Cutting people out of your life

[DragoPanda]

Hi

I was just curious whether being pregnant has inspired anyone to cut "bad"/deadweight people out of your life that you would have let hang around longer in the past. I have deleted so many people on Facebook already. It's like I am closing off and preparing for my more intimate world with real friends and people who REALLY know me so I have less drama in my life (even though it's online) and also so that I can share my baby pics with people who aren't just commenting for the sake of it and being voyeuristic and inquisitive about my life and how my baby looks! I am about to post an album of myself pregnant for the first time online, but I will be making these pics available to certain viewers only.

 

[SamiraNChris]

I havent "cut people out" as such but i definately see certain ppl a LOT less than i used to! I have 2 groups of friends, my best friends who i grew up at school with who i adore and as we have got older we do things like go for lunch, have girly nights in etc and then my other group of friends were my "party animal" friends who i used to go out and get wrecked with! ever since i found out i was pregs ive seen these ppl less and less! theres ac ouple of them who i still see as they are good friends of mine but obv we dont go getting waster but the majority of them i dont see anymore

As for facebook ive had a mini clear out but nothing too drastic as its a case of how far do i go.....ive got friends from uni, school, infant school, friends ive met out etc etc so ive just left my facebook pretty much! xx

 

[scuffer]

I did this during my last pregnancy, I think especially with things like Facebook it's easy to have hundreds of 'friends'. I now have about 40 and they're all people I keep in touch with regularly as friends or my family. I think it's a healthy thing to do.

I did lose a lot of friends too as I was seperating from my husband and our friends mainly turned out to be his friends and I was the bad guy for ending it! But in the end that was a good thing as the friends I have now are old friends or people I've met since and they are amazing.

 

[DragoPanda]

thanks for replying. yes i think it is healthier for me. i guess it is different for different people. a lot of people i had on FB are just expats I met here and we barely get to know each other really well and then they leave or something happens and then they're not hanging out with you anymore. It's just a bunch of BS to me which I no longer have time for. Just keeping people who I worked with and such or met through friends who actually communicate with me and the others are some school friends from back in the days...

 

[Emmy1987]

I've deleted some people too. I'd not spoken to them for a while and the friendship had fizzed out a long time ago, I never got a Happy Birthday or congrats when I announced on facebook and I know they had been saying horrible things about me (one got me in a car crash because she didn't remember how to drive and I claimed compensation from the other driver after being bedridden for a month) and saying how you can't claim compensation for a child. (???) even though she knew we were TTC.
So I deleted that whole group of 'friends'. I have plenty more better friends in my life
Sorry about mini rant lol

 

[DragoPanda]

thanks, i am still debating on deleting this one so called friend who used to be the closest person to me here during my time in Korea. He was the first person to know i was pregnant and he always used to ask me how i am doing and check in with me. Then one day a situation blew up he accused me of bashing his boyfriend (which was not the case at all) and he just completely stopped talking to me! He is very sensitive when it comes to his boyfriend (which is his first real boyfriend ever and he only came out of the closet about a year ago) but to ridiculous lengths I feel. I tried to speak to him once online shortly after that incident but he was very very short with me so I didn't try again and he never ever contacted me again. He wishes people well for flights and other rubbish things while I am alone in a foreign country pregnant and he doesn't give 2 shits!

 

[Palestrina]

Facebook friends and real friends are often 2 very different things. You can control facebook so by deleting them from your friend list doesn't mean all that much. I don't see what the big deal is, facebook is an online community, it works for some friendships and others it doesn't. It all depends on how you use it. Some people try to stay close with their friends with it. For me I use it for networking purposes, most of my 500 friends are actually colleagues within my profession. I like keeping up with what they're doing, and I've gotten lots of freelance jobs through facebook. But I don't post ultra personal things on there, I'm certainly not making any announcements of facebook about my pregnancy until I'm about to pop.

With real friends it's a completely different issue altogether, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're talking about. However you see it though toxic people don't belong in your life whether it's on the internet or in person. Some of my friendships are changing probably because of this pregnancy but that's normal, some friends drift in and out of your life and that's ok. Your best friend can be your best friend for a lifetime but that doesn't mean it will always be at the same intensity. There's an ebb and flow in relationships that's perfectly normal.

Just because this guy isn't talking to you on facebook doesn't mean anything at all. A real friend would call you and be there for you in a real way, not in a cyber way anyway. But also do consider that he is angry with you or you are not the friend to him he thought you would be. There's always 2 sides to a story and just because he doesn't want to be close to you right now doesn't make him a bad guy. You never know what other people are dealing with in their lives. People get busy.

