Decided to Leave Forum / Giving up

[mg80]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say goodbye as I've decided to leave the forum. I'm in a very bad place mentally right now and rather than giving me hope, it's making me feel worse to see other people falling pregnant on the board and I'm still going through this. Even though all us LTTCers totally deserve it, I'm in such a bad way that I just can't be happy for anyone at the mo, I can't see past my own pain. So I think it's best if I don't come on the forum anymore as it just makes me obsess and feel worse, I feel like TTC is taking over my life. I've been to see my GP and he's put me on the waiting list for counselling because I feel I am suffering from depression caused by the infertility. I have a number to call in the meantime to get some support while I'm waiting for the NHS counsellor so I'm going to book that soon.

This is my 3rd round of Clomid without a BFP and I have no chance for this month as my DH works away. It's been 16 months of testing, being poked/prodded by doctors & popping pills all thanks to Unexplained Infertility. I feel like it's the worst kind as there is nothing to treat. It might take me 7 years to conceive and it'll just happen or it might never happen - that's the cruelty of unexplained. I have an IUI consultation booked for next week but tbh I'm really not sure I want to go now. I feel like I won't be happy even then if I get my BFP from IUI because all the joy and magic has been sucked out by infertility. Plus as stupid as it sounds I wouldn't be happy with an October birth anyway, as I get so down in the winter months so having a newborn then would be hard for me. I'd always feel cheated that I didn't get a spring/summer baby after paying my dues and trying so long. I turn 32 in March so I don't really want to be having babies past 35 and I wouldn't be happy with an only child. So come January 2012, I think that's it for us - we are deciding to give up the ghost and accept life as a childless couple. Planning on buying a really stupid impractical sports car and booking a hol to the USA to mark the end of our LTTC journey & to embrace our new life as a childless couple. I need to grieve and mourn for it and move on I think and fill my life with other things. Try and re-build my marriage with my husband after the damage trying for a baby for so long has done to us.

I have had some great support and advice from lots of you ladies when I really needed it, and for that I am so grateful to you. Thanks to all who have replied to threads I have posted and given me advice or some empathy. You're all amazing and much stronger than I am and I wish you all the best.

Take care
xxxx

 

[missy123]

hope ur ok hun xx i always worry about u girls xxx

 

[mg80]

I'm not okay but I'm hoping I will be after some counselling and meds and then I can move on with my life xxxxx

 

[deafgal]

I wish I could help you

 

[missy123]

I'm not okay but I'm hoping I will be after some counselling and meds and then I can move on with my life xxxxx

I GO THROUGH STAGES TOO HUN XX RIGHT NOW IM DOING OK BECAUSE IM GOING TO SEE A FS ABOUT IVF IN JANUARY SO THATS GIVING ME SOME HOPE XX ITS BEEN A LONG 4 YEARS

 

[mg80]

I'm on the waiting list now for IVF but it's 6 months to even get the consultation. Aside from the fact I'm no spring chicken and don't want to be an older mum, I'm also not sure I want to go through the scary process of IVF. I feel I'm done with putting myself through suffering pain and discomfort in hospital rooms & clinics all in the quest for a baby.

 

[wannabemummyb]

Hun, really made me sad to read your op, i know you won't believe i think your brave to decide that want to start looking to life post ttc!

I wish you all the best for the future. I've been away from the forum for a few weeks because i'm struggling with it all. Don't think i will ever totally give up ttcthough x

 

[Skoer1360]

I didn't get to know you but I wish you the best hopefully the counseling will help

 

[SabrinaKat]

Please don't give up completely -- just put it on hold for awhile. Perhaps counselling can help you realise that all the pressure, frustration and tears have destroyed your calm and self-belief, and maybe getting a fancy car and having some fun will help!

(I was 43 and a month away from IVF proper when I became naturally pregnant, so age is NOT an issue), please take care of yourself.......

best wishes

 

[wonderstars]

Make the decision that's right for you. Everyone has their own journey.

I still think you should come to Canada if you're going to the US, btw. We'll have some drinks and go skiing as childless couples in the Rockies.

 

[zanDark]

I know exactly what you're feeling, and I know nothing anyone says will take these feelings and thoughts away ....I really hope we hear good news from you soon

 

[Armywife84]

You'll be greatly missed! I wish you weren't leaving LTTC, but you have to do what is best for you. And I can totally understand the need to be off of BNB. At times you get too obsessed with TTC.

I know that infertility has taken over your life, changed your outlook, attitude, and even given you depression. It's wonderful that you've acknowledged that and are taking steps to take care of your well-being.

I wish you well as a childless (not by choice) couple. It's very brave of you to accept it and move on with your life. Walk away knowing you gave it all you got and tried your very best. No one can tell you otherwise.

I hope you find inner peace one day. Good luck!

 

[Damita]

 

[MrsCompass]

Sorry to see you go. I'm still one of the ladies that is waiting for my BFP and I understand how you feel.