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[ShanandBoc]

Deleted for personal reasons, thanks all for ur input

 

[ShanandBoc]

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[MikaylasMummy]

Omg she sounds like a nightmare.no you are not wrong in any of this.wanting him to move a mattress on the weekend u move!!sounds exactly like when she lied about her father being ill..a ploy to seriously interrupt and hinder your life.she sounds like a very selfish woman and I would put my foot down too.it sounds like you have been more than reasonable to this point.there is no mental or physical reason his mother can't take care of herself.let your husband know that his mother moving in as she is at this time would put serious pressure on your relationship with him and tell him how hard it will make your life to bare

 

[ShanandBoc]

I agree with everything u have said and have told my DH this but she has really made him feel all his life that he is there to look after her as she has no one else. He was a difficult child and teenager and has made him feel like he owes her for her doing well, what any mother should do. You dont make ur children feel like they owe u fro the rest of their lives, it was her job as his mum.

I have to be very careful what i say about her to him as its a sensitive subject. Its quite sad really that he is made to feel this way.

 

[Baby France]

I think you need a plan of action and boundaries being set.

First of all, she is very manipulative and selfish. Its obvious that she feels threatened by you and the move and unless you do something about making sure she's not left out, her behaviour is only going to get worse. So I suggest that she comes to yours once a week for tea? Maybe Sunday lunch? That way she is involved in your lives, but only as much as you allow her to be IYWKIM?

I know you say he is a fantastic husband, but where is YOUR support against her? He's swept under the carpet the way she's spoken to you about the money, the mattress, moving into your house with you and then the FB? I understand that he doesn't want to upset his mum and save going over old ground...but he needs to fight your corner and tell your mum NO.

I would speak to the grandfathers nurse as well. I would inform them of changes at home and should he be gravely ill again, you expect a direct phonecall...if they won't do it then I would ask grandmother to do it. That way no lies can get spread about.

Tell hubby too that if he wants his mother to move in, thats fine....but you and Ellie will move out. You've enough on your plate than deal with that full time!

 

[ShanandBoc]

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[ShanandBoc]

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[ImSoTired]

Our family has a similar situation. Luckily it doesn't effect me or dh directly. My FIL has a sister with MS and she thinks that he should help her at the drop of a hat. She is in her 50s and the MS over the yeaars has left her unable to walk and now, overweight. She has a live in boyfriend but he is probably close to 60 and can't lift her and she often has tifts with him and kicks him out. So she calls my FIL to do for her constantly. It's a strain on my FIL and MIL as they aren't as young as they used to be and she is heavy to lift. My FIL has thrown his back out and pulled his muscles. My MIL has lost valuable time with her dh and has had to cancel or alter plans because her dh is off helping her out. She also needs help batheing. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that is for him? That is his sister! She always plays the 'poor me' card and makes him feel guilty. She is very manipulative and thinks she is entitled. My MIL has suggested that she get a nurse or somethingto come once a day but she has adamantly refused. It is a difficult situation and I know where you are coming from. Perhaps she will eventually meet a friend or a boyfriend? I know it's unlikely due to her 'charming' personality and because she's obviously so 'social'. I would maybe suggest to your dh that if her mental state is so poor, perhaps she should go to therapy. I'm sorry you have to go through this.Like you don't have enough to do with the baby and all. Good luck!

 

[Baby France]

How about you go down to see her then? You could take her out for dinner? That way hubby can't run and hide away while she's there and she's still involved too.

I will tell in no uncertain terms would I have her and four dogs moving in

Also if she's that unstable and threatening to kill herself I would tell Hubby to take them threats very seriously and take her to the doctors to make sure that threats like this are dealt with in the correct way!!

 

[smelly07]

Personally, even though he is her mother you just need to limit contact with her....i totally would....... do not let her move in with you ....this would be the worse thing ever for your marriage and for you all as a family.

She has got to use to her son/mother looking after her, shes an attention seeker.....she needs to start becoming independent...make friends etc..........families are there to support but its not fair on anyone to have to deal with it on a daily basis.

i understand how your husband feels but he has to cut the apron strings now....he isnt helping his mother in the long run even if he feels what he does is the right thing.............if that makes sense. xxx

 

[ShanandBoc]

How about you go down to see her then? You could take her out for dinner? That way hubby can't run and hide away while she's there and she's still involved too.

I will tell in no uncertain terms would I have her and four dogs moving in

Yes we could do that, and have done so before, but she doesnt appreciate it and that makes me not want to bother but its an option to keep the peace, thanks

Also if she's that unstable and threatening to kill herself I would tell Hubby to take them threats very seriously and take her to the doctors to make sure that threats like this are dealt with in the correct way!!

Exactly. I dont know why i havent mentioned this to my DH, any discussions about her are so highly charged emotionally i just cant think straight and always feel bad, like i am in the wrong and im the one being selfish etc.

Personally, even though he is her mother you just need to limit contact with her....i totally would....... do not let her move in with you ....this would be the worse thing ever for your marriage and for you all as a family.

I will do everything in my power to stop her from moving in. I cant believe she would even want to tbh, she shoulod respect we need our space as a newly married couple with a baby surely?

She has got to use to her son/mother looking after her, shes an attention seeker.....she needs to start becoming independent...make friends etc..........families are there to support but its not fair on anyone to have to deal with it on a daily basis.

Agreed, i just need to help my husband understand that he doesnt owe her the world for being his mum and he's not a bad son to tell her she needs help and to tell her NO.

Thanks so much for all the responses its really helping me to see the situation clearer

 

[mum2b2009]

mine is the same as yours to a certin point. i had to put my foot down and made a choice not to see her much anymore..my OH see her every day which is his choice but things got to much for me. its hard..hugs.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Wow how hard for you, you have some great advice here though xxx good luck