 

[scuffer]

Facebook friends and real friends are often 2 very different things. You can control facebook so by deleting them from your friend list doesn't mean all that much. I don't see what the big deal is, facebook is an online community, it works for some friendships and others it doesn't. It all depends on how you use it. Some people try to stay close with their friends with it. For me I use it for networking purposes, most of my 500 friends are actually colleagues within my profession. I like keeping up with what they're doing, and I've gotten lots of freelance jobs through facebook. But I don't post ultra personal things on there, I'm certainly not making any announcements of facebook about my pregnancy until I'm about to pop.

I think you're right in terms of how you use FB, I live a long way from my family (and lots of my friends) so use it as a way to keep in touch and to share photos. I have my privacy settings very high too so it is a personal resource for me.

 

[XJessicaX]

I haven't actually cut people out of my life, but whereas before I would be more open to friends who were negative I now just cant be bothered with them. My priorities have changed, I don't 'need' loads of friends like I did before, I prefer to have a handful of really good friends than loads of useless whining depressive people who I only kept around because it was nice to have people to talk to, regardless of the quality of conversation!

 

[SPN1304]

I haven't actually cut people out of my life, but whereas before I would be more open to friends who were negative I now just cant be bothered with them. My priorities have changed, I don't 'need' loads of friends like I did before, I prefer to have a handful of really good friends than loads of useless whining depressive people who I only kept around because it was nice to have people to talk to, regardless of the quality of conversation!

This is exactly what I think!

 

[DragoPanda]

Facebook friends and real friends are often 2 very different things. You can control facebook so by deleting them from your friend list doesn't mean all that much. I don't see what the big deal is, facebook is an online community, it works for some friendships and others it doesn't. It all depends on how you use it. Some people try to stay close with their friends with it. For me I use it for networking purposes, most of my 500 friends are actually colleagues within my profession. I like keeping up with what they're doing, and I've gotten lots of freelance jobs through facebook. But I don't post ultra personal things on there, I'm certainly not making any announcements of facebook about my pregnancy until I'm about to pop.

With real friends it's a completely different issue altogether, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're talking about. However you see it though toxic people don't belong in your life whether it's on the internet or in person. Some of my friendships are changing probably because of this pregnancy but that's normal, some friends drift in and out of your life and that's ok. Your best friend can be your best friend for a lifetime but that doesn't mean it will always be at the same intensity. There's an ebb and flow in relationships that's perfectly normal.

Just because this guy isn't talking to you on facebook doesn't mean anything at all. A real friend would call you and be there for you in a real way, not in a cyber way anyway. But also do consider that he is angry with you or you are not the friend to him he thought you would be. There's always 2 sides to a story and just because he doesn't want to be close to you right now doesn't make him a bad guy. You never know what other people are dealing with in their lives. People get busy.

This guy is a REAL friend (or was) and not some Facebook acquaintance. And he used to call me and we hung out and went on outings together and were in the same friendship circles. I KNOW what I am talking about. I know him VERY well.

 

[welshwarriors]

I'm defo with you there...I deleted lots of ppl of fb. My inlaws don't even know I'm pregnant again (they saw our son the last time when he was 2wks old - he's now nearly 18 months) Hubby's extented family didn't even gratulate us to the pregnancy so I banned them on fb from seeing any pictures and my actual wall. I really can't be bothered with some ppl anymore.

 

[Cherubim]

Hi

I was just curious whether being pregnant has inspired anyone to cut "bad"/deadweight people out of your life that you would have let hang around longer in the past. I have deleted so many people on Facebook already. It's like I am closing off and preparing for my more intimate world with real friends and people who REALLY know me so I have less drama in my life (even though it's online) and also so that I can share my baby pics with people who aren't just commenting for the sake of it and being voyeuristic and inquisitive about my life and how my baby looks! I am about to post an album of myself pregnant for the first time online, but I will be making these pics available to certain viewers only.

I have done EXACTLY this! - Know what you mean about FB too! Suddenly I don't have much time for people who I don't really know, but this also seems to be a two-way thing as my family and close friends have drawn even closer now. I guess it makes sense in a way, we don't have infinite energy for everyone now! xx

 

[stephi85]

I've found this too. One of my supposed 'closest friends' who is also my oldest friend sent me a really nasty message on FB when i announced i was pregnant saying 'I never want to hear anything about your baby ever again, and if you do talk to me about it i will claw your face off"! She knew how much being pregnant means to us and what we have been through during TTC, i cant understand why she would suddenly be so toxic? Anyway, after that I had a bit of a cull on FB to others who had been horrible to me. A lot of my friends have lost interest in me now im pregnant.

