debbie downers?! wtf go away!!! x.x (ranting)

[HerdingDogs]

Hi everyone!

I tested positive on 1/5 afternoon and been testing each day for the progression and just because I had tests laying around so why not haha.

Anyway, I have only told one trusted coworker (I needed her advice about work and maternity leave and blah blah) and one friend. I got my first, "Congratulations!" in person when I went to my massage therapist to put my membership on hold. Everyone else keeps swamping me with stories of people losing their babies. I get it, it happens. But could you at least stop and scream with me a little first?

Everything about my baby was some serious stars had to align for this to happen. I'm just glad it did. I don't want to start being negative. I'm real about the situation, but don't rain on my parade!

Anybody else having this issue?

 

[LittleLala]

Ugh yes. What makes it worse is that my husband and I has been trying for nearly 3 years and had multiple losses of our own.
It's just so frustrating. Do we tell them about it? Generally... No. We just say that we have a good feeling and are trying to only think of positive things... Sometimes one of us just loses it and tells them what we think and what we've been through. But then we just feel sad, so it kind of backfires.

Some people just don't think before speaking when it comes to pregnancy related conversations.

 

[HerdingDogs]

I'm sorry to hear about your losses. I will definitely be sending positive vibes your way this time around.

That's what bugs me the most. I tell them I understand, but that I'm just going to keep taking my prenatals, eating healthy, exercising, and staying positive. The friend (who I adore, but she is a nutter) just went ON and ON when I said I'm just going to be positive. Like she wanted me to say, "You're right, I could lose this baby." Like wtf. Like every time I said I was just going to stay positive, she would hit me with another story or fact or my favorite when she said it isn't considered viable because I'm so early and there isn't a confirmed heartbeat. I don't get to see my gyn until 9 weeks because I'm so responsible and healthy she doesn't see reason for me to come in earlier. My friend is lucky this was via messenger. I probably would ripped her a new one in person.

 

[pansorie]

Nooo, thank God. But my friends and family knew we were trying AND we found out I was pregnant the day of my father in law's funeral. If anything, people were extra sensitive, and one even said after my father in law's death: "I bet you'll end up pregnant." I didn't know at the time, but I already was.

I am sorry that people are being so thoughtless. that kind of talk would cause me nothing but worry, and I worried enough during the first trimester.

 

[spunky84]

Personally, I'm my own debbie downer, but that's my choice.

I really don't understand what anyone else gets out of saying those things though to newly pregnant women, whether it's their first or not. The reality is that, yes, it unfortunately happens. However, I think most women are aware of that (and even if they're not, why be so negative? If this is the case, why worry someone who really gave this much thought?).

I'm sorry you have people doing that to you. It's not right. It really boggles my mind that people do this instead of just being happy for you .

 

[nicem815]

I'm sorry that happened to you! My husband and I recently got married, and we are now expecting our first child! One thing I learned during our experience is that during the most joyful periods of our lives, there will always be some people who try to bring us down. We were so happy to be married and we had so much negative feedback (keep in mind, everyone likes my husband--they were just upset that we had a private wedding, etc--stuff that was none of their business). Anyway, I digree--the point is this: you can't listen to those people. Sometimes the people who are closest to us think they are "helping" us by being blunt--but sometimes, all we need is SUPPORT (especially when we are in our early stages of pregnancy!!).

So hang in there and surround yourself with positive people who give you positive energy. I have had to distance myself from people who I used to be close with because I chose not to have that kind of negativity in my life. At the end of the day, we can't please everyone and as long as we are happy with our partners and our baby is healthy and happy--that's what matters.

Good luck

 

[spicyorange]

I've only told four people but ALL have said "congratulations BUT it's still very early". I'm like ffs just be happy for me, I'm worried enough without you!

 

[mum140381]

i dont tell anyone that early xx

 

[CamoQueen]

Yes, God yes I heard this for my first two when I announced (waited 12 weeks this time around, but baby was a happy accident and not meticulously planned). With both my boys I announced almost as soon as the stick dried, I couldn't contain myself! I remember one coworker asking me if I was worried that I was "going to jinx it", and that she would NEVER announce so early. Well, no one asked for her opinion! Both my pregnancies stuck and I gave birth to healthy, happy babies, so boo on them.

