make himself feel better. Money doesnt make him a father. but i dont wanna be played for a fool.

Totally agree with you Purp and what you say is exactly how I feel too about my FOB. I doubt he will be up to see LO regularly in Scotland. He may even be keen to start with, but I think it will probably fizzle out and certainly reduce. Hugs

 

[lauren-kate]

There is a lot of conflicting information on everything to do with CSA, benefits, etc. I was asked about CSA payments when I was getting income support, and told that if I wasn't claiming through CSA, and had no valid reason not to, then they could reduce the amount they paid me.. This is all very confusing. I just wish that everyone (CSA, CAB, jobcentres, etc) all shared their information better and knew what they were talking about more. It would make it a lot easier to understand everything.


Added to post; I've just looked for more information, and gosh, it's still confusing. It seems the rules in regards to income support, CSA, etc changed fairly recently (i.e. since I applied).

I found these quite useful and they make it sound a little simpler;
https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Nl1/Newsroom/DG_172473
https://www.cmoptions.org/en/maintenance/changes.asp
https://www.cmoptions.org/en/maintenance/prepare.asp

Hope that helps. xx

 

[purpledahlia]

cool, when im warm and comfy ( i just woke up freezing cold!) I will sit and have a read of them!

 

[teal]

I won't be much help with the travelling costs but hope you manage to find out about it.

I agree with you about not putting his name on the birth certificate. He doesn't deserve that power to have over you and Ava. Even if my ex makes contact I still won't be putting his name on it. I've heard lots of stories about how much hassle it can cause! xx

 

[lou_w34]

I registered scarlett today, it was the hardest thing ive ever done not to put his name on it, but i didnt, and i didnt because i feel i need to protect her, and i will do anything i can to do that.

He can go on the BC at a later date, the registra told me i could do this, so if i need to i will.

It is not an easy option to not put him on the BC, so anyone who thinks we are being selfish for doing so, is wrong.

Im also not denying her identity as the small part of her BC doesnt even have my name on. Its the big bit that does.

I feel like ive done the right thing, no matter how hard it was doing it at the time

xx

 

[sweetlullaby]

I will also be adding this to my massive list of things to start reading Thanks Lauren- kate for posting them!

I wont be putting FOB's name on the birth certificate either. Took me 9 months of thinking about it to reach that decision and the fact that FOB wants a dna test done to me he's denying the fact that he is this LO's father and therefore he doesnt want to go on the birth certificate until he has proof he's the father.

Its all messy and everyone's situation etc is different but i just want to give to everyone who's going through all of this because its really hard and not easy at all. xx

 

[purpledahlia]

The new law's and rules recently make it difficult, but we ARE protecting them.

 

[sweetlullaby]

I live in N.I so for me most of the laws etc on the net dont apply Even CSA seems to work differently. Im having to try and look it all up specifically for N.I though with birth certificates and in regards to fathers surname etc i think i have it a bit easier ...not sure though still researching and giving myself a busting headache in the meantime. But I cant stop!!

Why does life have to be so difficult?? lol

 

[purpledahlia]

Ahh because of ot was easy then it would be boring!

 

[sweetlullaby]

so true. Its all madness though the amount of things we have to think about etc!