Dads going away...

[lau86]

Hubby has gone off to Glastonbury this week and I'm struggling with the boys. My oldest one is used to a lot of attention which I can't give him by myself and is playing up. None of us are sleeping well which is making it worse.
My boiler broke this morning and I had to ring hubby to ask him how to fix it. He didn't ask how the children were just said 'can you hear the rain' in a depressed voice.
He went last year, came back and moaned he was tired. Which he probably was but he wasn't going to get sympathy from me I was pregnant looking after a toddler.
His answer is to get help off his/ my mum...
At what point should I expect him to grow up. When he comes back I really want to say something along the lines of I hope you've had a nice time but please don't ask to go again it's not fair on me or the children. Am I being unreasonable, I feel like I gave him an inch allowing him to go last yr and he took a mile. He is expecting to go away for his 30th in September but that will be the last as far as I'm concerned. He also goes away for work but that's not his fault obviously. His friends are childless and egg him on basically

Eta he went Tuesday and will come back Monday night so will be away the best part of a week

 

[smileyfaces]

I agree with you I would well and truely put my foot down!

 

[lola_90]

My OH sometimes spends the odd weekend in London or a week somewhere else. I don't see it as a bad thing as long as you get to take a couple of ads off too. Us there a chance you could negotiate something? It's not fair if it's just one sided.

 

[lilyd]

I think a couple of days is fine as long as you get to do the same.

Why is he gone for almost a week for Glastonbury?

If I were you, I would do something myself. Make sure it's when Mum/MIL aren't available to help just so that he understands how difficult it is.

 

[lau86]

I breast feed/ fed both of them and am still feeding my youngest. Neither took a bottle so basically I can't leave them. In between the two kids I went away twice for a night. I wouldn't go for any longer as I wouldn't enjoy it I would miss them.
Hubby has no problem with me going away...
They go on a Tuesday as they drive at night to get down there for when it opens on Wednesday morning and it finishes Monday doesn't it? I can only go by what he says.
I am happy for him to go the odd time, he says he appreciates it but his actions don't show it.
It feels like he's making a mug of me, he knows I have trouble saying no as I just want him to be happy

 

[mummylove]

I agree i would start putting ur foot down

 

[tallybee]

Tell him if he wants to go there next year he can take older LO with him.

Or, you all go.

There are better festivals but if he absolutely has to do glasto then make it a family thing!

 

[Noodlebear]

Hmmm, I wouldn't be happy with him going for almost a week when you have young children but you said he wouldn't mind you going so it's not like it's a one way thing (his attitude might change if you started doing the same thing once you're able to!). I don't think it would be unreasonable for him to put trips like that on hold until you're done breastfeeding though, it shouldn't all be down to you.

 

[Pearls18]

It wouldn't bother me too much I am quite used to being on my own with the boys due to his work, he is away this weekend BUT in your case as it is voluntary and because he has shown very little appreciation for the situation he has put you in I would be much inclined to say you're not happy to do it again. If he's a hands on dad when he's home, makes an effort to check how you all are when he is away and grateful to you for what it means being by yourself, then I don't think it's unreasonable to get away for a few days, but if he's a douche about it I would definitely ban him next year and see how much sucking up he can do for the next festival to make up for it!

 

[Boomerslady]

Personally I wouldn't have an issue with it, although you probably didn't expect to be having a nightmare week with the kids and have the boiler break. I'd wait until the kids were older and you feel more comfy leaving them and remind him of all his trips away so you can have some time to yourself.

The one thing I would be peeved about is him moaning he's tired etc, he's had a week to himself and yes he's doing something tiring it's up to him to go to bed earlier when he's back and catch up! He's an adult now with kids, hopefully you can make him understand he has responsibilities.

 

[Blah11]

Honestly I wouldn't care if it was one or two weeks a year. Ive taken our 3 children abroad for 2 weeks and left oh at home.

 

[lau86]

I think it would be different if my youngest was a bit more 'independent' from me and I could at least get a full nights sleep. There are lots of replies here saying it wouldn't bother them so it's obviously not a black and white thing, but that's little comfort to me when I'm knackered.
I've pretty much made up my mind that a night here and there is ok but a week is too long. Blah you must be a super mum doing two weeks abroad by yourself!!!!

 

[sethsmummy]

I would be putting my foot down hun. infact i did with OH

Its ok them going away but when they dont appreciate it or moan theyre tired when they get then thats just taking the piss. my oh did it after he came back from a weekend away and after his stag weekend and i swear i could have throttled him.

not long after he got back from the last weekend he said his friend wanted him to go back down for a weekend/week and i point blank said no because i dont get any child free time at all so dont see wy he should xx