daughter asking for her daddy. dont know what to say

[SophiasMummy]

My LO is nearly 4 now, she's always been obsessed with daddies, all her friends have their daddies there and she is the only one who doesn'. her real dad cant be bothered I tried constantly for the first year and a half to get him to see her on a regular basis but he's not seen her now since she was a year and a half old, though I have told him the door is always open and that if he wants to see her he just has to let me know. Recently I was in a relationship and my LO would call my OH daddy because as far as she's concerned only mummies and daddies cuddle and kiss, I told her he wasn't her daddy but ex OH kept telling my LO that he would be her new daddy even though I told him it wasn't a good idea, all he used to say is I needed to trust him and that he would never leave us, but we had an argument and haven't spoken for a few weeks now so I'm taking it as it's over, me and LO have moved so I guess she's been preoccupied so hasn't asked for him but the last couple days she has been back asking when she's going to see her 'new' daddy, that she wants her daddy to come home. I've told her that my ex OH isn't her daddy, I've shown her pictures of her actual dad and told her he is her daddy but that he lives far away which is why she doesn't see him. but it makes no difference she just constantly brings it up, I don't know what else I can say and I feel like such a bad mum to see her so upset about it all the time I never wanted her to grow up without her dad around like I did but now she is and it's making me feel awful, she's such a sweet bubbly girl and I cant stand the hurt this is making her feel but I don't know what I can do to fix it other than keep telling her what I already have. I could ask her dad to come see her but I don't think that will help because then she will just fixate on wanting to see him and he honestly just cant be bothered and I have got the energy to pester him constantly to see his child

 

[daneuse27]

I wouldn't ask her biological father to visit; having him come into her life and then be distant again afterwards is just going to hurt her. I think it might just be best to teach her about different types of families. Explain that some people have 1 mummy and 1 daddy living together, some have two moms, 2 dads and others only have 1 mom or 1 dad. And then there are kids who don't have either parent, and instead live with aunt, uncle or grandparents. There are also children out there who have nobody and live with foster parents. Explain that you are her mom and she is very lucky to have you there for her every day. I know its hard, but I really think just being honest and explaining the facts of life to her is better than giving her the idea that there's a dad out there for her, when really there isn't If she keeps latching on to that idea, she's just going to end up heartbroken and disappointed. If you tell her that you are her only parent, then she'll start to accept it.

Maybe also look into single parent groups in your area; introduce her to other kids who only have 1 parent, and then she'll see that she isn't so different.

 

[Dezireey]

The situation she is in now is far better than having a father who is in her life and let's her down constantly and can't be bothered to turn up etc etc. So I wouldn't bother with her Father if you know for sure he would behave like that with her.

you will work through this and she will adapt eventually. I know loads of kids have their Daddies around but in this day and age it is not unusual for a lot of kids Dads to not be there or be a distant relation in their life. She will learn that more as she grows up. Have a think about a good conversation you can have with her about what it means to have a Mum and (maybe also friends/ family etc) in her life, e.g concentrate more on what she does have rather than what she doesn't and focus a lot on that.

I really don't think any single mum should even contemplate letting a man call himself Dad to her kids unless they are married or been serious for a very very long time. Perhaps he can be called something else?

If you try and approach this as not a big deal to NOT have a father in her life and that you love her, she may adapt better. Good luck, it's tough but you will find a way through it eventually.

 

[moomin_troll]

How long were you and your ex together, and is there any reason you don't want him seeing her?
There is a relationship there and being her daddy or not she will be suffering and so will he.

I know if I broke up with my now bf, he'd be heart broken about not seeing my boys and would want a relationship.
I'd defo keep telling her that he isn't her dad, but I wouldn't show pictures of who is seen as he can't be bothered.
I grew up without my dad and my mum just told me he wasn't a nice man so we couldn't be around him.
With my sons it's different because their dad died, so I guess easier to except

 

[Geo2]

I'm in a similar situation with my LO, me and her step father recently broke up, and she misses him and calls him daddy, of course she accepted him as daddy, as he filled that roll, its only natural. Its a shame when things dont work out, and I do too feel incredibly guilty. There's absolutely no way we can be together again as I found out he has major emotional issues, we have NO contact. But he is a father to my unborn child, who's due very soon, so my LO will have a little bro/sis very soon. She doesnt know her biological father and has no memory of him at all, and I posted somewhere else on whether or not I should tell her that her 'daddy' is not her birth father, and we have no contact with either of them now. Its a hard situation but its good your telling your lo the truth.