People can be tactless, for sure. Whatever happens will happen, but it's no reason to rain on your parade, especially when odds are very in your favor of having a healthy babe at the end of it all!

 

[nikkchikk]

Wait until they start laying the labor horror stories on you. THAT is SO much fun....

 

[MamaBunny2]

My partner and I were anxious to share our news on Christmas Eve with his family. I was sitting down to eat and when asked how far along I was I had someone give me the "Oh that's early..." remark. The tone of voice used translated it into "You could lose the baby". Thanks, lady I do realize this but we are excited so shut up

 

[nikkchikk]

My partner and I were anxious to share our news on Christmas Eve with his family. I was sitting down to eat and when asked how far along I was I had someone give me the "Oh that's early..." remark. The tone of voice used translated it into "You could lose the baby". Thanks, lady I do realize this but we are excited so shut up

FuuuuuUUUUUUuuuuCCCCKKKkkkkkk these people.

How hard is it to keep a thought from escaping your brain?

 

[pumpkin90]

Ugh. Always have to be some of those people it seems. We announced early to my family and my uncles response was " oh, you're still early.. Don't make it facebook official yet... You wouldn't want to unfriend your baby" - implying I'd miscarry and have to delete it all. *******. And my work supervisors response to me telling her was " oh"... Really? Oh?... Anyways. Baby is healthy and hearts beating strong at 12 weeks so they can all go be negative on their own. Must suck to think that way. My wish for you is that your little bean will grow big and strong. And I feel people can announce as early as they want. It's their body and their baby and their celebration. And you need support in both situations.

 

[hope2bmother]

I can understand how it can be hard for someone who has been through a MC to feel completely happy when others announce their pregnancy, but COME ON! It's so uncalled for, and inappropriate, when someone shares this happy news to respond with such negativity. Even if one has suffered an MC and someone announces her pregnancy, the very least you can do is try to smile and say "congrats!" And leave it at that! Sorry you are experiencing this. I would be pissed if this were happening to me.

 

[MrsHudson]

I totally get where you're coming from. It's each couples decision on when they share the news. We decided to share ours on Christmas Eve when I was 7 weeks. No one said anything directly to me but I know of a couple of people who probably thought something. To me, I'd rather risk it and then have a support system if I went through a loss. Also, I think being positive can help keep the negative away. You do what you want and ignore the haters!

 

[lola85]

Ignore them all but don't forget we now have the opportunity over the next few months to say exactly what we wish and blame *hormones* ��

 

[spicyorange]

When you announce the birth no one says "it might die of cot death" or imply it so why t heck is it ok to say your unborn baby might die, is not ok people, be happy, be privileged to be one of the select few to know early ffs,

 

[HerdingDogs]

Thanks everyone! I needed this. You are all so supportive, and I love being on this forum.

I wasn't planning on telling anyone other than the dad, but I told my friend because I needed to tell someone haha. And I told my coworker because I just got my dream job. I'm not tenure yet, so I was worried how this would affect me being due in mid Sept. Luckily, she said she knew a teacher in a similar boat as me and that the district worked around her pregnancy for evaluations and they let her go on extended leave with the condition that they she is paid the difference of her daily salary minus the sub pay.

 

[spunky84]

Wow I'm surprised how many people experience this!

I only say those things to myself/husband because I've always operated on the expect the worst, hope for the best mentality. But I honestly can't believe how many people out there think it's okay to say these things.

When I talked to school about the pregnancy, I even said that it's still early and anything can happen over the next several weeks (maybe because I AM afraid I'll jinx it ), but I think there's a HUGE difference between me saying it about myself vs someone else thinking it's okay to say it.

I'm sorry that so many of you have had so many negative people say such things.

pumpkin: That's awful about what your uncle said! I think I would have flipped.