 

[DragoPanda]

I've found this too. One of my supposed 'closest friends' who is also my oldest friend sent me a really nasty message on FB when i announced i was pregnant saying 'I never want to hear anything about your baby ever again, and if you do talk to me about it i will claw your face off"! She knew how much being pregnant means to us and what we have been through during TTC, i cant understand why she would suddenly be so toxic? Anyway, after that I had a bit of a cull on FB to others who had been horrible to me. A lot of my friends have lost interest in me now im pregnant.

Wow! Sorry about that terrible experience I don't know what's wrong with some people. Maybe they are jealous or something? I just don't understand how people can be so terrible when a woman goes through such an important and special time in her life. It's so sad. People these days...

 

[jobee2222]

the way i see it is if you have 500 facebooks friends thats just poor quality control. Its all about separating the good from the bad. Stick with the true ones.

 

[sequeena]

I actually cut people from my life just before I found out I was pregnant. It's a long story but basically I took an overdose and afterwards I was told by my niece that my mother, sister and niece hated me, didn't care when I overdosed, blamed me for my mother's illnesses etc.

I'm so glad I did it, I feel so much better now

 

[Palestrina]

Facebook friends and real friends are often 2 very different things. You can control facebook so by deleting them from your friend list doesn't mean all that much. I don't see what the big deal is, facebook is an online community, it works for some friendships and others it doesn't. It all depends on how you use it. Some people try to stay close with their friends with it. For me I use it for networking purposes, most of my 500 friends are actually colleagues within my profession. I like keeping up with what they're doing, and I've gotten lots of freelance jobs through facebook. But I don't post ultra personal things on there, I'm certainly not making any announcements of facebook about my pregnancy until I'm about to pop.

With real friends it's a completely different issue altogether, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're talking about. However you see it though toxic people don't belong in your life whether it's on the internet or in person. Some of my friendships are changing probably because of this pregnancy but that's normal, some friends drift in and out of your life and that's ok. Your best friend can be your best friend for a lifetime but that doesn't mean it will always be at the same intensity. There's an ebb and flow in relationships that's perfectly normal.

Just because this guy isn't talking to you on facebook doesn't mean anything at all. A real friend would call you and be there for you in a real way, not in a cyber way anyway. But also do consider that he is angry with you or you are not the friend to him he thought you would be. There's always 2 sides to a story and just because he doesn't want to be close to you right now doesn't make him a bad guy. You never know what other people are dealing with in their lives. People get busy.

This guy is a REAL friend (or was) and not some Facebook acquaintance. And he used to call me and we hung out and went on outings together and were in the same friendship circles. I KNOW what I am talking about. I know him VERY well.

I never accused you of not knowing what you're talking about. But if this guy is a real friend then you should talk to him face to face about what's happened between you. What does facebook have to do with it at all? So what if he's commenting on other people's mundane statuses? Facebook can just be a pastime. Also if he doesn't want to be friends with you anymore then you will have to accept that as well, maybe he's going through something right now too.

By the way, although all my closest friends are friends on facebook I never interact with them on facebook. I call them and see them, no need to take up internet time with people I love and see often. Like I said, for me facebook is to keep in contact with colleagues and I only seem to interact with people who I don't see very often, or who I work with. FB is different for everyone.

 

[mbara]

I think people change when you get pregnant. Those that stuck by me and were close during my pregnancy will stay that way. The others will stay at a distance.

 

[Ember]

I found it the opposite when I got pregnant. I added a bunch of people on FB because I was so excited, I wanted to share the news with everyone I could. I don't really use FB for much other than time-wasting games and having a place online for people to see my pictures, though. I only have one real friend. There's not a lot to choose from around here, and she's the only one that I maintained a bond with from middle school.

My husband has cut a lot of people out of his life since the pregnancy, though. He used to hang with a crowd that drank pretty much constantly and liked to go to clubs and bars and stuff. He would drink, but only when offered, and he didn't really enjoy going out with them that much anyway. He hasn't had any alcohol since the pregnancy though. If I can't have it, then he doesn't want to have it either. Our baby and I are the most important people in the world to him, and the only ones that really matter. He still has a couple of friends that are responsible guys, but he doesn't care to even talk to the ones that aren't. The sad thing is that his closest friend of that crowd whom he used to call his best friend has gotten married since, and his child is due next month, but he hasn't changed a bit.