Hiya! I guess this is an awkward situation and not something anyone else could really answer for me, but I'd like some input.
My fiance and I have been engaged for 3 years. We're 21, and we had planned to marry right about a year ago until a dream job opportunity (as a travel photographer) took me to another continent for a year and a half (Skype dates saved our relationship there!). We had discussed TTC a year after we got married, which--if we'd stuck with the plan and I hadn't gotten this job--would be right about now.
Now though, things are kind of different. I'm in school again, while he supports us and works full-time. We want to wait to get married until I finish school for the same reasons that we've put off TTC for the forseeable future--money being the primary one, along with the stresses of college, and so on. We discussed having kids in "several years," with no definite timeline.
There's one thing (besides baby fever
) that throws a wrench in the gears though. My mom has an incurable form of cancer, which is why I left the job and came home. I don't want to get into the details because it's too fresh and painful at this point, but right now she's in remission--the doctors were very specific in pointing out that the cancer's not "gone," that it'll never be really gone, and that one day it will come back and it will probably be the thing that kills her. It could come back in ten years or two months, but for the moment, she's okay. Better than I've seen her in a long time.
But it terrifies me to think of going through my first pregnancy without her, of her never meeting her first grandchild. There's every chance that she'll be fine for years and it'll never be an issue... but there's just as good a chance I won't have her a year from now. I'm so close with her, and I honestly can't picture not having her for this huge change in my life. She's guided me through every other major transition, good and bad.
I haven't brought this up with my fiance yet. But what do you think? Is it worth trying to make this huge leap, trying for a child, when we're not financially secure? (We'd be able to feed it, we're not *that* financially insecure, but certainly not where we want to be.) When we're so young, and I'm in school, and I still have things I want to do that wouldn't really be feasible with a child? That's not to say I don't want one--I really, really do, and I'd be more than willing to trade the things on my "bucket list" or put them off until after our kids turned 18.
I'm just really conflicted here on whether I should even bring it up with my fiance. I have a feeling he'd go for it... but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. Help?
My fiance and I have been engaged for 3 years. We're 21, and we had planned to marry right about a year ago until a dream job opportunity (as a travel photographer) took me to another continent for a year and a half (Skype dates saved our relationship there!). We had discussed TTC a year after we got married, which--if we'd stuck with the plan and I hadn't gotten this job--would be right about now.
Now though, things are kind of different. I'm in school again, while he supports us and works full-time. We want to wait to get married until I finish school for the same reasons that we've put off TTC for the forseeable future--money being the primary one, along with the stresses of college, and so on. We discussed having kids in "several years," with no definite timeline.
There's one thing (besides baby fever
) that throws a wrench in the gears though. My mom has an incurable form of cancer, which is why I left the job and came home. I don't want to get into the details because it's too fresh and painful at this point, but right now she's in remission--the doctors were very specific in pointing out that the cancer's not "gone," that it'll never be really gone, and that one day it will come back and it will probably be the thing that kills her. It could come back in ten years or two months, but for the moment, she's okay. Better than I've seen her in a long time.But it terrifies me to think of going through my first pregnancy without her, of her never meeting her first grandchild. There's every chance that she'll be fine for years and it'll never be an issue... but there's just as good a chance I won't have her a year from now. I'm so close with her, and I honestly can't picture not having her for this huge change in my life. She's guided me through every other major transition, good and bad.
I haven't brought this up with my fiance yet. But what do you think? Is it worth trying to make this huge leap, trying for a child, when we're not financially secure? (We'd be able to feed it, we're not *that* financially insecure, but certainly not where we want to be.) When we're so young, and I'm in school, and I still have things I want to do that wouldn't really be feasible with a child? That's not to say I don't want one--I really, really do, and I'd be more than willing to trade the things on my "bucket list" or put them off until after our kids turned 18.
I'm just really conflicted here on whether I should even bring it up with my fiance. I have a feeling he'd go for it... but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. Help?
Secondly, I would say, you are right by only you can really answer this. But if it were me I would think about a couple things. Would you be willing to put school on hold and go back to work while maybe fitting in school part time after baby is born? Maybe do both now and then just work for a bit and go back to school once baby is a little older? Would you regret not trying for a baby now and something did happen to your mom? Would you regret having a baby and your mom being fine? And lastly once you answer those questions for yourself I would sit down and discuss with first fiance and then Mom. To come to your decision.
Right now I'm working part time (mostly for fun, odd as that sounds) while I go to school and if I were to get pregnant Absolutely Right Now, I'd only have a year left after baby was born--I'd be fine pushing that off for a bit, and I have an amazing support network so I'd be able to get back to it sooner than some (with a very tight-knit family on both sides, they wouldn't hear of us paying for childcare--I've seen it with everyone in my family and helped care for various relatives' children while they worked as well). As for the rest... I'll definitely have to consider.
