Dealing with Guilt

[prettybirdy27]

I have a hard situation. We very recently found out I am pregnant, and a doctor confirmed. We had decided to only tell close family up until the 12 week mark, just in case. After talking to DH, we also decided that I can tell my very closest friend, because she is incredibly supportive of me and I can't imagine not telling her right away. She knew we were TTC, and she constantly begged me to call her the moment we find out.

Here is the hard part. She has infertility, and it took a long time for her to come to grips with it. Although she begs me to tell her news and she texts me at least every day to tell me how excited she is for us, I know it hurts her deeply that she can't get pregnant. When we talk about my pregnancy, she cries. I constantly ask if she is okay with talking about baby stuff with me, and she always insists that she is so happy for us and really does want to talk to me about it. She wants to go all kinds of baby stuff shopping with me, and she texts me to talk about it several times a day. Nine times out of ten, she is the one to initiate the baby convos.

I constantly feel incredibly guilty talking to her about baby stuff when I know how upset it makes her. I know she really wants to hear it, and she genuinely cares, but I just can't shake the guilt. I'm finding it difficult to allow myself to be happy about our baby when I know she can't ever bear one of her own.

How do I deal with this?

 

[orionfox]

Honestly dont feel guilty about it. She wants you to talk about it and let her know. There are alot of people who are insensitive to others who have had troubles having kids and never thought about how it makes them feel. You have every right to enjoy your pregnancy. If she is fine with you telling her, she does know others around her will get pregnant. Unfortunately its a very hard battle that will take many many years to deal with and may never be able to fully handle it. We as women yearn being mothers. And its hard when its been taken away from us. Look how long it take for people to come to terms with being in a wheelchair for the rest of their life and can never walk again. Having infertility is much the same being its having part of your natural life ripped away from you, while others still have it. Just let her know you are always there to be her shoulder to cry on. Heck, you could even make her the godparent since she is so close to you. That way she feels like she can be a huge part in your babies life. But in no way should you feel guilty about your pregnancy. You need to enjoy this moment and not worry about those around you. Trust me, they understand.

 

[GetNmyBelly]

oh this is sad. I was in a somewhat alike situation but I don't know if my friend is infertile or not. u sound like u have an amazing friend & that is hard 2 find.. is this ur first baby?

this is what happened with me & my friend.. shes 27 & married (im 23 & married) & she had been trying for her first baby for around 4-5 months when I found out I was pregnant. well I told her of course expecting a "OMG congrats! im coming over!!" or something along those lines. well she says "oh. well I wouldn't tell anyone cuz anything could happen." it honestly crushed me. we used 2 talk every day & hang out often. I tried 2 keep talking 2 her for a little while but recently I have deleted her number & unfriended her on facebook ( she basically didn't want anything 2 do with me anymore once i got pregnant) I want nothing 2 do with her anymore.

if I were u i wouldn't bring up baby stuff very much (even though i KNOW how exciting it is but u can talk about it with other ppl) it already sounds like u don't bring it up much & that she brings it up. & that is a TRUE friend (unlike the "friend" i had) im sure she is excited for u im also sure it hurts her though. just be sensitive with the subject. & pray that she will someday be blessed as you are. i know 2 people who were told they couldn't have kids & they both have babies now! plus there is always adoption. i wish u & ur friend the best. this story honestly made me teary eyed! probably just me being pregnant but i wish my friend could've been like that with me. good luck!